[Gas]

So, around 20 minutes ago a chick just left my apartment. Hot, sweet body, and really fun to hang out with.

It's our second date and we're in bed, while we're making out my dick gets hard no problem.

Then when I get my pants off and I'm about to put it in, I go limp as a fucking noodle. I go down on her to buy myself some time, and it kinda works, I get semi hard, but then when I'm ready to put it in again, I go soft immediately. I'm not even using a condom.

We lie on the bed fooling around for about an hour, and my dick gets semi-hard sometimes but is mostly soft. She even gives me a blowie, and she knows what she's doing, but I only get to around 70%.

It's around 7pm at night, haven't had a drop of alcohol, and haven't jerked off in a couple days. What's wrong with my dick?

This also isn't the first time this has happened. Similar situations have played out before and it's cost me several bangs.

If I was 50, I'd understand, but I'm in my mid 20's. This shouldn't be happening to me. I'm in great shape, eat well, lift regularly, and barely ever watch porn.

Is this a common occurrence for any of you? Did you find a way to remedy it? Would love to hear thoughts, suggestions.

Cheers.

[vinman]

How much fapping do you do? How much porn do you watch?

[Windom Earle]

From what you've described, it sounds like you've experienced performance anxiety - a "psychological" form of erectile dysfunction. Yes, it's common.

For whatever reason (often difficult to quantify), you weren't 100% comfortable with the girl. Maybe you are too into her?

The body does some strange things when under stress/anxiety, and one of those things is reducing the blood flow from the extremities and diverting it to where it's needed; your vital organs, and unfortunately not your dick.

If you notice yourself not getting aroused when you should, due to not being relaxed, try and focus on your breathing - slow, steady breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. I'm not talking big, audible breathes; just pay attention to it. When you control your breathing, you'll end up controlling your mindset.

Don't be hard on yourself (excuse the pun). Just try and put it behind you and know that it's all in the mind.

The true test of this would be to bring in a girl soon after that experience, that you've banged heaps of times previously, that you're totally comfortable with, and then go to town on her. I'd hazard a guess and say you'd have no problem whatsoever performing with her.

By the way, there are a lot of threads here on this topic, with lots of useful advice.

[Gas]

I fap probably once every 4 or 5 days, unless of course I've got a regular girl, in which case I won't at all.

I'm in good shape - I lift 3/4 times a week, with low body fat. Most girls give good comments on my body.

It seems to happen only with new girls. When I've got a regular girl, it's never a problem.

[Gas]

(10-15-2014 12:05 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

From what you've described, it sounds like you've experienced performance anxiety - a "psychological" form of erectile dysfunction.

For whatever reason (often difficult to quantify), you weren't 100% comfortable with the girl. Maybe you are too into her?

The body does some strange things when under stress/anxiety, and one of those things is reducing the blood flow from the extremities and diverting it to where it's needed - which unfortunately is not your dick.

Don't be hard on yourself (excuse the pun). Just try and put it behind you and know that it's all in the mind.

The true test of this would be to bring in a girl soon after that experience, that you've banged heaps of times previously, that you're totally comfortable with, and then go to town on her. I'd hazard a guess and say you'd have no problem whatsoever performing with her.

By the way, there are a lot of threads here on this topic, with lots of useful advice.

Yes, possibly. I just broke up with my regular girl around 2 months ago, we were together for about 6 months and I would give it to her daily with no problems at all. I'd be surprised if anything has changed drastically with my body since then.

[kmhour]

happens to most guys sooner or later. assuming you're young and reasonably fit, it's almost certainly a mental issue, not physiological. the more you think about it, the more likely it is to happen again. which is obviously easier said than done.

the first time it happened to me, without thinking it through I looked down, looked up at her (first time with a new girl) and said something like "whoa......[pregnant pause] that's never happened before". if you say it without being sheepish, there's a good chance she'll start wondering how much it had to do with her. I'm not suggesting you blame her, which after all is unfair, but if you'd like a second shot I wouldn't recommend curling up in a fetal position crying. but it's a mindfuck of epic proportions that you just have to get over.

you can see a urologist and get a script (or samples) of an ED drug but assuming no physical issues which are very uncommon in your 20s it's really just a mental block, especially after the first time when you've planted the seeds of doubt about your own virility. on the plus side, it will eliminate the mental issue and they're fun party drugs if you have extra.

by the way, after it happened with a couple girls I realized that it was partly related to girls who didn't shave. my own cross to bear.

[Gas]

She was totally cool with it. I just kept it light hearted - "I guess he's not in the mood to play with you today" with a smirk and a shoulder shrug.

We messed around for the next hour or so and still had fun. I think she felt part of it was to do with her. I'm seeing her again tomorrow.

Maybe it's somewhat a blessing in disguise - now I'm super motivated to go lift heavy ass weights tomorrow and might start adding some new shit to my diet (zinc, ACV?)

I'm in good shape and eat well, so in terms of lifestyle there's not too much it could be. I guess I'll just need to get my mind around it - can definitely fuck with your head.

[Duke Castile]

This is a mental issue. You're likely still attached to some degree to you ex.

Don't worry with more bangs you'll be fine.

Also after you smash this girl the next time it will likely be better for you.

Whatever you do don't make any excuses. Just shrug your shoulders and hint that its because of her and not you.

I'm guessing you missed out on bangs partly because you made excuses or your frame was weak and she lost interest for the followip session.

[Phoenix]

What are you thinking when you are with her? Are you worrying about your performance being bad, or other things?

Try just thinking about the girls body. Think about her tits, her butt, her legs etc as you feel them. Think about the curve of her hips, her warm smooth skin, her long hair, perhaps the smell of her hair, the wetness of her mouth etc. Your brain noticing all this is what gets it turned on. You must awaken your inner ape.

Doesn't sound like a fitness issue (more of a 'brain not turning the erection on' issue), but erection strength is strongly correlated with circulatory system strength, so whilst it probably wouldn't be the fix, more cardiovascular fitness (swimming sprints are incredible for this) won't hurt.

[weambulance]

Are you stressed out in daily life? I never had full on ED but a couple years ago I was super stressed out both physically and mentally because that was when my life started falling apart, and I'm quite sure that's why I was having trouble staying fully hard with the girl I was banging at the time. I've noticed some correlation between my stress levels and how much my dick wants to cooperate since then as well.

[vinman]

I think Wisdom is on to something.

[Gas]

Thanks guys, I figured it was mental.

I wasn't actually worried at all, until I had her naked and I was about to go in and I realised I was soft. Then my mind starting running - "why the fuck am I soft?"

And then the whole time, once I got hard, I kept thinking, "is it going to stay hard if I try to put it in now?"

Then when I did try to go in, I went soft, unsurprisingly.

I was obviously mindfucking myself.

She's coming over again tonight, I'll keep you guys updated.

weambulance: no stress at all, I'm actually travelling right now and am probably a little too relaxed, if anything.

[Cheetah]

Quote:

by the way, after it happened with a couple girls I realized that it was partly related to girls who didn't shave. my own cross to bear.

[rottenapple]

It is almost certainly a mental issue, but even then it can help to boost the physical side a bit. This way your 70% will be a 90% and this can give a boost to your mind as well. Also if you sleep with her, I'm sure in the morning you will have less problems. Your body fully relaxed, mind at ease after some sleep and hormone levels up.

Take some zinc, L-citrulline/L-arginine,cacao. A viagra to break the pattern can be usefull as well but it will become adictive.

[Gas]

Can anyone vouch for any natural/herbal shit that can give you a boost?

I'm in my 20's, I don't want to be taking viagra/cialis until a few more decades have passed.

[berserk]

(10-15-2014 01:51 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  

What are you thinking when you are with her? Are you worrying about your performance being bad, or other things?

Try just thinking about the girls body. Think about her tits, her butt, her legs etc as you feel them. Think about the curve of her hips, her warm smooth skin, her long hair, perhaps the smell of her hair, the wetness of her mouth etc. Your brain noticing all this is what gets it turned on. You must awaken your inner ape.

Doesn't sound like a fitness issue (more of a 'brain not turning the erection on' issue), but erection strength is strongly correlated with circulatory system strength, so whilst it probably wouldn't be the fix, more cardiovascular fitness (swimming sprints are incredible for this) won't hurt.

This exactly.

I think it is quite common, maybe with guys who have a tendency to get stuck in their heads too much.

I remember having a few such instances when I was younger. Hard as a rock while making out, then softening once clothes came off. It was entirely a 'comfort' issue, as non-masculine as it sounds. Instead of stressing over it, eventually I just laid back and the girl turned to her side. Then not so long after, it was like this bulb went on, 'What the fuck man, look at this hot babe next to you, her ass out, curve of her hips, smooth skin, long hair, smells nice' and boom hard dick which stayed hard for hours afterwards and fucking all night.

Try drinking some next time with a new girl, helps get you out of your head and into your body.

[rottenapple]

(10-15-2014 09:07 AM)Gas Wrote:  

Can anyone vouch for any natural/herbal shit that can give you a boost?

I'm in my 20's, I don't want to be taking viagra/cialis until a few more decades have passed.

Maca, Horny goat weed and the ones I said before are supplements, not drugs.

Yohimbine should work as well but it is not without danger.

[Euphoric_Breeze]

This is totally stress-related . Next time relax to the maximum , be in the present moment . Lay down on your back ,spread your legs and let her caress your balls and cock and think how fortunate you are to have a beautiful female next to you.

[jamaicabound]

Like others have said this seems to be 100% psychological. Honestly I've run into this in the same scenario as you, after dating someone for a long time and not fooling around on the side you get so comfortable with one person where your not really having to put on a great performance or impress them that when you get with someone new its the first time in a while you've actually felt the need to put on a good show so to speak and sometims you freeze up and your shit doesn't work.

Now this is much more easily said than done but honestly the more you think about it and worry about it the more it will happen its like a self fulfilling prophecy. Get out of your head, if your really having a tough time kicking this thing maybe hookup with the ex just to prove to yourself your shit works and then get back on the horse. WOrse thing you can do however is focus on it or worry about it happening because if you do it will

[Cheetah]

(10-15-2014 09:07 AM)Gas Wrote:  

Can anyone vouch for any natural/herbal shit that can give you a boost?

I'm in my 20's, I don't want to be taking viagra/cialis until a few more decades have passed.

http://www.medicaldaily.com/watermelon-j...ent-279498

Quote:

Watermelon Juice, 'Nature's Viagra,' May Act As A Natural Erectile Dysfunction Treatment

At least it's worth a try.

[rottenapple]

(10-15-2014 11:34 AM)Cheetah Wrote:  

(10-15-2014 09:07 AM)Gas Wrote:  

Can anyone vouch for any natural/herbal shit that can give you a boost?

I'm in my 20's, I don't want to be taking viagra/cialis until a few more decades have passed.

http://www.medicaldaily.com/watermelon-j...ent-279498

Quote:

Watermelon Juice, 'Nature's Viagra,' May Act As A Natural Erectile Dysfunction Treatment

At least it's worth a try.

Indeed L-Citrulline, however it is mostly in the green of the watermelon, so the part you throw away. Better to just order the powder, its not too expensive.

[Dr. Howard]

(10-15-2014 12:05 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

From what you've described, it sounds like you've experienced performance anxiety - a "psychological" form of erectile dysfunction. Yes, it's common.

For whatever reason (often difficult to quantify), you weren't 100% comfortable with the girl. Maybe you are too into her?

The body does some strange things when under stress/anxiety, and one of those things is reducing the blood flow from the extremities and diverting it to where it's needed; your vital organs, and unfortunately not your dick.

If you notice yourself not getting aroused when you should, due to not being relaxed, try and focus on your breathing - slow, steady breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. I'm not talking big, audible breathes; just pay attention to it. When you control your breathing, you'll end up controlling your mindset.

Don't be hard on yourself (excuse the pun). Just try and put it behind you and know that it's all in the mind.

The true test of this would be to bring in a girl soon after that experience, that you've banged heaps of times previously, that you're totally comfortable with, and then go to town on her. I'd hazard a guess and say you'd have no problem whatsoever performing with her.

By the way, there are a lot of threads here on this topic, with lots of useful advice.

I've had this happen if I'm not relaxed, ie banging some sketchy girl, in a sketchy situation on a rushed time frame. My balls are an easy barometer, if they are high and tight like I just did the polar bear plunge, there are going to be problems....

[travolta]

Same exact thing was happening to me about a month ago with my current girlfriend. For the first few weeks we were banging just fine, but then it started happening. I knew it wasn't physical, because I'd be hard until the moment of penetration, and it wasn't anything wrong with her because I was still massively horny. It was purely psychological. I talked to her about it and she was cool with it, but the problem went on for about a week. I even tried taking TWO viagras, but it STILL didn't help. This solution might sound cheesy, but what helped me was when it happened to just take a step back for a minute, relax, and breath deeply for about 10 breaths. It sounds too simple, but try it out next time it happens. Take 10 deep breaths (count each breath as you take them), and see if you're still soft afterwards. It also helped that I had a girlfriend who I was seeing every day. If you only have a girl over once every 2 weeks then it might be more difficult.

[Gas]

(10-15-2014 09:46 AM)Euphoric_Breeze Wrote:  

This is totally stress-related . Next time relax to the maximum , be in the present moment . Lay down on your back ,spread your legs and let her caress your balls and cock and think how fortunate you are to have a beautiful female next to you.

That's good advice. Relax and enjoy. I will do that.

[Gas]

(10-15-2014 11:54 AM)travolta Wrote:  

Same exact thing was happening to me about a month ago with my current girlfriend. For the first few weeks we were banging just fine, but then it started happening. I knew it wasn't physical, because I'd be hard until the moment of penetration, and it wasn't anything wrong with her because I was still massively horny. It was purely psychological. I talked to her about it and she was cool with it, but the problem went on for about a week. I even tried taking TWO viagras, but it STILL didn't help. This solution might sound cheesy, but what helped me was when it happened to just take a step back for a minute, relax, and breath deeply for about 10 breaths. It sounds too simple, but try it out next time it happens. Take 10 deep breaths (count each breath as you take them), and see if you're still soft afterwards. It also helped that I had a girlfriend who I was seeing every day. If you only have a girl over once every 2 weeks then it might be more difficult.

Definitely helps your comfort levels when you're with a regular girl. This is good and simple, I'll try this too.