The Modern Harem Thread: How to Build, Maintain, and Expand your own Group of Girls
05-30-2015, 05:26 PM
Intro
When I first started in the game, my ideal was to have a harem of girls I could bang on demand. I know a lot of guys on the forum want to achieve this as well – newbies, beginners, and intermediate players alike. It's a worthy goal and I can confidently say that sexual variety is something that keeps me satiated.
Most players know what a harem is, and have discussed its benefits, but there isn't much actionable info for how to go out and build one.
Today I can boast that I've built and maintained various harems that have lasted many months. I hesitate to say I've "cracked the code," because game is intensely personal and conditional, but I know that whatever I'm doing is working, so I want to share my experience with the forum.
I'm not going to claim my way is the best way, and I'm not claiming it's the only way. I'm just presenting an approach that works for me, and hopefully some of you will be able to benefit from what I've learned.
Maybe it will work for you too!
-----
Defining modern harems:
My definition of a harem member: a girl you've banged 3+ times over a minimum of 30 days, who hasn't tried to define the relationship.
*If the relationship is less than 30 days old, it's still just a fling, regardless of how many times you've banged.
*If she tries to define the relationship at any point, then she's not on the team and things will soon end.
The reason these things are true are because no girl will fuck a man for over a month that she's not dating, unless she has accepted being a harem member, consciously or otherwise.
It goes without saying that you need to maintain at least 3 girls for it to be considered a harem.
-----
I view harem girls as fuck buddies who've decided to join my team. Despite all the options out there, they like what I've got to offer, and neither of us have any misconceptions about what is going down or why.
As of today, I've got 7 girls in my harem. That means that I've got a reliable stable of 7 girls who I can fuck whenever I want to, and who I've been fucking for over a month or more. I can stop writing this and send one of them a text, and she'll be over my place in a few hours.
A large part of building up to this point is consistently adding new girls, so I never really stop chasing new pussy. I consider chasing new pussy as a process of interviewing new girls for the team. Some girls get banged once and then dropped.
Others simply aren't interested in playing for me after the first bang. Such is life, and we all move on.
-----
Actions > Words
The key to getting a girl on your team is using actions instead of words. If you ask a girl to join your team, it won't work, because now you're trying to define the relationship, which is breaking the conditional definition of a harem.
Instead, you have to show her that you are not interested in a traditional relationship with her. Most guys want to blurt out some offer to the girl, but this kills the entire vibe. The relationship needs to be implied and not spoken.
You must show intent, not speak it.
Many girls have never had such relationships before, but you will be surprised by which girls are comfortable being your occasional fuck buddy. I know I am.
-----
Running the Relationship in Reverse
A lot of girls say: "I don't fuck on the first date"
And I always say: "I don't date girls I haven't fucked"
In my mind, harems are the strongest relationship type that exists in the modern dating world. Or in my world, at least. It puts attraction and sex at the forefront, which means priorities are lined up correctly from day one. You are showing her what your interests are.
Girls know every guys wants to fuck them, which is "creepy," but the subtlety here is that you have built attraction with her and she's comfortable entertaining the idea of only getting railed by you. That's hot and sexy to her. But it's a thin line to walk.
So that brings us to….
Step #1: You MUST fuck her the first time you meet her.
This one is pretty obvious: you can't be fuck buddies with a girl you're not banging!
But beyond that, if you're not fucking her, then you're sending the wrong message.
The sex should be aggressive and passionate. You should be throat fucking these girls, dominating them, throwing them around your bed. It should be fun, crazy, animalistic sex.
You want her to see and understand what your intentions are. You can't spell them out for her, so you need to show her what's up. Which is: that you find her sexy, and you want to own her body and her entire being. Chicks love this shit and they want it, so you have to show them you're the one to give it to them. Win-win.
Step #2: Fuck her as fast as possible.
Personally, I run Zero Date Bangs on every girl that I want to add to my team.
Why?
Well, if you take a girl on a date for the first meet, you're sending her the wrong message. You're showing her, with your actions, that you want to build a traditional relationship with her. Every guy she's ever dated, and that her friends, sisters, and roommates have dated, all started out by going on a traditional date.
That's cool if you're looking to lock down a nice girl for the winter, but if you're building a harem, it's a backward approach.
Perhaps my analysis is wrong, and I'm open to critique here, but my success has always hinged on fast sex during the first meet.
Step #3: Invest minimally in the first meet
The first time you meet her, your only job is to fuck her. No theatrics, no cute date spots, no making dinner together. Just get drunk and fuck.
This seems crude, but it positively sets the frame of the relationship in stone, and it sets you up nicely for the next step:
Step #4: Invest substantially in the second meet
This is where things get interesting. This is where she's in brand new territory. This is where emotional game and harem building starts.
For the second meetup, I take the girl on a nice date. I'll drop cash on a fancy night on the town – tell her to wear heels and I'll be dressed sharp. Or I'll make her a gourmet dinner from scratch. Or I'll take her to a concert. Or I'll let her into my life by sharing intimate photos and stories about my past, allowing her to see my passions and to see what makes me tick.
And it's all real at this point: no games, just me being me and connecting with her on a deeper level.
The purpose of investing on the second meet is to show the girl that I'm invested in her, that I like her, and that I'm not just in it for the sex. I'm letting her know that I find her to be a quality girl, and that we'd both be better off hitched together for a minute.
---
Every girl has been on first dates with guys. And, most girls have had a one night stand with a different guy. But how many have been on a nice date with a guy, after he banged her out on the first meet?
That's why I do it, and that's why I think it works.
Taking a girl on a date after you've fucked her silly shocks her system. It shakes her tree. It surprises her. This is base level emotional game. She doesn't know what's going to happen next, and this rocks her world.
Congratulations, because you're now different than any other guy she's ever met.
Step #5: Rinse & Repeat
At this point I simply repeat Steps #3 and #4 until she fades or until I lose interest.
Meetup #3 should be getting drunk and banging. It should be a booty call.
Meetup #4 should be a date
Meetup #5 should be a booty call
Meetup #6 should be a date
etc.
You can and should begin to experiment after meetups 3 and 4 (8 a.m. bangs, sex in public, etc.), but don't blow it by forgetting that she's a harem member and not a girlfriend. That is to say, don't make it seem like you're falling for her. Keep the frame and the girl will keep coming back for more. Girls will love the consistent variety, surprise, and spontaneity you bring to their lives.
But, most importantly, she'll love you for the fact that you can fuck her like a slut without making her feel like a slut. It's a thing of beauty, really. To fuck her senseless but leave her in a positive emotional state. That's the nucleus of the harem: slutty hot sex, emotional support, and fun non-judgmental interactions.
All of this done without words.
Imagine that!
-----
Results:
If you are playing things right, you won't have jealous girls, they won't shit test you, they won't flake on you, they won't expect you to do nice shit for them, they won't throw tantrums, and more than anything, you'll genuinely enjoy banging and spending time with them.
-----
Timeline Cheat Sheet – Harem Management:
How I handle all my girls, starting with whenever it is we first bang:
Day 1: Bang
Day 2: Follow up on bang, suggest meeting up again sometime
Day 7: Text her, suggest meeting up the following week
Day 14: Date + rebang
Day 15: Follow up on bang, suggest meeting up again sometime
Rinse & Repeat. I keep a MINIMUM of 1 week between all meetups. Ideally I keep 2 weeks between bangs, and after the 3rd meet, I keep around 3 weeks or more in between bangs.
-----
Q&A:
I'm going to preempt some questions you guys are probably thinking of asking:
1. How much communication do you have with the girls in between bangs?
I keep texting to a minimum, unless she wants to chat, in which case I'm happy to oblige.
I also sometimes connect with these girls on instagram so she can see what I'm up to. Builds a bit of mystery about what I'm doing, and let's her know I've got a life outside her.
I will also, once every 2 weeks or so, text her a picture of something interesting going on in my life. Pictures from trips and adventures, etc.
--
2. Aren't you worried about losing the girl by waiting so long in between meetups?
It's never, ever been an issue.
In fact, I think it works to benefit the relationship. By seeing her infrequently, it creates more intense interactions and allows me to be present in the situation with her when we do meet. 2-3 weeks is just long enough that she hasn't forgotten about me, but it prevents her from getting used to me too.
Often I wait longer than 3 weeks just to see if she can handle it. They'll hit me up because they want to get fucked and they get worried I forgot about them.
--
3. Do they ever ask you about other girls?
I've never once been asked if I'm seeing other girls. They probably assume I am, but they're smart enough not to ask. One girl teased me about it once, saying "I bet you're seeing tons of other girls" but this was easily deflected with agree & amplify.
I also don't ask if they're seeing other guys. I don't really care one way or the other. That's her deal not mine. As long as she is present with me during our interactions, then the rest is gravy.
--
4. Do you lie or mislead girls?
I used to think that maintaining a harem was all about manipulation, secrets, lies, etc. But in reality I just go with the flow. Most interactions follow the "don't ask don't tell" protocol, which eliminates the need to manipulate, lie or cheat.
It just is.
I take her out, we bang, she goes home, then we do it again.
-----
No judgement, no questions, and a perfectly balanced relationship fit for the modern world.
Show your intent with actions, and the rest will follow.
Good luck!
When I first started in the game, my ideal was to have a harem of girls I could bang on demand. I know a lot of guys on the forum want to achieve this as well – newbies, beginners, and intermediate players alike. It's a worthy goal and I can confidently say that sexual variety is something that keeps me satiated.
Most players know what a harem is, and have discussed its benefits, but there isn't much actionable info for how to go out and build one.
Today I can boast that I've built and maintained various harems that have lasted many months. I hesitate to say I've "cracked the code," because game is intensely personal and conditional, but I know that whatever I'm doing is working, so I want to share my experience with the forum.
I'm not going to claim my way is the best way, and I'm not claiming it's the only way. I'm just presenting an approach that works for me, and hopefully some of you will be able to benefit from what I've learned.
Maybe it will work for you too!
-----
Defining modern harems:
My definition of a harem member: a girl you've banged 3+ times over a minimum of 30 days, who hasn't tried to define the relationship.
*If the relationship is less than 30 days old, it's still just a fling, regardless of how many times you've banged.
*If she tries to define the relationship at any point, then she's not on the team and things will soon end.
The reason these things are true are because no girl will fuck a man for over a month that she's not dating, unless she has accepted being a harem member, consciously or otherwise.
It goes without saying that you need to maintain at least 3 girls for it to be considered a harem.
-----
I view harem girls as fuck buddies who've decided to join my team. Despite all the options out there, they like what I've got to offer, and neither of us have any misconceptions about what is going down or why.
As of today, I've got 7 girls in my harem. That means that I've got a reliable stable of 7 girls who I can fuck whenever I want to, and who I've been fucking for over a month or more. I can stop writing this and send one of them a text, and she'll be over my place in a few hours.
A large part of building up to this point is consistently adding new girls, so I never really stop chasing new pussy. I consider chasing new pussy as a process of interviewing new girls for the team. Some girls get banged once and then dropped.
Others simply aren't interested in playing for me after the first bang. Such is life, and we all move on.
-----
Actions > Words
The key to getting a girl on your team is using actions instead of words. If you ask a girl to join your team, it won't work, because now you're trying to define the relationship, which is breaking the conditional definition of a harem.
Instead, you have to show her that you are not interested in a traditional relationship with her. Most guys want to blurt out some offer to the girl, but this kills the entire vibe. The relationship needs to be implied and not spoken.
You must show intent, not speak it.
Many girls have never had such relationships before, but you will be surprised by which girls are comfortable being your occasional fuck buddy. I know I am.
-----
Running the Relationship in Reverse
A lot of girls say: "I don't fuck on the first date"
And I always say: "I don't date girls I haven't fucked"
In my mind, harems are the strongest relationship type that exists in the modern dating world. Or in my world, at least. It puts attraction and sex at the forefront, which means priorities are lined up correctly from day one. You are showing her what your interests are.
Girls know every guys wants to fuck them, which is "creepy," but the subtlety here is that you have built attraction with her and she's comfortable entertaining the idea of only getting railed by you. That's hot and sexy to her. But it's a thin line to walk.
So that brings us to….
Step #1: You MUST fuck her the first time you meet her.
This one is pretty obvious: you can't be fuck buddies with a girl you're not banging!
But beyond that, if you're not fucking her, then you're sending the wrong message.
The sex should be aggressive and passionate. You should be throat fucking these girls, dominating them, throwing them around your bed. It should be fun, crazy, animalistic sex.
You want her to see and understand what your intentions are. You can't spell them out for her, so you need to show her what's up. Which is: that you find her sexy, and you want to own her body and her entire being. Chicks love this shit and they want it, so you have to show them you're the one to give it to them. Win-win.
Step #2: Fuck her as fast as possible.
Personally, I run Zero Date Bangs on every girl that I want to add to my team.
Why?
Well, if you take a girl on a date for the first meet, you're sending her the wrong message. You're showing her, with your actions, that you want to build a traditional relationship with her. Every guy she's ever dated, and that her friends, sisters, and roommates have dated, all started out by going on a traditional date.
That's cool if you're looking to lock down a nice girl for the winter, but if you're building a harem, it's a backward approach.
Perhaps my analysis is wrong, and I'm open to critique here, but my success has always hinged on fast sex during the first meet.
Step #3: Invest minimally in the first meet
The first time you meet her, your only job is to fuck her. No theatrics, no cute date spots, no making dinner together. Just get drunk and fuck.
This seems crude, but it positively sets the frame of the relationship in stone, and it sets you up nicely for the next step:
Step #4: Invest substantially in the second meet
This is where things get interesting. This is where she's in brand new territory. This is where emotional game and harem building starts.
For the second meetup, I take the girl on a nice date. I'll drop cash on a fancy night on the town – tell her to wear heels and I'll be dressed sharp. Or I'll make her a gourmet dinner from scratch. Or I'll take her to a concert. Or I'll let her into my life by sharing intimate photos and stories about my past, allowing her to see my passions and to see what makes me tick.
And it's all real at this point: no games, just me being me and connecting with her on a deeper level.
The purpose of investing on the second meet is to show the girl that I'm invested in her, that I like her, and that I'm not just in it for the sex. I'm letting her know that I find her to be a quality girl, and that we'd both be better off hitched together for a minute.
---
Every girl has been on first dates with guys. And, most girls have had a one night stand with a different guy. But how many have been on a nice date with a guy, after he banged her out on the first meet?
That's why I do it, and that's why I think it works.
Taking a girl on a date after you've fucked her silly shocks her system. It shakes her tree. It surprises her. This is base level emotional game. She doesn't know what's going to happen next, and this rocks her world.
Congratulations, because you're now different than any other guy she's ever met.
Step #5: Rinse & Repeat
At this point I simply repeat Steps #3 and #4 until she fades or until I lose interest.
Meetup #3 should be getting drunk and banging. It should be a booty call.
Meetup #4 should be a date
Meetup #5 should be a booty call
Meetup #6 should be a date
etc.
You can and should begin to experiment after meetups 3 and 4 (8 a.m. bangs, sex in public, etc.), but don't blow it by forgetting that she's a harem member and not a girlfriend. That is to say, don't make it seem like you're falling for her. Keep the frame and the girl will keep coming back for more. Girls will love the consistent variety, surprise, and spontaneity you bring to their lives.
But, most importantly, she'll love you for the fact that you can fuck her like a slut without making her feel like a slut. It's a thing of beauty, really. To fuck her senseless but leave her in a positive emotional state. That's the nucleus of the harem: slutty hot sex, emotional support, and fun non-judgmental interactions.
All of this done without words.
Imagine that!
-----
Results:
If you are playing things right, you won't have jealous girls, they won't shit test you, they won't flake on you, they won't expect you to do nice shit for them, they won't throw tantrums, and more than anything, you'll genuinely enjoy banging and spending time with them.
-----
Timeline Cheat Sheet – Harem Management:
How I handle all my girls, starting with whenever it is we first bang:
Day 1: Bang
Day 2: Follow up on bang, suggest meeting up again sometime
Day 7: Text her, suggest meeting up the following week
Day 14: Date + rebang
Day 15: Follow up on bang, suggest meeting up again sometime
Rinse & Repeat. I keep a MINIMUM of 1 week between all meetups. Ideally I keep 2 weeks between bangs, and after the 3rd meet, I keep around 3 weeks or more in between bangs.
-----
Q&A:
I'm going to preempt some questions you guys are probably thinking of asking:
1. How much communication do you have with the girls in between bangs?
I keep texting to a minimum, unless she wants to chat, in which case I'm happy to oblige.
I also sometimes connect with these girls on instagram so she can see what I'm up to. Builds a bit of mystery about what I'm doing, and let's her know I've got a life outside her.
I will also, once every 2 weeks or so, text her a picture of something interesting going on in my life. Pictures from trips and adventures, etc.
--
2. Aren't you worried about losing the girl by waiting so long in between meetups?
It's never, ever been an issue.
In fact, I think it works to benefit the relationship. By seeing her infrequently, it creates more intense interactions and allows me to be present in the situation with her when we do meet. 2-3 weeks is just long enough that she hasn't forgotten about me, but it prevents her from getting used to me too.
Often I wait longer than 3 weeks just to see if she can handle it. They'll hit me up because they want to get fucked and they get worried I forgot about them.
--
3. Do they ever ask you about other girls?
I've never once been asked if I'm seeing other girls. They probably assume I am, but they're smart enough not to ask. One girl teased me about it once, saying "I bet you're seeing tons of other girls" but this was easily deflected with agree & amplify.
I also don't ask if they're seeing other guys. I don't really care one way or the other. That's her deal not mine. As long as she is present with me during our interactions, then the rest is gravy.
--
4. Do you lie or mislead girls?
I used to think that maintaining a harem was all about manipulation, secrets, lies, etc. But in reality I just go with the flow. Most interactions follow the "don't ask don't tell" protocol, which eliminates the need to manipulate, lie or cheat.
It just is.
I take her out, we bang, she goes home, then we do it again.
-----
No judgement, no questions, and a perfectly balanced relationship fit for the modern world.
Show your intent with actions, and the rest will follow.
Good luck!