NOTE: If you're having fun with the whole dating thing, legitimately enjoying the process and the company of the girls you meet, then this post is not for you.
I know many of you aren't. Many people find dating, particularly online dating, to be a drag. A chore. An minefield of misleading photos, flakes, damaged girls, girls who refuse to put in the effort, and girls who are simply not at all fun to be around. If you fall into this category, listen up:
All you need to do to have fun with dating again is shift your mindset in a very specific way. This advice will not get you laid, but it will save your soul.
Reading this forum has probably put you into the following frame of mind:
"Messaging on the app and texting are obstacles I need to overcome to get the date."
I ask that you start thinking in the following way instead:
"Messaging on the app and texting are precious gifts that allow me to weed out girls who would waste my time and energy."
When guys here post screenshots of their online interactions, I cringe. I cringe because they seem to be doing everything in their power to make dates with high flake risks and overall shitty individuals. Typically, the RVF poster exchanges several extremely laconic messages with the girl, then goes right for the number or date. The reasoning always goes something like "if you don't get the number right away, she may lose interest and stop responding." Why on earth is that a bad thing?! If she stops responding, that's just one less flaky, unreliable bitch to worry about.
Think about it this way: The only girls you gain by going for it right away, that you wouldn't have gotten otherwise, are ones who would've ghosted on you if you tried to carry on a bit of a conversation. Meanwhile you lose out on those who would prefer to feel each other out first; usually girls of higher quality. Is that really a tradeoff you want to make?
If you want to avoid flakes, miserable dates, and massive time wasting, here's a checklist of everything you should do before pitching a date to an online girl:
1. Scrutinize the hell out of her photos. What's more deflating than setting aside an evening, getting all amped up to go out and win your prize, traveling over to the venue, and then finding out that you actually have no interest in the "prize" you were prepared to fight for? Be as sure as you can possibly be that you're actually attracted to the girl you're challenging yourself to go out and earn. As I argue here, if her photos leave any doubt, it's always for a reason. A girl with a decent body will make it plain-as-day obvious (and that does not require slutty clothes). If you can, sleuth around to see what intel you can gather from her facebook and/or instagram.
2. Write engaging, somewhat lengthy messages, and see if she returns the favor. (By "somewhat lengthy," I don't mean novels; 2-4 sentences will suffice.) A girl who sends you nothing but terse, generic messages will always ultimately be a waste of time. But you can't expect her to do any better if that's all you're doing. Therefore, the only way to gather the information you need is to be engaging yourself and provide some conversational fodder. If she doesn't reciprocate, good-bye. If she does, then congratulations, you've verified two things with one stone: that she's capable of having a decent conversation (many girls aren't), and that she has enough interest in you to take the time to do so.
3. Write at least one message that does not contain a question. Answering questions is easy. Too easy. A girl that's worth your time should have the conversational ability and interest level to keep the conversation going without simply answering whatever question you posed. If she starts asking you questions at this point, then her interest level is 100% verified. I realize #2 and #3 test for the same things; they're important.
4. Have at least 6 or 7 messages exchanged back and forth. I don't know why, 6 or 7 (somewhat lengthy) messages each just feels like the point where she's proven a steady, unwavering interest. If your messages are shorter or being exchanged rapid-fire then I'd go for at least 10 each. Again, you're trying to select for reliable girls with serious interest, and willing to let the ADHD flakes get away.
BONUS: Once you've set up the date, assuming it's more than a couple days in advance, shoot her a random text or two in the interim to build some more comfort/rapport. "But that gives her a chance to change her mind!" GOOD. If she wants to change her mind, then by all means let her. Saves you a lot of hassle. That's your new mindset.
Like I said, this isn't necessarily optimal for your dick, but it's good for your soul. Figure out which you value more.
I know many of you aren't. Many people find dating, particularly online dating, to be a drag. A chore. An minefield of misleading photos, flakes, damaged girls, girls who refuse to put in the effort, and girls who are simply not at all fun to be around. If you fall into this category, listen up:
All you need to do to have fun with dating again is shift your mindset in a very specific way. This advice will not get you laid, but it will save your soul.
Reading this forum has probably put you into the following frame of mind:
"Messaging on the app and texting are obstacles I need to overcome to get the date."
I ask that you start thinking in the following way instead:
"Messaging on the app and texting are precious gifts that allow me to weed out girls who would waste my time and energy."
When guys here post screenshots of their online interactions, I cringe. I cringe because they seem to be doing everything in their power to make dates with high flake risks and overall shitty individuals. Typically, the RVF poster exchanges several extremely laconic messages with the girl, then goes right for the number or date. The reasoning always goes something like "if you don't get the number right away, she may lose interest and stop responding." Why on earth is that a bad thing?! If she stops responding, that's just one less flaky, unreliable bitch to worry about.
Think about it this way: The only girls you gain by going for it right away, that you wouldn't have gotten otherwise, are ones who would've ghosted on you if you tried to carry on a bit of a conversation. Meanwhile you lose out on those who would prefer to feel each other out first; usually girls of higher quality. Is that really a tradeoff you want to make?
If you want to avoid flakes, miserable dates, and massive time wasting, here's a checklist of everything you should do before pitching a date to an online girl:
1. Scrutinize the hell out of her photos. What's more deflating than setting aside an evening, getting all amped up to go out and win your prize, traveling over to the venue, and then finding out that you actually have no interest in the "prize" you were prepared to fight for? Be as sure as you can possibly be that you're actually attracted to the girl you're challenging yourself to go out and earn. As I argue here, if her photos leave any doubt, it's always for a reason. A girl with a decent body will make it plain-as-day obvious (and that does not require slutty clothes). If you can, sleuth around to see what intel you can gather from her facebook and/or instagram.
2. Write engaging, somewhat lengthy messages, and see if she returns the favor. (By "somewhat lengthy," I don't mean novels; 2-4 sentences will suffice.) A girl who sends you nothing but terse, generic messages will always ultimately be a waste of time. But you can't expect her to do any better if that's all you're doing. Therefore, the only way to gather the information you need is to be engaging yourself and provide some conversational fodder. If she doesn't reciprocate, good-bye. If she does, then congratulations, you've verified two things with one stone: that she's capable of having a decent conversation (many girls aren't), and that she has enough interest in you to take the time to do so.
3. Write at least one message that does not contain a question. Answering questions is easy. Too easy. A girl that's worth your time should have the conversational ability and interest level to keep the conversation going without simply answering whatever question you posed. If she starts asking you questions at this point, then her interest level is 100% verified. I realize #2 and #3 test for the same things; they're important.
4. Have at least 6 or 7 messages exchanged back and forth. I don't know why, 6 or 7 (somewhat lengthy) messages each just feels like the point where she's proven a steady, unwavering interest. If your messages are shorter or being exchanged rapid-fire then I'd go for at least 10 each. Again, you're trying to select for reliable girls with serious interest, and willing to let the ADHD flakes get away.
BONUS: Once you've set up the date, assuming it's more than a couple days in advance, shoot her a random text or two in the interim to build some more comfort/rapport. "But that gives her a chance to change her mind!" GOOD. If she wants to change her mind, then by all means let her. Saves you a lot of hassle. That's your new mindset.
Like I said, this isn't necessarily optimal for your dick, but it's good for your soul. Figure out which you value more.