[Fortis]

Hey playas,

my middle brother (14) often bullies my younger brother (10). My mother has been asking me for help when it comes to getting my brother to stop it, but I really haven't a clue. Short of kicking his ass every few days for some minor infraction, what can I do to stop this? I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't seem to give a fuck because every time I'm hanging out with them he'll invariably do something mean/spiteful to his little brother. It's gotten so out of hand that my mother has threatened to call the police on the 14 year old for his behaviour. I think it's extreme, but I can see why she might do that.

I don't live at home, so I can't police the situation, but I was wondering if you guys (especially the dads on here) had any advice.

Thanks in advice,

Fortis

[Saweeep]

Well if talking isn't working…

I'd kick his ass first and foremost; just to show him how it feels to be powerless to stop an older, stronger bully.

Then I'd take him to boxing; by take him I mean personally escort him. Keep doing this and develop a better relationship with him. Boxing is the elixir of a good life for pubescent young men.

Is there a man at home btw?

[Fortis]

My mother and their father divorced almost 10 years ago, so no. Their dad is also more into his business than childrearing, so he doesn't really care.

If i'm there, the bullying isn't as extreme. Of course he'll pick on the kid a little, but that's nothing too bad. I just get pissed when he does something blatantly cruel like breaking the kid's stuff, or heckling him into unfair situations. I'm not into putting my hands on my 14 year old brother because it would be too easy to beat him down given that I have 10+ years on him. But I am coming around to see that he might just need a small beating to show him what it's like to be powerless. That's a last resort though, I really don't want to have to do that.

[Dr. Howard]

(07-30-2014 07:38 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

Well if talking isn't working…

I'd kick his ass first and foremost; just to show him how it feels to be powerless to stop an older, stronger bully.

Then I'd take him to boxing; by take him I mean personally escort him. Keep doing this and develop a better relationship with him. Boxing is the elixir of a good life for pubescent young men.

Is there a man at home btw?

I support this, either from you as the older brother or in the ring. I can't think of a faster path to humility than having the shit beat out of you by someone that you perceive as weak (ie. humble japanese sensei or sempai)

I would also remind your 14 year old brother that the 10 year old will be equal or bigger in size to him in a few years and will likely make it a point to return the torment.

[Saweeep]

I suspect that he may be crying out for an older male figure in his life to instil some boundaries.

That can be you, a boxing coach or both.

[Youngback]

I have a 14 year old brother and an 11 year old brother and have about 10 years on them. I'm not at my parents house often but all growing up I used these tactics. The bullying isn't as severe as in your case but it's there. Here's what I've done and has worked; firstly It depends on the nature of what the older one did in the situation. They don't get physically violent with eachother anymore but if I see the older one do something I want to make a lesson out of, I will initiate light physical contact and demean him a little. something like yanking headphones out of his ear or getting in his face a little and shoving him. Anything that will establish me In his mind as the big motherfucker who could beat his ass. This is important because when the 14 y.o is fucking with the younger one, it's giving him that same sense of power. The "I'm bigger and I can kick your ass so I can do whatever I want to you or your shit." That gives a hormonal puberty stricken kid an immense rush and sense of power. What you have to do is neutralize that mindset in him first. It's crucial. I have noticed when I don't do this first, sometimes the 14 y.o will snap back at me with a smart ass comment or try to be cool. Once I get his tough-guy barrier down, I begin appealing to his sense of logic. I do this 1) to get them started early developing a coldly rational mindset 2) because even though he's a boy, he's still inclined to deductive thought processes and I have found the most response from my little brothers when I say something that just makes sense. Basically show him the fallacy In the way he's treating his little brother.

The instant I see him fuck with the little one too much, I walk up to him and bow up like I'm about to fight someone my size, give him a light shove or something and constant eye contact and start in on things like "what makes you think it's okay to treat your brother like that? I don't see him doing that to you so what makes it okay?" Or "what makes it okay for you to do x to your brother when I saw you do x just the other day?"

The second part is situational and you just have to apply what's going on to a set of deductions and show him what he's doing doesn't make any sense, and that it's not fucking cool to put your brother down. I would jump on this OP, little one can develop an inferiority complex that will last his life.

Hope this helps.

Edit: I agree 100% with CrashBangWallop.

[Engineer]

Occupy their time with something. Find out what they're interested in and get them involved heavily. Separately, different things. Doesn't have to be physical. Have them volunteer somewhere. Can the 14 year old get a job? Sounds like he wants attention. Have mom get more involved by transporting him to whatever activity, as much as possible. Something HE wants, not whatever's easiest/cheapest for the parent, so he buys in.

When my kids are idle, nothing good comes of it. I'm always the bad guy who makes them get off their ass. My son figured out he likes golf so I got him a quick lesson with a pro and now we hit the par 3 course a couple of times a week over the summer, even though I don't like golf that much.

I'm 180 against you guys on the beatdown. It should be a last resort. It might just make him take things out on little brother even harder when you're not around. It will teach him to do the same to his kids. If it doesn't work the way you plan, the only available escalations left is either beat him harder or kick him out to the streets or juvie, right? I'm not saying it can't work, it might. But if it doesn't, what then?

A better way is positive time and attention: spend it with the 14 year old as a reward for his good behavior, and with the 10 year old as a punishment to the 14 year old for bad behavior. It takes time but will work. Beatdowns are a lazy way to try to get a fast result. I follow your logic, but we're not talking about a pet dog here. The kid is struggling to become a man, and like it or not, you seem like the only father figure right now. Take the harder approach here and it will pay off, trust me.

Take care of the 10 year old too. When he's down, take him out to the store or for ice cream, whatever. Don't dwell on his asshole brother, just treat him normal.

One last thing - if not already doing so, the father should be paying child support and at least aware of the situation. Extra money will help get that kid back on the right track.

[Saweeep]

(07-30-2014 10:35 AM)Engineer Wrote:  

Occupy their time with something. Find out what they're interested in and get them involved heavily. Separately, different things. Doesn't have to be physical. Have them volunteer somewhere. Can the 14 year old get a job? Sounds like he wants attention. Have mom get more involved by transporting him to whatever activity, as much as possible. Something HE wants, not whatever's easiest/cheapest for the parent, so he buys in.

When my kids are idle, nothing good comes of it. I'm always the bad guy who makes them get off their ass. My son figured out he likes golf so I got him a quick lesson with a pro and now we hit the par 3 course a couple of times a week over the summer, even though I don't like golf that much.

I'm 180 against you guys on the beatdown. It should be a last resort. It could just make him take things out on little brother even harder when you're not around. It will teach him to do the same to his kids. If it doesn't work the way you plan, the only available escalation left is just kick him out to the streets or juvie, right?

A better way is positive time and attention: spend it with the 14 year old as a reward for his good behavior, and with the 10 year old as a punishment to the 14 year old for bad behavior. It takes time but will work. Beatdowns are a lazy way to try to get a fast result. I follow your logic, but we're not talking about a pet dog here. The kid is struggling to become a man, and like it or not, you look like the only father figure right now. Take the higher, harder road and it will pay off, trust me.

One last thing - the father should be paying child support and at least aware of the situation. Extra money will help get this kid back on the right track.

I see where you're coming from on the beating. You are a father, however. A big brother, even when assuming the role of a father, is a slightly different dynamic to me.

You might be right though.

[Dr. Howard]

(07-30-2014 10:35 AM)Engineer Wrote:  

Occupy their time with something. Find out what they're interested in and get them involved heavily. Separately, different things. Doesn't have to be physical. Have them volunteer somewhere. Can the 14 year old get a job? Sounds like he wants attention. Have mom get more involved by transporting him to whatever activity, as much as possible. Something HE wants, not whatever's easiest/cheapest for the parent, so he buys in.

When my kids are idle, nothing good comes of it. I'm always the bad guy who makes them get off their ass. My son figured out he likes golf so I got him a quick lesson with a pro and now we hit the par 3 course a couple of times a week over the summer, even though I don't like golf that much.

I'm 180 against you guys on the beatdown. It should be a last resort. It could just make him take things out on little brother even harder when you're not around. It will teach him to do the same to his kids. If it doesn't work the way you plan, the only available escalation left is just kick him out to the streets or juvie, right?

A better way is positive time and attention: spend it with the 14 year old as a reward for his good behavior, and with the 10 year old as a punishment to the 14 year old for bad behavior. It takes time but will work. Beatdowns are a lazy way to try to get a fast result. I follow your logic, but we're not talking about a pet dog here. The kid is struggling to become a man, and like it or not, you look like the only father figure right now. Take the higher, harder road and it will pay off, trust me.

One last thing - the father should be paying child support and at least aware of the situation. Extra money will help get this kid back on the right track.

I think your advice is excellent from a Dad's perspective, but not a brother's.

Also, what is with the child support advice? That seems like something from a 'take time to be a father' PSA ad. So the Dad should be giving money to mom and cross his fingers that she will spend it appropriately to solve the problem? I think Dad should be aware of the problem and them make up his own mind as to whether its a solution that requires money or not; If he thinks it warrants money then he should pay for the activity directly or give the money to Fortis and hold him accountable.

A friend of mine (a woman) had some good advice in this department, it was, "help out your kids but never give the mom money that you don't have to. Buy them diapers, buy them clothes, buy them school supplies or a bike. It keeps the woman honest and the man involved"

[Fortis]

(07-30-2014 10:28 AM)Youngback Wrote:  

I have a 14 year old brother and an 11 year old brother and have about 10 years on them. I'm not at my parents house often but all growing up I used these tactics. The bullying isn't as severe as in your case but it's there. Here's what I've done and has worked; firstly It depends on the nature of what the older one did in the situation. They don't get physically violent with eachother anymore but if I see the older one do something I want to make a lesson out of, I will initiate light physical contact and demean him a little. something like yanking headphones out of his ear or getting in his face a little and shoving him. Anything that will establish me In his mind as the big motherfucker who could beat his ass. This is important because when the 14 y.o is fucking with the younger one, it's giving him that same sense of power. The "I'm bigger and I can kick your ass so I can do whatever I want to you or your shit." That gives a hormonal puberty stricken kid an immense rush and sense of power. What you have to do is neutralize that mindset in him first. It's crucial. I have noticed when I don't do this first, sometimes the 14 y.o will snap back at me with a smart ass comment or try to be cool. Once I get his tough-guy barrier down, I begin appealing to his sense of logic. I do this 1) to get them started early developing a coldly rational mindset 2) because even though he's a boy, he's still inclined to deductive thought processes and I have found the most response from my little brothers when I say something that just makes sense. Basically show him the fallacy In the way he's treating his little brother.

The instant I see him fuck with the little one too much, I walk up to him and bow up like I'm about to fight someone my size, give him a light shove or something and constant eye contact and start in on things like "what makes you think it's okay to treat your brother like that? I don't see him doing that to you so what makes it okay?" Or "what makes it okay for you to do x to your brother when I saw you do x just the other day?"

The second part is situational and you just have to apply what's going on to a set of deductions and show him what he's doing doesn't make any sense, and that it's not fucking cool to put your brother down. I would jump on this OP, little one can develop an inferiority complex that will last his life.

Hope this helps.

Edit: I agree 100% with CrashBangWallop.

I like this. Thanks a lot man. I'm going to start this ASAP.

[Fortis]

(07-30-2014 10:35 AM)Engineer Wrote:  

One last thing - if not already doing so, the father should be paying child support and at least aware of the situation. Extra money will help get that kid back on the right track.

Their dad pays for things, but he's not very emotionally involved with either of them. He'll buy them shit for X-mas, birthdays, holidays, but he just can't seem to handle anything beyond his personal affair. He favours the older brother because the kid is a lot like him (sort of an jerk), but I can't say that he's particularly involved with either kid If I am to believe what my mother says about him. But that's besides the point. I can't get their dad to do anything he doesn't want to do.

However, thanks for the advice on how to reward and punish bad behaviour. I figure I want to nip this in the bud before he becomes a total asshole and gets killed by someone in the streets or something.

I, too, am against beating the kid up. My parents went a little overboard on the beatings with me and it didn't help me much. It just encouraged my antisocial tendencies. I would say my brother has these same tendencies I once had but to a greater degree.

I do like the idea of taking him boxing to learn what it's like to fight someone who is on his level. The 14 year old is VERY athletic, so that definitely feeds his ego.

[Engineer]

By the way, you sound way more than "a better sibling" already. Much respect to you for caring and stepping up.

I had a way older half brother, 1 full brother (older), 2 younger half-brothers, 1 younger half-sister. It makes a huge difference now in our lives and relationships because of who bullied who when we were younger, and how our parents stepped up or didn't.

[TheWastelander]

I'd hit him, but that's just me.

After giving him a good ass kicking I'd lecture him about how brothers need to stick together in this crapsack world because blood's thicker than water. If he doesn't want to be part of the team he can expect more beatings. Since you're the older brother you and you alone have to ensure the pecking order is understood and make it clear that abusing your youngest bro will be punished.

That's tough love but most sensible people respect that even if they are sore about it for a while. Sometimes people get out of line and the only reasonable way to correct them, ESPECIALLY a teenage male, is a hard shot to the solar plexus.

[Engineer]

(07-30-2014 11:01 AM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

Also, what is with the child support advice? That seems like something from a 'take time to be a father' PSA ad. So the Dad should be giving money to mom and cross his fingers that she will spend it appropriately to solve the problem? I think Dad should be aware of the problem and them make up his own mind as to whether its a solution that requires money or not; If he thinks it warrants money then he should pay for the activity directly or give the money to Fortis and hold him accountable.

A friend of mine (a woman) had some good advice in this department, it was, "help out your kids but never give the mom money that you don't have to. Buy them diapers, buy them clothes, buy them school supplies or a bike. It keeps the woman honest and the man involved"

Doc, I really respect some of your excellent posts in other areas. On this one, your approach is very different than mine, and could have negative impacts on OPs family for many years.

1) Cross your fingers and hope the woman spends the money appropriately? Yeah I never said that. Woman/logic/money never go together, you can't be seriously thinking that is what I was advising.
2) The OP already indicated the father was not involved time-wise, so I suggested the next best thing from him to help the issue, money. To the mother/kids/OP directly, it doesn't really matter, because of #3 below:
3) Your female friend's advice might sound good on the surface but is actually COMPLETELY wrong. I understand the underlying point about men getting divorce raped and having to give money over to a crazy ex. Not fun. However, if the man buys the diapers or whatnot, then that's money the woman doesn't have to spend on diapers and can buy shoes or whatever it is she wastes money on. Money is completely fungible. Your woman friend sounds crafty - be careful around her and her "good advice"

Here's where I think you're right:

Beatdown is the fastest path to humility - yes, that will resolve the situation very quickly. But with what unintended consequence? The OP is not around to police the situation 24/7 and the 10 year old will likely suffer if the lesson taught to the 14 year old doesn't take. At some point, the 14 year old may lash out at his mother, when he's big enough. Then the OP will get pissed and put the him in the hospital. Then etc.etc.etc. Violence breeds violence.

I guess I'm in the minority opinion here, and most everyone agrees to slap some sense into the 14 year old. I'm not saying it won't work, but it should be a final trump card because after that you have no good options left. Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Goldmund]

If you're the older brother, you are naturally/nuturally designed to be alpha as fuck. The bible even teaches this. Do it in a firm and kind way.

[Engineer]

Another thought - You can't really convince a 14 year old of anything, and it's usually a waste of time trying. He's the smartest person in his universe despite any respect he has for you. Changing a teenager's behavior can be done but is a long, drawn-out process, and you're starting behind the eight ball already. Pull them in the right direction by modeling good behavior yourself and enforcing boundaries on the non negotiables.

Youngback, your approach works as an older brother laying down the law in the proper way. Seems OK IF you live in the house to keep a constant overwatch. But my 14 year old would have all the answers to your questions and counter-arguments that make it look like he's right and you're wrong. "It's OK for me to do it to him because you're doing it to me right now" It doesn't matter if you're actually right, because most teenagers are like women; the hormones can make them unpredictable and illogical. Cold, rational thought is asking a lot from a 14 year old but sounds like your younger brothers are capable.

You're going to get some shit between brothers no matter what, but OP's mom sounds like maybe she's reached her limit.

[The Beast1]

Well wait a second, hold on.

Why is the 14 year old picking on the younger one? Are you sure it is actually him just picking on him for the sake of picking on him?

When I was a kid, my younger brother would provoke me all of the time. Then of course i'd smack the f*cker and he'd start crying to get my parents involved. Of course I would get in trouble.

Get both sides of the story. If the 10 year old is in fact instigating it, then he deserves whatever he gets. Ask both of them what caused them leading up to it.

[Engineer]

(07-30-2014 01:02 PM)frenchie Wrote:  

Well wait a second, hold on.

Why is the 14 year old picking on the younger one? Are you sure it is actually him just picking on him for the sake of picking on him?

When I was a kid, my younger brother would provoke me all of the time. Then of course i'd smack the f*cker and he'd start crying to get my parents involved. Of course I would get in trouble.

Get both sides of the story. If the 10 year old is in fact instigating it, then he deserves whatever he gets. Ask both of them what caused them leading up to it.

Agree that the 10 year old might be a provoker, but both sides of a story are just words. If you didn't see it with your own eyes, believing one over the other based on words alone might just train them to lie more convincingly as they get older. And you're not going to get the call right every time. Physical evidence (marks) may or may not be reliable, you need the video. You can tell when they're lying when they're younger, but they learn quickly.

The biggest concern here is the 14 year old will soon become the defacto alpha in the house, since the OP isn't around. If that kid decides he doesn't have to listen to mom because he's bigger than her, that's when the real problems will start. They need to get him on track asap. A job, girlfriend, school, whatever gets his attention off the punching bag of a younger brother.

[NY Digital]

Try taking your brothers on a camping trip or going kayaking. Do some kind of activity together.

[The Beast1]

(07-30-2014 01:32 PM)Engineer Wrote:  

(07-30-2014 01:02 PM)frenchie Wrote:  

Well wait a second, hold on.

Why is the 14 year old picking on the younger one? Are you sure it is actually him just picking on him for the sake of picking on him?

When I was a kid, my younger brother would provoke me all of the time. Then of course i'd smack the f*cker and he'd start crying to get my parents involved. Of course I would get in trouble.

Get both sides of the story. If the 10 year old is in fact instigating it, then he deserves whatever he gets. Ask both of them what caused them leading up to it.

Agree that the 10 year old might be a provoker, but both sides of a story are just words. If you didn't see it with your own eyes, believing one over the other based on words alone might just train them to lie more convincingly as they get older. And you're not going to get the call right every time. Physical evidence (marks) may or may not be reliable, you need the video. You can tell when they're lying when they're younger, but they learn quickly.

The biggest concern here is the 14 year old will soon become the defacto alpha in the house, since the OP isn't around. If that kid decides he doesn't have to listen to mom because he's bigger than her, that's when the real problems will start. They need to get him on track asap. A job, girlfriend, school, whatever gets his attention off the punching bag of a younger brother.

Not neccessarily. Try and impart a punishment on both. My grandpa did this to my brother and me when we were kids. Younger brother provoked me and I smacked him. Grandpa ended up yelling at us both but kept my younger brother in time out longer. He told him to not start fights.

Sometimes punishing the "victim" with little kids is an effective way to keep the younger one from being passively manipulative and the older one subordinate without dominating the younger. You can punish the older one's behavior without killing his spirit, something that will lead to resentment and problems down the road.

Does that make sense?

[Engineer]

(07-30-2014 02:02 PM)frenchie Wrote:  

Not neccessarily. Try and impart a punishment on both. My grandpa did this to my brother and me when we were kids. Younger brother provoked me and I smacked him. Grandpa ended up yelling at us both but kept my younger brother in time out longer. He told him to not start fights.

Sometimes punishing the "victim" with little kids is an effective way to keep the younger one from being passively manipulative and the older one subordinate without dominating the younger. You can punish the older one's behavior without killing his spirit, something that will lead to resentment and problems down the road.

Does that make sense?

Yes, I agree. You punish both because you assume both were misbehaving, and try to adjust the punishment to fit the crime and to achieve the goals you stated. I tried this for a while myself, but just ended up punishing them both constantly. Eventually I said don't even come to me crying, because if I didn't see it I'm not taking action on it. There is no perfect/fair solution.

[Dr. Howard]

(07-30-2014 12:28 PM)Engineer Wrote:  

(07-30-2014 11:01 AM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

Also, what is with the child support advice? That seems like something from a 'take time to be a father' PSA ad. So the Dad should be giving money to mom and cross his fingers that she will spend it appropriately to solve the problem? I think Dad should be aware of the problem and them make up his own mind as to whether its a solution that requires money or not; If he thinks it warrants money then he should pay for the activity directly or give the money to Fortis and hold him accountable.

A friend of mine (a woman) had some good advice in this department, it was, "help out your kids but never give the mom money that you don't have to. Buy them diapers, buy them clothes, buy them school supplies or a bike. It keeps the woman honest and the man involved"

Doc, I really respect some of your excellent posts in other areas. On this one, your approach is very different than mine, and could have negative impacts on OPs family for many years.

1) Cross your fingers and hope the woman spends the money appropriately? Yeah I never said that. Woman/logic/money never go together, you can't be seriously thinking that is what I was advising.
2) The OP already indicated the father was not involved time-wise, so I suggested the next best thing from him to help the issue, money. To the mother/kids/OP directly, it doesn't really matter, because of #3 below:
3) Your female friend's advice might sound good on the surface but is actually COMPLETELY wrong. I understand the underlying point about men getting divorce raped and having to give money over to a crazy ex. Not fun. However, if the man buys the diapers or whatnot, then that's money the woman doesn't have to spend on diapers and can buy shoes or whatever it is she wastes money on. Money is completely fungible. Your woman friend sounds crafty - be careful around her and her "good advice"

Here's where I think you're right:

Beatdown is the fastest path to humility - yes, that will resolve the situation very quickly. But with what unintended consequence? The OP is not around to police the situation 24/7 and the 10 year old will likely suffer if the lesson taught to the 14 year old doesn't take. At some point, the 14 year old may lash out at his mother, when he's big enough. Then the OP will get pissed and put the him in the hospital. Then etc.etc.etc. Violence breeds violence.

I guess I'm in the minority opinion here, and most everyone agrees to slap some sense into the 14 year old. I'm not saying it won't work, but it should be a final trump card because after that you have no good options left. Good luck, whatever you decide.

True enough, I overlooked that the OP doesn't live in the house/isn't around.

[Engineer]

(07-30-2014 01:42 PM)NY Digital Wrote:  

Try taking your brothers on a camping trip or going kayaking. Do some kind of activity together.

Great idea. What about turning it into a contest? "Two of us are going to (whatever they like best) next weekend. Me and the one of you who behaves best between now and then by not picking on the other and stressing mom out"

You go with one of them and it's a real treat for him to hang out with big brother. If the three of you go you risk them competing for your attention and it's 100x more work for you. The loser is punished by staying home with mom, hahaha. Tell the loser "I wanted to take you, but you let me down. Can you do better for next month and we'll (something even better). Or if a miracle happens and they're both angels for the week, you say I'm proud of you both, you're both going.

[jmourinho]

Simple solution: Just give him a good slap
A bitch slap for a bitch, Ari Gold style

[Fortis]

(07-30-2014 01:02 PM)frenchie Wrote:  

Well wait a second, hold on.

Why is the 14 year old picking on the younger one? Are you sure it is actually him just picking on him for the sake of picking on him?

When I was a kid, my younger brother would provoke me all of the time. Then of course i'd smack the f*cker and he'd start crying to get my parents involved. Of course I would get in trouble.

Get both sides of the story. If the 10 year old is in fact instigating it, then he deserves whatever he gets. Ask both of them what caused them leading up to it.

Of course the little one sometimes pick with his older brother, but the 14 year old has a way of taking shit too far. My younger brother was trying to find a hiking stick one day and he finds a stick that suits his height, so his older brother comes over, breaks the stick in half and throws it back into the woods for no reason.

The older kid will also just try to control the little kid all the time. They'll play PS3 together and if the younger kid no longer wants to play, his brother will force him to sit and play a game with him just so he can beat him. If he loses to the younger kid then he just trash talks the entire time. A bit of heckling is healthy for kids, but I think it's a bit much when you're constantly verbally abusing your little brother.

I think this has all has been exacerbated by the summer vacation: the older kid works some days, but not enough to always be out of the house. The younger kid goes to camp some days, but neither situation is full-time. Strangely, neither of them seem to want to spend much time with their friends, but I imagine that scheduling playdates is quite an ordeal in today's helicopter parent climate.

my mother spends much of the day out of the house working leaving the two with my grandmother. Sweet lady, but she (rightfully) doesn't have the energy to hover over a pair of kids all day.

They can't just have a friendly competition unless I'm there policing the situation. It's a bit ridiculous.

I was never like this with either of them, so I'm baffled as to why he's a jerk.

I won't pretend to be some saint or anything, but I imagine that I can help before my mom has to start calling the cops on this kid, or before I have to get violent, which is really not my thing, Especially on a kid 11 years my junior.