Quote: (06-30-2011 05:48 PM)Urban Renaissance Man Wrote:
Very true! The negative PR campaign that was done against black men was so thorough, that it's hard to battle, even if you're of high quality. Then of course there's the Lil' Waynes and Wacka Flackas' of the world, along with black bufoons fighting each other at every Memorial Day event, that keeps the negative stereotype alive and well!
Unfortunately, I think we are our own worse enemies in many ways. When I say "we" I don't mean the intelligent, well-traveled brothas on this forum, but the hood types that don't know how to act and just plain scare the fuck out of people.
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Of course, if you come across too nice and mannerable, everyone wonders what's wrong with you, and you're given a Bojangles lable! Or worse yet, Carlton Banks of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air"!
You can get away with that if you live amongst whites in the suburbs. If you act that way in the hood you're going to get your ass handed to you.
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Yes, it does suck to always have to jump three extra hurdles to endear yourself to a girl whose parents may have told her how hurt they would be if she brought home someone black. On the other hand, we could just start exclusively dating women of our own race, and avoid some of that subtle racist programming that comes along with many (not all) women of other races.
Well, that's what most brothas do if you look at marriage stats. Problem is, and you can refer back to thread I started about
black women a month back, is that
black American women are so problematic. Everything guys complain about in this forum with regards to American women in general exist in concentrated form for AA women. 70% of
black women are overweight, the attitudes are too confrontational and masculine, bitch shields are high, very few act sweet and compliant but have a "you go girl!" attitude and are just kind of rough around the edges in general.
Black America is a matriarchal society where it's mostly women raising boys, so there's not some feeling of needing a man in their life to take care of. And then there's things like openness to novel experiences. I can show a white girl my pics from the salt desert of Bolivia and she'll be like "Wow!! So amazing!" A typical
black girl would be like, "What the heck you go there for when there's Vegas or Miami?" After all, in the 13 or so countries I've been to, I've met only ONE African-American woman on the road doing something to get out of her comfort zone and broaden her perspective of the world. I rarely even meet a
black woman that listens to anything but club hits. Now throw on top of that the extreme hypergamy of
black women. Not all are like this of course, and I'm certainly open to dating those AA women that don't fit that mold, but when it comes to the qualities I'm looking for, it is hard to find in them from my experience.
So what are your options? You either look for the minority of AA women that have the ideal qualities you want(rare) or open yourself up to women of other races that might have the qualities you want. And of course as we are discussing above, that brings a whole set of problems unto itself like social and family disapproval. If we had a bunch of Kerry Washingtons and Gabriel Unions who were sweet, feminine, in good shape and without attitude, you'd probably rarely see a brotha dating out of his race.