Quote: (11-03-2015 10:43 AM)RockHard Wrote:
Still my go-to post on the subject of conversation overall http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-36676-...#pid744629
WIA on point, as always.
My addition to his 'Keep The Focus On Her' point...
Quote:Quote:
- it's about her friends, family, co-workers
- her relationships
- her hobbies and her interests
- her opinions, ideas, and concerns about stuff outside of her personal universe
... would be that's it's not about Her, as such, but
her feelings on each of these topics. Tapping into her emotional well accelerates intimacy because she feels like someone is listening and understanding her feelings.
I suggest using statements to suggest clarifying statements rather than constantly asking direct questions, to avoid the conversation turning into an Inquisition, which no-one enjoys.
So, you ask about family and she says: "I have a sister."
You don't have to ask: "Do you two get along?"
You might say: "Huh, so do I. Man, we fought like cats and dogs growing up."
Then pause. It sounds like you're sharing something personal with her, but what you're really doing is suggesting an emotional framework for her response. Your statement is really just
How do you feel about your sister? Was it antagonistic, like mine?
You should get a response like this: "Oh no, we were very close. She was my best friend growing up."
Now she's thinking of a loving bond with her sister, and if you lead her right you'll trigger other emotions in her: perhaps intimacy, femininity, innocence, youthfulness, nostalgia.
Or you can tease her and take it the other way. "Oh come on, I'm sure you two had some big fights." That might be enough, or you could add "What's the worst thing you ever did to her?"
Now you're triggering other emotions: anger, fury, guilt, humour and repentance.
You're encouraging an emotional openness in her whilst deliberately withholding or dripfeeding her yours.
"I work as a Social Worker."
"That sounds like frustrating work." [How you feel about your job?]
"It's hard but it's rewarding...." or "Yes, sometimes you just can't help, no matter how hard you try..."
Engage emotionally in the initial small talk stages, so she's primed to move into the deeper, more personal questions.
You'll know if you're forging intimacy this way: you'll hear some kind of "OMG, I can't believe I just told you that!" statement.