[Wavy]

So I used to date a girl with a really cute sister. Long story short, we hooked up behind my gfs back.

Well my gf and I broke up back in may. And her sister started dating some older dude who she apparently fel in love with. But after a few months he left her for some other girl. Well for some reason she came running back to me despite us not having much contact since.

After texting and talking back and forth over the course of a few weeks, she told me she was going to boot camp for the Air Force and offered to fly me up to visit her a few weeks before she leaves if I was cool for paying for a hotel (she still lives with her parents at the moment).

I went up to visit. We had a fun time and she's a cool girl. But I always assumed that sex was implied because she even said she wanted to have sex with me when we were talking awhile back.

We got to the hotel and were watching a movie in bed and cuddling. I told her I wanted her and she said she feels weird about it...I asked her why. She says "because this is the first time we have hung out one on one and I don't wanna do that right off the bat. I also feel weird cuz you had sex with my sister. But I like you and wanna see you some more before it gets that far"

I told her that it was kind of ridiculous because she's gonna be leaving for the military and who knows what will happen. I also said that will me and her sisters past prevent it from ever getting that far.

She told me she's going to see me within the next year and the sister thing won't bug her once we hang out more. I was disappointed but I saw no need to make a fit about it. It is what it is and I did my best to convince her.

Well she starts feeling her pussy and says "I need to trim it a little lol" I replied with "why are you teasing me..." She says "if I was teasing you I'd ask you to feel!"

Well she eventually let me feel and I started fingering her and kissing on her neck. She was saying how much she loved it but stopped me after a minute or two and said she couldn't. I tried some more convincing but her mind was set.

So yeah..idk how to feel or what to think. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I have ran into other situations where I am almost certain sex is in the bag, but it's stopped for a bullshit reason. So wtf man? Why am I getting so close to the pussy but coming up short? Is this shit common for most dudes? It's happened to me more than once and it really makes me question even trying because it seems like a waste on time.

When shit like this happens it really fucks with me mentally. I often wonder if there's something I'm lacking that makes me come up short. How the fuck can I be in a bed with a girl who clearly has an attraction to me and not gt the pussy?

[Wavy]

In addition to this post I feel like I'm always used emotionally by women....

[Pyre]

Classic LMR

Less talk and more action.

[Wavy]

Great way to describe it. I need to figure out how to gt over that slump..

[Wavy]

God damn I feel like a fool...I seriously contemplate being asexual and just focusing on personal accomplishments because I wasted a bunch of time and money

[eradicator]

I think mikecf wrote a good post on escalating a while back which described a good way to escalate:

just tell her what you are going to do. And make sure before you start doing this you already have her in bed and hopefully partway undressed.

"I am going to take your panties off and start fingering you"

then see how that goes.

"I am going to start using my tongue as well"

Find the g spot on her clitoris with your tongue and in her vagina with your finger(use either your middle or your index, I like to use my middle finger and with your palm up, feel around with your fingertip for the spongy area(feels like a wet sponge)

After a few minutes of this, often she will just say "why aren't you fucking me yet" or "hurry up and fuck me!"

You should have her in an extremely aroused state at this point, and just say "you feel this, when I am fucking you, I am going to concentrate on this area. I am going to start fucking you now".

Sometimes a girl will say "no I am not ready yet, I like you but this is just too soon" and I stop and we go back to making out. I actually would like it if more girls said that because it means there is a more of a chance that they haven't already fucked every dick in town already. But most women have no objection at all to this sort of escalation.

You are the man, you have to be able to step up and escalate the interaction. You dropped the ball bigtime here, there will be other women to try this on.

A woman will forgive you for escalating too fast too soon a lot easier than not escalating enough. In the case of the girl in this story, she flew you up to see her and then is probably frustrated that you didn't know what to do when you got there.

[Lothario]

Besides learning how to escalate there is One more lesson to learn here.

"Meet women on your terms and not theirs." Keep your frame and bring them into it , If they don't subject to your frame next them .......

[Wavy]

So lemme get another answer from you guys...should I just cut this bitch off or is it not worth burning bridges.

I texted her saying that we clearly weren't on the same page and seeing that she wants to meet up again sometime I wanna be clear what page we are actually on.

Her reply: " I like you, I just didn't want sex. I'm sorry"

[eradicator]

I don't necessarily think you need to cut her off. Maybe just say "Ok, you pay for the hotel room next time as well as my airfare. I am really not looking for a long distance relationship, but I don't mind if you are going to pay for everything. Otherwise, it would probably just be better to meet up when we are actually in the same city"

Because frankly, long distance relationships are a bad idea for a number of reasons.

[Christian McQueen]

""Her reply: " I like you, I just didn't want sex. I'm sorry""

Womanese for: I'm full of shit.

Girls who LIKE a guy out out. She sounds like more headache then it's worth. Eject and get new girls.

[Christian McQueen]

*put out

[mbare]

Na, forget those games. Waste of time. And what do you mean "hooked up?" You had sex with her before, but this time she didn't want to.

I'm not sure how old you are, but these things have happened to probably EVERYONE on here at some point in their life. With a girl, thinking it's going to happen, then she puts on the stop. There's plenty of information on this forum to learn how to deal with this.

I haven't experienced this in many years because I set the tone now, before and during the interaction. Don't give up... you'll learn how to deal with it. In the meantime, game multiple girls, never be the one putting too much in. Always be willing to walk away.

[Wavy]

Yeah...Jesus Christ I took an L. I wanna get back on the horse but I need time to give my mind a break. I'm seriously in shock.

[Wahawahwah]

(12-07-2013 12:02 PM)Wavy Wrote:  

So I used to date a girl with a really cute sister. Long story short, we hooked up behind my gfs back.

Well my gf and I broke up back in may. And her sister started dating some older dude who she apparently fel in love with. But after a few months he left her for some other girl. Well for some reason she came running back to me despite us not having much contact since.

After texting and talking back and forth over the course of a few weeks, she told me she was going to boot camp for the Air Force and offered to fly me up to visit her a few weeks before she leaves if I was cool for paying for a hotel (she still lives with her parents at the moment).

I went up to visit. We had a fun time and she's a cool girl. But I always assumed that sex was implied because she even said she wanted to have sex with me when we were talking awhile back.

We got to the hotel and were watching a movie in bed and cuddling. I told her I wanted her and she said she feels weird about it...I asked her why. She says "because this is the first time we have hung out one on one and I don't wanna do that right off the bat. I also feel weird cuz you had sex with my sister. But I like you and wanna see you some more before it gets that far"

I told her that it was kind of ridiculous because she's gonna be leaving for the military and who knows what will happen. I also said that will me and her sisters past prevent it from ever getting that far.

She told me she's going to see me within the next year and the sister thing won't bug her once we hang out more. I was disappointed but I saw no need to make a fit about it. It is what it is and I did my best to convince her.

Well she starts feeling her pussy and says "I need to trim it a little lol" I replied with "why are you teasing me..." She says "if I was teasing you I'd ask you to feel!"

Well she eventually let me feel and I started fingering her and kissing on her neck. She was saying how much she loved it but stopped me after a minute or two and said she couldn't. I tried some more convincing but her mind was set.

So yeah..idk how to feel or what to think. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. I have ran into other situations where I am almost certain sex is in the bag, but it's stopped for a bullshit reason. So wtf man? Why am I getting so close to the pussy but coming up short? Is this shit common for most dudes? It's happened to me more than once and it really makes me question even trying because it seems like a waste on time.

When shit like this happens it really fucks with me mentally. I often wonder if there's something I'm lacking that makes me come up short. How the fuck can I be in a bed with a girl who clearly has an attraction to me and not gt the pussy?

Hate to break it to you bud, but you are being an emotional tamp-on.

Work out, go hit on other girls, treat her a little disdainfully(if you manage to get her off the pedestal). And some day, she will open her golden snatch for you.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

We got to the hotel and were watching a movie in bed and cuddling. I told her I wanted her and she said she feels weird about it...I asked her why. "because this is the first time we have hung out one on one and I don't wanna do that right off the bat. I also feel weird cuz you had sex with my sister. But I like you and wanna see you some more before it gets that far"

CRASH!!!

That's the sound of when it all came crashing down. Never allow a woman to verbalize her reasons *why* she doesn't want to be with you. If she says "no," say "OK, cool" and pull back. NO NEED TO DO ANY ASKING!! Just play it cool -- we all get turned down. Then sit silently and watch TV until you make your next move -- or until you leave, or get a drink, make a call or whatever.

But when you allow her to verbalize her reasons, they become real, as opposed to just mere thoughts. And now they're sitting there in the room, looming large. There is no escape now.

Words paint entire realities, which is why books are, like, huge. Be careful what you ask for a woman to answer, because once she does you have to live with that. You ask her to speak and you make her your own cockblocker (and you make yourself cockblocker by association).

One other thing: the way she feels at 12:30 might be different than how she feels at 1 a.m. or 2 a.m. or the next day. Women change feelings like Clooney changes girlfriends. But you ask her to verbalize 12:30 and you're stuck with that forever. Now she can't change internally at 1 a.m. or whenever, so you interrupt the natural flow of just cuddling and/or kissing.

In the future, let's all stop the Psych 101 bullshit and try and make more like Clint Eastwood or Elvis on the single "A Little Less Conversation." There's a Billy Joel song about this too, "Leave a Tender Moment Alone." Listen to these songs.

[Wavy]

And you know what's pathetic? I have always done my best to be aware of being the emotional tampon. But I assumed that since there was some kind of attraction and hooking up in the past that this was different. Also didnt help that I was really into her. Fuck man...I cannot believe I so easily let my guard down like this. I am seriously feeling like a complete idiot.

[AneroidOcean]

(12-07-2013 12:58 PM)Wavy Wrote:  

God damn I feel like a fool...I seriously contemplate being asexual and just focusing on personal accomplishments because I wasted a bunch of time and money

Why beat up on yourself for making mistakes? You were close, but if every great person took the attitude you have and gave up, they'd never really be successful.

There were a number of things you could've done better, but what's past is past. There are so many women that won't give you this kind of bullshit, but you've gotta go out and find them. Once you do you'll wonder why you ever dealt with any of this bullshit in the first place.