[runsonmagic]

Sex drive is what's behind the desire to learn game, but also one of the biggest challenges to overcome.

I find in my own game, sometimes I am so massively horny that I make the wrong move in an effort to get sex quicker. I'll shoot a "come over" text when I know fifteen minutes at a bar or coffee shop near my house is much more likely to lead to a walk back to my house. Because I want the sex so badly, I don't even have the patience for conversation.

It's hard to play the aloof game or be outcome independent when you want sex badly. This is the area of my game I want to work on. When I've had sex recently, or am not immediately horny, my game is pretty solid. When that testosterone induced switch of "get sex now" goes off in my brain, I flip into the functional cave-man game that leads to sex immediately with the small percent of women who are DTF in that moment, and blows out the rest. It sometimes works, but I know I'd get more, and often higher quality women, if I had a little more patience.

I remember a D&P post where he talks about how the way to build a dominant frame is to first dominate yourself. The more you take control of your own life, the easier it is to take control with women. I'm curious what other forum members use to manage their sex drive, channel their horniness before they get the lay, and not let the desire for sex get in the way of the pursuit of it.

I've done a 30-day no fap challenge. The first four days were brutal and after that clarity came over. But I'm not sure how effective this will be as I'm dating and seeing fuck-buddies on certain days.

I think we've all had the experience of a wave of clarity washing over us two seconds after orgasm. I'd like to have that clarity even before getting laid in the date leading up.

It's funny how the pursuit of pleasure can lead to greater self-discipline. I know that having the ability to say "no" to my own sex drive, will increase my ability to say "no" to women, which will increase the attraction they have to me and the quality I can get. Saying "no" to immediate pleasure leads to more pleasure later.

What does everyone here use to manage their sex drive, dominate it, and make sure it works for their game, rather than against it?

[gringochileno]

I'm fortunate that I happen to have a temperament that allows me to remain calm and disciplined under pressure. I couldn't tell you exactly how I do it, but one thing I've found that helps me personally is that when I find myself tempted to make a decision based on a transitory whim I've made a habit of stepping back and mentally asking myself "hold on a second, is this really a wise choice?". Basically, if I can remember this step I usually don't have a problem doing the right thing because it's relatively easy for me to follow through on a decision once I've convinced myself rationally that it's the correct one.

As for getting yourself into that state of mind where you're willing to do the rationally correct thing regardless of the emotions you're feeling, it's very difficult to put into words but I'd best describe it as "sublimating," sort of like how taking a deep breath and thinking of a pleasant memory can help clear your mind. I don't personally meditate, but I imagine that what I'm doing there is having a somewhat similar effect.

If anything, I think I tend to have the opposite problem. Sometimes what's rationally called for is to "lose yourself" in the moment since girls can be very well-attuned to the emotional state that others are projecting, and there often comes a time when they want to be dominated by a lustful, horny man. It's equally important to be able to turn that switch on.

[Goldmund]

Sex drive controlled a lot of my actions for a long time…if I had not found game I would most likely still be a slave to it. But after learning game three years ago and fucking beautiful girls with consistency, I was able to ‘move on’ and attempt to understand my body and mind in a deeper way.

A lot of the endeavors to know myself involve putting my body through extreme physical shock:

Swimming in freezing water/sitting under a cold waterfall—after this you really know what true pain is. Worse than being punched in the face or crashing on a motorcycle, the cold water activates every fucking nerve in your body and just thinking about it now I can focus better.

Hot saunas. The Turkish baths in NYC have a room that is about 170F…thinking in there makes thoughts crystal clear and pushes desires out the window.

Fasting. I do a juicing fast for three days every month or so. Gaining control over your hunger is probably the quickest way to self-discipline.

Talking to wise older guys. They are hard to come by, but thankfully I found a couple of old cats who love my gaming stories and are quick to remind me what really matters in life.

Hobbies. Anything that requires focus and ends up being productive is a great way to harness extra energy: writing, fishing, painting, racquetball and cycling work well for me.

Going out with the goal to have fun, not to get laid. I have been doing this a lot more lately and its tons of fun. Talking to girls at night without any intent to fuck them frees me up in way I never thought possible. Of course, there are nights where I am out hunting like a wolf, but the times I have gone out with no expectations broadened my personality.

A man who can truly control his sex drive can probably end up taking over the world, good luck!

[Yeti]

It's a paradigm, isn't it. The guys who learn game tend to be the hornier ones, the guys who need sex to function well, the guys who go a bit mad if they don't have a fairly steady rotation. They have to control their sex drives, but it's them above all others who have the hardest time doing so.

Those who can control their sexual appetite are better at some parts of game, and are probably better at playing the aloof, outcome-independent higher beta. I consider myself to fall into this second category.

[Fortitudinal]

Im in the situation where I find myself (inexplicably and against all odds) just not caring anywhere as much as I used to. The boner was really a MAJOR driver in my life. Hell, I moved to Asia after a lifetime in N. America to pursuit studies in yellow fever . . .

I dont care much anyway for money, fame, fashion, status or any of that jazz. The boner was the last shackle in a way? Now I am understanding monks a little better. It is possible but not so fun.

Im trying to build up a biz, learn a language and juggle acclimatizing to a different country. So I think the mind has told the boner 'dude, hold on, lets get our shit together first then bitches' and body has said 'aye aye captn'!' Your mind should be in control anyway.
Like others here, I like to challenge my limits. Challenging the boner has been really tough. Much more tougher than cut back on drinking for a few years. But knowing that my future here depends on taming the beast, well, it really puts things into perspective.

So Id suggest maybe take a deep look inside. What are you trying to prove? Take a break from the rotation and get yourself really busy in other things.
It Wont be easy or pleasant (and I pity the next girl that I bone, for I will give her the rogering that gets cops called) but once you cross a threshold (few weeks or months in), there is a certain calmness that is really neat . You know that feeling when you have had enough drinks, and you are just totally mellowed out and dont give a fuck about man and its world? that's it. That's the calmness. Zen. You'll notice a very different perspective to your life and mission.

Its eerie sometimes. I have an addictive personality, so far I am staying clear out of too much booze (hard to do with 'all you can drink' deals all over), I am not overindulging in food, not gambling. Im wondering when the demons are gonna come out.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

I don't think there is an answer to this question, sorry to say. Some of us do better when we're a bit pent up; others of us need to be relaxed, so to speak.

It also depends on who we're trying to attract. Some women bring out the nerves -- and the hormones -- in us.

For me personally, I'm totally at easy with the type of intellectual women that throw a lot of guys, no matter how sexy they might be. But if you put me with the type of good-timey fun, American woman a lot of guys can score with, I will totally drop the ball. They unnerve me and push my sex drive into high gear despite my better instincts.

But I will say that if you find that doing one thing doesn't work for you, you need to try something else -- even if the manosphere says its wrong.

You wrote: "...sometimes I am so massively horny that I make the wrong move in an effort to get sex quicker." Then I would recommend finding a way to be an un-horny as possible when approaching. This might not work for every other person here, but you're an individual and you have to do what works for you. Sometimes we need to place outcomes above philosophies.

[VincentVinturi]

I always do better when I'm super horny. I'm clear, I know what I want and it shines through. I don't play an aloof game so horniness actually improves my already-direct style and just gives it backbone.

On the other hand, if I'm hungover, sleep-deprived and stressed out OR if I've been fucking non-stop for a week, my motivation to get ass is gone. Even if I psyche myself into approaching, there's no wind in my sails and even I don't believe the words coming out of my mouth.

[Goldmund]

This is one of the more interesting topics posted on the forum...does anyone else attempt to control themselves and reign in this awesome power?????

[memcpy]

I think once you've accomplished most of your goals game-wise (bang a 9, have a harem, whatever your goals are) it's easier to take longer breaks and not worry about your game suffering. It's is not something that goes away permanently - much like stepping into the gym after a year of being lazy (you still remember your forms, shoulder routines, etc) it all comes back to you in a matter of a few weeks or sooner.

when I first got into the game it was only 2months of making every mistake possible and then getting laid. I'm pretty sure if I take a long break it's not going to take anywhere near that long to get back into things.

I think also you become more in control of your sex drive from this process.

[mastauser]

I see a parallel with the sexual transmutation theory of Napoleon Hill here. It is one of the most mysterious chapters in his book bit I think that it states something like: treat the goals you want to attain like the way you want to attain sex, and use the energy you normally use to attain sex to pursue goals in order to create something higher.
That why he states that normally only older people do 'really big' things, because when they are younger they are continually distracted by the chasing tail.

I have the same problem, working on my last project for school but I don't have any regular girls right now and I want to get pussy, it's interfering with my focus to complete this.

[poutsara]

(03-29-2014 01:19 PM)runsonmagic Wrote:  

Sex drive is what's behind the desire to learn game, but also one of the biggest challenges to overcome.
...
I've done a 30-day no fap challenge. ...

What does everyone here use to manage their sex drive, dominate it, and make sure it works for their game, rather than against it?

I think my lifetime no-fap challenge record is no more than 3 days. And this is independent of if I am actively having sex or not. I really cannot function at all if I am horny. Pretty much every day since I can remember I either jerked off, or had sex, or both. I have friends who claim to rarely jerk off at all and ones who jerk more than me, which is hard to imagine. I'm happiest at about two or three times per day. This is probably why for years I always have either at least one steady fuck buddy going on the side, or a "girl friend".

I think overall I would be better off if my sex drive were less, but I've learned I cannot control this urge so I just deal with it. I don't get complacent and abstaining has no value for me and doesn't make me more aggressive or more likely to approach or close or anything. Abstaining just makes me agitated. As I get older, nothing has changed. I can't get work done if I'm horny. I think more clearly when I'm satisfied. I work out better when I'm satisfied. I think I even "game" better after having sex (ideally) or at a bare minimum jerking off. But I've never gone long enough to find out.

I can't see any way to "dominate my sex drive". I just deal with it, accept it, and design my life so that I get to ejaculate when and how I want!