[Days of Broken Arrows]

Does anyone here have a standard way they greet women?

I ask because I think the way you address someone sends a message and sets a tone for your personality. I think it's a subtle thing few people recognize but it's important in establishing an image.

The reason I bring this up is that I have a male neighbor who is really bad at this and I think it's a big reason he fails with women. He attempts to be cool with the women around here but fails even though he's tall, has the nice car, good job, dog (which makes for easy convos), etc.

But when he greets women like this: "HE-llo" -- with the emphasis on the first syllable. He does this every time. He doesn't realize he's doing it, but I've come to notice it and it's bothersome -- like a nervous, geeky tic.

I assume women pick up on it and it gets lodged in their subconscious brains as some sort of social failing exposing that he's not real smooth with women (women tend to pick up on subtle cues like this).

The reason I'm aware of this is that I used to fail at it too. Back in college I once got rightfully admonished by a buddy for my hyped-up way of saying hi to a girl he said which made me "sound like a second grader saying hi to the teacher." He was right.

So I learned to deepen my tone and not be all "HI!" I'll usually use the woman's name, but put the accent on the last part: "LiSA." "AmBER." Sounds masculine, to me anyway.

I've complained in this forum about how women's vocal tones can make them seem less desirable (i.e. the hot-but-masculine-sounding actress Jill Hennessy goes down several notches once she opens her mouth). So, I think it's fair game for guys to consider how their vocal tics or tones might be sending unintended signals.

[Basil Ransom]

That video of Hennessy is interesting. I had never seen her before. And her defect goes far beyond her masculine voice. She has a dead quality to her. Her expressions just seem so painted and volitional, like she is constantly thinking, "hmm, and what emotional reaction should I project now? And now?" She seems like the kind of person who in conversation, you feel like she's giving a speech to an imaginary crowd next to you. Everything she does and says comes out as so strained and 'try-hard,' the opposite of natural. She is like a lot of un-funny female comedians in that way - and unlike the genuinely funny ones, like say Ellen Degeneres.

[MrXY]

I just say "Hey" in a short, downbeat tone with a deeper voice than normal. I smile only slightly, if at all.

As my game got better, my greetings of women became a lot less enthusiastic-now it's like I'm barely acknowledging them.

[L M McCoy]

Anything is better than that god forsaken "yellow" greeting.

[eradicator]

I just make sure to be sincere, and I put the emphasis on their name and not on the hello so they know I am talking to them and greeting them.

[Matt3B]

I've written about this before (here) but to pull it off, you need a bit of self confidence.

It's all well and good going up to a girl and saying hi, but your body language needs to be on point, and you need to have an air of belief in yourself. The attraction is how you hold yourself and the sheer confidence to just say "hi" and not be fussed about tripping over yourself trying to impress her with whatever next line you want to use.

[horn]

I usually just say their name in a deep, slow voice. If I don't know them, 'Hello, my name is Horn.' Then you get a response, normally you can tell pretty quickly if you approach this way as to green, yellow, red. If red I just bounce.

[RawGod]

Good topic. It's too bad that in English the most common greetings are one or two syllables. If you're approaching from an angle, the "Hi" is just long enough to get her attention and start to get eye contact, she swivels around and you've finished by the time she registers it. Four or five syllables means that the first gets her to make eye contact and then you're looking at her and smiling by the time the greeting is done. So I don't say "Hi" or "Hello" without solid eye contact.

[draketton]

(10-12-2014 03:37 PM)RawGod Wrote:  

Good topic. It's too bad that in English the most common greetings are one or two syllables. If you're approaching from an angle, the "Hi" is just long enough to get her attention and start to get eye contact, she swivels around and you've finished by the time she registers it. Four or five syllables means that the first gets her to make eye contact and then you're looking at her and smiling by the time the greeting is done. So I don't say "Hi" or "Hello" without solid eye contact.

Stare hard for a few seconds, say "Hi" if she meets your gaze

Exactly how I do it

[horn]

Yeah, you need eye contact first.