[cunninglinguist]

I came across this Nature summary of a PNAS article published a while back. It was titled: Better fathers have smaller testicles.

Quote:

Evolutionary biologists have long observed a trade-off in male primates between mating efforts to produce more offspring and the time males spend caring for their progeny. For instance, male chimpanzees, which are especially promiscuous, sport testes that are twice as big as those of humans, make a lot of sperm and generally do not provide paternal care. By contrast, male gorillas have relatively small testes and protect their young. The latest study suggests that humans, whose paternal care varies widely, show evidence of both approaches.

To summarize the actual article, some researchers took MRIs of balls of different dudes and quizzed them on their fathering skills, and came to the conclusion that:

A. small balls = better father
B. big balls = better game

Point B is actually my own extrapolation of the results. A natural extension of this conclusion is that big dicks equals better game as well. What's more alpha than a big dick and heavy balls anyway?

So it got me thinking... what do forum members' junk look like? At first I thought,"this board is full of alphas. The average penis size must be off the charts." But then, what if the haters are right and this board is just full of basement-dwelling nerds who've never smelled pussy outside their moms' dirty laundry? Then the average penis size may be lower than expected.

Of course I wanted to go through the front door and straight up ask members to report their erect penis length and girth and testicular volume, but that would probably have been ill-received and in poor taste. Not to mention if we relied on self-reporting the average size would probably be 10 inches. In girth.

I needed to find a more reliable and objective method to answer this nagging question. So I did some digging around for posts that may be indicators of what individual members are packing, and inferred the size of their junk. Here is my report. Enjoy:

Veloce

Evidence: How to cook a steak.

Conclusion: The product of red meat and T levels over 9000.



WestIndianArchie

Evidence: Understanding attraction from a woman's perspective

Quote:

What women want is largely an abstract concept.
They say money, but rich guys go dateless.
They say time, but unemployed guys ain't high on a chick's list.
They say muscles, but gym rats don't get all the ho's
Humor? You seen any of these comedians wives?

So all the stuff we develop is primarily for ourselves.

Game on the surface is about bagging more bitches. And there's a lot of technique involved in that. Shit's fun and sex feels great.

At a second level, game is about ego-stroking and dealing with past failures. Trying to recover parts of yourself by conquering women.

But at a deeper level, game is about becoming the best person you can be - and the metric we use is a proxy, # of women, and quality of women - but you step back and look @ the advice we tell ourselves - and then look @ the objective reality of whether those are women getting silver bullets - and you'll stop eating brown rice and boneless skinless chicken breasts in a nano-second once you understand that you don't need to be < 10% body fat to bang a hottie.

Conclusion: This post understands the female mind a little too well. Although the writing is very masculine, it couldn't fool me. WestIndianArchie is a woman.



AntiTrace

Evidence: Story of some bitch he creampied and then got engaged with some other dude within 18 hours. Also, 'accidental' dick pic.

Quote:

I was nursing an early morning hangover at a buddies house, he had just got a new kitten. I was wearing sweatpants and the kitten was passed out on my lap. I'm normally a dog person but kittens are cute as hell, so I took a pic. I sent it to a few of the girls I'm currently seeing, because what female doesn't like a good cat picture?

Conclusion:

This was AntiTrace's 'accidental' mass text:

   

Giovonny

Evidence: Game is a numbers game.

Conclusion: Classic promiscuous approach. Big balls needed.



Tuthmosis

Evidence: First-date bang recipe. Official forum white knight.

Analysis: Too methodical and precise. Like a pussy surgeon. We all know surgeons are compensating for their baby balls. Also revels in the pleasure of indiscriminate banning a little too much. Definitely a Napoleon complex.

Conclusion: Micropenis.



There you have it. There are many other members, but these are the ones I could most easily conjure educated hypotheses from. I will be updating this thread throughout my stay on the forum as I correlate members' posts with their junk.

Oh, one last thing... no homo.

[runsonmagic]

[Mentavious]

:troll2:

[TheFinalEpic]

-2/10 Troll DKWICGTT (Don't know why I clicked gay thread title).

[Helmutnl]

Man, what a troll!
My spider sense was tingling the moment I read the title.

[Giovonny]

I do have big balls but I'm more of medium sized dog.

Other then that, I think he was accurate.

I love forum meltdowns!

[Akula]

(12-06-2014 09:00 PM)runsonmagic Wrote:  

yep

there goes another one.

Pretty bummed I looked at this thread

[vinman]

I read the title and knew I wanted to be here for the memes and gifs.

[General Stalin]

[Saweeep]

Nothing beats waking up to a Sunday morning troll!

It's been too quiet here since Little Dark et all a few weeks back!

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

How dare you not mention me? Just look at me! I'm literally a massive penis with self-propulsion capabilities!

[Oz.]

LOL

Excuse the text speak Tuth

[Cattle Rustler]

He registered in November.

That says it all

The Trollvember 2014 troll team keeps on giving from beyond the grave.

[KofiKingston]

(12-07-2014 04:22 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

I wish that bit at the end was longer, there's a few peeps I kn0w who need some sweet Jesus

[Cobra]

(12-06-2014 08:52 PM)cunninglinguist Wrote:  

Oh, one last thing... no homo.

I doubt it.

[RawGod]

2/10 because it was only a one-month sleeper troll. Real alphas register several years ahead.

[BodiPUA]

Trolls reallly do put so much care into their trolling these days. That post must have taken ages to write.

[xpatplayer]

I don't understand why white-kinghts and feminists respond to critics with 'you have a small penis'. Not like you're going to see it soon.

[RIslander]

[The Reactionary Tree]

I'll show you guys mine:

[Helmutnl]

I think it's about time that this thread gets closed.

[Moma]

(12-07-2014 06:20 PM)Helmutnl Wrote:  

I think it's about time that this thread gets closed.

What's the worse that could happen?

[kaotic]

Hahahaha I bet you he had more he was going to post as well.

I find it hilarious people take the time write things like this up.

[samsamsam]

(12-07-2014 08:03 PM)Moma Wrote:  

(12-07-2014 06:20 PM)Helmutnl Wrote:  

I think it's about time that this thread gets closed.

What's the worse that could happen?

little dark will show you all 30 penises from the fight.

[kaotic]

(12-08-2014 01:15 AM)samsamsam Wrote:  

(12-07-2014 08:03 PM)Moma Wrote:  

(12-07-2014 06:20 PM)Helmutnl Wrote:  

I think it's about time that this thread gets closed.

What's the worse that could happen?

little dark will show you all 30 penises from the fight.

Little Dark would show his own penis which would put every single man's on earth to shame.