Quote: (09-15-2016 11:33 PM)nek Wrote:
Another one that just popped in...bad relationship with parents/family. Believe it or not, there are perfectly good people in the world that are simply born into a situation with toxic family members. Mike Cernovich talks about this in his own situation Distancing themselves from such people isn't a bad thing. And I'm not talking about a father that was abusive or anything, but there are parents who are gossipy and hold people back. I've noticed this in immigrant families a lot. And no, this isn't an issue of simply "valuing family", these people have a penchant for drama and belittling people. Think "Tiger Mom" but a step beyond.
This is one I've thought about a lot.
I don't come from an ideal family situation. Far from it. Because of that, I've been forgiving/understanding with women who have had non-traditional/less than ideal backgrounds. I figured: If I made it work, maybe they did too. The vast majority of the time however, the woman is fucked up and is a reflection of her shitty upbringing. I've seen an odd exception here and there but it's not common.
The key thing I've learned is to pay very close attention to how they interact and respect their parent(s)/family members, why so, and is their attitude justified.
If they respect a piece of shit parent just "because he/she is my parent", that's not a good sign.
If they reject a good parent because of stupid bullshit, that's not a good sign either.
Is the toxic parent the mother or father? A good father and a toxic mother mix from my experience tends to produce a far more better woman than the opposite. I honestly can't think of a woman I've dealt with that came out alright who didn't have at least a good father and/or some sort of healthy male role model figure. It's not a guarantee of a good outcome but I've certainly noticed a pronounced trend.
Ideally, the woman rejects the bad parts, acknowledges the good parts, and has a very level-headed attitude towards her situation.
But to get to this point, you have to possess a high degree of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and willpower. How many women do you know like that? Keep in mind, it's not culturally acceptable or easy to reject toxic parents or even parents who act inappropriately. A LOT of people truly can't understand what it's like to deal with toxic parents unless it is something very blatant like sexual abuse. Selfish and emotionally manipulative behavior is far more difficult to get across to people who have no concept of what that actually means.
Therefore and given all the aforementioned: For most folks, it can very difficult to be objective when dealing with parents; even as a man. For a more emotionally based individual (like a woman), I wold imagine it's even harder in some regards. There are exceptions but again, they are going to be exceedingly rare in my opinion.
