[defguy]

I have a close friend who got fired several months ago, got another job, quit that one in a week, and now hes kind of coasting, living with his girlfriend and doesnt seem to be motivated enough to get another job or some way to make money. He happens to be one of my best friends and I want to see him succeed, yet I dont see the effort, only excuses for why hes not doing it. Hes worked really hard for several years, got far with his job, but once he got fired its like he gave up. If he wasnt my friend I wouldnt give a shit and I would say "let him fail" but Im wondering if there is anything I can do to motivate him to succeed. To get him to treat getting a job or making money like a 9-5. If I needed money I would be out there from 9-5 trying to land a job or doing odd jobs, Id take the Metro bus if I couldnt afford gas. I just dont understand why I dont see the same effort from my friend.

Any of you have any similar experiences? I believe in leadership by example and I also believe in leadership coming from the top down. Can I knock this guy out of limbo or is he doomed?

[Parlay44]

I have plenty of loser friends. They all drink, smoke, pills, coke whatever. They do their 40 hours and get fucked up all weekend.

I'm one of the few people that pulled away from it and went to school and did something productive.

I have 1 friend that half snapped out of it and that's only cause he's got a kid now.Sometimes it takes some life changing event to do it. He's still not as motivated as I would like to see him.

My motivation was to get the hell away from my family and their insanity. It was weighing too much on my head.

Ask him what kinda life style he wants. House, cars, toys, family etc. Then break it down for him in terms of dollars per year, per week, per hour. Then tell him he's not gonna get there flipping burgers. Maybe it'll sink in. Maybe not.

I had to get far away from all the toxic/negative people in my life in order achieve what I have now.

[RichieP]

I'd like to know how to DEVELOP a work ethic as someone who never had a strong one.

To give you perhaps an idea of where it might "come from" with these people (as someone who struggles with it myself):

-I never had much of a father figure to push me or be a role model
-My mum and step-dad were ultra-permissive - never pushed me or guided me in any particular career direction, just let me follow my interests
-Mum + step-dad never taught me the value of money or hard work - I was always just given what I needed (not excessive amounts, but was always comfortable), all the way right through university. I was intelligent so I coasted through my education, but never build a strong work capacity.
-Inherited a big chunk of money right after college, and managed to steadily squander it in my 20's
-I get abnormally easily stressed out. Pressuring myself to get things done takes a big toll on my physically and mentally, seemingly much moreso than for other people

These are 100% not excuses at all, but they do form an explanation. I was probably "spoiled", but actually dont consider myself that lucky - I never developed the skills you need to make your way in the world. I'm having to catch up bigtime now. I'd love to build a strong work ethic. Seems to me that most people either have it or they dont (from upbringing & early experience), but of course, you can change that. "Just get it done" advice doesnt work for me, and probably not for other people like your friend. I'm realising to fix this, we need to do some honest work on ourselves, and it's not that easy.

[birth]

I'd ask him what his goals in life are. That's the easiest way to make someone think about what they're doing with their limited lifespan on this planet.

Maybe ask him why he's so demotivated lately.

But then again, depends what kind of a person you are. I set goals and reach them. Some people set goals and forget them. Since your friend seems to be the later one, letting him fail and finding new friends seem to be the only option.

[jmoney29]

I've been in a rut like this several times before. The experiences that led to me getting into them was having a lot of unsettled business and having regrets about my prior decisions. I think that the regrets about the past made me doubtful of my ability to handle the outstanding business that I had to settle in order to move forward; this left me in a state of inaction.

The best way to move forward is to make simple tasks(waking up early,cleaning, time to start job hunting,etc,) into goals to accomplish because there's a good chance that he has stuff that he puts off for later(e.g."It's easy, I can do it later"). By doing this he will condition himself to take action in order to improve his circumstances, and he will gain confidence by achieving desirable outcomes.

[JoyStick]

I got a question that's somewhat related. Do y'all think having a lot of loser friends harmful to your life? I got a lazy friend who have a very limiting mindset and always make excuses and will knock on my goals because they're hard to achieve. He doesn't realize just 'cause it's "fantasy" for him doesn't mean it isn't achievable for me. Do y'all think hanging around people like that is harmful?

[jariel]

(01-24-2012 01:53 PM)JoyStick Wrote:  

I got a question that's somewhat related. Do y'all think having a lot of loser friends harmful to your life?

Show me who your friends are, and you know the rest.

Who you choose to have relationships with, those people are a reflection of who you are, this is especially true for romantic relationships because in those relationships you invest more of yourself.

[alphaspiraton]

Not only that but if you take the average salary of 5 of your closest friends then that is approximately your own salary. Want to get rich? Hang around the rich. This is indespensible advice don't forget it.