[SA916]

Backstory:


Met this girl off POF. Smoking hot, didn't even think se was going to like me actually. We met for lunch at noon, at 2 I asked if she wanted to do anything else, she said yes so we went to the movies.

She was holding onto my arm for the entire 2nd half of the movie. Then she said she still wants to hang out so we met up with my friends for a few drinks. Now we're holding hands and making out. Now it's 10pm, so what was supposed to be a quick midday lunch turned into an entire day.

I asked her if she still wanted to hang out, and said my house was only about 2 miles away. She said yes but shes not spending the night and shes not going to sleep with me! I said that's cool, come over anyway.

She comes over have ONE drink and watch TV. we're making out and everytime I grab her ass/tits she moves my hand. for like an hour. Finally she starts getting a little more playful, feels my junk through my pants and now is getting in the mood. Long story short we bang twice. She leaves a little while later (like 1230am).

After we had sex all she kept saying was how good it was blah blah, we made plans for the weekend and she even invited e to a trip shes taking in a few weeks (I didn't take it serious, but I would have loved to go)

The following is our text log after she left. It went from awesome to fucking crickets in a matter of hours. The last text she sent was like 12 hours ago now so I'm like wtf. Yesterday in the middle of the day she went from texting a lot to basically once every few hours, and now absolutely nothing. I mean, if she wasnt interested, whyd she spend all damn day with me, fuck me, etc. And if she just wanted to get laid, whyd she keep talking to me and set up these other dates and shit--why waste the time? Did I really blow it that bad over texts?Usually I don't get upset, but I REALLY liked this one (that second pic is her actual ass) and everything seemed to be going perfectly, so I'm just in a daze now. PS she was born in Europe so her English isn't perfect.

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[Saweeep]

Way too needy.

I was worried the moment I read "I asked her if she wanted to do anything else" in the first line of your text.

Notice how you've text her every morning? After a first date?

The whole "wrong guy thing" was cringeworthy, sir.

[SA916]

yea the wrong guy thing I misunderstood her broken English but it was too late at that point lol. I asked if she wanted to do anything else after lunch when lunch was over on our first (and only) date to see if she was interested I guess because she said she had to leave at 2 (before we met) so I figured that since she stretched it out 12 hours, that was a good thing. theres only been one date the 4 dates thing is a joke because our first date turned into 4 separate dates the same day. the date was only 2 days ago. o well I guess this one's gone. sucks because while ive been getting a good amount of ass lately, she was by far the hottest in a while. I guess I should just be glad I got to hit it.

thanks for your input. I always seem to screw up the ones I really like and all the others wont leave me alone no matter wtf I do.

[Saweeep]

I think you've just answered the problem. She was the hottest piece you've had in a while.

It sent you all fucking loopy, puppy dog like.

Hot bitches don't want a guy texting them a million times per day after first meeting, bang or no. You made it seem like you were chasing her...not the other way around.

[Il Bersagliere]

Your texts make me sick, but at least you slept with her. I just think she had really good girl game and you fell for it by being needy.

[SA916]

I think its funny how I can do whatever in person and then I get on the phone and turn into a fucking idiot.

the last hot piece I got I remember I didn't text her that much afterwards and then she was like "i don't think we have a connection beyond sex" and stopped talking lol. So this time I tried to force it a little bit I guess-- I cant win

[JeremySploosh]

you went full beta after the bang. I'll try to break this down the way I see it, I'll quote your texts and add my comments.

"I just want you on my arm again" - if you want to tell a woman about your desires, dont pussyfoot around. you want her on your arm? did you make a typo on the part where you should have said I can't wait to rip your panties off with my teeth and throw you on my bed? you already banged her, no need for the jr high holding hands bullshit.

"jurassic park was way better the second time" - pussy, meet pedestal.

"lana is all that matters anymore" - One day with a chick and you are straight telling her no other girls matter? you gotta have that abundance mentality. That should be something you tell your plate after 6 months when you upgrade her to commitment, after she has proven her worth as a women.

"oh shit i didn't wake you did i lol" - doesn't matter, she replied. even if you did wake her up, would you care?

then comes the flake.

you: "where do you want to go tonight natomas or here" - don't give her choices. tell her when and where to meet you. if she can, great. if she can't and offers a reschedule, smooth sailing.

she said "I don't even know at this point, i'll keep you updated" - she could be legit busy, could be banging other dudes, could be to lazy to get out of bed, who knows.

You: "Ok" - you start to lose frame here. she's being wishy washy and wasting your time at this point. You have to lay down boundaries from the beginning. now she isn't giving you the worst flake in the world trust me, but still its the little things that add up in the long run.

Her: "Not bad...i think i will be past this time honey" - yes this text makes no sense to americans. Language barrier yada yada. But instead of playfully teasing her about it, you show a huge sign of insecurity and jealously with your "wrong guy? lol" text. this would have been the perfect time for some callback humor, she joked about telling mandy you were with lana. once lana flaked i'd have gone right back to it with something telling her how she'll miss out on a great night but i guess it's mandy's lucky day or some shit.


"disappointed maybe, but not mad" - this is something parents say to children. Not a man to a woman he has been on one date with. then you follow up the next day with the captivating text of "hows work".

Hows work does not a converstation make. Hows work doesn't make pussys drip.


To sum up:
1. Way to much texting. you initiated every convo. after the bang, texting should be kept to stupid pics in an attempt for nudes and making plans. That's it.

2. Frame frame frame. You fell into her frame, telling her she can see you whenever she wants, she knows she has you roped around her finger.

3. Abundance mentality. Can't stress this enough, in all walks of life, abundance mentality is key. Oh i got fired, don't care there are plenty of jobs. Friend doesn't pay for his round of drinks, don't care i'm sure he'll get next weeks. Girl flakes, her loss you'll find others. Always abundance.

4. Charge this one to the game. She sniffed out your beta and tested you with the flaking. learn from this experience so it doesn't happen with the next girl, don't beat yourself up or wonder what if. It happened. It's done. Now i'm not saying block her already, try to get her out a few more times and see if anything comes from it, worst that happens is you don't see her again. or better yet, give her the weekend, no contact, see if she initiates any.

5. its 3am and my train of thought has gone off the rails, so if it makes any sense, great. if not, ask away i'll try to clarify tomorrow if you still want some help.

[ClintTalks]

You're texting too much in general. Half of it is bullshit.

Write what you want to text, look at it again, get rid of any fluff words, and send it. If everything is fluff, don't send it.

[blackaldr]

Like others said, too needy and too much texting. I've been doing the same mistakes recently after banging a hot girl. One cannot just forget game because the girl is the hottest one had in a while. I kept telling myself `I really like this girl and I have to show her that I am interested'. Needless to say there was no date after I became a pussy.

Don't contact the girl for a week and see what happens. Probably too late now but you can try. Oh and the part where you told her you will delete your PoF made me puke in my mouth a bit.

[SA916]

Thanks for all the honest replies. Now that ive slept and reread my texts i agree with a lot of whats said. I cant believe i even said half of that shit. I look back to the last 5 different women ive been talking to and none of it is even close to this. One chick ive said less than 10 things to over the past week and ive banged her 3 times already this week (not as hot though) i cant believe how much different i became.

I needed this kick in the ass to set me straight and i truly am grateful. I am a little bummed about it, not going to lie, as we were supposed to go out saturday and i even canceled my other date on saturday for her. You think theres any chance of saving this or it's gone for good?

[kaotic]

Man this makes me cringe.

I browsed this.

TL;DR

Double sometimes multiple texts with no response almost a 3:1 ration of you:her

Lots of bullshitting text - things that didn't need to be said.

Keep it simple, and don't EVER talk about your sexual history or dating unless it's a funny story you can parlay into qualifying her.

Lot's of shit tests you failed, you also didn't keep "busy" and kept texting her.

Don't ever text these chicks back immediately, shit if you want just call her after work, see what's up.

I text my girls in 2 stages, lunch to see if they're free that evening or the next few days, maybe after work/gym to reply to their texts.

Only thing you can do is radio silent this girl and see if she responds back then restart the convo calm and cool.

[Vicious]

<wall of text>

There's your mistake.

[TonySandos]

She seemed like she liked you a lot until you came across like the guy from "forgetting sarah marshall" in the later stages of your dating game. Generic lines (don't work too hard! etc.) made your replies harder to follow up.

You really could've benefitted from bobbing the bait in front of her more instead of letting her succeed in doing it to you, then doing it again several times.
When she sent the wedding ring icon, that was strong jab at you in a playful tone. You should've shot it down with some high and mighty/narcissistic or dismissive sounding comment.

[SA916]

Do You think theres any saving this? We were supposed to go outntomorrow for dinner and a movie. Would it be wise to send a text tomorrow just saying lets go get drinks?

[AlphaGrowthHormone]

Might be to late but be more direct in your texts from now on. Keep your text lengths to about a 2:1 ratio hers to yours and be mindful of how quickly you respond. This is where you're text game needs to be strong so you're not giving her paragraphs of fluff. Be playful & witty. It'll make her hampster spin which is what you want. Keep her off balance.

[SA916]

So if you were going to try to salvage this and ask her out tomorrow with a text what would you say

[TonySandos]

I casually let go of any expectation for a meeting for now and text her with something very light hearted and joking.

If she's the last one to reply in your text and call conversation, you can strike up an offer to go out if it goes over well. If she went silent on you, let her have some silence for a day or two then text her with one of those jokes and a date a few days later. If she seems open for an earlier time, be cool headed about it, but not so much that you come off like cold fish.

I don't think this is hopeless. There's always some negative nancys when it come to these advice threads, but I'm on the opposite of this one.

[barnbarn2k]

In the beginning she doesnt know what she wants to do. It kinda sounds like a same night lay or a one date lay. There is a fight/flight adrenaline rush to lays like this, on one hand it makes sex for her good, on the other hand the adrenaline makes events harder to remember. You got typical medium grade last minute resistance which you plowed though. Her anti-slut defense was tripped and she slept with you anyways. I think thats what killed it. Not being critical, its tough dealing with last minute resistance and anti slut defenses I still suck at it after 12 years of these same night lays and one to two date lays. She has already moved onto another guy, an ex-boyfriend or a guy she was "dating". Chicks are scandalous like that. POF chicks are probably the worst. They ride the cock carousel harder than most chicks, and they ride it for as long as they can. They average a new guy every 3-5 days if not more. She has betas that shes dating or hanging around that take her out to dinner and whatever else she wants to do, she just needs part time dick. There is a chance you will hear from her again, but dont make too much of an effort to make things work, effort that will be better spent on other women.

[Guitarman]

Only ever use text for setting up dates. That was your mistake, bantering and trying to game her by text. Save that for when you meet up in person!

[SA916]

so as an update I never texted her again after that (around thr 13th) just got a text today from her saying her phone fell in the pool and she finally got a new phone and found my number lol.

so now what do I do with this??

[kaotic]

Carry on as if nothing happened BUT remember the lessons we've given you here.

In a restart one of the most important things is to keep cool and don't get all excited.

Also, the restart lay is important because it solidifies the connection you lost.

[GlobalMan]

Way way too much texting, there really is no need for further dissection.

[SA916]

the best part of all this is shes sending me naked pics already and saying she wants to meet up Wednesday. All from not talking to her for 3 weeks. god her body is fucking smoking hot too. i'm barely replying now, but I want to make sure Wednesday happens

[GlobalMan]

(08-02-2015 09:02 PM)SA916 Wrote:  

so as an update I never texted her again after that (around thr 13th) just got a text today from her saying her phone fell in the pool and she finally got a new phone and found my number lol.

so now what do I do with this??

Carry on, but not as you have been. Cut way back on the texting. Tell her you are busy doing X when she starts texting too often.

Besides using up all strands of potential conversation, leaving you dry for your encounters with her, your texting is showing her she is foremost in your mind and you are not a busy man with a full life.

[GlobalMan]

(08-03-2015 12:05 AM)SA916 Wrote:  

the best part of all this is shes sending me naked pics already and saying she wants to meet up Wednesday. All from not talking to her for 3 weeks. god her body is fucking smoking hot too. i'm barely replying now, but I want to make sure Wednesday happens

You're on the right track