[zaqan]

I was walking home from the supermarket at around 230 the other day and saw two girls and a guy petitioning for some candidate or cause. I went up to them and said "I gotta give you guys credit for getting out there and doing stuff." They responded "awww thank you" and then we were separated by a bus stop. Then I said something like, "However, I oppose that and I look forward to seeing you lose again." One of the girls said "Here, take my information." and handed me a card with her name, email, and number on it. I thought WTF but took it anyway and walked on.

Two days later, I called her and reminded her who I was and she was happy to hear from me, and asked my name. She had partially misunderstood what my stance was. So I clarified and she say oh ok. And then I probably should have asked her out there, but I asked why she gave me her number, and she said she wanted to talk politics and stuff with me. I said "Sure, when?" She offered the next day or the day after (kinda desperate?) and I said "Well, I have work tomorrow and then I am going to (this community event)."

"Can I come??"

"Sure" and then I explained it and we arranged to meet at my place since its a short walk. And then she said "Well I look forward to seeing you again." I replied "Yea same" or something like that and then Bye and hung up.

I came home from work, got ready, waited for her to show up, and she never did (as far as I can tell—the doorbell didnt ring, but its a few apartments to one door). She did not call or anything, however, I may have gotten an attempted voicemail, but I cant tell and the number did not show. I got ready to go and texted her "Hey ____ I got home late, and Im going now" No reply so far.

I went to the event anyway and it was well worth it, so I am not really disappointed, but what the heck. I thought maybe my close to the phone call was a bit weak and not as aloof as it could have been. But then today, I thought maybe she was scared off by coming to my house. The neighborhood is a little sketchy (but the whole city is really), but the only way to know that would require having been here, which is doubtful since her area code is out of state. I never even intended for her to come in. Its weird to have her go from seeming so desperate and excited to a complete womp. But at least I approached, even if it was not my intent, and at least I arranged the date. More practice for next time.

Any thoughts on what went wrong?

[PapayaTapper]

(07-23-2015 08:16 PM)zaqan Wrote:  

I was walking home from the supermarket at around 230 the other day and saw two girls and a guy petitioning for some candidate or cause. I went up to them and said "I gotta give you guys credit for getting out there and doing stuff." They responded "awww thank you" and then we were separated by a bus stop. Then I said something like, "However, I oppose that and I look forward to seeing you lose again." One of the girls said "Here, take my information." and handed me a card with her name, email, and number on it. I thought WTF but took it anyway and walked on.

Two days later, I called her and reminded her who I was and she was happy to hear from me, and asked my name. She had partially misunderstood what my stance was. So I clarified and she say oh ok. And then I probably should have asked her out there, but I asked why she gave me her number, and she said she wanted to talk politics and stuff with me. I said "Sure, when?" She offered the next day or the day after (kinda desperate?) and I said "Well, I have work tomorrow and then I am going to (this community event)."

"Can I come??"

"Sure" and then I explained it and we arranged to meet at my place since its a short walk. And then she said "Well I look forward to seeing you again." I replied "Yea same" or something like that and then Bye and hung up.

I came home from work, got ready, waited for her to show up, and she never did (as far as I can tell—the doorbell didnt ring, but its a few apartments to one door). She did not call or anything, however, I may have gotten an attempted voicemail, but I cant tell and the number did not show. I got ready to go and texted her "Hey ____ I got home late, and Im going now" No reply so far.

I went to the event anyway and it was well worth it, so I am not really disappointed, but what the heck. I thought maybe my close to the phone call was a bit weak and not as aloof as it could have been. But then today, I thought maybe she was scared off by coming to my house. The neighborhood is a little sketchy (but the whole city is really), but the only way to know that would require having been here, which is doubtful since her area code is out of state. I never even intended for her to come in. Its weird to have her go from seeming so desperate and excited to a complete womp. But at least I approached, even if it was not my intent, and at least I arranged the date. More practice for next time.

Any thoughts on what went wrong?

Could be a million things. For her to agree to meet at your place under those circumstances seems a bit odd though. Who knows? Maybe someone she told her plans to was like "So you just met this guy on the street and now you're going to his house? Dont do it...yada yada"

My only suggestion might be have suggested a more neutral/public place (preferably with alcohol...but that's a whole 'nother thread) to initially meet then try to convert that way.

Kudos on recognizing the opportunity and going for it though. Just another file in your experience folder...thumbs up!

[zaqan]

I just realized: women flake on each other all the time. Its not about us. My sister was just flaked on by one of her best friends and was really bummed. And I know it has happened to her a lot of times. Her social value is not very high, so there is nothing to be excited about from a friend. Heck, she is my sis and I love her, but I rarely want to hang with her or anything.

They are basically low attention span like that fish in Finding Nemo who kept finding something interesting, forgetting what it was, and then finding it again, and so on. Its coldly reassuring in a way: dont worry about it, they do it too each other too.

[amusedmastery]

Who knows. You're trying to figure out the hamster. Go radio silent on her at this point and keep up the good approaches on new women. Nice work.

[GlobalMan]

You never made any compelling connection with her, and you kept on this political frame too much. You calling to "clarify my position" was strange, and her reaction of "oh ok" tells you that it was. The politics thing should have just been an angle to open her and then you move on from that. Then you called, used up the little talking point you did have by having a conversation on the phone and telling her thats why you called. She's thinking "uh ok, thanks for the info". You removed the reason to meet in person. Instead you should have asked her to meet for coffee to discuss the issue, not had a phone conversation about it.

Having a conversation on the phone with a girl you don't know and haven't spent any time with is a mistake. You are friend-zoning yourself, taking the interaction no where. She didn't "flake", you gave her no compelling reason to meet you or speak to you again.

Do girls flake? Yes, for any reason and no reason.
Low attention spans? Yes many have them.
But trying to put the failure of this particular interaction on her is foolish, you made many mistakes, and gave no reason for her to want to meet you. Learn from it.

[zaqan]

"and you kept on this political frame too much."
I know, which is why I usually try to avoid politicals, especially those that agree with me.

I knew what she wanted and my confidence faltered. I guess its a lack of abundance thing, where one thinks "I have to get this right" and that attitude ends up getting it completely wrong. It should be "I dont care what happens, I am going straight for it. We can always delete each others number."

I was not calling to clarify my position. I had originally planned to just identify myself and ask her to do something, and then got caught up in the conversation like you noted. I was reminding her who I was and she said, "oh you support X" and I replied, "no I just prefer that to your position". Which I suppose I should never have gotten into. Keep eyes on the goal. Maybe thats why its better to text, especially as more of a newbie, to be able to think out a more proper response.

She agreed to meet and said she looked forward to seeing me again. Which makes it a flake, despite the fact that you are right: I slipped up and became less interesting. I am annoyed, but I cannot really blame her in retrospect. Oh well, I screwed up a few weeks ago and then this came up. Something else will.

[MdWanderer]

Don't sweat it. As one of the posters aluded to, you didn't make a connection with her. Plus, everybody flakes, men and women.

[ordinaryleastsquared]

(07-23-2015 10:54 PM)zaqan Wrote:  

I just realized: women flake on each other all the time. Its not about us. My sister was just flaked on by one of her best friends and was really bummed. And I know it has happened to her a lot of times. Her social value is not very high, so there is nothing to be excited about from a friend. Heck, she is my sis and I love her, but I rarely want to hang with her or anything.

They are basically low attention span like that fish in Finding Nemo who kept finding something interesting, forgetting what it was, and then finding it again, and so on. Its coldly reassuring in a way: dont worry about it, they do it too each other too.

This is a great point that doesn't get mentioned all that often.