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Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Mushroom - 09-11-2016

Wondering if anyone here decided later in life to try to reconnect with their father that abandoned them and can share their experience?

I'm considering reaching out to my Dad and I'm on the fence about it... My Mom and Dad split up when I was two and had shared custody of me until I was 12. My entire life, even to this day my Mom conditioned me to believe my Dad was a piece of shit and that he was abusive to me. At the time I bought it, but looking back on it I realize all he ever did was spank me when I deserved to be disciplined for doing something wrong.

My mom had a vendetta against my dad, I'm not sure why but I think the likely reason is that he cheated on her and she couldn't handle it. Being young and impressionable, my Mom instructed me to say my Dad was abusive so that he could lose his custody rights over me. He gave up his custody rights to me when I was 12, my step-father adopted me and I never saw my Dad again. My dad willingly abandoned me, that hurt a lot, I felt like he didn't want me anymore. I realize now he just couldn't afford to keep fighting a battle he was never going to win.

Over the years, he's reached out to mutual friends of him and my Mom to try to get in touch with me. I've always declined.

Since becoming redpill aware and reflecting on life, and getting out a BPD relationship, I see BPD symptoms in my own mother. She's definitely calmed down a lot now that she's older, but she's clearly not totally normal upstairs. Upon reflection, I'm feeling like I was fed lies about my father my entire life.

I looked him up and found him on Facebook a few months ago, he's in his mid 60s, happily married with 4 kids, a beautiful younger wife, and he's a successful inventor of a product he looks to be making really great money from.

I know he wants to hear from me. The thing I worry about is, what if the things my Mother told me were true and he really isn't a good person and I decide I don't want to talk to him again. I feel like that could be very damaging to him if I reached out and decided I didn't want to keep the relationship going and cutoff contact.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - NewMeta - 09-11-2016

you wont know unless you try, if he tried to reach out in the past then he seems like he cared enough about you. You probably have already decided but you have nothing to lose either way, might aswell go for it.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - MMX2010 - 09-11-2016

I've no experience about this, but you seem strong enough to handle the absolute worst. If you choose to meet him, travel to his location so that he doesn't learn where you live.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Sidney Crosby - 09-11-2016

I don't see what you have to lose, he's basically out of your life now so if you meet him and come to the conclusion that he's a douche then you can just go back to him not being in your life, which you are used to anyway.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - kaotic - 09-11-2016

Quote: (09-11-2016 03:20 PM)Mushroom Wrote:  

Wondering if anyone here decided later in life to try to reconnect with their father that abandoned them and can share their experience?

I'm considering reaching out to my Dad and I'm on the fence about it... My Mom and Dad split up when I was two and had shared custody of me until I was 12. My entire life, even to this day my Mom conditioned me to believe my Dad was a piece of shit and that he was abusive to me. At the time I bought it, but looking back on it I realize all he ever did was spank me when I deserved to be disciplined for doing something wrong.

Man this is fucking crazy, I have a mirroring story like this as well.

Mom and Dad split up when I was one, mom and I moved to the west coast. We lived with male relatives.

Like you, I was told my father was abusive to me and my mother.

I was told he burned a cigg on me and broke my mothers teeth, to be honest the teeth might happen, but not sure about the burn.

I'm honestly not sure wtf went on back then.

Apparently there were a few attempts to kidnap me and take me back to my fathers country.

He and his friends did call and harass my male relatives, even made false accusations in court.

I didn't have many memories of him, besides supervised visitation with him a few times.

He smacked me once or twice for I don't know, probably just being bratty.

I was a pawn being used in court also.

Quote:Quote:

My mom had a vendetta against my dad, I'm not sure why but I think the likely reason is that he cheated on her and she couldn't handle it. Being young and impressionable, my Mom instructed me to say my Dad was abusive so that he could lose his custody rights over me. He gave up his custody rights to me when I was 12, my step-father adopted me and I never saw my Dad again. My dad willingly abandoned me, that hurt a lot, I felt like he didn't want me anymore. I realize now he just couldn't afford to keep fighting a battle he was never going to win.

Over the years, he's reached out to mutual friends of him and my Mom to try to get in touch with me. I've always declined.

My entire mother's side of the family definitely had a vendetta against my father.

I was led to tell investigators/lawyers/courts/psych eval bad things my father did. Even though I had no memory of it.

Mom eventually won full custody, my father never reached out to me again to my knowledge.

Probably just gave up and said fuck it.

I've been asked if I ever give him a thought and I don't.

For all I know he could be dead, remarried, or whatever. It just hasn't really interested me, but reading your story, I'd be curious to know what he's been up to.


Quote:Quote:

Since becoming redpill aware and reflecting on life, and getting out a BPD relationship, I see BPD symptoms in my own mother. She's definitely calmed down a lot now that she's older, but she's clearly not totally normal upstairs. Upon reflection, I'm feeling like I was fed lies about my father my entire life.

This is the craziest part, my mother definietely has BPD but was clinically labeled as Bi-Polar by the Psychologist who evaluated all of us during the divorce proceedings.

I'm not sure how many lies and truths were told me.

To me it's water under the bridge, I don't have a striking urge to reach out to my father, hell I don't even know if he's alive or not. Secondly, I'd probably ask his side of the story, if he knew it was a losing fight, etc.


It's not closure, it's not daddy issues, it's more about truth than anything.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - ElFlaco - 09-11-2016

Quote: (09-11-2016 05:16 PM)Sidney Crosby Wrote:  

I don't see what you have to lose, he's basically out of your life now so if you meet him and come to the conclusion that he's a douche then you can just go back to him not being in your life, which you are used to anyway.

Is it that simple? The OP says he's mainly worried about hurting his father if the relationship doesn't stick. That's a humane concern. Also, any son in this situation - abandoned at age 12 - could have some baggage. Now he's risking learning stuff about his family that could open old wounds. It's nothing like returning a shirt to the store. Proceed with caution.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Onto - 09-11-2016

Quote: (09-11-2016 03:20 PM)Mushroom Wrote:  

I know he wants to hear from me. The thing I worry about is, what if the things my Mother told me were true and he really isn't a good person and I decide I don't want to talk to him again. I feel like that could be very damaging to him if I reached out and decided I didn't want to keep the relationship going and cutoff contact.

I'm 99% sure they are not true and your Mother lied. My Mother lied and poisoned me against my Father, and my Son's Mother lied and poisoned him against me. It's a vicious, unconscious family cycle that gets passed down from generation to generation.

This is a very common thing women do. Psychologically they don't see anything wrong with it because they don't view their child as a separate person from themselves. Instead they view them like another limb so the child's views of the Father should naturally mirror her own. For her, she sees nothing wrong with it.

Given the above, imagine if her Son is always praising his Dad, saying how great he is, etc? That will cause a mental dissonance inside of her. She communicates that in some way to her Son and he adjusts his way of thinking very quickly because a child has no greater fear than losing the love of his Mother.

You can't really prove it in court and at most she'll get a slap on the wrist.

No man wants to leave their child, especially after they've invested the hard early years into them. Changing diapers, teaching, disciplining, protecting is an enormous amount of work and sucks the life out of you. No Father wants to let go of their investment, but they are not in control of the situation. The Mother can make life and the whole thing extremely miserable and toxic.

Your Father found a good woman, had 4 kids and is happily married and successful. What does that say about him?

And would he have had a chance at that new life if he stuck around for another 10 years being in a miserable, dysfunctional, no-win parental situation with a woman who has an ax to grind with him?

He didn't leave you, he left her and the miserable environment she was creating. If women were smart they would try to make it as pleasant as possible for the Father so he wants to stick around, stay engaged and help any way he can. Instead, they often choose to castrate him so as to be both Mother and Father. To be "It All". That part is today's Western, Feminist culture at play.

The Mother thinks she's hurting the Father and keeping the Son, she doesn't realize she's destroying her own child and robbing him of their Father.

You're not going to damage him by reaching out. I would start by apologizing to him for not reaching out sooner, but you had a lot of things to work through on your own and you're still doing that.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - doc holliday - 09-11-2016

I don't want to sound insensitive here but it seems like there are a lot of people who were "abandoned" by their fathers and believe everything bad thing their mothers say about their fathers. I'll give you a perspective from the other side, that is from a dad's point of view. I'm a divorced dad with 4 kids. I had to fight hard to get time with my kids. My ex didn't want to give me any time with my younger two kids (my older two are over 18) so I had to fight like crazy to get time with them. The legal system does not favor dads and time with their kids. It was exhausting but I prevailed.

In years past when we were married, she tried to manipulate my kids against me, like all women do. Through the years, I laughed at her attempts to do this as she failed miserably but this was only because I didn't allow her to do so. Many guys don't have the strength to push back like this. The mother's family usually make this 10x harder and it becomes a battle between the guy and her family. You know what I did? I moved my wife away from her family and did my best to discourage them from visiting. Again, I had to take an extraordinary step to facilitate this. This is why when I hear supposed red pilled guys rage on about their dads and believe everything their moms tell them, I'm sorry but it makes me ill. It took all of my strength to prevent my ex wife from doing to me what your mothers did to your fathers. OP if your dad is such a monster, then how is it he found a new woman, had more kids and looks to have a successful life while your mom sounds like a total loser. He's reached out to you numerous times and you've refused each time. But somehow you think he's the douchebag?

Again, I know this post comes across as highly insensitive but too many guys hate their dads without giving them a proper chance to reconnect. Too many guys talk about red pill this red pill that yet when it comes to this type of thing, your mothers get all the benefit of the doubt. Why is that? Most of these women deserve zero benefit of the doubt and that includes my ex wife and my own mother who would try to manipualte me against my dad (she failed miserably as I never believed a word of her bs). Motherfuckers need to realize that much of the time, dads get pushed out of their kids lives by the moms, the legal system chews them up (most guys would throw up if they knew how much it can cost to fight custody issues) and the dad is broken and can't fight anymore but yet all these precious little Johnnys want to blame dad for everything and believe everything their mommies tell them about how evil dad is. Sorry but give me a fucking break.

OP you need to connect with your dad post haste. And not blame him for the lost connection when you need to blame yourself for not taking up his numerous attempts and your mother for causing the whole fucking problem in the first place.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Mushroom - 09-11-2016

I really appreciate the replies everyone. Thank you all very much.

Quote: (09-11-2016 03:25 PM)NewMeta Wrote:  

you wont know unless you try, if he tried to reach out in the past then he seems like he cared enough about you. You probably have already decided but you have nothing to lose either way, might aswell go for it.
I think you're right!

Quote: (09-11-2016 03:33 PM)MMX2010 Wrote:  

I've no experience about this, but you seem strong enough to handle the absolute worst. If you choose to meet him, travel to his location so that he doesn't learn where you live.
That's a good idea, I hadn't thought about that before, but I'll definitely do it that way. Thank you! I definitely know I'm strong enough to handle it. I am moreso concerned about it affecting him if I decided not to continue the relationship like I said.

Quote: (09-11-2016 05:16 PM)Sidney Crosby Wrote:  

I don't see what you have to lose, he's basically out of your life now so if you meet him and come to the conclusion that he's a douche then you can just go back to him not being in your life, which you are used to anyway.
Very true.

Quote: (09-11-2016 05:28 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

It's not closure, it's not daddy issues, it's more about truth than anything.
Sounds like a lot of us have similar stories. It's a lot about truth for me, based on the other replies here I feel certain I was lied to about him. He likely didn't deserve the treatment he got from my Mom and losing me.

Quote: (09-11-2016 05:46 PM)ElFlaco Wrote:  

Is it that simple? The OP says he's mainly worried about hurting his father if the relationship doesn't stick. That's a humane concern. Also, any son in this situation - abandoned at age 12 - could have some baggage. Now he's risking learning stuff about his family that could open old wounds. It's nothing like returning a shirt to the store. Proceed with caution.
I don't think I'm really caring baggage, at least not anymore. The redpill reality of women has allowed me to let a lot go and realize I have to move on and just keep getting better. I know for sure had my Dad been in my life in my most important years growing up that I would have turned out to be a totally different person. I had my "alpha" years during high school and my early twenties screwing sluts, but when it came time to think about settling down, I was subconsciously attracted to women that were as emotionally wrecked as my Mom. I feel like my Dad would have probably steered me in the right direction and saved me a lot of heartache. From what I know of him, and just looking at his Facebook profile, he's alpha male as fuck. 6'4", still muscular and built in his 60s, Trump supporter, financially secure, his wife is an 8 and can't be more than 35. Dude seems like a role model.

Quote: (09-11-2016 05:54 PM)Onto Wrote:  

I'm 99% sure they are not true and your Mother lied. My Mother lied and poisoned me against my Father, and my Son's Mother lied and poisoned him against me. It's a vicious, unconscious family cycle that gets passed down from generation to generation.

Your Father found a good woman, had 4 kids and is happily married and successful. What does that say about him?

The Mother thinks she's hurting the Father and keeping the Son, she doesn't realize she's destroying her own child and robbing him of their Father.

You're not going to damage him by reaching out. I would start by apologizing to him for not reaching out sooner, but you had a lot of things to work through on your own and you're still doing that.
You're absolutely right and your response particularly makes me very thankful that I have this forum as a place to post deep discussions like this. Thank you.

Quote: (09-11-2016 06:24 PM)doc holliday Wrote:  

OP you need to connect with your dad post haste. And not blame him for the lost connection when you need to blame yourself for not taking up his numerous attempts and your mother for causing the whole fucking problem in the first place.
I agree with you 100%, and I'm not offended in the least about anything you said. It's sickening to hear what's you've had to go through, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I sincerely appreciate hearing your perspective on it. I was definitely brainwashed by my Mom and it took a redpill awakening to realize that all women, including our own mothers can't be trusted to be truthful, it's not in their nature. Our mothers are the only ones capable of loving us unconditionally, but don't necessarily have the logical capacity to understand what's really best for their children's lives.
Never before my redpill awakening did I ever start to consider I was lied to. I never gave it much thought.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Fortis - 09-11-2016

Damn. This thread is deep. Many of the experiences here mirror my own with my father.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - polar - 09-11-2016

I'll keep mine brief:

Do it while you still can.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Pete - 09-11-2016

Do it while he is still alive. If it doesn't work out, at least you can feel like you tried to.

My father ignored me most of my life, like I would visit my grandmother and he would not talk to me. Didn't even call me once for a birthday.

He had some health stuff happen a few years ago and then he tried to reach out to me, but I ignored him. I felt I was doing the right thing. But sometimes I wish I had given him a chance of at least talking for a few minutes.

Then he died.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Comte De St. Germain - 09-11-2016

As someone on the younger side of things in his 20s with his parents just splitting I can relate a bit growing up being poisoned to a degree against my father(my mother didn't have the best things to say about him even when they were married) but also realizing his faults. Usually that's the truth somewhere between being incompetent as a person mixed with the poisoning if a father isn't present in a kid's life at all.

Fairly certain my father has an undiagnosed case of Aspergers as well because he is a socially stunted man.

Anyways. My father wasn't necessarily abusive, but he was a rather poor father figure.

He ate too much to an unhealthy degree and encouraged me to do so(he was fairly chubby but not overweight), wouldn't let me play out in the playground besides for an hour at a time, no Halloween with my friends as a kid because he was scared I would be kidnapped, no sleepovers until high school(which at that point meant I would be out drinking more than building actual friendships), no females in my life(had to sneak around when it came to it), not letting me do sports or lifting because "people who play sports get injured/break their bones/get confined to wheelchairs" or "someone came to the ER that lifted weights that broke his back so no gym membership for you", among other things through out my youth. All I was expected to do was conform to his beliefs, which of course made me conform even less and mostly do the opposite of everything he told me to do and do what he discouraged me from.

He was a controlling person and that was the main reasoning behind a lot of his actions. And from looking around a lot of men who lose their custody rights completely do so because of that. It's a common trend I see in a lot of guys who grew up middle class without a father after a certain point in their life. Usually when they reach out that stubbornness and controlling attitude comes into their life again.

Of course this was just a counterpoint to what was said earlier. Odds are he's a great person from you said. I'm just warning you that there's also a good chance that he's a flawed individual who might try to exercise too much influence in your life, and if he's your father it's truly a hard thing to completely cut him out of your life again. I'm personally having the same issue trying to keep him at bay even though he cut me out of everything post-divorce for helping take care of my mother whose working for peanuts as she was a lifelong housewife(in is words "siding with your mother"). But he "expects me to be a good son and have a relationship with him" even though he had such a negative affect on my upbringing where his own father had more of a physical presence raising me than him/being my father figure unlike my father who was more or less absent even pre-divorce.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Mushroom - 09-11-2016

Doc, I've reread your comment over and over and I wanted to comment again just to say thank you.

Pete, that's a very cautionary tale and you're absolutely right. I need to do it ASAP.

You guys have convinced me, I don't want to do it through Facebook -- I'm going to make some calls and try to get ahold of my Uncle (Dad's brother). I think he's the best person to make the connection. If all goes well, I think I could take a vacation two weeks from now to fly out to visit him. Definitely best to do it now too, since I'm not sure how much longer I'm staying in the US anyway. I'm wrapping up some loose ends and looking to become an international nomad for the next several years at least.

I'm just going to keep it a secret from my Mom for now. I think she'd feel betrayed and not understand my position. Maybe after the fact, I'll let her know.

Huge thank you to all of you. I'd still love to hear any reconnection stories if anyone out there has one.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Drix - 09-11-2016

My father abandont me when i was 7 years old, typical story. He said i would go to buy the milk and then we didn't know about him for 2 years. My mom did her best to give a good education and healthy life, She has never mentioned something bad relate to my father.

She always Said: you should judge the situation By yourself. After 2 years, My father came and he promised to visit once a month(he lives 2 hours from my home). The reality is that He just visits once per year.

My mom traveled abroad(work) and i was adopted by my grandparents and i remember that my dad didn't come in 2 years more, when he returned, i didn't want to see him because he was't able to keep his word. My grandfather added: Want or not want, he is your father and you should respect him even if he is not a good person. Sometimes I see my father, our relationship is just okay.

Given to the topic of shitting the father, in this case, my father always mentioned to his friends and family that My Mom's family didn't allow him to see me. I can't count the times he told me to wait for me in an specific restaurant and he didn't appear.

In your case, i think the best is to meet your father, don't hesitate. You have nothing to lose. The best single mom who were cheated and abandont by their husband, they don't hate them and try to give the best to their children without mention those terrible fake fathers.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - doc holliday - 09-11-2016

Quote: (09-11-2016 08:31 PM)Mushroom Wrote:  

Doc, I've reread your comment over and over and I wanted to comment again just to say thank you.

Pete, that's a very cautionary tale and you're absolutely right. I need to do it ASAP.

You guys have convinced me, I don't want to do it through Facebook -- I'm going to make some calls and try to get ahold of my Uncle (Dad's brother). I think he's the best person to make the connection. If all goes well, I think I could take a vacation two weeks from now to fly out to visit him. Definitely best to do it now too, since I'm not sure how much longer I'm staying in the US anyway. I'm wrapping up some loose ends and looking to become an international nomad for the next several years at least.

I'm just going to keep it a secret from my Mom for now. I think she'd feel betrayed and not understand my position. Maybe after the fact, I'll let her know.

Huge thank you to all of you. I'd still love to hear any reconnection stories if anyone out there has one.

That's cool, I'm glad you've made the decision to reconnect with your dad. I'm sure it won't be easy for either of you. Expect it to be awkward, uncomfortable at first but be patient with it and don't be too hard on him or yourself. It will take a lot of work to reconnect with him. Don't expect it to be like a movie and have years of not seeing him go away in the instant that you see him. You need to go in with the mindset of this being a long term project that you build in increments and not one of instant gratification. If you do this and commit to it, your life will change in so many positive ways once you establish a bond with him which I'm hoping you will be able to do and that your dad will commit to it as well.

If you really try your best and he doesn't respond with the same vigor, then its on him and not you and you can live your life without any regrets over this issue. As to your mom, her feelings about it should be irrelevant. She created this mess so if she doesn't like or you feel guilt over not telling her, get past those feelings. You have to do this for yourself. Good luck man, let us know how it goes.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Comte De St. Germain - 09-11-2016

Quote: (09-11-2016 07:37 PM)polar Wrote:  

I'll keep mine brief:

Do it while you still can.

Also it feels like I should talk about a positive reason to reconnect as mine might have been a more extreme and negative case.

I mentioned my gramps in my post as my father figure and that's actually the case very much, but I didn't appreciate him when he was alive. He was very much the opposite of my father[his son] in that he was a gregarious, military man who was illiterate as a kid, and was self made. He also wasn't very impressed with my father's exceptional academic record(1st in class, 3 degrees, 200k salary) and considered him a failure for being so anti-social/nonathletic so that's where my father might have pushed me into the studying route so hard.

When he was alive he was the one disciplining and guiding me. I was his favorite grandkid and he always wanted to spend time with me when he was around. And due to my rebellious nature as a result of my helicopter parent I didn't spend time with him of my own accord thinking he didn't understand life like my father till he was dying. The last half year of his life I spent with him travelling and listening to his stories(hence quite a few countries on my countries visited list).

I appreciated him, but I didn't express it and didn't spend time with him like I should have. Lost him at 16 and sometimes I wonder if I were more forthcoming with my love of him and spent time with him he would have gone through with chemo and still be alive rather than accept cancer as a death sentence.

It still bites me to this day. Do be glad he's alive. Sometimes it truly is too late.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - MajorStyles - 09-11-2016

Tom Leykis used to periodically tell his listeners that it was “Reconnect with Jerk Dad” on Father’s Day. In short, it was time for all the men out there to investigate if the allegations were true—was Dad as horrible as Mom made him out to be?

Cue to 12:00 minutes…classic Tom.






Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Mushroom - 09-11-2016

Quote: (09-11-2016 10:42 PM)MajorStyles Wrote:  

Tom Leykis used to periodically tell his listeners that it was “Reconnect with Jerk Dad” on Father’s Day. In short, it was time for all the men out there to investigate if the allegations were true—was Dad as horrible as Mom made him out to be?

Cue to 12:00 minutes…classic Tom.

I really fucking agree with Tom here. Thanks for sharing.

I've been doing a lot of reflection lately (clearly), and I realize that I was what I'll call an accidental alpha. I inherited my looks from my Dad, which was lucky for me cause not only was he tall and incredibly handsome, he is also a genetic freak built like a professional wrestler.

I was a lazy fuck that played video games all the time growing up, but somehow had the metabolism to look like an athlete with a muscular frame. When I started lifting weights before my last year in highschool, I got seriously ripped and the pussy floodgates opened wide. The only thing that saved me from the beta-ness within was that I was at least smart enough to realize I didn't want to get married until I was older, and I just wanted to have fun. So I fucked as many sluts as I could, formed a band as the lead singer/guitarist and got more pussy thrown at me than I knew what to do with.

If anything, I believe I was only suppressing my beta qualities. There was no real alpha within me, I didn't understand women well enough. I had learned no lessons, I had no mentor. My Step-Dad, while I'm thankful for his support growing up, is just a weak beta provider and my Mom doesn't respect him.

In my mid-twenties, I thought it would be a good idea to settle down and maybe try to start a family. I got ripped apart a few times back to back because I had no fucking clue how to really be a man or the real nature of women, I know I could have learned so much from my father had been given the chance.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - The Beast1 - 09-12-2016

Reconnect with your father while you can.

Just go into it with an open mind. Time and adult hood wisdom can really help you overcome the lies, pain, and missed opportunities.

Remember that there may not be a "good" and "bad" side. In my case both sides share the blame equally.

The telling side of things is to see who admits fault and apologizes first. My father admits to being an abusive angry fool in his younger years. He's apologized and made very obvious changes to his behavior.

My mother admits nothing and claims she's blameless (she's not) and has in fact exhibited the same behavior again in a 2nd marriage.

It takes two to tango and now that i know both sides of the story i'm able to over come the anger and really understand the issues at hand. It also explained and helped me overcome some of my own demons.

It's hard as a child to understand things like this. It doesn't help that you see things as black and white too during those formible years.

So long as a parent admits their part in it all and apologizes there is no reason to hold anger. In fact, seeing their side of the story may help you heal as well.

I pray for the day my mother matures past her childish antics. I miss her very much.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Phoenix - 09-12-2016

Based on what you've said, yes it's obvious you should.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Sooth - 09-12-2016

[Image: 2cOMVTQ.png]

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - CleanSlate - 09-12-2016

Mushroom,

Let us know how it goes when you reach out to him. After reading your posts, I'm sure he will be very happy to hear from you.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - Frank Rook - 09-12-2016

Life is too short, man.
Make your peace. Get closure. Bring some joy to both your lives before the sands of time ensure this option is closed to you forever.
If it doesn't work out at least you'll be at peace knowing you did all you could.

Reaching out to a father that abandoned you? - MajorStyles - 09-12-2016

Quote: (09-11-2016 11:20 PM)Mushroom Wrote:  

Quote: (09-11-2016 10:42 PM)MajorStyles Wrote:  

Tom Leykis used to periodically tell his listeners that it was “Reconnect with Jerk Dad” on Father’s Day. In short, it was time for all the men out there to investigate if the allegations were true—was Dad as horrible as Mom made him out to be?

Cue to 12:00 minutes…classic Tom.

I really fucking agree with Tom here. Thanks for sharing.

I've been doing a lot of reflection lately (clearly), and I realize that I was what I'll call an accidental alpha. I inherited my looks from my Dad, which was lucky for me cause not only was he tall and incredibly handsome, he is also a genetic freak built like a professional wrestler.

I was a lazy fuck that played video games all the time growing up, but somehow had the metabolism to look like an athlete with a muscular frame. When I started lifting weights before my last year in highschool, I got seriously ripped and the pussy floodgates opened wide. The only thing that saved me from the beta-ness within was that I was at least smart enough to realize I didn't want to get married until I was older, and I just wanted to have fun. So I fucked as many sluts as I could, formed a band as the lead singer/guitarist and got more pussy thrown at me than I knew what to do with.

If anything, I believe I was only suppressing my beta qualities. There was no real alpha within me, I didn't understand women well enough. I had learned no lessons, I had no mentor. My Step-Dad, while I'm thankful for his support growing up, is just a weak beta provider and my Mom doesn't respect him.

In my mid-twenties, I thought it would be a good idea to settle down and maybe try to start a family. I got ripped apart a few times back to back because I had no fucking clue how to really be a man or the real nature of women, I know I could have learned so much from my father had been given the chance.

As an older guy, I’ve seen this story several times. A man ends up slaying pussy in his twenties due to some tangential factor (playing in a band, being tall, etc.). But then, when he becomes involved in a relationship/marriage, the beta hardware becomes exposed.

Eventually, it always circles back to a man's frame (or lack thereof).