I wrote this on the Young Rooshers skype conference, and a few of the guys suggest I post this here for other guys that are young whether in College or whatever.
Opening is not difficult. It's kind of like a good serve in tennis. It's fantastic if you can deliver something that is awesome, it gives you an advantage, if not, it's ok. You can develop your serve just like you can your middle game on returning, becoming more versatile in different shots, improving your touch etc. etc.
What you do at the beginning can greatly influence the later and usually does BUT you can almost always recover if you really want to. I have SWORN I lost girls that for one thing or another I manage to regain things.
I don't mean to say I have this to a science, but I can consistently convert pretty well. There were a few weeks here and there where I hit a rut but it's something I realized I just had to push through.
One of my favorite openers at a party:
"You"
*grab hand*
"Pong partner. Don't fuck up"
Why? Lead + Emotional Spike + Strong frame from the jump. Don't deliver it like you're her master, more like you are THE master and everyone is trying to get on your goodside mixed with a slightly joking tone.
Bars + Clubs:
I just go clever or witty + physicality from the early jump. Everyone opens everyone. If a girl is bitchy, I go with something about her, or something about the area, then segue quickly into something else. "Ah you go to wahtever whatever." or "Ah, you work at yadda yadda. That means you are such a ______" Her: NOOO, I am a (insert qualification). Follow?
I feel with game you can go one of three directions:
1. Cater to them
2. Cater to yourself
3. Balance
1. Means that you are calibrated, leading, just the right amount of asshole, funny, and showing value of being deep and having traits that she would like.
2. Means being yourself, and being more self amusing and enjoying yourself, and sucking her into your frame by putting her in a specific place. This type of game uses a lot of role playing, turning the environment against the chick and for you so any opposition is retarded. She lets her self go and begins to just follow your lead.
An example
Entering a bar, talking to everyone, making jokes, dancing like an idiot. Playing and running pong, whatever you feel like.
G: You talk to her friends, you talk to her, you banter, you get the friends on your side, other people at the bar on your side, even the cockblocks by being fun but firm grounded (the second part is essential so dudes don't run train on your bitch).
You put sex on the table and build the tension until you get the chance to pull and take it.
3. Balance.
Balance is the hardest.
It can be mistaken for neutrality.
And honestly, with a woman there is nothing you can't come back from.
You have to have balls.
You gotta take risks
to acclimate to taking risks.
: Balance is about having the right amount of self amusement, while still having fun with the group and letting herself express herself in a nonjudgmental comfortable setting.
This is cool, and honestly a shit ton of fun, but it requires you have all your inner shit sorted out and really understand yourself.
A lot of guys can't hold their frame long enough to make this work if a girl is a bitch to them or something.
After my past few weeks of going out, almost every night for the past few months. All I can say is:
1. Lead. lead. lead.
2. Go out each night with something you want to work on, but don't put pressure on yourself, you just lock up.
3. Lead LEAD LEAD. She will follow you anywhere. if she doesn't, act like she is retarded, and she will fall in line, either her frame breaks or yours does.
4. Don't forget to pump buying temperature, aka turn her on man, sex doesn't usually happen unless you build some sort of tension between you and her in some way.
5. Flirt, that shit is so old, but bantering, touching when the time comes, being super physical is weird at first, but honestly I am a super physical person, so that's necessary. I embrace the female body. Most women take that shit well if you do it well.
6. Nothing she says matters. Her actions do. She will say shit to trip you up, remember you are the man, this is all just a game, you can have her anytime you want to if you create the window and decide to provide the opportunity.
7. Long term, lifestyle beats whatever else, game, money, whatever.
These are all things that I forgot that in the past week really came back hard to the surface and I am getting back fully.
What I am working on right now to be honest:
1. Finding the most congruent way for me to be with women. it's hard because my natural instincts just aren't the same. I need to find a mindset that is most congruent with my style. Alex from RSD seems too new agey, and Julien seems like an actual douche.
2. Closing earlier, it takes too long and isn't as fun.
3. Escalating naturally and increasing physicality in a comfortable way. I was thinking about this, and I think it's about finding reasons to touch them, and from the initial get go, putting out the frame of "I touch people, I am a great toucher. You like when I touch you. I like to touch you. Fuck you." by saying things that assert my belief on it whilst acting on it. But see, it's now about balancing out also pulling touches and pushing touches. Like "she is such a bitch" (joking slap) or "Fuck, I love your hair" (grab). whilst mixing in connecting touching like "Wow I really love your hands" (grabs it and holds it). When angry with her, I'll be more physical then pullback. If I make her feel certain emotions when touching her certain ways, it'll slowly become like a trigger for her.
4. Making a solid positive feedback loop of women praising me until it becomes annoying and women praising me means nothing. It used to not, now I just need to rebuild my circle of friends that are women. This is what I mean. When I have a big group of girls I just hangout with, banter with, get used to getting physical with, get comfortable with for an extended period of time, it shows in my game. If they are attractive, they bring in their cute friends and you have someone that you can have pump you up from the inside. This is especially useful if you're someone that does things worthy of a story regularly I can't
5. Finding the best approach to going out with women. It's so so hard. And it makes me uncomfortable, because deep down inside I'd rather just go to bars, hop a few, go their place and bang, but I want more diverse women, so this is no longer a good strategy. I need to figure something out.
I am becoming better at mixing in romance with being more friendly and calm which since I haven't been drinking has been more my thing, being sober makes closing harder, but builds will power.
Btw, last note: Talk to everyone, I have so many goddamn friends that whenever out with a girl, a friend walks up and says things like "Ah this guy, you're lucky, he's super picky." or something like "Take care of him, he's a great dude". Social proof eez tha best.
Ciao.
Opening is not difficult. It's kind of like a good serve in tennis. It's fantastic if you can deliver something that is awesome, it gives you an advantage, if not, it's ok. You can develop your serve just like you can your middle game on returning, becoming more versatile in different shots, improving your touch etc. etc.
What you do at the beginning can greatly influence the later and usually does BUT you can almost always recover if you really want to. I have SWORN I lost girls that for one thing or another I manage to regain things.
I don't mean to say I have this to a science, but I can consistently convert pretty well. There were a few weeks here and there where I hit a rut but it's something I realized I just had to push through.
One of my favorite openers at a party:
"You"
*grab hand*
"Pong partner. Don't fuck up"
Why? Lead + Emotional Spike + Strong frame from the jump. Don't deliver it like you're her master, more like you are THE master and everyone is trying to get on your goodside mixed with a slightly joking tone.
Bars + Clubs:
I just go clever or witty + physicality from the early jump. Everyone opens everyone. If a girl is bitchy, I go with something about her, or something about the area, then segue quickly into something else. "Ah you go to wahtever whatever." or "Ah, you work at yadda yadda. That means you are such a ______" Her: NOOO, I am a (insert qualification). Follow?
I feel with game you can go one of three directions:
1. Cater to them
2. Cater to yourself
3. Balance
1. Means that you are calibrated, leading, just the right amount of asshole, funny, and showing value of being deep and having traits that she would like.
2. Means being yourself, and being more self amusing and enjoying yourself, and sucking her into your frame by putting her in a specific place. This type of game uses a lot of role playing, turning the environment against the chick and for you so any opposition is retarded. She lets her self go and begins to just follow your lead.
An example
Entering a bar, talking to everyone, making jokes, dancing like an idiot. Playing and running pong, whatever you feel like.
G: You talk to her friends, you talk to her, you banter, you get the friends on your side, other people at the bar on your side, even the cockblocks by being fun but firm grounded (the second part is essential so dudes don't run train on your bitch).
You put sex on the table and build the tension until you get the chance to pull and take it.
3. Balance.
Balance is the hardest.
It can be mistaken for neutrality.
And honestly, with a woman there is nothing you can't come back from.
You have to have balls.
You gotta take risks
to acclimate to taking risks.
: Balance is about having the right amount of self amusement, while still having fun with the group and letting herself express herself in a nonjudgmental comfortable setting.
This is cool, and honestly a shit ton of fun, but it requires you have all your inner shit sorted out and really understand yourself.
A lot of guys can't hold their frame long enough to make this work if a girl is a bitch to them or something.
After my past few weeks of going out, almost every night for the past few months. All I can say is:
1. Lead. lead. lead.
2. Go out each night with something you want to work on, but don't put pressure on yourself, you just lock up.
3. Lead LEAD LEAD. She will follow you anywhere. if she doesn't, act like she is retarded, and she will fall in line, either her frame breaks or yours does.
4. Don't forget to pump buying temperature, aka turn her on man, sex doesn't usually happen unless you build some sort of tension between you and her in some way.
5. Flirt, that shit is so old, but bantering, touching when the time comes, being super physical is weird at first, but honestly I am a super physical person, so that's necessary. I embrace the female body. Most women take that shit well if you do it well.
6. Nothing she says matters. Her actions do. She will say shit to trip you up, remember you are the man, this is all just a game, you can have her anytime you want to if you create the window and decide to provide the opportunity.
7. Long term, lifestyle beats whatever else, game, money, whatever.
These are all things that I forgot that in the past week really came back hard to the surface and I am getting back fully.
What I am working on right now to be honest:
1. Finding the most congruent way for me to be with women. it's hard because my natural instincts just aren't the same. I need to find a mindset that is most congruent with my style. Alex from RSD seems too new agey, and Julien seems like an actual douche.
2. Closing earlier, it takes too long and isn't as fun.
3. Escalating naturally and increasing physicality in a comfortable way. I was thinking about this, and I think it's about finding reasons to touch them, and from the initial get go, putting out the frame of "I touch people, I am a great toucher. You like when I touch you. I like to touch you. Fuck you." by saying things that assert my belief on it whilst acting on it. But see, it's now about balancing out also pulling touches and pushing touches. Like "she is such a bitch" (joking slap) or "Fuck, I love your hair" (grab). whilst mixing in connecting touching like "Wow I really love your hands" (grabs it and holds it). When angry with her, I'll be more physical then pullback. If I make her feel certain emotions when touching her certain ways, it'll slowly become like a trigger for her.
4. Making a solid positive feedback loop of women praising me until it becomes annoying and women praising me means nothing. It used to not, now I just need to rebuild my circle of friends that are women. This is what I mean. When I have a big group of girls I just hangout with, banter with, get used to getting physical with, get comfortable with for an extended period of time, it shows in my game. If they are attractive, they bring in their cute friends and you have someone that you can have pump you up from the inside. This is especially useful if you're someone that does things worthy of a story regularly I can't
5. Finding the best approach to going out with women. It's so so hard. And it makes me uncomfortable, because deep down inside I'd rather just go to bars, hop a few, go their place and bang, but I want more diverse women, so this is no longer a good strategy. I need to figure something out.
I am becoming better at mixing in romance with being more friendly and calm which since I haven't been drinking has been more my thing, being sober makes closing harder, but builds will power.
Btw, last note: Talk to everyone, I have so many goddamn friends that whenever out with a girl, a friend walks up and says things like "Ah this guy, you're lucky, he's super picky." or something like "Take care of him, he's a great dude". Social proof eez tha best.
Ciao.