[Drazen]

This has been going around FB a bit today. People are calling it sweet, but really?

The guy just got engaged to a new girl and all of a sudden his wife who passed away pops up with a letter from beyond the grave to make herself the center of attention once again.

http://www.today.com/holidayguide/years-...2D11792103

Quote:

David Schmitz knew his wife loved him, but she confirmed the depth of her affection and fondness for him and their children with a surprise gift this Christmas — two years after she died from cancer.

The Iowa father of four received the gift after being called into a Des Moines radio station, KSTZ, for a popular, decades-old program held every year in which the station grants Christmas wishes to listeners.

“I didn't have an idea what it was about,” Schmitz told NBC’s Mike Taibbi.

A letter, written two years ago from his wife, had made its way to the radio station and was read on air.

“Hello, my name is Brenda. When you are in receipt of this letter I will have already lost my battle to ovarian cancer,” the letter started.
In the summer of 2011, Brenda had asked a friend to send the letter anonymously to the station once her husband had found a new love, just as she had wished for him. This year, David got engaged to Jayne, who has two children of her own.

Brenda had three wishes on her list, including one for her children’s new stepmother.

“First, for David’s new life-long partner, a day or better yet, a weekend, of pampering in all aspects of her life. She deserves it,” she wrote. “Make her smile, and know her efforts are truly appreciated from me. Thank you. I love you, whoever you are.”

I don't find it sweet at all, seems like she's hating on the new family, disguised as a charitable act to make her memory last longer.

[commiejoe]

That's some next level girl game.

[soup]

(12-23-2013 09:56 PM)PartyonBro Wrote:  

This has been going around FB a bit today. People are calling it sweet, but really?

The guy just got engaged to a new girl and all of a sudden his wife who passed away pops up with a letter from beyond the grave to make herself the center of attention once again.

http://www.today.com/holidayguide/years-...2D11792103

Quote:

David Schmitz knew his wife loved him, but she confirmed the depth of her affection and fondness for him and their children with a surprise gift this Christmas — two years after she died from cancer.

The Iowa father of four received the gift after being called into a Des Moines radio station, KSTZ, for a popular, decades-old program held every year in which the station grants Christmas wishes to listeners.

“I didn't have an idea what it was about,” Schmitz told NBC’s Mike Taibbi.

A letter, written two years ago from his wife, had made its way to the radio station and was read on air.

“Hello, my name is Brenda. When you are in receipt of this letter I will have already lost my battle to ovarian cancer,” the letter started.
In the summer of 2011, Brenda had asked a friend to send the letter anonymously to the station once her husband had found a new love, just as she had wished for him. This year, David got engaged to Jayne, who has two children of her own.

Brenda had three wishes on her list, including one for her children’s new stepmother.

“First, for David’s new life-long partner, a day or better yet, a weekend, of pampering in all aspects of her life. She deserves it,” she wrote. “Make her smile, and know her efforts are truly appreciated from me. Thank you. I love you, whoever you are.”

I don't find it sweet at all, seems like she's hating on the new family, disguised as a charitable act to make her memory last longer.

Written by a woman who is losing control of her life- it's an attempt to make herself feel like she has some kind of control.

Maybe it seems obnoxious because it implies that he didn't satisfy her in life.

[MrXY]

This is classic female behavior- doing something that on the surface seems "sweet" and generous but is actually intended to be manipulative and hurtful.

She wants the husband, and especially the new woman, to always feel her as a looming presence that it will be difficult for them to rid themselves of

If I was the husband I would call in a priest of some sort and have him do a house blessing and cleansing and make a big deal of it including inviting the wife's family and friends.

Gotta drive out those evil spirits.....

[germanico]

Proof that women have to make everything about themselves.

Oh, getting engaged? Have you thought about me lately?

[Tytalus]

Agreed. Seems sweet, perhaps has a layer of sweetness over the bitter taste of death.

[Beyond Borders]

Damn you guys are some cynical bastards. Can you imagine what it would be like to actually be on your deathbed? I doubt competing with her successor was on her mind - I suppose it's possible but hardly some type of certainty as far as interpretations go.

Life looks a lot different when you have one foot in the grave.

[Belize King]

I laughed at the title of this thread. I knew us assholes would turn it against women somehow.

[funkyzeit]

She trolled the new wife. She was dying and she wanted to prevent the new wife from ruining the memory of her. And the new wife would try it, but is now forced to be super nice when the topic of dead mom is on.

[mikeymike]

I agree with beyond, I don't think it was as a strategic move to keep herself on top or in the discussion but I dont find it sweet and charming either. Id find it offputting if it were me getting that letter. Getting past a death of a loved one cant be easy, you finally put that life behind you, pick yourself up and get back in the game, find someone and then you get the letter, itd be like taking a step backwards, bring up feelings I probably didnt want to think about and gotta be awkward as fuck for the new girl. Idk never been in that situation but just a gut feel id be irritated.

[Beyond Borders]

(12-24-2013 07:48 AM)mikeymike Wrote:  

I agree with beyond, I don't think it was as a strategic move to keep herself on top or in the discussion but I dont find it sweet and charming either. Id find it offputting if it were me getting that letter. Getting past a death of a loved one cant be easy, you finally put that life behind you, pick yourself up and get back in the game, find someone and then you get the letter, itd be like taking a step backwards, bring up feelings I probably didnt want to think about and gotta be awkward as fuck for the new girl. Idk never been in that situation but just a gut feel id be irritated.

I understand what you mean, but you gotta remember too that this isn't just some new girl; this is the woman who is going to raise her four children now that she's gone...That's pretty huge for a parent.

I don't think the fact that those kids mother was dead was ever not going to be an issue in the household either, so probably not like the letter is barging in too much or dredging up old shit. Something like that never gets left completely in the past.

On top of all that, I don't know how many of you actually know someone who lost a spouse, but a lot of widows and widowers struggle with guilt when they try to move on (whether it's logical or not). This woman has made it much easier on them by helping to relieve those types of doubts and give "permission" and her blessing. Maybe it's a bit overkill for some but I can see why she did it.

This is the type of thing an old-fashioned woman who really cares for her husband and family - as opposed to the modern model of woman so many of us complain about - might do if she's dying and I fully support it.

[Benoit]

(12-24-2013 07:54 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

On top of all that, I don't know how many of you actually know someone who lost a spouse, but a lot of widows and widowers struggle with guilt when they try to move on (whether it's logical or not). This woman has made it much easier on them by helping to relieve those types of doubts and give "permission" and her blessing. Maybe it's a bit overkill for some but I can see why she did it.

This is the type of thing an old-fashioned woman who really cares for her husband and family - as opposed to the modern model of woman so many of us complain about - might do if she's dying and I fully support it.

An old-fashioned woman who really cares for her husband and family would have told them privately to their faces before she died - not put it out there via a method almost guaranteed to get headlines all around the world.

I don't hold it against the woman specifically, but it is incredibly manipulative - "wait until he's ready to move on with his life then make sure everyone knows he's banging someone else and having them around MY kids. And I've only been dead [x] years!"

This is not a recipe for reducing guilt, it's a sure-fire way to put the new relationship under the microscope and remind everyone that she was there first.

[MHaes]

Yeah, I see both sides of the story here.

On the one hand, totally see the merit in telling your surviving spouse that it is ok for them to date around after you have passed. Even though that would be a topic that neither person would probably like to bring up in the midst of a dying spouse, it would certainly put the put the surviving spouse at peace.

However, the manner she did it was pretty awful. Give the letter to a friend, and then have the friend send it to a radio station once the former husband is trying to move on? Pretty shitty. Could have told him that in person, or had the friend deliver it to the husband. No need for it to be delivered to a radio station.

I don't think this needs to be some huge indictment of women; this is just a narcissistic person. That's it.

[Kdog]

Any idea of what would be going through your mind when you have a month till you're dead? Not to mention leaving behind multiple kids including a 2 year old? Leave it alone guys.

[Wahawahwah]

Yeah I think its a mixture of self pity, true love, a death-induced one-itis for her husband(u always want what you can't have...she can't have him after her death), seeking self assurance that he'll love her after her death, a letter to the father of her children from beyond the grave.

We all live for something, and all of us hope to be remembered by our loved ones after death.

Men build legacies. Women build families.

The letter was her swansong.

Let it be, let us not be so cynical of the dead.
The Red Pill may be bitter in the beginning, but let the bitterness not consume us so completely that we become devoid of any sympathy for women and their behaviour.

[Duke Castile]

The secret instructions of "mail this to a news station after he gets engaged again" is really all you have to know.

Disagree with guys saying she wasn't really using subterfuge.

[Avarence]

(12-23-2013 09:56 PM)PartyonBro Wrote:  

“First, for David’s new life-long partner, a day or better yet, a weekend, of pampering in all aspects of her life. She deserves it,” she wrote. “Make her smile, and know her efforts are truly appreciated from me."

[Drazen]

Hah, I see you read Deadspin.

[Avarence]

(12-24-2013 02:34 PM)PartyonBro Wrote:  

Hah, I see you read Deadspin.

Couldn't stop laughing at it. Haha, had to post it somewhere.

[Drazen]

There were actually two Chapelle Robot Man's in the actual youtube, always a classic.

[Agent 47]

This is the business of the deceased and her family. This was her dying wish and i respect that. Good lord, poor woman died from cancer and this forum doesn't pull punches.

[Benoit]

(12-24-2013 05:59 PM)Agent 47 Wrote:  

This is the business of the deceased and her family. This was her dying wish and i respect that. Good lord, poor woman died from cancer and this forum doesn't pull punches.

You're completely ignoring the new woman, do you think she'll appreciate being told "my dead wife says it's OK for me to date you now"?

That's got to be a shitter, she's willing to take on someone else's kids then one day that message gets transmitted to everyone she knows? "Move on but don't forget about me honey, I will love you forever, but it's OK for you to keep banging your new chick in our bed while I watch from heaven"


If anything, we have too much empathy.

[Beyond Borders]

(12-24-2013 02:00 PM)Fisto Wrote:  

Disagree with guys saying she wasn't really using subterfuge.

Nobody gives a shit what you think, Fisto.

[StringerBell]

cmon guys, sorry to show a little empathy, but you're really looking at a glass 90% empty if you think this was just for attention when she was DEAD

[draguer]

You have commented on quite a few older threads with nothing that really adds any value