[Flavius Aetius]

As a relative beginner here--I too sometimes get caught off guard by shit tests. If you don't have a good answer or she catches you unprepared-----ignore the question like you never heard it and move on.

[Valhalla]

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

[Raj]

Too good to be true for you huh

[iknowexactly]

(09-15-2013 11:20 AM)JimNortonFan Wrote:  

Summary of my story:

Super cute when I was young, cute enough that women wouldn't take no for an answer.

Psychological issues, stopped doing much with women about 15 years ago.

"

I keep getting things like, "Why don't you wear a ring?" "What does your wife do?" "What's your girlfriend like?"

It screws me up because I have a 10 year black hole in my past. What am I supposed to say about it?


I was with a masseuse yesterday (fully legit place, I don't do P4P). We talked and she refused to believe I don't have a gf. I had an hour session and she must have pestered me about it half a dozen times.

She asked if I liked bad girls or nice girls and I told her bad girls like me. She kept pestering me about the issue and I told her I'm too busy with work to have a girlfriend who takes too much time. She said I'm picky. Later she says "You must have lot of girls want you, you're a nice guy." I said there's lots of disappointed girls because I'm so picky. She laughed.

I'm guessing this was a girl hitting on you in the most blatant way a non-prostitute can do it, and the fact you didn't read it is a strong indicator something's wrong with your perception. She not only offered to fuck you, she made it clear she was willing to do nasty things to satisfy you ( "Do you like good girls or bad girls". ) Despite the cynicism here about women's motives, I doubt she was really going for a trick unless she was way below you in value.

The issue here is deeper than the specific question "DYHAGF?" It's very possible you have a neurodevelopment flaw in causing some idiosyncratic perceptual weakness. It may be counter-productive to label it Aspergers etc, but I have had similar problems. I was very good looking but would just flat out miss the most blatant cues, both positive and negative.

I would ignore hot chicks that were into me and hear about it later, and push too hard on chicks that did not find me attractive.

You mentioned psych issues, and if you have a good intelligence these things are even harder to tease out and address, because you can have a good conversation but women communicate in code so as not to lose face by openly offering except when a guy is off the charts cute like you say you were as a youngster. The late 20 chicks you could be getting now are not going to debase themselves like that, so you are stuck in poor calibration-land.

You spotted something, in that when you said you had no girlfriend, she reiterated again and again that she didn't believe you. This wasn't what she was saying, what she was saying was "Please DO something, I'm interested!" So the surface content of her statement was one thing, but the meta-communication of her repetition revealed the deeper meaning.
It's this focus on the details to the exclusion of the overall nature of a people's/women's communication that is difficult for some of us.

[germanico]

(09-15-2013 11:20 AM)JimNortonFan Wrote:  

I keep getting things like, "Why don't you wear a ring?" "What does your wife do?" "What's your girlfriend like?"

I will say this only once so pay attention:

They are not "shit testing you", so drop that shit mentality. They want to know your logistics.

EVERY time a woman ask about your logistics, is because she wants to know what it would take to fuck you.

She is inquiring about your sexual arrangements, and here you are thinking THIS is what is keeping you from getting laid.

Quote:

It screws me up because I have a 10 year black hole in my past. What am I supposed to say about it?

"I have a 10 year black hole in my past. Id really rather talk about something else. Hey, lets sit down for coffee and you can tell me about your whatever"

Let her hamster fill in the blanks bout what a "10 year black hole" means.

Whenever you dont talk about your past, a woman thinks you where either an international salsa-dancing car-racing scuba-diving gigolo, if you are cool, or a basement-dwelling WOW-playing mommys boy, if you are not.

So be the cool guy.

[iknowexactly]

(12-05-2013 07:29 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

It's this focus on the details to the exclusion of the overall nature of a people's/women's communication that is difficult for some of us.

Replying to my own post here with a story. Thanks for the repute point for my ideas.

Today I was at work in a health care center and the only good looking peer chick came up to me and said "Are my hands cold?" and she help out her hand for me to feel.

I as usual am in Aspieland and take the question seriously. I hold her hand and try to make a joke, and almost put it together. I should have deadpanned "You're a goner for sure".

Anyway, her hand did feel cold, and I Aspied on, "Are you eating enough protein?"

Somehow I stumbled my way to "Want to go skiing?" I had asked her before about whether she skied as we are near the Northern Sierras and it's great for it here.

She has a BF a few hundred miles away since she transferred so she can't go every weekend so maybe I can do some filling in. Haha get it, filling in?

Having even mild Aspergers-type stuff sucks.

[DrCotard]

Bumping this thread. Reason: Useful advice for a common shit test.

[the biggest cheetah]

Just read this thread since it was bumped. Still trying to figure out how a mom with a 17-year-old son(!) would be an 8/10. That seems about as likely as my local librarian being a former Miss Universe.

[Gas]

I never tell a girl I don't have a girlfriend. I'll say:

"I have plenty."

"Depends which day of the week it is."

"I'm trying to choose which one I like best."

"It's complicated."

Obviously it all depends on the girl and the situation, to how cocky/playful you are, but I always imply that I'm taken and she has competition. If you're not trying to do the cocky thing I just go with "it's complicated" and be aloof and vague as possible. Their head spins.

[Captain Gh]

(04-05-2016 12:10 AM)DrCotard Wrote:  



Bumping this thread. Reason: Useful advice for a common shit test.

This GIF has me like...



Wish I had the balls to do this one

[Dalaran1991]

Oh yeah? This is the perfect opportunity for basic cocky/funny lines.

I'm in a slightly different situation since I have a girlfriend but I game on the side without closing for practice. When girls ask "Where's your girlfriend/Why dont you have a girlfriend?" these are my go to lines:

"Which one?"

"I dont have a girlfriend, I have a harem" with the devious grin.

If you are intimidating to her you can use this too "Girls only want to sleep with me and treat me like a sex object! I have feelings too" + fake snip. Get you bonus cutie points.

I would emphasize not to look at things like this as "shit tests" though for technical purposes they are. If you think its a shit test you have to pass, it creates a confrontational mindset in your inner game that can leak out bad game. Hence why I dont like the "Why would I need one?" because it SOUNDS confrontational. Though if it works for you why not?

Girls are annoying and playful creatures to have fun with, not your highschool headmistress who scares you with test you need to pass.

[Asterion]

Heartiste's one is golden.... "I guess I've just been lucky"

[XXL]

The answer that hasn't failed me yet is "i'm just not in love". It's vague, nobody can question that, everybody can relate to it and it's actually true. Beside all that it's good topic to talk about.

[XXL]

Ps. That Heartiste's answer sounds funny and it might be somewhat ok as an automatic witty come back to a typical value shittest. But that's all. Do not say it when you face comfort shittest cause you will convey that having i girl is something horrible to you which is good way to ruin any comfort you built already.

It's all about context. Value vs comfort shittests are 2 different things even when the actual question sounds the same.

[WestIndianArchie]

@XXL

Stolen

[King of Monkeys]

I've recently been using "it's complicated" and it is effective. It's ambiguous enough that people draw their own conclusion from it, so I don't have to do any explaining or go into more detail after giving the response.

[pialox]

Go the Bill Hicks defense.

"If I'm gonna have a girlfriend she will have to be a very special lady. So I just have a few average ones at the moment"

[AnonymousBosch]

(09-15-2013 04:13 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

Game is about getting HER TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS.

Goddamn this. WIA always nails it.

A question like that is 'Tell me more' moment. You answer with a short, vague statement, that naturally leads into a question that lets her talk about herself.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

I might go with a glib response, delivered with a cheeky grin, but then immediately follow it up with what looks like a reconsidered pause, like I wasn't taking her question seriously, then did. The thing is to not say to much - she doesn't want to hear about your emotions, because girls loathe competition for emotional attention. She's fishing for purely-selfish reasons, so keep it vague and turn it back to her.

Sly grin.

"Dunno. It's all good with them until I introduce them to my Sister Wives."

Slight pause and more thoughtful, distant stare.

"Ah, it's just... I dunno. Do you think you somehow just know when you've meet The One you're meant to be with?"

Women are sensory creatures. Notice I'm asking her what she thinks, but how she feels. A question like that is Girl Crack, and you can keep spinning multiple sub-questions out of that. I might say something serious like "My grandparents were together for fifty years. You think that kind of bond could still happen today?" Or I might ask her "What's your favourite movie scene where two lover meet for the first time. Do you think they just knew?"

See how I didn't actually answer the question, and even though she's doing all the talking, I'm the one controlling where the conversation goes?

Girls love to talk. They're naturally-inclined to do it. By talking about their feelings, their sense of intimacy with you increases. By you not talking about your feelings in a concrete way, their sense of curiousity about you increases.

I was chatting up a girl two nights back, and she bought up loving the book 'Twilight'. I did some schoolyard teasing about it, said how I thought it was a fantasy about dating the hottest guy in school who immediately pulls you into the coolest clique, but then lead the conversation to her telling me why she liked it emotionally. The question was this: "How does it make you feel when you read it?"

I found what she came back with genuinely-interesting.

"It's not the vampire stuff. It's not the high school stuff. It's not that he's cool or good-looking. I really don't like how he creeps into her room and watches her at night. It's just that... they talk. Guys don't talk like that any more. It's those moment when you first meet a guy and you're going back and forth and sharing things with each other to get to know them."

Her tone was yearning. She's talking about the dance of seduction. Women crave to hear more than "It's complicated."

I'm curious to read 'Twilight' now. I wonder what exactly is said in those conversations. I suspect it's back and forth conversation, but the answers that he gives reveal his secret life as a vampire, and, as such, he's the perfect fantasy man for a woman: during intimate conversation he doesn't withhold information, but what he reveals only makes him seem more distant, elusive and mysterious.

Women never want to fully know you. They will prod and poke and badger, trying to make you break, and then loathe you for your deeper revelations and always use them as ammo against you in an argument, because you can never compete with their fantasy construct of you that's always playing inside their heads.

Leading the conversation is really just distracting her from breaking the Real and Fantasy versions of you into two separate people, and deciding Reality You is the boring part of the love triangle. This is why they'll often come poking around long after a breakup, when all they remember is Fantasy You.

I had a great one on Facebook early last year from a woman i used to bang 20 years back, who broke up with me because she said my sex drive wasn't 'normal'. It went from over-accommodating and sickly...

"OMG I tracked you down sweetie. You look soooo handsome. How did we ever lose touch? I've missed you so much"

...to the suffocatingly passive-aggressive....

"I'm sorry I didn't realise YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! You look SO CUTE TOGETHER. I wish you two ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD!!! xxx ooo."

... in the space of two messages.

She wasn't interested in Reality Bosch. She was just fondly-remembering Fantasy Bosch, who probably rails her harder in her imagination than I ever did with a bigger cock that I have without having to hear her bitch about how sore her snatch has gotten.

Huh. I guess it really is complicated.

[Fortis]

"Are you hitting on me?"

[Gmac]

Me: "What do you think?"
Her: "Blah blah blah nonsensical women BS blah blah blah"
Me: "Really. Hmm. Did I ever tell you about the time I..."

The worst thing you can do is answer a woman's questions 100% directly like a robot, or a simp beta cuck. Shit-test / frame control 101.

[Mr. D]

"Why don't you have a gf?"

Because I like being free.

[Wala]

Glad this was bumped. WIA droppin invaluable knowledge

(09-15-2013 04:13 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

A lot going on here

1. How you feel about your 10 years being out of the game
2. Your boner-itis on fucking this one girl
3. Your misunderstanding of what game is
4. What you can do about it with this girl
5. what you can do in the future.

1. Period of Involuntary Celibacy.

This was voluntary celibacy. The only way you can be InCel, is if you're in a coma or disfigured.

Plugging out from the world of women and relationships after lack of success is kinda the norm. It's probably on the far end of the spectrum, but there are plenty of regular dudes that can't get with any girl, much less the girl they really want. So they basically stick to working, porn, and drinking beer.

They don't know how to get girls And it's something that you pretty much have to learn. Women learn how to get people to do things for them from an early age, and our society enforces that everyone serves women. That's how they're socialized.

She asks for it, she gets it.

Men on the other hand, are socialized to do everything themselves because no one is going to give it to them.

Naturals and people who study game, peel back this socialization. They get in the habit of putting themselves in situations where they have to ask people for things. In our circumstance, we're asking women to open their mouths and legs for us, as opposed to moving a couch up 4 flights of stairs.

But outside of the dating game, men generally have a problem with asking people for things. It's something in our culture that we have to learn to do. We're taught to be self reliant. And when we do work together, it's in a team, with a rigid hierarchy, where every man has a role.

Back to your issues - you really need to talk to someone about it. Maybe not a close friend, but a neutral party that will listen and facilitate you speaking from your heart about your experiences.

Once it's out of your system, (it'll never truly be out), you then have own it.

Most game dudes will have you reframe it, but I think you should own it, warts and all.

But you own it. You don't need to show it off to others.

Your game will improve when you embrace yourself, flaws and all.

If you continue to have that inner view that you're some kind of a loser, an untouchable, it will hold you back.

2. You really want to fuck this girl

And she's using this testosterone desire to hold you by the dick and lead you around.

Betas have one-itis.
Players have boner-itis.

You want to fuck a chick so bad that you'll do just about anything to get in her pants.

It makes you forget what game is.

Which leads me to point 3

3. You're misunderstanding game.

Game isn't about having the right answer to her questions.
It's not about having snappy one liners and great comebacks for every situation.
That's what game is portrayed as, gift of gab, unflappable, motor mouth, damn near freestyling like a 90's era West Coast Mc.

Game is about getting HER TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS.

Right now she's got you on the defense, and you're scrambling to pass each and every test she throws out.

You're not going to sink your dick into her snatch by having crisp statements that assuage all of her concerns.

You've got to turn the tables.

4. Tactics for this girl, and this line of questioning

A chick that's asking your past relationships, and you ain't been fucking bitches left and right, is looking for a reason to disqualify you.

This works on 2 levels
a) no girl wants a guy that no other girl wants (the exact opposite of how we look at it. If a chick is fine to me, big titties, nice face, nice ass - I don't need anyone else's approval. We are the independent sex, they are the dependent)

b) she can say something to you that puts you into an emotional tail spin - i.e. you're not strong mentally.

You are the rock, she is the storm.
You are the big soft grizzly bear that she can cuddle up next to and feel small and weak and protected.

If someone that's half your size and 1/4 your strength can defeat you mentally, what happens when you face something really tough? How can she depend on a weakling?

So in general to get past any sort of shit test - you have to interrogate the interrogator.

a) I've dated black guys before
- either you're not a black guy, and she's testing your Alpha to see if you're scared of her past and don't think you measure up
- you are a black guy - and she's saying that "you black guys are only after 1 thing"

In both cases, you say
- really
- how many
- how'd they catch your eye
- what'd they say
- how'd they compare to your regular guy
- did they just fuck you and leave
- and you went on with a second one? (slight disapproval)
- that's what you like though, you like being treated like a sex machine sometimes
- you like that they can see you for who you truly are, what you truly are...
- don't lie to me

You're trying to get her to admit to her true nature, cause you see it.
You want to get those memories flowing about her previous hook ups and affairs

You're taking control of the conversation, you're getting her to relive vivid things, you're guiding her down a path.

This is your job as a player.
To commandeer the interaction and make it go your way.

She's not going to ever be delighted calling the shots.

b) I had a kid at 13

She wants you to judge her for it, or give your undying Beta support for being a strong single mom.

You can dismiss, you can agree and amplify, you can ignore.

But you can also call her out on her motives.

"You tell everyone that?"
"what kind of reactions do you get"
"how do you feel about those reactions"

"you want me to judge you, so that you can judge me for judging you"
"are you trying to push me away"
"you gonna clam up on me now?"
"you realize now that you're not fucking with some boy, you're fucking with a man"
"are you ready to be real with me"

All these chicks throwing shit tests are trying to get you to "buy into their frame" - which basically means you're going to agree to the tone and possible reactions to her conversation by coloring within the lines, the lines of the picture that she sets and she controls.

c) Why don't you have a girlfriend?

Typical responses
- look at my options
- why don't you have a husband
- why do I need one

All that shit buys into her frame.

I'm gonna throw 2 options at you how to answer.

Option A - a playful option
Option B - the player option

Option A

U - "You really want to know?"
H - "Yes"
U - "Are you sure"
H- "Yes!"
U - "Are you really sure?"
H- "YES GOD DAMMIT YES"

And this is where you make up story and lie your ass off.

Because I'm a tad bit sadistic, i'll talk about a beautiful woman, the exact opposite of what she is.

I'll build this up, "what kind of girls do you think I like? But what kind of girls go for me"

She says X and Y.

"give me your hand"
*hold her hand the entire time*

You nod your head, and you then describe the almost perfect broad in your mind.

"She had alabaster skin, freckles, and...
*describe how you met*
*make it funny*
*meet her friends, they grill you*
*she meets your friends, they hi five you*
*meet the parents*
*she cooks, cleans, fucks, sucks, and is pretty good at call of duty*
*start getting serious*
*start saving up for a ring*
*you're just about to ask her to marry you*

She gets killed in a car crash.

*look away from her and longingly off into the distance*

"You believe in love don't you?"
"I guess you also believe bullshit too right?"

Start laughing.

Break the dramatic tension, and she starts laughing and hating you and laughing with you....

Again, standard game techniques of rich language, story telling, emotional leverage, persuasion.

Option B

"what did you ask me"
*she repeats*
"Say it slowly, so I can be sure"
*she repeats*
*change your mood and tone from mildly annoyed to deeply serious*

"look me in the eye, and ask me that question again"
*she repeats - but your change in tone and body language has shifted the power*

now you switch the conversation and retake the frame
"give me your hands" (always work in kino/physical touch in any pick up situation)
*take her hands, put your index fingers/thumbs on her wrists and feel her pulse*

"Why do you want to delve into my soul"
"Why do you want to take a close look at my heart"
"are you just making conversation?"

^^

This is where you begin basically breaking down her motivation for asking the question.

At no point are you going to tell her ANYTHING about you.

This is an exploration of HER.

You will start asking her questions.
You're winning when she runs out of good answers.

You've now got control of the conversation, she's seeking your approval.
She's investing.

5. Looking forward?

You need to get a handle on your past. You've got to come to grips with it and own it. Now I might not celebrate it and tell very Tomasina, Ricki, and Jane- because you don't want to give a girl a reason to disqualify you. But get to a point where you're cool with your past. It's tough and probably a daily battle at first.

Get a chick on the defensive asap. You'll be better off in the long run knowing how to run a conversation where you want it to go.

WIA

[The Beast1]

Reply: "Why don't you have a husband?"

[Pride male]

Why dont you have a gf?

I have very high standards.

[arafat scarf]

I give myself a high five when it comes to this point.

Here's how I handle it: "i tried but they all told me no"

Said with a playful smirk.

Then change the subject to something else you want to talk about.

If you've gotten to this point then she is curious and she finds you attractive. If she finds you attractive, then she knows other girls find you attractive also, so the 'why no girlfriend?' question bubbles up as a way of relieving tension as to whether you are truly desirable. A well-delivered playful and ridiculous answer like this gives her what she unconsciously wants: a token answer to her question that keeps the dance alive while not taking the nature of the interaction, and by extension her, very seriously. It also prevents you from killing the intrigue -- one of the main causes of her attraction to you.

So what happens after?

In my experience: the girl will either be meek, graceful or clumsy.

If she's meek or graceful, she'll go along with the new topic of conversation. That's good news -- you've given an enjoyable emotional response to the question without sacrificing some of your mystery.

If she's clumsy she'll double-back on the 'why no girlfriend?' question. That's better news -- you get to turn the dagger. When this happens, and I relish it when it does, I like to look at the girl in a blank-stare smirk of disbelief for her lack of social graces in disrupting the pleasurable flow conversation. Then I'll say: "it's complicated" with that same smirk of smh disbelief.

But, at this point, my answer doesn't matter bc the undercurrent has changed: she's now become the subject of examination and is guilty of social miscues.

She will certainly pick up on the subtle censure because when women communicate, they almost never press each other in conversation. That's because a fluid exchange of emotional energies is their way of dealing with one another and forming hierarchies. If you're the one sub-communicating that she's violated this unspoken rule, she'll sense that you've acquired a rightful position of judging her behavior, giving you hand for the moment and making her more pliable.

Obviously, if she's clumsy, don't linger or harp on the issue or make it of any lasting significance.

What's most important is that when you handle this question in the manner written above, you're more free than before to keep the energies going in the way that you want them to go and do whatever you were planning to do with her.