I have considered beating these guys to a bloody pulp in the past. Im happy I didnt but I know what you're feeling. Its our male ego.
How to deal with someone who is hating on me
Some great advice here. I really like the call him out on being gay angle. I won't give you advice but will share some of my experiences with idiots like this. I am usually a man of few words and have been a target of 'bullies' up through college. The problem is that I also love to fight and injure people to the extent of what is reasonable but after seeing/hearing too many stories of other maritial arts students and teachers being arrested for destroying people its not a great idea unless you live in a state that has mutual combat laws.
I always diffused bullies using the principle of saving face. Bullies/tough talkers are making a scene in public to try to increase their rep/other opinion of them at their target's expense. When they are confronted in public they see their reputation being put at risk and often won't back down and escalate to a physical confrontation. Get them out o the public eye/view of their peers and its easier for them to save face, and back down without being embarrassed in front of their friends.
I've had two instances that i can recall with some idiot who was consistently trying to trash talk me. I would not engage in his antics when they happened but then I would target the guy when he was alone...coming out of a bathroom or going to the bar a drink or some completely unrelated venue. In any of these situations I could tell from their body language that they were off their game, they weren't 'on stage' anymore and got big eyes and a defensive posture when they saw me making a deliberate bee line towards them. It was also odd because I would not engage them in their trash talking previously, turning from someone passive to active. I would tell them 'come on over here, outside, whatever, you and I need to talk for a minute' and they would comply.
The conversation was simply this "I don't know what your problem with me is, but its going to stop. I'm not going to make a scene and rip my shirt off and fight you in a bar in front of a bunch of people, this isn't 6th grade. If you keep it up I'm going to resolve it in a situation like this, just you and me, with no one around to see it, you might not even see it coming and it might not even be me, but it will happen if you keep it up" I would stop talking then and just stare at the dude. Both times the guy back pedaled, I recall both dudes calling me crazy and over-reacting and I just cut him off with "are we cool?" to which he agreed, I would switch on a "good, enjoy your night/have a good day" and walk away.
No violence was ever needed, but the guy was so thrown off by a confrontation outside of his comfort zone, that he didn't expect, that the problem was resolved. Again this works like a charm if you do it outside of a public/party situation. I pulled this on one guy, when I knew where he lived. I knocked on his front door at 9am on a saturday morning, his girlfriend opened the door and I saw him in the kitchen in his underwear with a bowl of cereal....I called him over to the door and we had the above conversation. He looked absolutely terrified and had no further problems between us.
Mind you, this is getting close to 20 years ago. People aren't used to others appearing on their doorstep anymore and I might have been arrested or charged with threats.
I always diffused bullies using the principle of saving face. Bullies/tough talkers are making a scene in public to try to increase their rep/other opinion of them at their target's expense. When they are confronted in public they see their reputation being put at risk and often won't back down and escalate to a physical confrontation. Get them out o the public eye/view of their peers and its easier for them to save face, and back down without being embarrassed in front of their friends.
I've had two instances that i can recall with some idiot who was consistently trying to trash talk me. I would not engage in his antics when they happened but then I would target the guy when he was alone...coming out of a bathroom or going to the bar a drink or some completely unrelated venue. In any of these situations I could tell from their body language that they were off their game, they weren't 'on stage' anymore and got big eyes and a defensive posture when they saw me making a deliberate bee line towards them. It was also odd because I would not engage them in their trash talking previously, turning from someone passive to active. I would tell them 'come on over here, outside, whatever, you and I need to talk for a minute' and they would comply.
The conversation was simply this "I don't know what your problem with me is, but its going to stop. I'm not going to make a scene and rip my shirt off and fight you in a bar in front of a bunch of people, this isn't 6th grade. If you keep it up I'm going to resolve it in a situation like this, just you and me, with no one around to see it, you might not even see it coming and it might not even be me, but it will happen if you keep it up" I would stop talking then and just stare at the dude. Both times the guy back pedaled, I recall both dudes calling me crazy and over-reacting and I just cut him off with "are we cool?" to which he agreed, I would switch on a "good, enjoy your night/have a good day" and walk away.
No violence was ever needed, but the guy was so thrown off by a confrontation outside of his comfort zone, that he didn't expect, that the problem was resolved. Again this works like a charm if you do it outside of a public/party situation. I pulled this on one guy, when I knew where he lived. I knocked on his front door at 9am on a saturday morning, his girlfriend opened the door and I saw him in the kitchen in his underwear with a bowl of cereal....I called him over to the door and we had the above conversation. He looked absolutely terrified and had no further problems between us.
Mind you, this is getting close to 20 years ago. People aren't used to others appearing on their doorstep anymore and I might have been arrested or charged with threats.
Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
The next time he starts shit talking you stand about 3 feet from him and ask him if he's man enough to back any of it up. Don't smile, or smirk, or frown. Just hold a neutral expression. Then you can proceed to tell him about all of his short comings. If he's a bitch he'll stand there like one. If he has any pride he will make a move, and you can use "the reasonable and necessary force necessary to defend yourself from a violent attack".
"Feminism is a trade union for ugly women"- Peregrine
Come on RVF.
You want to get under this guys skin without using your fists? Fuck his mother/sister.
You want to get under this guys skin without using your fists? Fuck his mother/sister.
Quote: (06-02-2014 08:04 AM)Dr. Howard Wrote:
Some great advice here. I really like the call him out on being gay angle. I won't give you advice but will share some of my experiences with idiots like this. I am usually a man of few words and have been a target of 'bullies' up through college. The problem is that I also love to fight and injure people to the extent of what is reasonable but after seeing/hearing too many stories of other maritial arts students and teachers being arrested for destroying people its not a great idea unless you live in a state that has mutual combat laws.
I always diffused bullies using the principle of saving face. Bullies/tough talkers are making a scene in public to try to increase their rep/other opinion of them at their target's expense. When they are confronted in public they see their reputation being put at risk and often won't back down and escalate to a physical confrontation. Get them out o the public eye/view of their peers and its easier for them to save face, and back down without being embarrassed in front of their friends.
I've had two instances that i can recall with some idiot who was consistently trying to trash talk me. I would not engage in his antics when they happened but then I would target the guy when he was alone...coming out of a bathroom or going to the bar a drink or some completely unrelated venue. In any of these situations I could tell from their body language that they were off their game, they weren't 'on stage' anymore and got big eyes and a defensive posture when they saw me making a deliberate bee line towards them. It was also odd because I would not engage them in their trash talking previously, turning from someone passive to active. I would tell them 'come on over here, outside, whatever, you and I need to talk for a minute' and they would comply.
The conversation was simply this "I don't know what your problem with me is, but its going to stop. I'm not going to make a scene and rip my shirt off and fight you in a bar in front of a bunch of people, this isn't 6th grade. If you keep it up I'm going to resolve it in a situation like this, just you and me, with no one around to see it, you might not even see it coming and it might not even be me, but it will happen if you keep it up" I would stop talking then and just stare at the dude. Both times the guy back pedaled, I recall both dudes calling me crazy and over-reacting and I just cut him off with "are we cool?" to which he agreed, I would switch on a "good, enjoy your night/have a good day" and walk away.
No violence was ever needed, but the guy was so thrown off by a confrontation outside of his comfort zone, that he didn't expect, that the problem was resolved. Again this works like a charm if you do it outside of a public/party situation. I pulled this on one guy, when I knew where he lived. I knocked on his front door at 9am on a saturday morning, his girlfriend opened the door and I saw him in the kitchen in his underwear with a bowl of cereal....I called him over to the door and we had the above conversation. He looked absolutely terrified and had no further problems between us.
Mind you, this is getting close to 20 years ago. People aren't used to others appearing on their doorstep anymore and I might have been arrested or charged with threats.
Yeah, this does work well and good point about removing the public pressure.
Even a phone call can work, though showing up in person is obviously a lot more intimidating and real for them.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
Quote: (06-02-2014 02:43 AM)J DOE Wrote:
Personally, I would beat his ass but I understand the dilemma you're in. What you want to do is physically dominate him one good time. Wrestle him to the ground, don't cause any injuries to him though, just display that you're physically dominant over him. Make him see how weak he is compared to you and let him know that you have been allowing him to taunt you, like you would a small child, but he's crossed the line.
Ideally, you want to do this when you're alone where there's no witnesses and he has nobody to ask for help. But I'm curious, why haven't you let it be known that he's pissing you off? If I was in a situation like that I would be very openly hostile to him, to the point where he would be uncomfortable talking to me. Like shoving him to the ground, pouring drinks on him, putting my finger on his face and pushing it. Basically I would goad him into throwing the first punch, or at least make sure he would be afraid of me.
THIS
Also, you are saying that he sees you as a threat, I doubt he sees you as a threat, people don't disrespect people who they see as threats.
The first day he started clowning on you, you should have gotten defensive right there and then..slap him hard on his face and expect him to react and then take it from there.
Treat disrespect with disrespect.
Deleted. I sent you a PM instead. I don't want to get the board in trouble with my wacky ideas!
I think you should start delivering some really low verbal blows...if he ever blows up your spot again, just say some of the meanest, nastiest things you can think of. The type of shit where if he doesn't challenge you to a fight, then he truly is a spineless pussy. What are his biggest problems? Just some examples...What is his family like? Successful or dead-beats? You could go to town on shit like that. Or if he has a hot (or ugly) sister...just talk about fucking her or how gross she is depending on the reality. Or a dead grandma or something...shit sounds really fucked up, but it could be a win-win. If he swings at you, you can really teach him a lesson, or he'll finally realize he needs to shut the fuck up because that type of shit will probably hit hard.
I have to be honest, though...it sounds like this other dude is wittier than you or better with words. If your tongue was sharp enough, you'd have extinguished the hate a long time ago. Or you just need to man up...
Because I know what this feels like...when someone gives you shit for so long (and you let them), your place in that hierarchy is carved into stone. Sometimes it's extremely hard to break mental barriers like that. I had an asshole "friend" who was kind of similar, and when I would occasionally stick up for myself, my heart would be POUNDING...I'd almost black out from the rush of different emotions.
So next time, down a few shots, get loose and get ready to verbally unload on this clown. Maybe you'll have to sacrifice an opportunity with a lizard to do it, but the long-term benefits will be many. Good luck, bud.
I have to be honest, though...it sounds like this other dude is wittier than you or better with words. If your tongue was sharp enough, you'd have extinguished the hate a long time ago. Or you just need to man up...
Because I know what this feels like...when someone gives you shit for so long (and you let them), your place in that hierarchy is carved into stone. Sometimes it's extremely hard to break mental barriers like that. I had an asshole "friend" who was kind of similar, and when I would occasionally stick up for myself, my heart would be POUNDING...I'd almost black out from the rush of different emotions.
So next time, down a few shots, get loose and get ready to verbally unload on this clown. Maybe you'll have to sacrifice an opportunity with a lizard to do it, but the long-term benefits will be many. Good luck, bud.
Here is how I deal with it.
Is there anybody that you hate? Or do you absolutely love everybody you know?
Chances are if you are like the rest of us- there is at least one person you know who you dislike and possibly hate.
Well - flip that on its head. And it means there is a reasonable chance that there is at least one person you know who also hates you.
It is just the nature of life - once you understand that this is something that we all have to deal with it should take away some of the sting.
Is there anybody that you hate? Or do you absolutely love everybody you know?
Chances are if you are like the rest of us- there is at least one person you know who you dislike and possibly hate.
Well - flip that on its head. And it means there is a reasonable chance that there is at least one person you know who also hates you.
It is just the nature of life - once you understand that this is something that we all have to deal with it should take away some of the sting.
Best way to handle this is do the Ben Franklin thing: make a list of pros and cons.
Pros: He will probably leave you alone from now on.
Some girls will be moderately impressed. (Chicks dig thugs, as we all know.)
So your nights will probably get a little more fun.
Cons:
First, there is no guarantee that you'll come out of the fight unscathed. You may think he's a wimp who can't possibly touch you, but that's not always the case. I met a guy once, we'll call him Bob. Bob was a mid-level management kind of guy, suit and tie, a little pudgy. Looked like a character from "Office Space". Bob took his workers out drinking one night, (This was in the 80s when that was still a thing you could do) and some drunk picked a fight with him. Bob had done nothing wrong, as near as he could tell, but the drunk saw something he didn't like. The drunk swung first, and hit Bob in the stomach. Out of sheer instinct, Bob punched back with a right hook. Bob had barely ever thrown a punch in his life, but this one connected. Hard. Dude went down, and hit his head on the bartop. Blacked out and never woke up. Dead on the spot. Everyone saw him through the first punch, and he had a good six inches and fifty pounds on pudgy little Bob, so Bob was lucky enough to get off in self-defense.
Now, I'm sure you think that you're a cross between Hercules and Hulk Hogan, and there's absolutely no way this puny wimp could hurt you, so this is highly unlikely to prove persuasive. But the drunk thought so too, and he paid for it with his life. Anyway, it's a point nobody's mentioned yet, and so I thought I may as well.
Secondly, if you're attacking a guy, unprovoked ("He's like SUPER-irritating, dude!" is not a sufficient reason for the use of bodily force in most jurisdictions) , in an open space, you will go to jail. Now, how long you go to jail is going to be dependent on a number of factors. I Am Not A Lawyer, as the old internet saying goes, and even if I was, I don't know where you live and certainly would not be giving advice to aid someone in committing a crime. So I can't speak to how long you'd be going to jail. But this means the following:
Lastly, what the hell are you? Five years old? You can't settle a petty little problem like this without resorting to your fists? There's nothing wrong with using violence when you need to: if someone's attacking you, breaking into your home, or hurting someone you care about. But "someone is hating on you" is not a good reason. It's barely even a reason at all.
This sort of shit makes us all look bad. "RooshVForum, I intended to commit a crime. How much trouble will I be in?" Christ, if you didn't have 450 posts I'd be convinced this was a troll intended to discredit the community. I'm still not convinced it isn't.
Pros: He will probably leave you alone from now on.
Some girls will be moderately impressed. (Chicks dig thugs, as we all know.)
So your nights will probably get a little more fun.
Cons:
First, there is no guarantee that you'll come out of the fight unscathed. You may think he's a wimp who can't possibly touch you, but that's not always the case. I met a guy once, we'll call him Bob. Bob was a mid-level management kind of guy, suit and tie, a little pudgy. Looked like a character from "Office Space". Bob took his workers out drinking one night, (This was in the 80s when that was still a thing you could do) and some drunk picked a fight with him. Bob had done nothing wrong, as near as he could tell, but the drunk saw something he didn't like. The drunk swung first, and hit Bob in the stomach. Out of sheer instinct, Bob punched back with a right hook. Bob had barely ever thrown a punch in his life, but this one connected. Hard. Dude went down, and hit his head on the bartop. Blacked out and never woke up. Dead on the spot. Everyone saw him through the first punch, and he had a good six inches and fifty pounds on pudgy little Bob, so Bob was lucky enough to get off in self-defense.
Now, I'm sure you think that you're a cross between Hercules and Hulk Hogan, and there's absolutely no way this puny wimp could hurt you, so this is highly unlikely to prove persuasive. But the drunk thought so too, and he paid for it with his life. Anyway, it's a point nobody's mentioned yet, and so I thought I may as well.
Secondly, if you're attacking a guy, unprovoked ("He's like SUPER-irritating, dude!" is not a sufficient reason for the use of bodily force in most jurisdictions) , in an open space, you will go to jail. Now, how long you go to jail is going to be dependent on a number of factors. I Am Not A Lawyer, as the old internet saying goes, and even if I was, I don't know where you live and certainly would not be giving advice to aid someone in committing a crime. So I can't speak to how long you'd be going to jail. But this means the following:
- You will lose your job, if you have one. Employers take a very dim view of violent crimes, and "Can I have next week off? I need to spend it in the county jail." is not considered a valid use of vacation days.
- You will have a horrible, horrible time finding a new one. If there's anybody who is less happy to employ violent criminals than your current employer, it's your future employer.
- You will have to go to jail. Jail is not a fun place. You don't want to go there.
- If something goes wrong when you're beating him, you may not actually get out of jail for a long long time.
Lastly, what the hell are you? Five years old? You can't settle a petty little problem like this without resorting to your fists? There's nothing wrong with using violence when you need to: if someone's attacking you, breaking into your home, or hurting someone you care about. But "someone is hating on you" is not a good reason. It's barely even a reason at all.
This sort of shit makes us all look bad. "RooshVForum, I intended to commit a crime. How much trouble will I be in?" Christ, if you didn't have 450 posts I'd be convinced this was a troll intended to discredit the community. I'm still not convinced it isn't.
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)