[lifecrisis]

After dating her for 3 months, things started to change. I feel bad because i took the girls virginity and there was a fling in the beginning, but it started getting dull so fast. I guess i fell for her beauty rather than her personality, since she's 18 she doesn't have much experience going on in life, and our conversations quickly ended with "i don't know.." or "i feel stupid, i can't answer that question" whenever we were discussing life/education/psychology/dreams/future etc.. of the topics that im interested in and love to talk about. She didn't talk much and it was hard for me getting an intellectual conversation going on with her. It felt forced sometimes. But we enjoyed each others company nonetheless. It was a very weird relationship with more physical than mental stimulation (for me at least).

3 things held this thing together for me. Her femininity, the sex and that she's the most beautiful girl i've ever been with. This is what i can think of that kept me interested in her.

Now... I want to break it off with her. But how do i go about doing this in the best way possible to not ruin my chances of friendship with her social circle? They are very tight and close friends, so it's hard for me. To be honest im more interested in some of her friends than i am in her at this point, but im probably never able to game one of her friends if i break it off with her already after 3 months. So that's not what i want. I really like being in her friends' company and we hung out quite a few times and they liked me a lot, she always told me they enjoy my sense of humor, it's refreshing. But when all that is said, i still think she's the thread holding us together hanging out and spending time with her social circle. And no matter how much they like me, they won't like me if i took their friends V card and 3 months later dumped her.

I feel like i've been forcing myself to stay in the relationship for these 2 reasons, and it's draining my energy and motivation to keep fighting this fight. It's been an emotional rollercoaster and as much as i wish she would change, i know that she won't and my experience from previous relationships tells me that you can't change a person unless they want to change themselves.

I just can't invest any more time in something i don't see a point in. I want to game other girls without being labeled as a 'cheater'. I want to move on. My game has weakened over the past months and i want to get back on track. I miss the excitement, the thrill of the hunt, a fresh breath of air, someone that can challenge me. Not someone that agrees with everything i say, and/or doesn't know what to say.

And how do i break up with her without hurting her feelings to the extreme? She's in love with me. I feel guilty but at the same time i know that this is the right thing to do.

[the-dream]

Staying in her social circle seems like a silly and fruitless endeavour that will only lead to many headaches for all involved. Just cut her off completely. Are you in school with her or something where they are unavoidable or will they be totally out of your life if you so wish? If it's the latter, just move on.

[Investment Bro]

Don't feel guilty. What guilt really is another name for fear.

You're afraid of being away from the friend group. You don't actually feel guilty for hurting her, you feel fear because of how it's going to affect you. Otherwise you would have already dropped this girl if you weren't trying to angle her friends.

Let's face it, if your "friendship" is predicated on your dating another member of the group, there's not much of a link there to begin with; which is no different than your girlfriend.

Now that the tough talk is out of the way, I'm going to tell you that the best way to do it is to be direct. Tell her the truth face to face. She will get over it much faster than you think. Women are incredibly resilient in that way. She'll be on to someone else in a couple of months. If you really care about her, you won't string her along any more. You will lose the friend group, but it'll be worth it to get back to gaming.

[kaotic]

(07-20-2018 09:56 AM)lifecrisis Wrote:  

After dating her for 3 months, things started to change. I feel bad because i took the girls virginity and there was a fling in the beginning, but it started getting dull so fast. I guess i fell for her beauty rather than her personality, since she's 18 she doesn't have much experience going on in life, and our conversations quickly ended with "i don't know.." or "i feel stupid, i can't answer that question" whenever we were discussing life/education/psychology/dreams/future etc.. of the topics that im interested in and love to talk about. She didn't talk much and it was hard for me getting an intellectual conversation going on with her. It felt forced sometimes. But we enjoyed each others company nonetheless. It was a very weird relationship with more physical than mental stimulation (for me at least).

Why are you trying to have these types of conversation with an 18 year old girl? That doesn't make sense at all.

She's young and dumb and most girls that age have no clue what they want.

Why guys try having intellectual conversations with women I'll never understand. Most girls can't comprehend that let alone political diatribe.

Of course the relationship was more physical, in your eyes she's the hottest girl you've been with.

Why do you care about her social circle? Why don't you have your own social circle?

You shouldn't be invested heavily in her social circle because well....it's HER social circle.

You should have your own to confide in and go back to.

In the end it doesn't matter, if you aren't feeling, then end things as best you can.

Put her down gently.

[lifecrisis]

Thanks for the replies, i will try to explain.

(07-20-2018 10:18 AM)the-dream Wrote:  

Staying in her social circle seems like a silly and fruitless endeavour that will only lead to many headaches for all involved. Just cut her off completely. Are you in school with her or something where they are unavoidable or will they be totally out of your life if you so wish? If it's the latter, just move on.

Not in school with her, but it's a small city and the night out clubs are limited. I don't want it to be awkward seeing them all the time and they think of me as "that guy". Rather break it off in a good way if such thing exists. It's only that it's inevitable not seeing her around.

(07-20-2018 10:28 AM)Investment Bro Wrote:  

Don't feel guilty. What guilt really is another name for fear.

You're afraid of being away from the friend group. You don't actually feel guilty for hurting her, you feel fear because of how it's going to affect you. Otherwise you would have already dropped this girl if you weren't trying to angle her friends.

Let's face it, if your "friendship" is predicated on your dating another member of the group, there's not much of a link there to begin with; which is no different than your girlfriend.

Now that the tough talk is out of the way, I'm going to tell you that the best way to do it is to be direct. Tell her the truth face to face. She will get over it much faster than you think. Women are incredibly resilient in that way. She'll be on to someone else in a couple of months. If you really care about her, you won't string her along any more. You will lose the friend group, but it'll be worth it to get back to gaming.

It's hard to swallow, but i think you might be right. Either what you're saying or they will still want to have me around (obviously when she's not with them) or they will ditch me like i will ditch her. Only one way to find out. Yeah, i figured i care a lot about her and don't want to string her along anymore and being fake and lying to her, so rather end it quickly. Thank you, i will be direct about it. I definitely want to get back to gaming, i feel like im missing out on a lot of opportunities in the past couple of weeks. It's almost like you're more desirable by women when you're in a relationship than when you're single. Perhaps the confident and abundant vibe you're sending out.

(07-20-2018 11:11 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Why are you trying to have these types of conversation with an 18 year old girl? That doesn't make sense at all.

She's young and dumb and most girls that age have no clue what they want.

Why guys try having intellectual conversations with women I'll never understand. Most girls can't comprehend that let alone political diatribe.

Of course the relationship was more physical, in your eyes she's the hottest girl you've been with.

Why do you care about her social circle? Why don't you have your own social circle?

You shouldn't be invested heavily in her social circle because well....it's HER social circle.

You should have your own to confide in and go back to.

In the end it doesn't matter, if you aren't feeling, then end things as best you can.

Put her down gently.

I understand what you're saying. I figured you're right. She's the first 18 year old i've dated, previously only dated girls at my own age, and they were more than just looks. You're so right about her not knowing what the hell she wants, but i don't blame her, i didn't know either when i was her age. I don't know what to tell you, i just want to feel like im with someone on my level or that i can be challenged or at least debate some stuff, rather than just being that kissy kissy lovy dovy superficial relationship that revolves around sex. In my LTR i expect more than that. But i guess i picked the wrong girl (age wise) for this kind of stuff. That is a lesson i've learned now.

I only care about her social circle because i enjoy spending time with the group, they are a really nice bunch and they seem genuine. They welcomed me in without expecting much in return. Perhaps another reason is that i don't have an established social circle myself, and i just drift from one to another. But in the end, the group don't matter that much to me. I can get by with no problems. But part of it is what i said to the-dream. It's that i will be seeing them around all the time, and it will get awkward real quick if i dump her in a bad way. Hence im seeking advice on how to dump her and move on with the least side effects possible. And if i can still maintain the social group it's just a bonus.

[kaotic]

There's nothing wrong with the preferences you want in a woman, I'm just maybe more cynical of having actual deep conversations with women about that kind of stuff.

Of course they're going to choose her over you when you break up, that's how it always works.

But good news is you'll be know as "that guy" who took a super hotties virginity - there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Girls will wonder what you "have" that made her give it up to you.

You really need to establish your own circle of confidants so you aren't concerned about other's social circles.

[rotinz]

(07-20-2018 12:07 PM)lifecrisis Wrote:  

I understand what you're saying. I figured you're right. She's the first 18 year old i've dated, previously only dated girls at my own age, and they were more than just looks. You're so right about her not knowing what the hell she wants, but i don't blame her, i didn't know either when i was her age. I don't know what to tell you, i just want to feel like im with someone on my level or that i can be challenged or at least debate some stuff, rather than just being that kissy kissy lovy dovy superficial relationship that revolves around sex. In my LTR i expect more than that. But i guess i picked the wrong girl (age wise) for this kind of stuff. That is a lesson i've learned now.

What's the age gap between the two of you? Do you feel like your window of opportunity to date young girls in this age range is fleeting and that's why you're so intent on joining her social group? I think once a lot of guys have been with older women for a while and then they're with a younger girl they see what they've been missing for such a long time and they get their judgment clouded a bit.

What country are you in if you don't mind me asking and how do they feel about someone older dating someone that's 18? Does this societal pressure influence your decision in any way?

[lifecrisis]

(07-20-2018 12:16 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

But good news is you'll be know as "that guy" who took a super hotties virginity - there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Girls will wonder what you "have" that made her give it up to you.

Interesting perspective, i never thought about it like this before. Thank you kaotic. This helps a lot. Turning a negative outcome into a positive.

(07-20-2018 12:49 PM)rotinz Wrote:  

What's the age gap between the two of you? Do you feel like your window of opportunity to date young girls in this age range is fleeting and that's why you're so intent on joining her social group? I think once a lot of guys have been with older women for a while and then they're with a younger girl they see what they've been missing for such a long time and they get their judgment clouded a bit.

What country are you in if you don't mind me asking and how do they feel about someone older dating someone that's 18? Does this societal pressure influence your decision in any way?

It's not a big age gap like a 40 year old dating an 18-year-old etc. It's 'just' a 5-year gap between us, but it can be felt clearly. Some girls are mature for their age, but i guess not this one. I can't answer your last questions unfortunately, i don't know about the societal pressure since we're both still relatively young (18 and 23 years old) and therefore fall under the same bracket according to society. So, i don't think that's what you're fishing for. It's normal here dating much younger than your own age. A 5-year gap is nothing. As long as the younger person is over 18 obviously. But for bigger age gaps like 10 or 15, i think it's a whole different story. It's rather 'unusual' here.

[KiwiTheGermanShepherd]

(07-20-2018 09:56 AM)lifecrisis Wrote:  

After dating her for 3 months, things started to change. I feel bad because i took the girls virginity and there was a fling in the beginning, but it started getting dull so fast. I guess i fell for her beauty rather than her personality, since she's 18 she doesn't have much experience going on in life, and our conversations quickly ended with "i don't know.." or "i feel stupid, i can't answer that question" whenever we were discussing life/education/psychology/dreams/future etc.. of the topics that im interested in and love to talk about. She didn't talk much and it was hard for me getting an intellectual conversation going on with her. It felt forced sometimes. But we enjoyed each others company nonetheless. It was a very weird relationship with more physical than mental stimulation (for me at least).

3 things held this thing together for me. Her femininity, the sex and that she's the most beautiful girl i've ever been with. This is what i can think of that kept me interested in her.

Now... I want to break it off with her. But how do i go about doing this in the best way possible to not ruin my chances of friendship with her social circle? They are very tight and close friends, so it's hard for me. To be honest im more interested in some of her friends than i am in her at this point, but im probably never able to game one of her friends if i break it off with her already after 3 months. So that's not what i want. I really like being in her friends' company and we hung out quite a few times and they liked me a lot, she always told me they enjoy my sense of humor, it's refreshing. But when all that is said, i still think she's the thread holding us together hanging out and spending time with her social circle. And no matter how much they like me, they won't like me if i took their friends V card and 3 months later dumped her.

I feel like i've been forcing myself to stay in the relationship for these 2 reasons, and it's draining my energy and motivation to keep fighting this fight. It's been an emotional rollercoaster and as much as i wish she would change, i know that she won't and my experience from previous relationships tells me that you can't change a person unless they want to change themselves.

I just can't invest any more time in something i don't see a point in. I want to game other girls without being labeled as a 'cheater'. I want to move on. My game has weakened over the past months and i want to get back on track. I miss the excitement, the thrill of the hunt, a fresh breath of air, someone that can challenge me. Not someone that agrees with everything i say, and/or doesn't know what to say.

And how do i break up with her without hurting her feelings to the extreme? She's in love with me. I feel guilty but at the same time i know that this is the right thing to do.

there is no easy way to say this but there will be no easy way to break up with someone without hurting her feelings to the extreme. sometimes you have to teach someone the hard way by letting go completely and let them go through the suffering on their own.

[Beirut]

You shouldn’t expect intellectual stimulation from women in general.

The ones that were in my experience were the headcases and/or total bad girls. For some reason it goes hand in hand.

[lifecrisis]

@Investment Bro @kaotic and everyone who replied:

I met her last night and told her that it's over between us. I didn't want to do it on text since that's a pussy move. I feel so bad man. I've always seen her happy and smiling and this was the first time i saw her cry. I figured i still do have feelings for this girl otherwise i wouldn't have felt what i did during our conversation. But the fact that i don't see any future for us together hurts me. If i can't even see long-term 3+ months forward, then what's the point of staying and dragging her along a rollercoaster of emotions.

I hate to admit it, but she said some words that cut deep in me. She said "It's hard when you don't see the things from my side and don't understand my situation. And maybe im exaggerating, but i really do like you a lot. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, but that's just how i am. I am fighting against it. I've never felt like this with any other person before, and this is the first time i cry over somebody. I don't think you understand. Im so insecure about myself, i don't understand how a guy like you can love a girl like me. I don't feel good enough for someone like you, and when you messaged me last week that you were disappointed in me when we were at the beach with our friends, i cried when i got home. And when my friends asked me earlier today how it's going between you and me i had to tell them we haven't spoken in a week, i don't know what to do, i thought you hated me because you weren't replying to my texts. That's just how i am, im trying so hard to change my self for you, but i can't. It's so frustrating, i wish i could change what's happening inside of my mind."

Then she broke down further and said,
"I can't even manage seeing you now, i can't manage disappointing you even more, because i really do love you, and I feel like i can't do anything to make you happy. I feel miserable."

I feel like shit. I didn't know what to say to comfort her, because i knew this was the decision that i would go all the way with. But i was a fool. Out of sheer empathy, in the heat of the moment, i told her that we can figure something out.. Maybe we can work this out anyway. I am so stupid. Why did i say this. This will hurt her even further if i don't go through with it... Dragging her along the emotional rollercoaster.

Is there any way i can recover from this or did i fuck everything up for myself?

[torridon747]

Be a man and tell her you thought about it but it just can't work and you're sorry. Be more confident in your decisions so you can avoid hurting people. If you can't even decide you want to break up with a girl and are swayed by some placating words and crying girls how do you expect to lead a relationship or other men?

You have to find a way to be more confident in what you want and know how to get it. That's the masculine way and it will only help you with situations in the future

[RedPillUK]

Lol dumping a 18 year old virgin because she doesn't have anything interesting to say.

NONE OF THEM HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING TO SAY.

Too many people here have some disney version of relationships stuck in their head.

[lifecrisis]

RedPillUK im starting to understand there's some truth to what you're saying. It's my first time with an 18 year old, so i don't have the experience. But i would like to ask you a serious question. How do you enjoy a relationship with an 18 year old if you can't talk with her and get good conversations going? Is it just the sex? Im curious to see why guys go for these young girls if they have nothing else to add to the table than sex. What do you spend time doing with such a girl?

[DaveR]

(07-31-2018 05:21 PM)lifecrisis Wrote:  

How do you enjoy a relationship with an 18 year old if you can't talk with her and get good conversations going?

Sounds like feminist indoctrination... you can have an emotional connection without intellectually stimulating conversations; you probably already do so with pets and/or children.

Personally, I can't stand women who want to have intellectual conversations. I find the (very few) truly intelligent women I've met hideously unattractive. The majority who consider themselves intelligent merely spout whatever garbage they've been taught in university or by the media, with little, if any, thought processes of their own.

There's something rewarding about being so much more experienced that a girl naturally accepts whatever you say without question or trying to be an 'equal'. You can direct your intellectual energy into something useful (work, study, research, business, whatever) and leave the time spent with that hot 18-year-old piece of ass for relaxing and unwinding.

(07-20-2018 12:07 PM)lifecrisis Wrote:  

i don't have an established social circle myself

Get one. Find some RVF members wherever you are.

[RedPillUK]

(07-31-2018 05:21 PM)lifecrisis Wrote:  

RedPillUK im starting to understand there's some truth to what you're saying. It's my first time with an 18 year old, so i don't have the experience. But i would like to ask you a serious question. How do you enjoy a relationship with an 18 year old if you can't talk with her and get good conversations going? Is it just the sex? Im curious to see why guys go for these young girls if they have nothing else to add to the table than sex. What do you spend time doing with such a girl?

Can you have intellectually stimulating conversations with a child?

No.

Does it matter, can you still have a fun time with them anyway?

Yes.

It's easy to connect with and have a good time with children and girls who are basically children if you still have a playful childlike side to your character. I think this is one of the most natural things in the world. Maybe that is part of your problem and you are too serious and can't relax.

I don't know, take her to the fucking zoo or whatever. Go to the beach and get drunk, loosen up. Sometimes I do drink more around girls who aren't so interesting, and I try to see them less often or I will get bored.

[Mage]

(08-03-2018 11:34 AM)RedPillUK Wrote:  

Can you have intellectually stimulating conversations with a child?

No.

Actually you would be supersized how logical and smart can children from ages 4-10 be. They are often much more logical and philosophical then adults who already have preconceived notions that are hard to get rid of.

When puberty kicks in - that is when all the reason leaves a child's mind. If there is some wisdom installed before it in a child - he will return to it and even upgrade it after the most hormonally imbalanced teenage years have passed. If there is no such an imprint then the person will remain an illogical bundle of feelings and emotions for the whole life.

[RedPillUK]

Actually you're right I agree with you. I also really like how clear and uncluttered their thinking is, which helps me to understand human nature better and sometimes I do have conversations where I learn things from them.