[Realbor]

I gotta admit, all my friends, or the best friends I ever had, I made in like elementary school or high school, It just came automaticly, you grew up together, you were "forced" to hang around eachother in school which naturally made you hang out outside school too doing all kinds of fun stuff.

Now when an adult, with those friends having moved all over the country (or world), I find myself very very lonely.

How do you even get new friends at this age?

The one thing I got going for me is Im going back to university late august/beginning of september, thats about it.

I dont even think I know how to make friends in adult age, as Ive never done it consiously, It just came naturally when growing up.

God, I really wished I had a "crew" of guys to fuck around with, I remember when I had it in high-school and it made life so much more colorful and even meaningful, more fun all together.

How many of you have made good friends in adult age and how did you go about it?

[jselysianeagle]

Unfortunately, as has been discussed in other threads on the forum, it's generally more difficult for guys to establish a social network. This article comes to mind:

https://hazlitt.net/longreads/legion-lonely

Anyway, I'd do the following if I were you:

1) Make a list of your interests
2) Look up Meetup.com for groups related to that, or start a group of your own. That site has many other fun groups as well
3) Check eventbrite.com, Facebook and other sites for events goin on in your city, and just go. If you have a friendly demeanor you can start chatting ppl up at the events and go from there.

Lastly, these things take time. Don't expect to build a solid circle of friends in a matter of weeks or even months. Just keep at it, this is kind of like a marathon and not a sprint.

I've definitely made great friends even in my 30s, but it does take a conscious effort. You have to be willing to reach out and ask them to hang out, and when they ask you in turn, you should be willing to make the time to meet them. Being in a dense urban environment definitely helps since it makes it easier to meet at bars/events etc.

[goodvibez]

You gotta take the first step the older you get. Start by messaging people in this forum and make i guess e-buddies. I always say one thing ... network with people online and network with people in person. The people you meet online you can never meet in person, the people you meet in person you can never meet online. The thing with this process it should be intuitive and organic. In person you gotta be able to read peoples vibes and if there interested in speaking with you. Once you do find people that are interested in speaking with you be humble, open minded, listen to what they have to say, and even express some vulnerability. The reason people don't like to make friends as they get older is from bad experiences... people have trust issues.

[Ringo]

This has been discussed extensively, use the search function.

In fact, you've already asked a very similar question before.

Furthermore, most of your threads have been questions about topics that have been discussed previously.

In every thread you ask a question but don't seem to take any attitude to improve your current situation. Your threads also indicate you don't know whether to shit or go blind. Hence, you're wasting your time and other members' time and effort.

I might be wrong but I have a strong feeling that you've been here before under a different account name. If I'm wrong I apologize.

In any case, how about trying to act on the advice you've already received before before continuing to flood the forum with new threads?

[Realbor]

(07-07-2018 03:30 PM)Ringo Wrote:  

This has been discussed extensively, use the search function.

In fact, you've already asked a very similar question before.

Furthermore, most of your threads have been questions about topics that have been discussed previously.

In every thread you ask a question but don't seem to take any attitude to improve your current situation. Your threads also indicate you don't know whether to shit or go blind. Hence, you're wasting your time and other members' time and effort.

I might be wrong but I have a strong feeling that you've been here before under a different account name. If I'm wrong I apologize.

In any case, how about trying to act on the advice you've already received before before continuing to flood the forum with new threads?

Yeah, bash on the weak guy, great.
And yea Im miserable.

[LINUX]

Depends. What country are you in? Are you close to a major city or closer to a farm/village?

[Realbor]

(07-07-2018 03:40 PM)LINUX Wrote:  

Depends. What country are you in? Are you close to a major city or closer to a farm/village?

Nah mate Im in Norway, living in a village so no people here. Moving to a city in like 2 months.

A fresh start, but when I get there I wanna know how to go about it, so I dont end up just as lonely there.


Just having a depressive episode tonight, saturday and nothing to do as usual, I know no one and no one knows me. I had no idea 10 years ago how great my life was, relatively speaking, compared to how it should unfold.

[LINUX]

You shouldn't have a problem meeting friends in a major city. Every new person moving into the city wants the same thing-- friends.

Try this website: https://www.meetup.com/cities/no/oslo/

I put Olso in as your city, but you can change it to whatever city you are moving to.

Goodluck

[Realbor]

(07-07-2018 03:50 PM)LINUX Wrote:  

You shouldn't have a problem meeting friends in a major city. Every new person moving into the city wants the same thing-- friends.

Try this website: https://www.meetup.com/cities/no/oslo/

I put Olso in as your city, but you can change it to whatever city you are moving to.

Goodluck

Yeah man I hope thats the case, Its a typical student town so I will have alot of possibilities for sure.

I find myself in a very weird situation mentally. I was a competetive soccer player and trained judo when younger, had lots of friends and was in the "cool crowd".

Since then, year by year, Ive lost everyone, my last best friend met a girl in Finland and moved there, became a dad and now he is spending all his awake time with her, he kid or work, call eachother maybe once a week If even that.

So now Im lonely and that have been the case for quite some time now, basicly isolated in a small village working a rather crappy job, also was addicted to world of warcraft for years and years and made my "new friends" online in the guild, but since quitting all those are gone. Basicly years just down the toilet.

29 years old, as mentally developed as a 21 year old.

Positives:

Very good and muscular body, years of gym.
Above average looks facially.
Masculine appearance.
No economic problems, no debt etc etc.

Negatives:

Underdeveloped/lacking social skills
Very few worthwile experiences during my 20s making me and my personality somewhat of a "shell" as I have very little to share with people.

Very little experience with women the last couple of years.

[wi30]

(07-07-2018 03:30 PM)Ringo Wrote:  

This has been discussed extensively, use the search function.

In fact, you've already asked a very similar question before.

Furthermore, most of your threads have been questions about topics that have been discussed previously.

In every thread you ask a question but don't seem to take any attitude to improve your current situation. Your threads also indicate you don't know whether to shit or go blind. Hence, you're wasting your time and other members' time and effort.

I might be wrong but I have a strong feeling that you've been here before under a different account name. If I'm wrong I apologize.

In any case, how about trying to act on the advice you've already received before before continuing to flood the forum with new threads?

Looks like he's got a bad case of the johnbozzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

When you get to the new city, join groups on campus. Join a soccer league that plays once or twice a week. Get back into judo. Spend as little time as possible at home by yourself. The more you put yourself out there the better your social skills will get. You'll probably fuck up a few times but don't be too hard on yourself.

I moved to a new city almost 2 years ago where I only knew 1 or 2 guys. I met buddies through work, men's league hockey, guys dating my girl's friends, etc. Also one of my best friends here is a forum member I met up with when I moved out here.

So just put yourself out there. Even join a pool or darts league at a local bar. Anything to keep you out of the house and interacting with people.

[GyopoPlayboy]

I was just about to reply when I had this deja-vu that I answered a similar question like this.

thread-61206.html

Yup. Same question in literally the same format from the same OP, 1 year later.

You plan on repeating this thread every year man? What's going on?

[Rush87]

Read how to win friends and influence people. You'll probably think that you already know the points that are being made in the book, but I guarantee you're not applying them.

At it's core, making friends is a very simple concept. Taking an interest in people. Smiling. And most importantly, taking the time to actually meet them. You like football? Join a football team. You cycling? Join a cycling club.

The only reason it's hard to make friends at 30 is because you aren't forced to be in the same place at the same time like you are at school. Join an organised club and it's problem solved.

[jordypip23]

(07-07-2018 03:59 PM)Realbor Wrote:  

(07-07-2018 03:50 PM)LINUX Wrote:  

You shouldn't have a problem meeting friends in a major city. Every new person moving into the city wants the same thing-- friends.

Try this website: https://www.meetup.com/cities/no/oslo/

I put Olso in as your city, but you can change it to whatever city you are moving to.

Goodluck

Yeah man I hope thats the case, Its a typical student town so I will have alot of possibilities for sure.

I find myself in a very weird situation mentally. I was a competetive soccer player and trained judo when younger, had lots of friends and was in the "cool crowd".

Since then, year by year, Ive lost everyone, my last best friend met a girl in Finland and moved there, became a dad and now he is spending all his awake time with her, he kid or work, call eachother maybe once a week If even that.

So now Im lonely and that have been the case for quite some time now, basicly isolated in a small village working a rather crappy job, also was addicted to world of warcraft for years and years and made my "new friends" online in the guild, but since quitting all those are gone. Basicly years just down the toilet.

29 years old, as mentally developed as a 21 year old.

Positives:

Very good and muscular body, years of gym.
Above average looks facially.
Masculine appearance.
No economic problems, no debt etc etc.

Negatives:

Underdeveloped/lacking social skills
Very few worthwile experiences during my 20s making me and my personality somewhat of a "shell" as I have very little to share with people.

Very little experience with women the last couple of years.

You actually have a lot more potential than you realize. And at the age of 29 you're not that old! With 2 months left until you land in the larger city that you are moving to you simply need to bide your time for a little bit longer. Look forward to the future. You might have massive changes in store. I can virtually guarantee you based on your description (if accurate) that you will be able to meet some interested chicks in the larger city. You may not get into a LTR or find a soulmate, but you'll at least be able to date & get some bangs

You may also find camaraderie & some cool groups of guys to hang out with too.

[rotinz]

Friends are most likely a thing of the past not just for you but for society in general. That's why I'm only focused on girls and maybe an LTR these days.

[Bastard Sword]

^That has to be one of the saddest sentences I’ve ever read. I feel Op on this. I’m blessed to live in the same spot as my childhood friends and family — but I do wonder what I would do if I was in a new city knowing no one. I honestly made only one legit friend in college who I stay in touch with and none from postgrad — all my friends are from childhood. It’s honestly a big insrcurity for me — I don’t have most “normal male interests”. I don’t give a fuck about sports or pop culture at all,

[rotinz]

(07-08-2018 05:08 PM)Bastard Sword Wrote:  

^That has to be one of the saddest sentences I’ve ever read. I feel Op on this. I’m blessed to live in the same spot as my childhood friends and family — but I do wonder what I would do if I was in a new city knowing no one. I honestly made only one legit friend in college who I stay in touch with and none from postgrad — all my friends are from childhood. It’s honestly a big insrcurity for me — I don’t have most “normal male interests”. I don’t give a fuck about sports or pop culture at all,

Count yourself amongst the lucky ones I guess. I just think as people age friends just become more and more meaningless. I used to be extremely depressed over this when I was younger but now I just take it as it is. In time my depression turned into distaste even for my family and now I don't even speak to them. Some times people end up in situations and in those situations it's best just to completely remove yourself. People remove themselves from their friends and family for any reasons. But in milder terms it's because a guy maybe just gets married and now spends time with his wife and kids instead of his friends like in the case of the OP.

On the topic of childhood friends many times I wish I never moved away when I was younger, I had good childhood friends that I really enjoyed being around then my family moved and I couldn't really keep in contact with them any more. Some times I'll get nostalgic over them, I feel like childhood friends are the only true friends you can ever have after childhood if you weren't able to keep in contact with them or moved away during your childhood then it is all just downhill from there.

[mammal]

The older you get the harder it is 1) because many people already have friends/family and 2) many are seeking networking or contacts (ie someone they can use for a job, making money, etc without giving anything in return, and 3) people have been burned too many times by people described in #2, so they're cautious.

It's less difficult if you're all new. For example,IMMEDIATELY when you arrive at university. At 29 you'll still fit in (not yet too old) in fact many of the 21-22 year old women will be tired of "boys" their age and be looking for someone more "mature."

[semibaron]

I will just copy paste from a similar thread:

"This has been covered 100 times before.

The general consent is to join a club of what ever interest you have."