[EDantes]

Hey, I'm looking for some tips on building a male social after HS or college. A lot of guys probably have problems with this aside from perhaps work buddies.

In the past I've made some buddies just by hanging out at local bars and being friendly - we mainly just drunk together and played pool, but I've taken a break from the bar scene and we didn't have much else in common.

So I'm looking for a few advice points:

1. Best places to meet guy friends? I mentioned bars but I'd also like to make more meaningful connections than just drinking, something more along the lines of sports.

2. Assuming you met a guy you wanted to hang out with, grab a beer with, etc, how would you "ask him"? I definitely think it'd be weird to just ask a guy "for his number" like you would a girl, so what's a word choice you would use?

[Leonard D Neubache]

Without wanting to seem judgemental, I'm guessing you don't have a lot of hobbies that occur outside of your house.

Pick a public activity that attracts the kind of people you'd want to hang out with. Basketball. MMA. Model Trains. Whatever.

Attend. Don't be a douche. Give it some time. Introduce yourself to the head honcho. The response will be pretty hard to misinterpret. Either they'll give you a probationary spot or you'll be looking elsewhere. If in, be prepared to be treated like the new guy and take it in your stride until such time as you're no longer the new guy.

edit: Submission to the chain of command is necessary. Any group worth being a part of will expect you to be an alpha outside of the group yet work for rank on the inside.

If all else fails, join the military.

[LeoneVolpe]

I understand where you're coming from. No straight guy wants to feel like he's asking another dude out, but I think you can avert that by suggesting something specific to go and do by asking a question, not just a general "we should hang out sometime". A "You play golf?", "Ever check out (fill in the blank)?" might be a nice segue into exchanging contact info. As long as the intent is clear, I think you're good. Guys don't usually call each other on the phone "just to talk" like girls do. Usually, we have a specific purpose for the call, typically of a logistic nature, "What time you coming by my house? 7? OK cool"." Having clear intent and asking in the simplest way possible is probably best.

[EDantes]

(04-17-2016 03:44 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

Without wanting to seem judgemental, I'm guessing you don't have a lot of hobbies that occur outside of your house.

True, only outside hobbies lately have been picking up girls and hanging out with guys at bars; since I quit drinking and going to bars lately I haven't been able to meet any guys who want to do anything other than go to the bar or play video games.

Oftentimes I ended up just going out alone to pick up chicks since most of the guys I've met are too afraid to approach a woman they don't know (I even tried egging them on to do it but they usually got annoyed).

(I work out of my home so not much opportunity there either).

I like your suggestions, thanks.

[HankMoody]

I could write a post about this...

Some good places to meet masculine men -

- Crossfit
- MMA classes
- Real estate development seminars
- Professional development stuff
- Conservative / Republican meetups
- Business owner events
- TRUMP RALLIES

My accountants are actually some young bro dudes, and one night I was like "Do you guys wanna hit up the strip club? A friend of mine is dancing amateur." Blam. Three cool new dudes added to my social circle.

Having a crew of other masculine men doesn't make you gay, it makes you a tribal leader. What I'll usually do is put some degenerate feelers out there like "Wanna go to the strip club? This chick I'm banging is dancing tonight..." or "Some of my lady friends are going to be at the bar tonight. Let's grab dinner, talk real estate, and chase tail." These are typically not your overweight insurance salesmen - it's your real estate developers, business owners, lawyers (to an extent), etc. You have to make it clear that you're down for some degenerate shit - not just nursing a beer and talking about the latest episode of whatever the fuck people watch on TV.

Feminine men will instantly view you as a "self centered douchebag", which is fine - they're a waste of your time anyway, just like fat chicks. Do not seek the approval of feminine men, and instead write them off. Don't block them on Facebook or actively acknowledge them, simply ignore their presence. They're completely irrelevant.

On that note, preselection and social circle game actually applies with both sexes. You don't want to be seen out with a bunch of fat, beta, loser dudes. You want to be seen out and about with winners, and appear to be respected by that group.

Don't join anyone else's social circle - create your own diverse social circles without actually being a member and be the leader of all of them. In other words, roll around with different people and mix them together.

Do cool stuff. Go camping, hunting, and shooting. Take a trip to a foreign country with some dudes. Be open about womanzing. Strip clubs are fun, provided you're not a fucking idiot throwing around thousands of dollars.

Just like game, don't be weird about asking other dudes to do fun shit with you. "Bro, I'm going up the mountains this weekend. Stogies and guns. You in muthafucka??? We'll bring some ladies with us holla!" or "Yo, I'm in your neck of the woods and I miss your stupid bearded ass. Let's go pound some shots and eat crabs, fatboy." Don't be afraid to pickup the phone, send a text message, or an email. Becoming close with other males is almost the opposite of game - pay attention to your male friends, take an interest in their lives, and make some deep conversation. Even shit like "Yo bro, how's your daughter? I saw the Facebook post. Good stuff!" (females will hate you if you do that shit with them). I spend a lot of time on the weekends sending my male friends emails or texts like "How's business?" or "What happened with that hot Filipino?"

Your texting with men should be way different than with women. With men you can actually use proper grammar, express some modicum of emotion (no homo), and have an interaction that involves two people who actually enjoy each other's company. With women, your texting is going to be short and borderline rude. You can't do that with your guy friends. You want women to describe you as a bit cocky, overconfident, and kind of a douche. You want men to describe you as a great dude - a bro for the ages.

A good social circle ups your ability to pickup hot women tremendously. You want to be a cool guy with a lot of friends, not some creeper hanging around in bars trying to chat up every piece of tail that walks in using canned lines you got from Real Social Dynamics and The Game.

[johnbozzz]

When I visited Austin, Texas for work, I talked up one of my coworkers and found out where the guys who work in real estate hung out after work. I'm a real estate appraiser for the time being, so I figured I'd hit up the places he recommend. Turns out there are a fewer nicer bars where these guys hang. I met three real knowledgable and clever guys, probably in their late 20's and early 30's, who have become mentor-like figures for me. They are not "friends" per say, but we've met up more than a dozen times and we've endorsed each other on LinkedIn. Consequently, they invited me to a few meetup type of groups which were centered around causes they cared about for work (the Green Building Council, etc). I met like minded guys at these events. Acqutences, sure, but we can grab a drink together.
Find a cause you care about and align yourself with people in this group. Care about LEED certified buildings? Join a business oriented group.

[XXL]

At places/events where you share mutual interests. The easiest is gym and playing team sport.

[Dantes]

Put yourself in social situations with like-minded people.

Go to a Forum meet-up. Some of my best friends are guys I met from the Forum.

[Comte De St. Germain]

thread-34576.html

Selfish self promotion but this can be applied for both males and females. Just go out and meet people wherever and talk to everyone you can when you can.

[Delta]

Bumble BFF Mode!

I'm only half joking. This seems kind of gay and awkward but I've seriously considered trying it. Has anyone actually used this thing?

[Comte De St. Germain]

(04-17-2016 09:02 PM)Delta Wrote:  

Bumble BFF Mode!

I'm only half joking. This seems kind of gay and awkward but I've seriously considered trying it. Has anyone actually used this thing?

Turn off your phone.

Turn off the laptop.

Turn off your Apple I-Watch

Go outside and never use an app to find friends ever.

[EDantes]

(04-17-2016 12:53 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

thread-34576.html

Selfish self promotion but this can be applied for both males and females. Just go out and meet people wherever and talk to everyone you can when you can.

Appreciate the advice; this has more or less been my strategy so far.

Long story short in my late teens I moved to a new, fairly podunk town (family was too dysfunctional to live with, so a relative of mine offered me a place to stay there) where I didn't know anyone.

I try not to play too much of a victim mindset here but I get the impression it's a fairly close-knit community.

I've been in a Tae Kwon Do class which I enjoyed but didn't meet many people in my age range and can't afford to continue right now. (In retrospect I was probably too picky though and if I'd been more proactive I could have made friends with some of the guys there).

Other than that I've met some friends here and there, unfortunately I think I live in a bad area and just need to move to a new town, too many people I've met have been involved in recreational drug use (which I'm against) or aren't involved in many serious hobbies.

Best luck at making friends and getting women has been hitting up the local bars and clubs, unfortunately as I mentioned while some of the dudes I met were cool, most of them didn't want to do much other than have drinks, maybe play a little pool.

(I tried to get some guys involved in poker or tennis but have had a tough time finding anyone interested).

I think the best bet for me other than moving is to start using my money more wisely and getting involved in more classes.

(Maybe even trying out activities that don't seem that "cool at first" - being a fairly square, redneck part of the states a lot of people apparently don't do much other than maybe volunteer or do activities at a church; I used to shun these as social outlets but I might meet some decent people here, who knows).

[HankMoody]

Why not move?

What's stopping you?

[EDantes]

(04-17-2016 10:59 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

Why not move?

What's stopping you?

Going to be moving soon; had boughts of unambition over the past couple years but pulling myself out of that hole. Other than that I've done some research into opportunities to make money from home (ex. blogging and writing) but unfortunately wasn't serious enough about it at the time and nothing came from it; so I settled for less desirable jobs thinking I could find a better way to make money online.

Main goal right now is self-development and learning to mantain and keep the mindset of a high achiever rather than than fall back into boughts of unambition and victim complex (ex. drinking, banging girls, video gaming, but not devoting enough time to self development, while blaming family, the economy, etc for some of my own fuck ups).

[HankMoody]

You get older faster than you think. When I was in my 20s I was like "fuck it, I have forever." Now I'm close to turning 35 and it's like "Wow, that happened quickly."

[Comte De St. Germain]

(04-17-2016 10:38 PM)EDantes Wrote:  

(04-17-2016 12:53 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

thread-34576.html

Selfish self promotion but this can be applied for both males and females. Just go out and meet people wherever and talk to everyone you can when you can.

Appreciate the advice; this has more or less been my strategy so far.

Long story short in my late teens I moved to a new, fairly podunk town (family was too dysfunctional to live with, so a relative of mine offered me a place to stay there) where I didn't know anyone.

You've highlighted one issue already. Leave and head out to a place with higher risk but also higher reward.

Quote:

I try not to play too much of a victim mindset here but I get the impression it's a fairly close-knit community.

It's a small town that's to be expected.

Quote:

I've been in a Tae Kwon Do class which I enjoyed but didn't meet many people in my age range and can't afford to continue right now. (In retrospect I was probably too picky though and if I'd been more proactive I could have made friends with some of the guys there).

It's good to be picky you did good.

Quote:

Other than that I've met some friends here and there, unfortunately I think I live in a bad area and just need to move to a new town, too many people I've met have been involved in recreational drug use (which I'm against) or aren't involved in many serious hobbies.

Fair enough. But being completely honest recreational drug use is fairly common among a lot of people with more "red pill" qualities. Of course you don't have to do it, but if you shun those kinds of people you're effectively cutting off a lot of people.

I have a lot of things I'm picky against but this shouldn't be one of them. Granted to be fair I hang around scenes that are filled with it and party girls so I have my bias.

Just don't hang around them when they're doing it unless it's in a safe apartment and they have cute girls over.

Quote:

Best luck at making friends and getting women has been hitting up the local bars and clubs, unfortunately as I mentioned while some of the dudes I met were cool, most of them didn't want to do much other than have drinks, maybe play a little pool.

(I tried to get some guys involved in poker or tennis but have had a tough time finding anyone interested).

What's wrong with a few drinks and shooting pool/talking life? The simplest of actions tend to be the most enjoyable. If you're into certain hobbies and you want people involved in them then you have to meet them through those kinds hobbies in the first place.

You don't need to be doing something exciting just be able to have a good time hanging around to blow steam. Everything doesn't have to be an adventure.

Quote:

I think the best bet for me other than moving is to start using my money more wisely and getting involved in more classes.

Throwing money at it by entering more classes is a dumb way to do this. All you're doing is blowing more money for pointless reasons. Classes aren't meant to be a way to meet people, but to learn a skill. What's the point if you're only doing it to meet people when you can do that for free?

You'd have better luck buying someone you casually meet a round if you build up a rapport. Or better yet saving up money to get the hell out.

Quote:

(Maybe even trying out activities that don't seem that "cool at first" - being a fairly square, redneck part of the states a lot of people apparently don't do much other than maybe volunteer or do activities at a church; I used to shun these as social outlets but I might meet some decent people here, who knows).

Volunteering your time is a great way to meet chicks and friends. If you have time do it just don't talk to the herbs, but if things aren't going your way here in this small town just get the hell out.

What's stopping you? You'll be poor there with no opportunity or poor in a big city with a lot more.

[EDantes]

(04-17-2016 11:15 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

Fair enough. But being completely honest recreational drug use is fairly common among a lot of people with more "red pill" qualities. Of course you don't have to do it, but if you shun those kinds of people you're effectively cutting off a lot of people.

Casual use isn't a "moral" issue to me, I just don't want that kind of potential trouble with the law.

(One time a guy I was hanging out with had some crack on him, so I refused to drive the car in the event he got pulled over; if I was driving and been pulled over I likely could've had a felony).

Don't consider myself a "square" (though I come from a square family and used to be more square than I am now) but don't see a huge point in doing "risky" or illegal things with high risk and little reward, like using drugs or marijuana. Anything other than drinking on occasion I have no interest in, hence I'd rather seek a competative outlet like martial arts, or starting an online hustle for "risk taking" than something like doing a line of coke myself.

(Also have known a few guys with 'red pillish' qualities I admired but who ended up addicted to heavy drinking or hard drug (ex. meth) usage and don't need those kind of influences).

Quote:

What's wrong with a few drinks and shooting pool/talking life? The simplest of actions tend to be the most enjoyable.

Good point; used to overdrink and spend too much time at the bars instead of doing productive things and eventually got DUIs for it (which was a stupid move) so want to take a break from the whole scene; also I feel that traditional male bonding activities are disappearing in favor of 'easy' activities like drinking, video games, etc so would eventually like to form a 'posse' of sorts who I can do things like go hunting, play poker, or some type of combat sport with.

[Comte De St. Germain]

(04-17-2016 11:48 PM)EDantes Wrote:  

(04-17-2016 11:15 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

Fair enough. But being completely honest recreational drug use is fairly common among a lot of people with more "red pill" qualities. Of course you don't have to do it, but if you shun those kinds of people you're effectively cutting off a lot of people.

Casual use isn't a "moral" issue to me, I just don't want that kind of potential trouble with the law.

(One time a guy I was hanging out with had some crack on him, so I refused to drive the car in the event he got pulled over; if I was driving and been pulled over I likely could've had a felony).

Don't consider myself a "square" (though I come from a square family and used to be more square than I am now) but don't see a huge point in doing "risky" or illegal things with high risk and little reward, like using drugs or marijuana. Anything other than drinking on occasion I have no interest in.

It's why I said fair enough. That was more or less a disclaimer that you could be cutting people out. You might have better luck finding people who share principles like that in the gym than in the bar or club then.

[serpico]

I'm an anti social cunt, apart from with girls. Have around 4 genuine friends, and currently don't live in the same country as any of them. I make the distinction between genuine friends, and for want of a better word, associates. Associates fits, as it's people i associate with a certain activity, whether that be sport, work, drinking, playing pool or whatever, and our association is based on that, loosely or not. I can't remember where i heard it, but a true friend is someone you can text/call whenever and say 'having a shit day, fancy a coffee/beer', and it not be even remotely weird.

In terms of increasing ones associates, do more associate type things. Pretty much all mine come from playing team sport. Outside of that i don't know where i'd meet other guys frankly. A lot depends on age, i'm nearly 40, and making new friends at this age is a very rare thing. But then i do not use the term friend flippantly, so i guess it depends on your distinction.