[jariel]

This edition was supposed to be about Thinking The Game, which will come out shortly, but I had a moment today that inspired me to write this particular edition tonight.

Whether we like it or not we live in a world with finite resources, thus, it is inherent that we must compete to obtain those resources. It is not possible for everyone to have everything. Some of us have convinced ourselves we can go without, which is just a coping mechanism for failure, some of us don't really have the drive others have so we set the bar low because it's easier.

That's fine.

At the end of the day, I'm only in control of what I can do.

I'm responsible for being the best I can be and making my life the way that I want it to be, which in the end, is the only way I will feel good about myself and the life I've led.

This evening I was on my way home from work, and I had to stop off and run an errand, and while doing so, I came across a cross-fit class that was jogging in the street. I'm thinking to myself, "Come on, get the fuck out of the way" as I try to complete my business. Afterwards, I drove past several gyms -- where I live gyms are everywhere, damn near everybody is trying to look good -- and I could see through the windows, people lifting, running on treadmills, etc.

I thought to myself, "How dare these motherfuckers, how dare them." I'll get back to why I thought that, but first let me go back to my intro statement on competition. I'm a competitive motherfucker. Always have been. I love being able to say I came out on top, being a winner is a great feeling. Winning in life helps you build the self-confidence you need to accomplish the goals you set out for yourself. I allow my competitive nature to fuel my motivation.

So I've watched the cross-fit people get it in, and I've looked through the windows of a few gyms and witnessed other people getting in, and in that moment, I felt the sense of inadequacy creeping up on me. I watched other people putting in the work one needs to put in to get physically better while I was just sitting in the fucking car.

Sure, no matter what, I was going to work out later in the evening anyway, but I knew that I would probably go home and rest a little bit, eat, check some things online, etc. before I got started and in this moment it just couldn't wait, I needed to do this now. I needed to get this feeling of someone else trying to kick my ass, thinking that they're better than me, off of my mind.

I like to ball and sometimes I come across parks where people are getting it in, so I keep a pair of shoes and some basketball shorts in a gym bag in the trunk. I also have a set of dumbbells and some old push up bars back there as well. So, I decided to find the nearest park and I looked up one of the total body workouts for P90X and got my workout in at that park.

My feeling was how dare other people take the time to get better, and actually think that I would slip up. I always feel that way when I see people doing things that I know I should be doing.

If I see a cute girl at a club and spend too long taking an extra sip of my drink while someone else goes and scoops her up, I'm pissed. If I see some scrub with not even an ounce of my athletic ability busting his ass in the gym while I'm sitting in fucking traffic, contemplating what to make for dinner, I'm pissed.

You should be pissed too.

I'd like to think we're brothers in this community. Sure we debate things, and we argue over shit that only causes fights and what not, but that's what fuckin' men do. At the end of the day, we can go to war, and then hit each other up privately and say "Hey man, nothing personal, just felt I needed to get my point across, we can agree to disagree, but I still respect you as a man" and be done with it.

But some of us are out here in the world kicking ass, while some of us are just talking about kicking ass. All of us are not going to be players, no matter how many blogs, books, etc. we read. All of us are not going to be successful period, because all of us don't really want it. Some of us are reading "Bang" and hitting the club on Wednesday night, while some of us are telling ourselves we'll hit the club as soon as we finish the book.

I had some down times while I was in school a few years ago, and while I was caught up in a short-term pity party, I had to remind myself that everyone else was moving forward, and they were going to continue to do that, no matter how far to the bottom I fell.

My point in saying that is simply that the world doesn't stop just because you're not ready. The world doesn't care that you're behind. It doesn't care that as each day passes you're falling even further behind. It doesn't care that honestly you're not even a part of the competition.

When I go out to meet women, most guys out there are not really competition, they're just interference. They're getting in my way and they're getting in the girl's way, because she should be talking to me, she should be thinking "Holy shit, I met this guy, and my life just changed", instead of, "Ok, how can I fake having a boyfriend and needing to go to the bathroom at the same time?"

You can be the former, the life-changer, but you have to pursue greatness. The time to start is now. Not after you read the book. Not tomorrow because tonight you're going to eat pizza and ice cream. Not next week because you're waiting for the P90X videos to finish downloading on your dial-up connection. Now. Making the decision, and putting that decision into action immediately is what will get you there. If you need to use your insecurities, your competitive drive, whatever it is that motivates you to get there, do it.

Otherwise, you're just pursuing inadequacy.

If you can live with that, that's cool, I have no problem with that because it's your life, but that's just not good enough for me, I won't accept that, I rather die than try.

Next Real Talk Sessions
Thinking The Game, Loser Females = DOA Relationships, and A Special Edition of Real Talk Sessions Featuring TravelerKai

[Fortis]

This is part of the reason I stopped reading so much self-help: I was using it to hide from actually helping myself.

[Travesty]

After being done really partying it up in S.B. here for a year the thing I have implemented with the most concrete action is a daily timetable

It lists:

Singing (beginner - am a drummer, always wanted to be able to sing tho)
Spanish
Surfing
Workout
Investing
Style
Approaches
Bangs

I work a 40 hour a week job. I figure if I put my mind to it I can put in an extra 30 hours a week in what I call productive effort.
70 hours total a week "working".

Each day I mark how much time I spent on each of the ones except Bangs and Approaches which are just for a soft reference to see I haven't let my game slip.

For the last few weeks I mark it as an accomplishment diary each night. I don't bullshit on the time and the time must be spent completely focused on that category task. It forces me on a bad day to look at something like +45min added and make me feel extremely angry with myself.

The totals run week to week to see how close I get or surpass the 30 hours. I also have the cumulative so I can see the pile of work being built up in each area I care about.

This also mentally forces me to want to get finished with any menial chores I have or routine maintenance in my life because I am sweatin' that clock to get those 30 real hours in.

In the next few years I will most likely end up funneling this time and expand it into something to make more $.

I am building the endurance muscles to work hard at many facets of my life.

[PrimeTime32]

My thing is stop caring what everyone thinks. I suggest take a weekend trip with no gaming no B.S. and just figure out what you want to do with life and then go after it.

[Kieran]

Good post.

I've always been terribly competitive. But I remember a phase where I wondered what I was doing it all for. Being long out of university, and because of the work environment I was in, and the nightlife venues I was going to, I just wasn't around 18-20 year old women. I ended up on a short course for work that was being run in a university, and being around this age group of women literally woke me up, and I felt the drive I had as an 18 year old again. Older women just don't bring out that drive to compete in me, so now I make sure I'm around the young ones as much as possible.

[kaotic]

Gotta have that fire, gotta have those goals man.

Lifting is big for me, why ?

Because I'm a hardgainer and diet is super important. Looking at myself in the gym, ignoring the thirsty girls, having girls look at me because I stand the fuck out.

Paying off my car debt, why ?

Because fuck having the ballingest car, live within your means, besides I want to TRAVEL. One car payment is more than enough for a plan ticket somehwere.

Less time online and RVF at work, why ?

Because I piss away time I can be productive at work and then complain about it later.

Less time on online dating apps, more time approaching in person, why ?

Because I piss away time, it can cripple your game, you become lazy, approaching changes all this.


Once you realize your flaws and inadequacies, you begin to do something about it.

(At least self aware RVF'ers)

[Mofasa]

I have a hard time maintaining my efforts. I get a plan, prioritize, set out my time management and kick ass for like 2 weeks. Then I get a case of the "fuck its," fall off for a week or so and then SHAME myself for it. It's a terrible cycle and applies to all aspects of my life. Game, gym, career, etc. It could be my discipline or trying to make too many changes too fast i.e. too big of a load to make it sustainable. I seem to let the way I feel, dictate my actions, instead of just nutting up and getting it done regardless of how I feel. Any advice?

[jariel]

(03-24-2015 02:26 PM)Mofasa Wrote:  

I have a hard time maintaining my efforts. I get a plan, prioritize, set out my time management and kick ass for like 2 weeks. Then I get a case of the "fuck its," fall off for a week or so and then SHAME myself for it. It's a terrible cycle and applies to all aspects of my life. Game, gym, career, etc. It could be my discipline or trying to make too many changes too fast i.e. too big of a load to make it sustainable. I seem to let the way I feel, dictate my actions, instead of just nutting up and getting it done regardless of how I feel. Any advice?

You're trying to do too much at once.

I think you should implement changes gradually to the point where one day you just realize you're firing on all cylinders.

It's very difficult to just change everything overnight.

(03-23-2015 11:24 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

This is part of the reason I stopped reading so much self-help: I was using it to hide from actually helping myself.

A lot of people like to read and write down plans and what not because it makes them feel like they're doing something, but honestly, only action is doing, everything else is just inaction.

For example, a lot of people go to real estate investment seminars, and all they ever to do is go to the seminars, they never actually invest.