I've got a main squeeze here in BKK. She's a doll. I fuck around on the side but she's the one I really miss and catch myself thinking about with a smile on my face. Great sex, beautiful, smart, open minded, fun, submissive, the whole 9.
I decided to try saying...
...as a bit of an experiment. Now, to each their own but my personal conclusion is that there is never a good reason to say these 3 words. Here's my reasoning:
1. They're just words.
Even if you feel like you're expressing yourself accurately and honestly, the words will enter her ears through a prism of popular associations, and she'll hear something entirely different than the intended message.
There's no getting away from all the movies, books and popular ideas about "I love you" we've all been bombarded with. It's like the word "creepy". It's totally meaningless apart from the vague associations it brings up and the ostracizing effect it's meant to have.
My feeling is that if you care about somebody, it'll come out in your body language and actions; in your commitment to remaining dominant and polar in your male/female roles; NOT by saying some silly catch phrase.
2. It pressures her.
Ok, she's thinking...
etc...
Then she might start feeling like you're pedestalizing her. It's just too much for many girls.
3. It blurs the roles
A role answers the question "what are the terms of this relationship?"
Imagine you start working for a company. They offer you $100k - hot damn! - and you sign the contract eagerly. Then 3 weeks into your contract, they bump you down to $50k but up the "benefits".
You think, "I didn't sign up for this...benefits? Screw benefits, give me my 100k!"
That's exactly what blurring the roles does. It takes you from being a "lover", where the value exchange is almost entirely sexual/emotional, and introduces a "boyfriend" dynamic, in which commitment and relationship security supplant a good 50% of the previous all-sexual value.
Things get confusing, especially for her. My most harmonious and long lasting relationships have been the ones where I established a strongly polar "lovers" dynamic right from the very start and maintained it.
4. There's no taking it back.
If a girl is wondering whether you "love" her, you won't lose any points by being vague about it and never uttering the words.
But if it's expressed, the mystery is gone. She's wanted. She's desired. You "said it".
****
In this particular situation, it was a low-risk gamble because she knows I see other girls and am very sparse with my contact with her, so pedestalization is largely a non-issue. I said "I love you" in a matter of fact way, casually; in passing. Not in a heavy, prefaced, down-on-one-knee fashion.
When I said it the first time, I watched her reaction. She was a bit at a loss. She said "oh...really?" I casually replied "yeah." And moved on, paying it no further attention.
The second time I said it was during sex. It was a very high-energy, high emotion moment close to mutual orgasm. I'll be honest, I was curious to see if she would say it back in the heat of passion, but I didn't put any pressure or emphasis on it. She *almost* said it back, I could see it poised on her tongue, but she withheld herself.
It ruined the moment, actually. She probably felt like she had to say it. She was intoxicated by good emotions and I was exploiting that vulnerability. If she had let it slip out, she probably would have resented me for setting her up in a moment of weakness. I'm glad she didn't.
If your game and your terms are tight, letting an "I love you" slip probably won't hurt. But I can see how these 3 stupid little words can easily sound the death knell of a good fling.
Speaking for myself, I'll let my actions and body language do the talking. Saying "I love you" doesn't do either of you any favors. It's mutually disadvantageous. Therefore, it's bad game and bad policy.
What do you guys think?
I decided to try saying...
Quote:Quote:
"I love you"
...as a bit of an experiment. Now, to each their own but my personal conclusion is that there is never a good reason to say these 3 words. Here's my reasoning:
1. They're just words.
Even if you feel like you're expressing yourself accurately and honestly, the words will enter her ears through a prism of popular associations, and she'll hear something entirely different than the intended message.
There's no getting away from all the movies, books and popular ideas about "I love you" we've all been bombarded with. It's like the word "creepy". It's totally meaningless apart from the vague associations it brings up and the ostracizing effect it's meant to have.
My feeling is that if you care about somebody, it'll come out in your body language and actions; in your commitment to remaining dominant and polar in your male/female roles; NOT by saying some silly catch phrase.
2. It pressures her.
Ok, she's thinking...
Quote:Quote:
"now do I have to say it too? Shit, This is heavy. This means he's really into me. Does he want to get serious?"
etc...
Then she might start feeling like you're pedestalizing her. It's just too much for many girls.
3. It blurs the roles
A role answers the question "what are the terms of this relationship?"
Imagine you start working for a company. They offer you $100k - hot damn! - and you sign the contract eagerly. Then 3 weeks into your contract, they bump you down to $50k but up the "benefits".
You think, "I didn't sign up for this...benefits? Screw benefits, give me my 100k!"
That's exactly what blurring the roles does. It takes you from being a "lover", where the value exchange is almost entirely sexual/emotional, and introduces a "boyfriend" dynamic, in which commitment and relationship security supplant a good 50% of the previous all-sexual value.
Things get confusing, especially for her. My most harmonious and long lasting relationships have been the ones where I established a strongly polar "lovers" dynamic right from the very start and maintained it.
4. There's no taking it back.
If a girl is wondering whether you "love" her, you won't lose any points by being vague about it and never uttering the words.
But if it's expressed, the mystery is gone. She's wanted. She's desired. You "said it".
****
In this particular situation, it was a low-risk gamble because she knows I see other girls and am very sparse with my contact with her, so pedestalization is largely a non-issue. I said "I love you" in a matter of fact way, casually; in passing. Not in a heavy, prefaced, down-on-one-knee fashion.
When I said it the first time, I watched her reaction. She was a bit at a loss. She said "oh...really?" I casually replied "yeah." And moved on, paying it no further attention.
The second time I said it was during sex. It was a very high-energy, high emotion moment close to mutual orgasm. I'll be honest, I was curious to see if she would say it back in the heat of passion, but I didn't put any pressure or emphasis on it. She *almost* said it back, I could see it poised on her tongue, but she withheld herself.
It ruined the moment, actually. She probably felt like she had to say it. She was intoxicated by good emotions and I was exploiting that vulnerability. If she had let it slip out, she probably would have resented me for setting her up in a moment of weakness. I'm glad she didn't.
If your game and your terms are tight, letting an "I love you" slip probably won't hurt. But I can see how these 3 stupid little words can easily sound the death knell of a good fling.
Speaking for myself, I'll let my actions and body language do the talking. Saying "I love you" doesn't do either of you any favors. It's mutually disadvantageous. Therefore, it's bad game and bad policy.
What do you guys think?
