[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 08:21 AM)Tokyo Joe Wrote:  

(01-04-2017 07:15 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

I am attempting to take my money, leave my dad's house, and become financially responsible for myself.

Two weeks later...

Very funny.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 08:29 AM)Repo Wrote:  

Its sad I don't even think you realize how you are contradicting yourself all over the place. Clearly you aren't going to listen to anyone here, so good luck.

First of all, I didn't ask for advice on my personal relationship with my dad. Obviously, none of you know him (or me) personally, so it would be impossible for you to give me anything more than very general advice.

Second of all, please tell me how I am contradicting myself. If you can name one contradiction, I will admit I was wrong.

[Rob Banks]

(01-03-2017 04:27 PM)Perfect Stranger Wrote:  

Part of growing up is becoming a man and standing on your own two feet.

A man owns up to mistakes he has made in his past. This means not blaming other people for your problems, or rationalizing away actions you have made. Your word is all you have got, and you can destroy that so much easier than you can rebuild it.

Pay him the money back that you owe him and stop acting like a spoiled little girl.

When you are required to fix your own messes and attempt to not get into new ones, it is amazing how quickly one's path will right itself and things just kind of fall into place.

Is this not exactly what I am doing?

I said I want to pay him back his money, take my portion of the money for myself, move out of his house, and support myself, which would require me to "fix my own messes and attempt to not get into new ones."

What better way to be responsible for myself than to move out and become, well, responsible for myself?

And yet you're calling me a "spoiled little girl" for wanting to do this.

I give up on this thread. Apparently, either I'm not explaining myself correctly, or there are assumptions being made about me that I'm not aware of. Either way, this is too frustrating. I have stated many, many times that my goal is to become fully responsible for myself and stop relying on my dad, and yet almost every single response is telling me that I am being "irresponsible" and acting like a "spoiled child."

What exactly is so irresponsible and spoiled about wanting to pay my dad what I owe him, take my own money for myself, and move out of my dad's house? Can someone please explain that to me?

[Repo]

You say you want to take financial responsibility, but aren't paying the money you owe when you have it.

Everyone "intends" to do something later. The fact is you have the money you owe right now, and if you won't pay it when you have it only a fool would believe you will pay it later.

Lastly, moving out on your own when you have no sources of income is the complete opposite of financial responsibility. You keep saying you want to be financially responsible, but your actions are the complete opposite.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 08:46 AM)Repo Wrote:  

You say you want to take financial responsibility, but aren't paying the money you owe when you have it.

Everyone "intends" to do something later. The fact is you have the money you owe right now, and if you won't pay it when you have it only a fool would believe you will pay it later.

What are you talking about?

You should go back and read my original post. The bonds are in my name, but they are in my dad's safety deposit box (which means I don't have them in my possession). The total amount is $35,000. I am planning to pay him his 18k and keep the other 17k for myself. This is most likely going to go down tomorrow.

After I take my 17k, I am even willing to sign a legal contract stating that I owe him the other 18k (in case he doesn't trust me to just sign them over).

What is wrong with me doing that?

(01-04-2017 08:46 AM)Repo Wrote:  

Lastly, moving out on your own when you have no sources of income is the complete opposite of financial responisbility. You keep saying you want to be financially responsibile, but your actions are the complete opposite.

I've worked before. I can easily get a full-time job (even 2 jobs if I need to). I have done this before, and it worked out fine. The only reason I moved back home was because I wanted to go to school and I couldn't afford to pay for it myself.

I don't plan on staying in NYC long term. Yes, it would be nice if I could find a job first and then move out, but that's not how it works. In order for me to get a job somewhere, I need to physically be there so that I can fill out applications and hand out résumés.

The only other option would be to stay in NYC, get a job, save up for a year or so, then use that money to leave town and find a new job. Why spend a year saving up when I can just take my 17k and do it now? I really don't want to live with my dad for another year when it can be avoided.

Does this not make sense?

[Repo]

So then you aren't paying him the money you owe tomorrow despite you having it, but are willng to sign a contract saying you will at some point in the future? What exactly do you think signing them over to him is? I'm done, this is beyond ridiculous.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 09:06 AM)Repo Wrote:  

So then you aren't paying him the money you owe tomorrow despite you having it, but are willng to sign a contract saying you will at some point in the future? What exactly do you think signing them over to him is? I'm done, this is beyond ridiculous.

You don't understand what I'm saying.

He has my 35k in his safety deposit box. However, tomorrow, he will only be taking out 18k and leaving the remaining 17 in his safety deposit box.

Of that 18k, I will be keeping 17 and giving him 1. If he wants the remaining 17k that I owe him, he will have to go to his safety deposit box, get the remaining 17k, and I would be happy to sign them over to him tomorrow.

However, after I take my 17k, there is a high likelihood that he will not trust me to sign over the remaining 17k to him. He will anticipate that I am trying to trick him into keeping the whole 35k for myself, so he will most likely just say "forget it" and keep the remaining 17k in his safety deposit box. At that point, I would be willing to sign a contract with him, so that he can get his money.

I wish I could just sign over his 18k tomorrow and ask him to give me the remaining 17k, but he won't do it. He will take his 18k and refuse to hand over the remaining 17k (in fact, I have already asked him many times, and he has always said no). So the plan I described above is the only way to do it so that we both can get our money.

[Tokyo Joe]

Yo, Banks: Alright, enough fucking around. In all seriousness, here's the story.

Whatever paperwork you've filed to have your little bride enter the United States needs to be revoked, ASAP. When she steps off that plane, her ass needs to be promptly deported and you must never speak with her again. You think I'm kidding? You have violated the very first and cardinal rule of finding a wife: She must be young and without serious physical defects.

One more time: She must be young and without serious physical defects.

You seem to be the type who will spin some magnificent yarn about how her kidney transplant was the result of a marlin fishing expedition off the coast of Canavieiras gone tragically wrong, but I am not buying what you are selling. There are two possibilities: she destroyed her original kidney(s) through alcohol/drug abuse or other gross neglect of her health, in which case she is an awful candidate to be a wife and mother; or (admittedly much more likely) the transplant was necessary due to some serious genetic defect. In the latter case she does deserve your sympathy -- but the plain fact is that such a medical condition makes her a spectacularly poor choice to be the mother of your children. Yes, that may sound harsh, but you need to hear it. The world is full of simps; some simp can and will marry her. Don't be a fucking simp.

With that impediment out of the way, you are in no hurry to leave your father's house. Go to the bank as you planned and sign over bonds worth $18,000 to your dad, to pay back the money you borrowed and wasted. (By the way: what did you blow 18 grand on anyway? High class whores in Paris or Moscow?)

Use the remaining money to pay for a useful education -- your plan for some training in one of the trades sounds fine. Since you don't have the money to live on your own right now, for the time being continue relying on your father's generosity and live under his roof while you finish up your training and get yourself on your feet.

That's really all there is to say. Just don't be a goddamn simp or a loser.

[zoom]

Are you talking about getting the 17K in cash or depositing it virtually in your bank account? Because if it's cash, then the banker is not going to have that much money in their drawer. They are going to have to go into their time-locked safe in the back room, so the process is going to take longer. Also if cash, the banker will fill out a CTR form and send it to the government.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 09:37 AM)Tokyo Joe Wrote:  

Yo, Banks: Alright, enough fucking around. In all seriousness, here's the story.

Whatever paperwork you've filed to have your little bride enter the United States needs to be revoked, ASAP. When she steps off that plane, her ass needs to be promptly deported and you must never speak with her again. You think I'm kidding? You have violated the very first and cardinal rule of finding a wife: She must be young and without serious physical defects.

One more time: She must be young and without serious physical defects.

You seem to be the type who will spin some magnificent yarn about how her kidney transplant was the result of a marlin fishing expedition off the coast of Canavieiras gone tragically wrong, but I am not buying what you are selling. There are two possibilities: she destroyed her original kidney(s) through alcohol/drug abuse or other gross neglect of her health, in which case she is an awful candidate to be a wife and mother; or (admittedly much more likely) the transplant was necessary due to some serious genetic defect. In the latter case she does deserve your sympathy -- but the plain fact is that such a medical condition makes her a spectacularly poor choice to be the mother of your children. Yes, that may sound harsh, but you need to hear it. The world is full of simps; some simp can and will marry her. Don't be a fucking simp.

With that impediment out of the way, you are in no hurry to leave your father's house. Go to the bank as you planned and sign over bonds worth $18,000 to your dad, to pay back the money you borrowed and wasted. (By the way: what did you blow 18 grand on anyway? High class whores in Paris or Moscow?)

Use the remaining money to pay for a useful education -- your plan for some training in one of the trades sounds fine. Since you don't have the money to live on your own right now, for the time being continue relying on your father's generosity and live under his roof while you finish up your training and get yourself on your feet.

That's really all there is to say. Just don't be a goddamn simp or a loser.

I can't believe I'm even taking the time to answer this, but here goes...

She had kidney failure at age 15, from unknown causes. It could be genetic, but nobody in her family tree (and her family keeps records) has had any kidney problems.

By your logic, you should not marry anyone whose family has any genetic defects, either. What if it was her mother or sister with the kidney problem and not her? That would still mean it runs in the family.

To be honest, I agree with you. I have thought about this recently. I am a bit worried that my bloodline will be tainted with bad genes if her condition is, in fact, genetic.

That being said, I have been with her for 8 years. I am not about to dump her on the spot and begin hunting for a new wife at 25.

I'd rather have my girl than some American slut with perfect genetics. Genetics are important, but they're not the only thing that matters. Personality, values, etc., also matter.

Overall, I agree with you. I would advise men to look for wives with no serious physical defects. However, I'm not about to uproot my entire life and start over. I knew about her condition when I met her, and I made my decision.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 09:38 AM)zoom Wrote:  

Are you talking about getting the 17K in cash or depositing it virtually in your bank account? Because if it's cash, then the banker is not going to have that much money in their drawer. They are going to have to go into their time-locked safe in the back room, so the process is going to take longer. Also if cash, the banker will fill out a CTR form and send it to the government.

Well, first I have to worry about getting the bonds into my possession. Then I can worry about how I'm going to cash them.

Most likely, I will end up just depositing them into my account. I already contacted the bank and they said it shouldn't be a problem.

[kavi]

Dude, whatever happens be sure to check-in in 5 years and let us know how things are working out for you. I would for one would not be surprised if you were in dire straits, if not dead.

Forget your oneitis, patch things up with your dad (who would cut off their father for a girl) and wait until you nearer 30 before looking to settle down.

This forum is red pill and people mostly tell it like it is, though I am surprised by the level of patience you have been shown here given your level of immaturity, selfishness, lack of direction and self-destructive behaviour.

[EvanWilson]

(01-04-2017 09:13 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

(01-04-2017 09:06 AM)Repo Wrote:  

So then you aren't paying him the money you owe tomorrow despite you having it, but are willng to sign a contract saying you will at some point in the future? What exactly do you think signing them over to him is? I'm done, this is beyond ridiculous.

You don't understand what I'm saying.

He has my 35k in his safety deposit box. However, tomorrow, he will only be taking out 18k and leaving the remaining 17 in his safety deposit box.

Of that 18k, I will be keeping 17 and giving him 1. If he wants the remaining 17k that I owe him, he will have to go to his safety deposit box, get the remaining 17k, and I would be happy to sign them over to him tomorrow.

However, after I take my 17k, there is a high likelihood that he will not trust me to sign over the remaining 17k to him. He will anticipate that I am trying to trick him into keeping the whole 35k for myself, so he will most likely just say "forget it" and keep the remaining 17k in his safety deposit box. At that point, I would be willing to sign a contract with him, so that he can get his money.

I wish I could just sign over his 18k tomorrow and ask him to give me the remaining 17k, but he won't do it. He will take his 18k and refuse to hand over the remaining 17k (in fact, I have already asked him many times, and he has always said no). So the plan I described above is the only way to do it so that we both can get our money.

Why not just sign over the $18K to repay dad, and then file to have the remaining $17K replaced electronically?

You would have your money within 3 or 4 weeks, and there would be no fight or arguments with dad, since you never need to tell him you did it and dad would never know unless you told him.

Even if you decide to do something else, or go through with the other plans to get the bonds, you can still file the form today to replace them electronically, and if there is a long enough delay, have whatever uncashed bonds there are left issued to you and under your control.

All of the other options will just result in all kinds of problems, take longer, require the involvement of courts/lawyer/police and possibly end up with you still having to get the bonds reissued electronically if any attempt to get them from dad fails.

While the police say they will take them if present and turn them over to you, I would not completely trust that plus something else may happen that all of the bonds are not there, so you would still, at some point, have to file to have the bonds replaced electronically.

The reason I asked about your wife, is because I feared that dad was on the support I-129 form. While dad may be stuck with his commitment and can't revoke it, why cause any problem that would even risk your wife being able to join you in the United States?

I also asked about the wife because if she was a problem person, it would make it more likely that dad would not be willing to go along with any plan that would involve her, but since you are married, it sounds like dad is willing to hope for the best with your wife.

I still think the best plan is to sign over the $18K to repay dad, and also file to replace the remaining bonds electronically. There would be the fewest problems with dad and you would have your money, and no one would even know; thereby making it impossible for anyone to object or cause any problems or drama.

Going through with any of the other plans is going to lead to all kinds of problems and drama, all of which you can easily avoid.

[Tokyo Joe]

(01-04-2017 09:48 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

I can't believe I'm even taking the time to answer this, but here goes...

She had kidney failure at age 15, from unknown causes. It could be genetic, but nobody in her family tree (and her family keeps records) has had any kidney problems.

By your logic, you should not marry anyone whose family has any genetic defects, either. What if it was her mother or sister with the kidney problem and not her? That would still mean it runs in the family.

To be honest, I agree with you. I have thought about this recently. I am a bit worried that my bloodline will be tainted with bad genes if her condition is, in fact, genetic.

That being said, I have been with her for 8 years. I am not about to dump her on the spot and begin hunting for a new wife at 25.

I'd rather have my girl than some American slut with perfect genetics. Genetics are important, but they're not the only thing that matters. Personality, values, etc., also matter.

Overall, I agree with you. I would advise men to look for wives with no serious physical defects. However, I'm not about to uproot my entire life and start over. I knew about her condition when I met her, and I made my decision.

Rob: Thank you very much for this frank response.

Listen, man, I know this is not at all easy to hear or to contemplate. But I wrote what I did because I believe it is right.

I went ahead and bolded the key parts of your text: Deep down you know what I am saying is true.

I won't go on harassing you about this -- I said my piece and that's it. But let me just respond to one idea of yours, namely that 25 years old is no time to "begin hunting for a new wife." A man of 25 is ridiculously young. Since you are not a woman racing against a clock, you have plenty of time to look for a suitable mate, after you get some other things in your life sorted out.

Please consider this. Best of luck with everything. Take it easy on your old man.

[Onto]

(01-04-2017 03:42 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

(01-03-2017 09:02 PM)Onto Wrote:  

(01-03-2017 02:07 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

As for the relationship with my dad, it is already ruined whether I go through with this or not. It has been for years, and it is something I just have to accept. In fact, if I take the money and use it responsibly, that will get my dad to respect me more, which will be better for our relationship than if I keep living at home with him. In fact, when I moved out 3 years ago and supported myself for a while, I got along with him better than ever before.

You're trying to rationalize why it's ok to steal money from someone. That $18,000 is your Father's money, not yours.

You said in your first post that you take the bonds, walk out, and leave the other $17,000 behind. First, that's shorting him $1,000. Secondly, he can't do shit with those bonds remaining in the safety deposit box and you know that.

You should want to pay him back because it's the right thing to do. A man of good character pays his debts, know matter who it's owed to. You should pay him back because it will be good for your spirit.

As others have said, you should try to work out a deal with him to give you the remaining $17,000 bonds after you give him the $18,000. You could do it one at at a time (you sign away, he give you one) since there seems to be a lack of trust.

Though I can't understand why you don't trust him. He lent you $18,000 of his own money and has protected you from yourself financially (though not well enough).

(01-03-2017 08:26 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

(01-03-2017 07:39 AM)chakalaka Wrote:  

I have two sons. If one of them pulled up something like this. Some serious beating would happen.

I wish I had a dad like you. Seriously, I do.

An prime example of how spoiled (undisciplined) children end up resenting and even hating their parents when they become adults.

Steal? I am not stealing any money. You're right, I shouldn't short him $1000, and I won't. I'll give him his $1000. I intend to repay the entire debt, as I've said numerous times.

I would be happy to draw up an official contract with him stating that I owe him the remaining $17,000. That way, he can get his money. I have no intention of stealing a penny from him.

As for what you said about "spoiled/undisciplined" children hating their parents, you're absolutely right. My parents did not do a whole lot to discipline me, and it fucked me over bigtime.

My girl, on the other hand, has very conservative, strict parents who taught her discipline from a very young age, and she absolutely loves and adores her parents. I respect her parents as well, and I tell her all the time that I wish I had parents like hers.

There's no contradiction. If a parents "spoils" or fails to discipline their child, that is a bad thing. That is not something the child should be grateful for. It makes perfect sense for me to resent my parents for that.

You sound like a spoiled child.

It's funny you mentioned the word "contradiction" when I didn't. It's probably because you intuit the contradiction in your behavior. As a child (demanding it be your way or you won't love your parents) and (getting your way and not loving your parents because of it)

If that's not contradicting behavior I don't know what is and if you can't see any fault in your own role than I guess you just can't grasp the importance of it.

Lastly, you are stealing from him because he can't do anything with the other bonds. You know this and you'll probably find some reason later on to justify why you took legal action to get the remaining bonds.

If you were serious about paying off the debt you would talk with him about it and make a deal. Sign one/Give one for each bond. For some reason this solution doesn't make sense to you.

You have an ax to grind with your Father, for whatever reason, and this stunt of yours is a symbolic way of making him pay for whatever crimes you feel he's committed against you.

I suspect later in life you'll deeply regret that you did it.

[kmhour]

I'm not going to rehash what other people have said in the thread. In my experience, for every "my dad is an asshole" story there is definitely another side to the story. And you've admitted as much, so at least you have that element of self awareness.

But at the same time you've admitted that your dad has historical good reason not to trust you. It sounds like there are some red flags and parts of the story left untold. I don't know how far you think $17k in the NYC area is going to go, but it's less than you think.

The money is yours - legally there's no question. But before you embark upon this, I would take a long hard look at yourself and be sure you're ready to deal with the consequences across the board. Not just your father, but the responsibility and that much money at hand. Have you put your past behind you? Will it stay behind you? Can you be disciplined enough to make the most of your grandfather's generosity or are you taking this course because the alternative is more difficult? It could be the best thing you've ever done or an unmitigated disaster. Think long and hard on that.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 11:07 AM)Onto Wrote:  

(01-04-2017 03:42 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

(01-03-2017 09:02 PM)Onto Wrote:  

(01-03-2017 02:07 PM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

As for the relationship with my dad, it is already ruined whether I go through with this or not. It has been for years, and it is something I just have to accept. In fact, if I take the money and use it responsibly, that will get my dad to respect me more, which will be better for our relationship than if I keep living at home with him. In fact, when I moved out 3 years ago and supported myself for a while, I got along with him better than ever before.

You're trying to rationalize why it's ok to steal money from someone. That $18,000 is your Father's money, not yours.

You said in your first post that you take the bonds, walk out, and leave the other $17,000 behind. First, that's shorting him $1,000. Secondly, he can't do shit with those bonds remaining in the safety deposit box and you know that.

You should want to pay him back because it's the right thing to do. A man of good character pays his debts, know matter who it's owed to. You should pay him back because it will be good for your spirit.

As others have said, you should try to work out a deal with him to give you the remaining $17,000 bonds after you give him the $18,000. You could do it one at at a time (you sign away, he give you one) since there seems to be a lack of trust.

Though I can't understand why you don't trust him. He lent you $18,000 of his own money and has protected you from yourself financially (though not well enough).

(01-03-2017 08:26 AM)Rob Banks Wrote:  

(01-03-2017 07:39 AM)chakalaka Wrote:  

I have two sons. If one of them pulled up something like this. Some serious beating would happen.

I wish I had a dad like you. Seriously, I do.

An prime example of how spoiled (undisciplined) children end up resenting and even hating their parents when they become adults.

Steal? I am not stealing any money. You're right, I shouldn't short him $1000, and I won't. I'll give him his $1000. I intend to repay the entire debt, as I've said numerous times.

I would be happy to draw up an official contract with him stating that I owe him the remaining $17,000. That way, he can get his money. I have no intention of stealing a penny from him.

As for what you said about "spoiled/undisciplined" children hating their parents, you're absolutely right. My parents did not do a whole lot to discipline me, and it fucked me over bigtime.

My girl, on the other hand, has very conservative, strict parents who taught her discipline from a very young age, and she absolutely loves and adores her parents. I respect her parents as well, and I tell her all the time that I wish I had parents like hers.

There's no contradiction. If a parents "spoils" or fails to discipline their child, that is a bad thing. That is not something the child should be grateful for. It makes perfect sense for me to resent my parents for that.

You sound like a spoiled child.

It's funny you mentioned the word "contradiction" when I didn't. It's probably because you intuit the contradiction in your behavior. As a child (demanding it be your way or you won't love your parents) and (getting your way and not loving your parents because of it)

I have no control over how my dad raised me when I was a little kid. I did not "demand" he raise me in any specific way.

What exactly am I "demanding" (except for my own money)?

And how exactly am I "getting my way" ?

(01-04-2017 11:07 AM)Onto Wrote:  

If that's not contradicting behavior I don't know what is and if you can't see any fault in your own role than I guess you just can't grasp the importance of it.

Lastly, you are stealing from him because he can't do anything with the other bonds. You know this and you'll probably find some reason later on to justify why you took legal action to get the remaining bonds.

Seriously? So now you're predicting I will decide to steal from my dad in the future, even though I specifically said I wouldn't?

I said repeatedly that I would be willing to sign the remaining bonds over to him. If you don't believe me, then fine, don't believe me. I'm not here to convince you.

(01-04-2017 11:07 AM)Onto Wrote:  

If you were serious about paying off the debt you would talk with him about it and make a deal. Sign one/Give one for each bond. For some reason this solution doesn't make sense to you.

What kind of deal?

He has already told me that he would rather leave all the bonds in his safety deposit box (and forfeit his 18k) than let me have any of it.

If I try and talk to him about it again, then I will be blowing my opportunity. I can't risk him suspecting anything.

Once I have my 17k in my hands, and he has the 18k I owe him in his hands, I would be more than happy to negotiate with him. Maybe he can agree to let me use part of the 17k to pay for school, my car, and to leave town, and I can give the rest back to him to hold on to.

Until I have it in my hands, though, he is not willing to negotiate. Like I said, he would rather forfeit his 18k than let me get my hands on any of the bonds, and he has made this very clear
[/quote]

(01-04-2017 11:07 AM)Onto Wrote:  

You have an ax to grind with your Father, for whatever reason, and this stunt of yours is a symbolic way of making him pay for whatever crimes you feel he's committed against you.

I suspect later in life you'll deeply regret that you did it.

Maybe I do have an ax to grind with him. That's not the only reason I'm doing this, but it certainly is the reason I don't feel bad about it.

Look, I get the whole "honor thy father" thing. I really do. But I've had enough experience with him to know that our relationship will only get better once I am out of his house.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 09:52 AM)kavi Wrote:  

Dude, whatever happens be sure to check-in in 5 years and let us know how things are working out for you. I would for one would not be surprised if you were in dire straits, if not dead.

Forget your oneitis, patch things up with your dad (who would cut off their father for a girl) and wait until you nearer 30 before looking to settle down.

This forum is red pill and people mostly tell it like it is, though I am surprised by the level of patience you have been shown here given your level of immaturity, selfishness, lack of direction and self-destructive behaviour.

9 posts to your name, and you're going to come in here and tell a guy you've never spoken to before that you would "be surprised if he doesn't end up in dire straits or dead," that he has "one-itis" (for his girlfriend of 8 years), and that he is "immature, selfish, lacks direction, and is self-destructive."

Who do you think you are?

If you want to give constructive criticism, harsh as it may be, I will listen and accept it. However, I don't need to listen to your name-calling and baseless assumptions about my personal life.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 11:13 AM)kmhour Wrote:  

I'm not going to rehash what other people have said in the thread. In my experience, for every "my dad is an asshole" story there is definitely another side to the story. And you've admitted as much, so at least you have that element of self awareness.

But at the same time you've admitted that your dad has historical good reason not to trust you. It sounds like there are some red flags and parts of the story left untold. I don't know how far you think $17k in the NYC area is going to go, but it's less than you think.

The money is yours - legally there's no question. But before you embark upon this, I would take a long hard look at yourself and be sure you're ready to deal with the consequences across the board. Not just your father, but the responsibility and that much money at hand. Have you put your past behind you? Will it stay behind you? Can you be disciplined enough to make the most of your grandfather's generosity or are you taking this course because the alternative is more difficult? It could be the best thing you've ever done or an unmitigated disaster. Think long and hard on that.

I appreciate the constructive criticism without any name-calling or baseless assumptions.

When I say "my dad is an asshole" I don't mean he is an asshole for not trusting me. It is just his attitude and behavior since I was a kid. Everything from teaching me to see the world in a very blue-pill way, to getting extremely angry at me if I ever physically stood up to a bully (he believes I shouldn't fight for any reason whatsoever), to lying to the police in order to get me arrested, to sending me on a "vacation" to go stay with my mother in South America only to tell me I wasn't welcome back once I was already there, to constantly sharing personal problems with his extended family (and painting himself as the victim) to the point of alienating them from me, and a million other things that I don't have time to mention here.

Just last week, he thought I was hanging out with a certain friend of mine who he doesn't like (I wasn't). His response was to call the house of my friend's parents at 12 midnight, with the intention of telling them he didn't want their son hanging out with me. When I confronted my dad about this, he openly admitted that he was hoping that his late night phone call to my friend's parents would make my friend so angry at me that he would stop hanging out with me for good. Only a sick, twisted person thinks like this.

Everyone who knows my dad well has a problem with him. My mother and her family don't approve of the way he raised me and my sister. My girl and my friends don't like him. Even his own family (my aunts, uncles, and cousins) try to avoid inviting him to family gatherings.

I have thought long and hard about this. I've been thinking about doing this since September, when I found out I would have the opportunity.

I have a good friend who said I can stay with him for free until I am ready to leave town, and he even said he would help me manage my money if I want.

I won't be staying in NYC long term. I plan to go to school out of town (I was looking at schools in New Hampshire and Vermont, for example) at the end of January, where living expenses are a lot cheaper than NYC. As long as I am working full-time, I should be able leave the 17k in the bank and only dip into it to pay for school.

Also, I'm making all these plans anticipating my dad will cut me off completely, but it probably won't even come to that. As soon as I have those bonds in my hands, my dad will probably be willing to negotiate with me. Maybe he will let me use part of the 17k to pay off my car, leave me enough money to leave town (maybe $1500 or so), and I will let him hold on to the rest, assuming he will use it to pay for my school.

And yes, it would be nice to be able to negotiate with him without having to resort to these kinds of tactics, but that's just not how my dad operates. Unless I have real leverage over him, he simply will not take me seriously.

Recently, he has even been threatening me by saying he will not allow me to even use the bonds to pay for school in the spring (even though that's what they were given to me for). He wants me to go stay with my mother in South America for 6 months and come back in the fall, and for all I know, he might inform me once I'm already there that I'm not welcome back. I will tell him that my girlfriend's immigration visa will expire if we don't come to the US, and he will tell me that's not his problem.

It is annoying and frustrating for me to even be talking about my dad's behavior and the tactics that he uses to get me to do what he wants. I have a headache. I don't want to be dealing with all this bullshit for the next couple of years. I really don't.

[Comte De St. Germain]

I'm gonna have to reiterate what I and others on this thread have said again. That 17k is not going into living expenses and to pay off your car right? At best you would need 6k for a car as it is. If it's more than that, sell that car and get a 2005 or 2006 Honda and drive it to 500k miles like I'm doing for 5-6k. You can even talk to your dad about doing something as sensible as paying off your car. He'd be a lunatic not to want to do that.


Second the rest of that money. Living expenses???? PFFFTTTTT. Lets say you have 11k. That's almost a year of living in an upscale apartment in downtown next to the party(not including cost of food or amenities). You'd need a fraction of that to survive in a suburban apartment or shared house. If it's a shared house like I said earlier, you'll only need to work fulltime to pay for it with some change left for you to spend. If you have no real life friends like I'm thinking you don't, then your problems run deeper than what you're admitting.

Third most of that money is going to be used while you lay around. I know you know. Stop bullshitting. You're a prime of your life 25 year old. You don't have the self-control to do what you have to do with that sum of money.

Work full time and stay with your dad till you have a grand in savings. Move in with your mates. And I completely agree with Tokyo Joe about your "wife". You're married at 25? Good luck having that last. Plenty of divorcee forum members can tell you why that's a horrible idea even with a foreign woman.

You're a no one right now with nothing to his name. And you think having a wife and possibly kids is a brilliant idea(because lets face it past 30 she won't even be able to have them as easily)? No wonder I haven't seen you post in the game forum EVER. You're the kind of simp with no game period and that wife is going to ream your asshole in divorce court. Perhaps not now, but soon.

You're one clusterfuck of a trainwreck in motion. And although I don't agree with some of the accusations thrown around in the thread. The advice itself is still solid. Grow up and get real.

[EvanWilson]

No matter what happens, or what the timeline is, why not just file to get an electronic replacement for the bonds?

You could have filed for an electronic weeks/months/years replacement years ago.

If for whatever reason you do not have full control over the bonds when the replacement request is completed (probably within 3 or 4 weeks at most), the electronic replacement would give you full control over whatever bonds are still uncashed at that point, and you would not have to tell anyone.

[Rob Banks]

↑ I will file for an electronic replacement if my plan for tomorrow doesn't work out.

I will check out the website. If it is 100% certain that I can get them electronically without having to know the serial numbers and/or month and year of purchase, then I might just go that route, to avoid making a scene at the bank with my dad.

[Captain Gh]

Read this carefully forum members. This is the moment where we witnessed someone making a detrimental life changing decision. It's a thread like this that makes me glad to have been dead broke while I didn't have the guidance of a father figure in my corner.

You can't destroy much when you don't have much! I'm a 100% sure OP doesn't have the psychological maturity to manage that money, unless the responses from this thread make him angry enough to change, but I doubt it! Anyway good luck.

[kiwi12]

I will disagree with others.
Rob, your father sounds very similar to mine. Take the money, if you think it is necessary and GTFO as fast as possible.
Other posters can't comprehend, what it is to live under same roof with person like that.

[Rob Banks]

(01-04-2017 12:15 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

I'm gonna have to reiterate what I and others on this thread have said again. That 17k is not going into living expenses and to pay off your car right? At best you would need 6k for a car as it is. If it's more than that, sell that car and get a 2005 or 2006 Honda and drive it to 500k miles like I'm doing for 5-6k. You can even talk to your dad about doing something as sensible as paying off your car. He'd be a lunatic not to want to do that.

That's exactly what I'm planning to do, actually. As soon as I pay off a few thousand more towards my car, I will be able to sell it and pay cash for a cheaper car. However, I can't do that without the bonds.

And my dad must be a lunatic, then, because I have asked him many, many times to let me use the money to pay off my car, and he always says no. He says I should just let the bank repo it.

(01-04-2017 12:15 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

Second the rest of that money. Living expenses???? PFFFTTTTT. Lets say you have 11k. That's almost a year of living in an upscale apartment in downtown next to the party(not including cost of food or amenities). You'd need a fraction of that to survive in a suburban apartment or shared house. If it's a shared house like I said earlier, you'll only need to work fulltime to pay for it with some change left for you to spend. If you have no real life friends like I'm thinking you don't, then your problems run deeper than what you're admitting.

Clearly you're not reading my posts. I said repeatedly that I'm going to move far away from NYC, and I'm not going to be worrying about being downtown or being able to party all the time. That's just not my priority right now.

(01-04-2017 12:15 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

Third most of that money is going to be used while you lay around. I know you know. Stop bullshitting. You're a prime of your life 25 year old. You don't have the self-control to do what you have to do with that sum of money.

I thought the point of this forum was self-improvement. You're saying to me "you don't have the self-control to do X, so just give up and let your dad take care of you."

(01-04-2017 12:15 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

Work full time and stay with your dad till you have a grand in savings. Move in with your mates. And I completely agree with Tokyo Joe about your "wife". You're married at 25? Good luck having that last. Plenty of divorcee forum members can tell you why that's a horrible idea even with a foreign woman.

You're a no one right now with nothing to his name. And you think having a wife and possibly kids is a brilliant idea(because lets face it past 30 she won't even be able to have them as easily)? No wonder I haven't seen you post in the game forum EVER. You're the kind of simp with no game period and that wife is going to ream your asshole in divorce court. Perhaps not now, but soon.

I think you're misrepresenting what Tokyo Joe said. He never advised against marriage and children in general, he was talking about my girl's medical condition, and I actually agree with what he said.

Just so you know, I have posted in the game forum (both the regular and the newbie sections). I have fucked other women besides my girl, and she understands that I wasn't necessarily going to be celibate while we were apart.

As for the "divorce" comments, you clearly don't know me or my girl personally, so I can only conclude that you believe "all women are like that" and you're against the concept of marriage in general. If that is your mindset, then I really don't know what to say to you about this. I would rather spend my life passing on my genes and raising a family than stay single and be a player my whole life, but to each his own.

(01-04-2017 12:15 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

You're one clusterfuck of a trainwreck in motion. And although I don't agree with some of the accusations thrown around in the thread. The advice itself is still solid. Grow up and get real.

A lot of the advice I've gotten is solid, indeed. But when you start name-calling ("you're one clusterfuck of a trainwreck") and making baseless assumptions about people you've never met ("your wife is going to divorce you"), then I really don't consider that to be solid advice.