Student writes letter to Harvard Crimson about supposed rape:
http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2014/3...l-assault/
I expect this to become bigger news over the next few days; a few places--Jezebel, the Daily Mail--have already picked it up. Summary: student supposedly raped by a man who lives in her House (like a dorm I guess?). She complains to the dean and housing authorities wanting her alleged assailant moved to a different House. Doesn't report to police, school determines that what happened doesn't meet the University's sexual assault standard, refuses to move the guy.
Most of the article is about her psychological suffering and battles with administration, but what I found interesting was her account of the "rape."
He was a friend of mine and I trusted him. It was a freezing Friday night when I stumbled into his dorm room after too many drinks. He took my shirt off and started biting the skin on my neck and breast. I pushed back on his chest and asked him to stop kissing me aggressively. He laughed. He said that I should “just wear a scarf” to cover the marks. He continued to abuse my body, hurting my breast and vagina. He asked me to use my mouth. I said no. I was intoxicated, I was in pain, I was trapped between him and the wall, and I was scared to death that he would continue to ignore what I said. I stopped everything and turned my back to him, praying he would leave me alone. He started getting impatient. “Are you only going to make me hard, or are you going to make me come?” he said in a demanding tone.
It did not sound like a question. I obeyed.
So she goes to the dorm room of a man she knows, after drinking but not too drunk to walk, talk, remember, or make decisions. (Notice she doesn't seem to base her rape allegation on being too drunk to consent, nor would her own account support such a claim.) He starts making out with her and taking her clothes off, apparently without using force (she mentions none). He kisses and and bites her roughly, which many girls like; she asks him to stop "kissing her so aggressively" (i.e., she does not ask him to stop kissing her entirely).
Then she gets vague, alleging that he "abused her body." Abused is a conclusory term, i.e., it assumes the conclusion. Many women like being touched forcefully; the fact that it hurt her doesn't prove that it was not consensual. At this point he could be either a sexual abuser or a too-rough, clumsy lover. We just don't know, because she hasn't given us enough facts.
He asks for oral sex; she feels able to and does refuse, and he accepts her refusal. Then her account digresses into talking about her subjective state: she was intoxicated (but not too intoxicated to say no); she was "in pain" from his rough and/or clumsy makeout technique; she claims to have been "trapped between him and the wall," though she never says she tried to move or that he kept her there and, again, many women like being pushed up against a wall and made out with forcefully; and she was "scared to death that he would continue to ignore what I said," even though he had in fact responded to what she said on several occasions and had accepted her no, and she gives no reason why she was "scared to death"--no violence, no threats express or implied.
Finally he asks her if she will make him come, and she agrees, because his "demanding tone" did not "sound like a question."
In my opinion Harvard was correct, this is patently not rape. Her consent was not obtained by force or threat of force, nor was she too intoxicated to consent. This poor girl agreed to sex she did not want because of phantom fears she conjured up in her own head or, more likely, campus feminists conjured up for her by their unending warnings about rape culture. And now she is, I'd guess, truly traumatized by what happened (though I would not be surprised to learn of preexisting mental health issues).
This sounds to me like an example of something a woman described in an essay I ran across online some time ago: this girl raped herself. She had so little assertiveness, so little strength of character, so little understanding of her own sexual desires, that she showed up at a guy's room, drunk, probably unsure herself what she wanted. This full-grown adult human being acted like a lost little lamb. If he had been a skillful and caring lover she'd have woken up the next morning cooing in his arms. But he was a bit rough and selfish, or perhaps just assumed she wanted it that way as so many girls do. She had no capacity, and took no responsibility, to guide the interaction herself. And because the man treated her like an adult, not like a child, an adult who could speak up if she did not like how things were going, she feels raped.
I spent some time this morning searching around for this essay I read in which a woman, now older, described going through this kind of thing as a young woman and, looking back, acknowledged that she essentially raped herself by going through with things she did not want even though no one was forcing her. I could not find it. If it rings any bells, please point me to it. Could have been on Slate, or somewhere like Judgy Bitch.
http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2014/3...l-assault/
I expect this to become bigger news over the next few days; a few places--Jezebel, the Daily Mail--have already picked it up. Summary: student supposedly raped by a man who lives in her House (like a dorm I guess?). She complains to the dean and housing authorities wanting her alleged assailant moved to a different House. Doesn't report to police, school determines that what happened doesn't meet the University's sexual assault standard, refuses to move the guy.
Most of the article is about her psychological suffering and battles with administration, but what I found interesting was her account of the "rape."
He was a friend of mine and I trusted him. It was a freezing Friday night when I stumbled into his dorm room after too many drinks. He took my shirt off and started biting the skin on my neck and breast. I pushed back on his chest and asked him to stop kissing me aggressively. He laughed. He said that I should “just wear a scarf” to cover the marks. He continued to abuse my body, hurting my breast and vagina. He asked me to use my mouth. I said no. I was intoxicated, I was in pain, I was trapped between him and the wall, and I was scared to death that he would continue to ignore what I said. I stopped everything and turned my back to him, praying he would leave me alone. He started getting impatient. “Are you only going to make me hard, or are you going to make me come?” he said in a demanding tone.
It did not sound like a question. I obeyed.
So she goes to the dorm room of a man she knows, after drinking but not too drunk to walk, talk, remember, or make decisions. (Notice she doesn't seem to base her rape allegation on being too drunk to consent, nor would her own account support such a claim.) He starts making out with her and taking her clothes off, apparently without using force (she mentions none). He kisses and and bites her roughly, which many girls like; she asks him to stop "kissing her so aggressively" (i.e., she does not ask him to stop kissing her entirely).
Then she gets vague, alleging that he "abused her body." Abused is a conclusory term, i.e., it assumes the conclusion. Many women like being touched forcefully; the fact that it hurt her doesn't prove that it was not consensual. At this point he could be either a sexual abuser or a too-rough, clumsy lover. We just don't know, because she hasn't given us enough facts.
He asks for oral sex; she feels able to and does refuse, and he accepts her refusal. Then her account digresses into talking about her subjective state: she was intoxicated (but not too intoxicated to say no); she was "in pain" from his rough and/or clumsy makeout technique; she claims to have been "trapped between him and the wall," though she never says she tried to move or that he kept her there and, again, many women like being pushed up against a wall and made out with forcefully; and she was "scared to death that he would continue to ignore what I said," even though he had in fact responded to what she said on several occasions and had accepted her no, and she gives no reason why she was "scared to death"--no violence, no threats express or implied.
Finally he asks her if she will make him come, and she agrees, because his "demanding tone" did not "sound like a question."
In my opinion Harvard was correct, this is patently not rape. Her consent was not obtained by force or threat of force, nor was she too intoxicated to consent. This poor girl agreed to sex she did not want because of phantom fears she conjured up in her own head or, more likely, campus feminists conjured up for her by their unending warnings about rape culture. And now she is, I'd guess, truly traumatized by what happened (though I would not be surprised to learn of preexisting mental health issues).
This sounds to me like an example of something a woman described in an essay I ran across online some time ago: this girl raped herself. She had so little assertiveness, so little strength of character, so little understanding of her own sexual desires, that she showed up at a guy's room, drunk, probably unsure herself what she wanted. This full-grown adult human being acted like a lost little lamb. If he had been a skillful and caring lover she'd have woken up the next morning cooing in his arms. But he was a bit rough and selfish, or perhaps just assumed she wanted it that way as so many girls do. She had no capacity, and took no responsibility, to guide the interaction herself. And because the man treated her like an adult, not like a child, an adult who could speak up if she did not like how things were going, she feels raped.
I spent some time this morning searching around for this essay I read in which a woman, now older, described going through this kind of thing as a young woman and, looking back, acknowledged that she essentially raped herself by going through with things she did not want even though no one was forcing her. I could not find it. If it rings any bells, please point me to it. Could have been on Slate, or somewhere like Judgy Bitch.
![[Image: AP9763045614211394322551.jpg]](http://www.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_606w/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2014/03/08/Others/Images/2014-03-08/AP9763045614211394322551.jpg)
