[norebly]

So this will be a bit of a long post. I've been reading some of the threads here lately and I'm amazed by how the financial advice that I've found around here as well as how much people around here have squeezed out of life.

The title of this thread is a bit of an exaggeration but I truly find myself not happy right now.

I can fill in any details of the past that need clarification but the gist is that I find myself in a place where despite my good environment (good job, no debt, plenty of hot women around), I have a hard time doing things that I enjoy.

At one point in my life (probably lasted for 1.5 years), I was comfortable with me and genuinely liked myself. Now it's like I keep finding places to escape from my own head. My drive, ambition, belief in myself are all gone. I find myself taking the easy route more often than I'd like and it's affecting all areas of my life.

I do not approach women because I don't believe in myself anymore. I never did all that well to begin with but that's another story. I also stopped having fantasies about women because my hopes were shattered beyond recognition by a former gf.

I haven't gotten laid in more than a year and the color seems to be fading from the world that I perceive.

I have tried working out, reading, playing games as an escape but it always come back to me being unsatisfied at the end of the day.

In the end, I think that the major problem is that I'm lacking even that basic mental capacity to follow through with things at the moment. Not getting laid doesn't help but I doubt that would fix the problem.

I'm really wondering what route to take to break myself out of this.

Thanks for reading. I'm really hoping that I find people who can relate to this or have been through something similar. I've been feeling like I'm alone in this.

[Brodiaga]

What you need is to shake things up a little bit and bring yourself back to life. Book a trip to South East Asia and spend a couple of weeks there. I would recommend 3 options as a starting point:

-Bangkok and Phuket, Thailand
-Jakarta and Bali, Indonesia
-Manila and maybe Cebu in the Philippines (I haven't been to the Phils myself, but this is based on other people's reports here on RVF)

Read the reports here on RVF - there are at least a few about each of these places. Make the most out of your trip and report back.

[peterthephoenix]

You're not alone. I've been through something like this before.

Questions for you:
- What do you want out of life?
- What makes you happy?
- What are your energy levels like day to day?

Advice:
- Work harder. Really push yourself so you become so busy and engrossed in work that you forget about how you're feeling
- Seek a therapist. Sounds like there's some type of psychological issue that's holding you back. Might take some therapy to dig that one out

[Tangent]

I don't know your age, but get your test levels checked. Start lifting HEAVY, dial in your diet ( I like paleo) and start having physical fun- bike, martial arts, backpacking, ultimate frisbee- whatever). Focus on you, and as counterintuitively as it may seem, pussy will follow.

[Yeti]

Read this article by Robert Greene. Shake things up, do things that might seem counter-intuitive, or at least counter to the beliefs that you hold. Do the opposite of what you've been doing and, even if you fuck things up a bit, maybe that's what you need. Get some new ideas into your head.
http://powerseductionandwar.com/an-exper...stupidity/

I was recently on a little vacation in the Bay Area, and feeling in need of some mental therapy, I decided to run a little experiment on myself. I would try to do and think everything the opposite of how I normally approach things. To help me in this matter, I placed the one ring I wear (inherited from my father when he passed away) on a finger on the right, instead of left, hand. This would be very noticeable to me and make me constantly aware of something different. It would remind me, physically, to stay on the contrary path. As a side experience, it caused me to evaluate my normal reactions to things, to highlight them and make me aware of how mechanical I can be in response to other people.

During the trip, I would find myself feeling irritable by something someone said (I was traveling with family). I first forced myself to feel the opposite, a sense of joy at their expression of the obvious. Or maybe it was not so obvious. Maybe there was a strange bit of wisdom contained in this cliché they were uttering. In any event, it was exhilarating to play in this way, and to watch how this would build its own momentum. Acting and reacting differently, even if forced, made me feel different and that was therapeutic.

This went deeper and deeper. I had to sing or dance when normally I wanted to crawl into the bed of my hotel room. I had to read the hotel magazine when I was craving the deeper ideas of the book I was currently reading. This hotel magazine, crammed with the most banal articles, would be a real challenge to me: could I find it interesting in some way? Yes, yes I could.

I would say no when I wanted to say yes, and vice versa. This caused some culinary quakes: I had to eat things I had been telling myself were bad for me or that I was repulsed by. I had to turn off my cell phone, not check my email. Everything had to be upside down and I just let this take its course. The people around me were aware of me acting a bit strange, but they are used to that.

Well, many interesting thoughts came to me during this experiment. An idea for a new philosophy of living, a new book to work on, a new way of adjusting to the world. I could write endlessly about the results. But I will share one revelation: As we all know, the Bay Area is the center of world political correctness. It generally works in the following way: every choice in life is scrutinized and double-checked for how it fits into a neat set of moral and/or value slots that occupy the mind.

[RawGod]

What you're suffering from sounds like anhedonia - an inability to feel pleasure or joy. Do you have a history with recreational drugs? That can fry your serotonin neurotransmitters.

In any case, shake things up and try to restart your motor as others have suggested. Perhaps quit your job and move to SEA. Do it with barely enough cash and you will be in panic/survival mode to get some income going as well as being in a great place to get laid. Be adventurous. Think about your upcoming death.

[Truth Teller]

I know this sounds kind of televangelist, but consider reading the Bible. I found that a lot of things changed in my life after I read it.

[The Lizard of Oz]

Approximately how old are you?

How long has it been since you were betrayed by that girl?

[norebly]

(07-08-2014 07:17 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

What you need is to shake things up a little bit and bring yourself back to life. Book a trip to South East Asia and spend a couple of weeks there. I would recommend 3 options as a starting point:

-Bangkok and Phuket, Thailand
-Jakarta and Bali, Indonesia
-Manila and maybe Cebu in the Philippines (I haven't been to the Phils myself, but this is based on other people's reports here on RVF)

Read the reports here on RVF - there are at least a few about each of these places. Make the most out of your trip and report back.

Wow thanks for all the replies.

I think traveling will be fun although I have to wait a few months before I can leave the country (Don't have my passport atm). I went to Vegas this winter and it was very relaxing and great but the happiness was short lived since my spirits seem to have died down after coming back.

Why those three places instead of Europe? Just curious since I always thought Europe would be cool.

(07-08-2014 07:31 PM)peterthephoenix Wrote:  

You're not alone. I've been through something like this before.

Questions for you:
- What do you want out of life?
More recently, my goal was to start my own business and live life to the fullest with an awesome girl and travel the world after I sell the business. I'm no longer really driven to these things as money is not a large issue due to my average salary combined with college budget. I also don't think the perfect girl exists anymore. This is after a girl tore me to pieces. It's my own fault that I got disillusioned in this case.
- What makes you happy?
Hard to say for now. I find that the happiest times are when I bike by myself since it's one of the few times that I can't pester myself about not being happy or not getting laid, or my lack of social life.
- What are your energy levels like day to day?
I don't have energy problems. I can sleep for 5-6 hours daily and generally not be tired during the day.

Advice:
- Work harder. Really push yourself so you become so busy and engrossed in work that you forget about how you're feeling
This worked for me in the past. For some reason I'm causing myself to crash now when I push harder. I get extremely discouraged by the smallest failures now. My logic can't seem to override this.
- Seek a therapist. Sounds like there's some type of psychological issue that's holding you back. Might take some therapy to dig that one out
I'm talking to a therapist now. I'll see where it goes.

(07-08-2014 07:36 PM)Tangent Wrote:  

I don't know your age, but get your test levels checked. Start lifting HEAVY, dial in your diet ( I like paleo) and start having physical fun- bike, martial arts, backpacking, ultimate frisbee- whatever). Focus on you, and as counterintuitively as it may seem, pussy will follow.

I'm 24 and I don't know my levels but last I checked a few years ago it was healthy. What is considered heavy lifting? I'm 195 and lift 234 x 3 with the railed weights. I've been pushing it and it helps but some of these mental pains still exist.

(07-08-2014 07:37 PM)Yeti Wrote:  

Read this article by Robert Greene. Shake things up, do things that might seem counter-intuitive, or at least counter to the beliefs that you hold. Do the opposite of what you've been doing and, even if you fuck things up a bit, maybe that's what you need. Get some new ideas into your head.
http://powerseductionandwar.com/an-exper...stupidity/

I was recently on a little vacation in the Bay Area, and feeling in need of some mental therapy, I decided to run a little experiment on myself. I would try to do and think everything the opposite of how I normally approach things. To help me in this matter, I placed the one ring I wear (inherited from my father when he passed away) on a finger on the right, instead of left, hand. This would be very noticeable to me and make me constantly aware of something different. It would remind me, physically, to stay on the contrary path. As a side experience, it caused me to evaluate my normal reactions to things, to highlight them and make me aware of how mechanical I can be in response to other people.

During the trip, I would find myself feeling irritable by something someone said (I was traveling with family). I first forced myself to feel the opposite, a sense of joy at their expression of the obvious. Or maybe it was not so obvious. Maybe there was a strange bit of wisdom contained in this cliché they were uttering. In any event, it was exhilarating to play in this way, and to watch how this would build its own momentum. Acting and reacting differently, even if forced, made me feel different and that was therapeutic.

This went deeper and deeper. I had to sing or dance when normally I wanted to crawl into the bed of my hotel room. I had to read the hotel magazine when I was craving the deeper ideas of the book I was currently reading. This hotel magazine, crammed with the most banal articles, would be a real challenge to me: could I find it interesting in some way? Yes, yes I could.

I would say no when I wanted to say yes, and vice versa. This caused some culinary quakes: I had to eat things I had been telling myself were bad for me or that I was repulsed by. I had to turn off my cell phone, not check my email. Everything had to be upside down and I just let this take its course. The people around me were aware of me acting a bit strange, but they are used to that.

Well, many interesting thoughts came to me during this experiment. An idea for a new philosophy of living, a new book to work on, a new way of adjusting to the world. I could write endlessly about the results. But I will share one revelation: As we all know, the Bay Area is the center of world political correctness. It generally works in the following way: every choice in life is scrutinized and double-checked for how it fits into a neat set of moral and/or value slots that occupy the mind.

I'm reading that after this reply. I'll challenge more my thinking from now on.

(07-08-2014 07:41 PM)RawGod Wrote:  

What you're suffering from sounds like anhedonia - an inability to feel pleasure or joy. Do you have a history with recreational drugs? That can fry your serotonin neurotransmitters.
Nothing comes to mind besides multivitamins.
In any case, shake things up and try to restart your motor as others have suggested. Perhaps quit your job and move to SEA. Do it with barely enough cash and you will be in panic/survival mode to get some income going as well as being in a great place to get laid. Be adventurous. Think about your upcoming death.

That's pretty extreme. I don't want to take that large of a risk at this point in my life. Although I'm certain that that would do something to me..

(07-08-2014 07:45 PM)Truth Teller Wrote:  

I know this sounds kind of televangelist, but consider reading the Bible. I found that a lot of things changed in my life after I read it.

Religious way or it was just a good wisdombase?

This is awesome how many replies I got... on top of that they were all judgmental. Honestly one of the things that I think is hurting me is that I don't have much to believe in right now... including people. I hope to change that since this seems to be an active and supportive community. Thanks everyone.

[norebly]

(07-08-2014 09:31 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

Approximately how old are you?

How long has it been since you were betrayed by that girl?

I'm 24

It's been two years. I am by every definition of the word... sensitive.

I feel like I actually lost a part of that after the experience. I can't get smitten by girls anymore since I'm just reminded of what can happen...

[Brodiaga]

(07-08-2014 09:36 PM)norebly Wrote:  

I think traveling will be fun although I have to wait a few months before I can leave the country (Don't have my passport atm). I went to Vegas this winter and it was very relaxing and great but the happiness was short lived since my spirits seem to have died down after coming back.

Why those three places instead of Europe? Just curious since I always thought Europe would be cool.

To each his own, but I've been to Europe, South America and Asia and prefer Asia by far if the purpose of the trip is to "heal your soul" so to speak. I mean, you haven't got laid in a year, right? Imagine getting laid twice a day with normal girls who are just looking for fun. Imagine getting laid on the same night you arrive. There are a lot of things you can't even imagine until you've been there.

I would go to a big city, such as Bangkok, Jakarta or Manila, where there are plenty of young, professional girls who love foreigners. Then spend a few days on the beach like Bali or Phuket. More touristy, fewer local "targets", but worth it for the scenery.

A few years ago I felt like shit after a bad break-up with a girl. Then I bought a ticket to Thailand and visited SEA for the first time in my life. Since, then, my life has improved a lot. Also, I know that if i'm ever treated like shit by girls wherever I live, there is always a place where things are very different. This alone changes the attitude towards girls and life significantly.

[The Lizard of Oz]

Delete

[BadWolf]

I didn't get laid till I was 25.... it was in Brazil. Sooo, I don't see what you are depressed about.

[poledaddy]

Do you have anything resembling a "crew" aka decent male friends. Have you ever at any point IE sports in high school/college, etc?

[svenski7]

Hey norebly,

I guess the best advice I can give would be by sharing some similar experiences I've had and how I am dealing with them.

You noted that you haven't gotten laid in over a year. When I first found this forum, I hadn't banged in over four years. A lot of that was societal/cultural circumstance but nonetheless those were four of my prime years in which I wasn't banging anything except a dirty old sock.

What did I do? A friend introduced me to Game and I stumbled upon RooshV then naturally RVF. Later I gained a tremendous amount of information about the nature of man and woman from early Heartiste (CH), Book of Pook and Bonecracker (sp?).

I traveled. It was easier to act on what we learn in the Game section of the forum by removing yourself from your hometown and its social circles. You feel a lot freer to "Game" in Bangkok than in SWPL America (I'm assuming you're from North America).

We've all got 99 problems and sometimes Game can give us more or help us solve a few. IMHO, it sounds like this ex-gf -- and whatever transpired with that relationship -- has taken your mojo. So, to an extend you have a serious case of oneitis. But, on the other hand, you may very well realize that it's over and that she is not important but you can't get things back on track.

Counseling can help but actualizing your dream of world travel might be even better. You already stated that you wanted to sell your business and travel the world back when you were "the man." The problem for most people would be that they wanted to travel but then lost their mojo and their good-paying job and now cannot do anything but eat pizza in their mom's basement. This is not your situation!

You've already told us that you are, to some extent, stacking cash without any debt. So what are you waiting for?

I may be completely off-base because I don't have all of the facts but I will say that everything I suggest comes from personal experience. I will be moving to SEA in a few months with a lot less cash than you probably already have saved up. So, in this sense, time is money and the money you are currently earning in flyover country USA is not worth the time that you could be spending in SEA healing your mind and body from the wrongs of your past gf.

In other words, my business background is telling me that, in your situation, there is a clear cost/benefit choice regarding leaving things behind and clearing your mind.

[Ice]

(07-08-2014 09:48 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

A few years ago I felt like shit after a bad break-up with a girl. Then I bought a ticket to Thailand and visited SEA for the first time in my life. Since, then, my life has improved a lot. Also, I know that if i'm ever treated like shit by girls wherever I live, there is always a place where things are very different. This alone changes the attitude towards girls and life significantly.

Yeah that is true. I had the same experience. That really gave me a lot of peace of mind.

You can't compare SEA to Europe. Europe is pretty "normal", not too different from the States. But SEA is really a different world.

[Phoenux]

I'm a firm believer that a man needs a hobby. It can be as different or mundane as you wish, but it must be something that takes time, requires effort and creates a sense of joy and or accomplishment in yourself. For reasons of my own I stopped doing my hobby about 6 months ago and can physically and mentally feel the impact it has made. I haven't found a new one yet, but the search continues.

[iknowexactly]

(07-08-2014 09:48 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

.... and visited SEA for the first time in my life. Since, then, my life has improved a lot. Also, I know that if i'm ever treated like shit by girls wherever I live, there is always a place where things are very different. This alone changes the attitude towards girls and life significantly.

This is huge, ever since I visited Russia in 1993, I have been far less bothered by American girl inflation and rudeness.

At first I still tried to date some, but they got worse and I got older, so their value plummeted. Now at work, they assume they're going to get my attention just because they're white and Im old.

They kind of glare with a chip on their shoulder, angry that I literally pay no attention to them except when there is a direct work reason to do so.

I carefully steer clear, so there is no reason whatsoever to complain about me. Their vanity won't let them think they're gross, so they forget about me and gossip.

I just save up money and get ready to leave for Asia again.

Seven weeks to go.

[OBJ Snakebite]

(07-08-2014 09:36 PM)norebly Wrote:  

What is considered heavy lifting?

This is heavy lifting.

[Dalaran1991]

Feel ya bro. I used to feel like this until I find some passions I really enjoy. I cant speak for you, but what generally causes this is a lack of a sense of purpose or dedication to something.

Pick up a passion for a few months and commit yourself to it utterly before bowing out. I highly recommend trying some martial arts, just like other suggest bodybuilding. It builds confidence and discipline and also an useful skillset. In my case I learn Aikido, which is a very effective self-defense system with a heavy emphasis on the philosophical side. Saved my life tons of time.

Also try ballroom dancing. Same reasons as above, with the added benefits that it puts you in contact with tons of sexy women. Really from there its easy picking.

[kaotic]

Surprised noone mentioned this: How often are you watching porn and cranking it ? If you are watching it alot, throttle it way back. If you just crank it, cut it out completely. Personally I feel alot better about myself after quitting that and I enjoy women more.

[norebly]

(07-08-2014 09:57 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

Delete

Why was this edited out haha. I remember reading some good thoughts that came from you especially women before it was taken off.

(07-08-2014 10:14 PM)poledaddy Wrote:  

Do you have anything resembling a "crew" aka decent male friends. Have you ever at any point IE sports in high school/college, etc?

I have a hard time maintaining friendships. I hate to admit it but I don't have a personality that people are drawn to. I'm adjusting my diet a bit and recently it feels like I don't care so much about not fitting in. I can share the same hobbies as some people but not bond. It was not always this bad but I always had that to some degree.

(07-08-2014 10:39 PM)svenski7 Wrote:  

Hey norebly,

I guess the best advice I can give would be by sharing some similar experiences I've had and how I am dealing with them.

You noted that you haven't gotten laid in over a year. When I first found this forum, I hadn't banged in over four years. A lot of that was societal/cultural circumstance but nonetheless those were four of my prime years in which I wasn't banging anything except a dirty old sock.

What did I do? A friend introduced me to Game and I stumbled upon RooshV then naturally RVF. Later I gained a tremendous amount of information about the nature of man and woman from early Heartiste (CH), Book of Pook and Bonecracker (sp?).

I traveled. It was easier to act on what we learn in the Game section of the forum by removing yourself from your hometown and its social circles. You feel a lot freer to "Game" in Bangkok than in SWPL America (I'm assuming you're from North America).

We've all got 99 problems and sometimes Game can give us more or help us solve a few. IMHO, it sounds like this ex-gf -- and whatever transpired with that relationship -- has taken your mojo. So, to an extend you have a serious case of oneitis. But, on the other hand, you may very well realize that it's over and that she is not important but you can't get things back on track.

Counseling can help but actualizing your dream of world travel might be even better. You already stated that you wanted to sell your business and travel the world back when you were "the man." The problem for most people would be that they wanted to travel but then lost their mojo and their good-paying job and now cannot do anything but eat pizza in their mom's basement. This is not your situation!

You've already told us that you are, to some extent, stacking cash without any debt. So what are you waiting for?

I may be completely off-base because I don't have all of the facts but I will say that everything I suggest comes from personal experience. I will be moving to SEA in a few months with a lot less cash than you probably already have saved up. So, in this sense, time is money and the money you are currently earning in flyover country USA is not worth the time that you could be spending in SEA healing your mind and body from the wrongs of your past gf.

In other words, my business background is telling me that, in your situation, there is a clear cost/benefit choice regarding leaving things behind and clearing your mind.

I appreciate that. It seems like travel is a good option to remove myself from all these things I feel and gain new perspective. I will wait until I get my passport and save up two weeks vacation. SEA = south east asia correct?

(07-08-2014 11:49 PM)Ice Wrote:  

(07-08-2014 09:48 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

A few years ago I felt like shit after a bad break-up with a girl. Then I bought a ticket to Thailand and visited SEA for the first time in my life. Since, then, my life has improved a lot. Also, I know that if i'm ever treated like shit by girls wherever I live, there is always a place where things are very different. This alone changes the attitude towards girls and life significantly.

Yeah that is true. I had the same experience. That really gave me a lot of peace of mind.

You can't compare SEA to Europe. Europe is pretty "normal", not too different from the States. But SEA is really a different world.

I'll look up places to go on these forums. I assume that you don't just land and get laid? It's still something that needs work I bet?

(07-08-2014 11:55 PM)Phoenux Wrote:  

I'm a firm believer that a man needs a hobby. It can be as different or mundane as you wish, but it must be something that takes time, requires effort and creates a sense of joy and or accomplishment in yourself. For reasons of my own I stopped doing my hobby about 6 months ago and can physically and mentally feel the impact it has made. I haven't found a new one yet, but the search continues.

This is very true. I have always struggled with this. I have a hard time finding something interesting enough to make it into a hobbie. I may have inadvertently trained myself to never get addicted to anything in this way. I'm looking into Muay Thai or boxing right now for after work.

(07-09-2014 03:01 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

Feel ya bro. I used to feel like this until I find some passions I really enjoy. I cant speak for you, but what generally causes this is a lack of a sense of purpose or dedication to something.

Pick up a passion for a few months and commit yourself to it utterly before bowing out. I highly recommend trying some martial arts, just like other suggest bodybuilding. It builds confidence and discipline and also an useful skillset. In my case I learn Aikido, which is a very effective self-defense system with a heavy emphasis on the philosophical side. Saved my life tons of time.

Also try ballroom dancing. Same reasons as above, with the added benefits that it puts you in contact with tons of sexy women. Really from there its easy picking.

I have tried learning salsa and guitar in the past. These things are harder for me than most other things in my life. Any advice to start off someone who is not too artistically inclined?

(07-09-2014 06:36 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Surprised noone mentioned this: How often are you watching porn and cranking it ? If you are watching it alot, throttle it way back. If you just crank it, cut it out completely. Personally I feel alot better about myself after quitting that and I enjoy women more.

I've been cutting back a bit and it definitely helps. I actually do it on a bi-daily basis nowadays just so I am not as frustrated when I see all the hot girls in the city in the summer.

[Constitution45]

(07-08-2014 07:17 PM)Brodiaga Wrote:  

What you need is to shake things up a little bit and bring yourself back to life. Book a trip to South East Asia and spend a couple of weeks there. I would recommend 3 options as a starting point:

-Bangkok and Phuket, Thailand
-Jakarta and Bali, Indonesia
-Manila and maybe Cebu in the Philippines (I haven't been to the Phils myself, but this is based on other people's reports here on RVF)

Read the reports here on RVF - there are at least a few about each of these places. Make the most out of your trip and report back.

Second this, go on an adventure. We have all been here at one point in our lives. Understand how harsh life is and then set yourself a mission, find yourself role models and inspiration, its never too late.

[jumbo tron]

Agree with a lot of the replies. A quick trip to SE Asia will snap you out for sure. The energy of the place is just off the charts. As soon as you walk out the door its all there for you to see

Life can be downright brutal at times. But don't see life as ruined. Its an opportunity to set goals, rebuild.

I would be surprised if there isn't a guy on the forum who hasn't been completely messed up by a girl for a period. We all know they can be absolutely cutthroat. I remember when it was me wondering if it was ever going to get better....but it did.

Just need to hang in there, dig deep and in the future you'll probably look back at this time in your life and appreciate what a great opportunity it was.

[Truth Teller]

(07-08-2014 09:36 PM)norebly Wrote:  

Religious way or it was just a good wisdombase?

Both. It makes you think about things in a different way, and honestly, it's chock full of red pill knowledge.