Quote: (05-26-2015 08:35 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:
Dagnasty
Since I know alot more about you personally than most of the crew, we should have a long talk sometime this week.
Without going too deeply into your own personal life there are a few things that stand out. Some we have already discussed before.
1) You went into the new LTR too soon after that breakup. You need more time for perspective and introspection.
2) Toxic relationships are hard to move on from until your broader understanding can take hold.
3) Do not mistake passion for love. They are not the same. Do not mistake violence and poor impulse control for concern either. If they care about your physical well being, they would never raise a hand at you like that.
4) Your ex had a very poor temperament as a woman and a person. Since you cannot fully understand it, the new woman's extremely mature temperament confuses you for a lack of concern.
5) You are lacking a solid goal. With no goal, you are lacking direction and purpose. The new woman's purpose for your life was never mentioned by you. That tells me that the problem definitely is not her, but your lack of conviction.
6) Why do you always want LTRs? Repeat sex? Comfort? Stability? Ease? Looking for love? Be honest with yourself.
7) Are you truly exhausting all of your options or are you getting lazy due to the lack of available talent in your area? Most of the travel guys here know you have a strong vice for Taiwanese/Chinese women, especially with certain kinds of hair/looks. Your current main fits probably half of that bill. Your exgf is the same thing. She fits half of that bill. It's been said before, but I will say it again, always chase what you want, especially for LTR or deeper. Never be afraid to pause and re-calibrate on what you want.
I have more thoughts but I will save them for when we talk.
I'm not going to get into this LTR stuff is not about love or whatever (love itself is not rational at all), but LTRs are not the same as marriage Hwuzhere. Too many reasons to list and I don't have the time, but I will cite the lack of sacrifice as the top reason. Family or blood is fundamentally too different from a LTR as well. Lots of you guys are players and still working this stuff out for yourselves. Scorpion and a few others have made extremely thoughtful posts on this stuff before. Beating you over the head with it repeatedly won't necessarily help you guys figure it out. Some things you guys are going to need to figure out on your own. I just hope you all don't figure it out at 60.
TK's post is on-point, I personally don't speak on marriage as I am not married, but how a bad LTR got translated into marriage and family structure is beyond me.
Originally, I was trying to convey the point that LTRs are not solely about love and emotions. You have guys in bad relationships, and they rationalize their in-out behavior with loving and caring for the girl, when that part of the equation really doesn't even make sense.
A lot of that rationalizing comes from a place of fear. It's understandable that maybe you've invested years of your life into someone, and you don't want to just let that go, but sometimes that's the wiser decision, because those situations don't get better. You don't go from she's disrespecting me, I love her-I love her not, to everything's great, we're going to live happily ever after.
You have to have the courage and the strength to accept that maybe you're going to have to go back out into the world alone, work on yourself a little bit, so that you can be a better man, a wiser man, and eventually having the type of relationship you want instead of accepting the relationship that someone is trying to give you.