There is this girl in one of my classes. We've been eyeing each other 4 the past month. Couple days ago I finally get her in a situation to get her number (I know I should have just asked before but anyway). Before I asked for the number as we were chatting I asked if she wanted to get lunch. she said she had a class in a minute. ok i thought. then I went for the number. she seemed excited that i asked and gave it. i told her i would call. so i didn't call that night (playing "the waiting game" I guess) and the next day didn't call either but asked her in class if she wanted to do something that night (yesterday), friday. the way i asked was really bad though. I asked if she wanted to do something but before she could answer I said "or is there another time." again, I gave her too much value, I know. She said that this whole weekend she's busy bc her sister is in town and she hasn't seen her for a while. but she said "maybe next weekend." again I know that's not good because it makes her out to be more important than me. i'm really confused right now and i really like this girl so would appreciate some feedback. i know she is interested just based off her body language and the fact that she seemed really happy when i finally asked for her number. next week I just don't want to fuck it up. im guessing i shouldnt ask out in person again but on the phone. please keep in mind that this is a nerdy girl (but hot and she definetly knows it), who doesn't get out much. sorry for the long post. looking forward to some feedback. thanks
Looking for some help here
u handled it alittle wrong but nothing major. its very plausible her sis is in town. i would wait till next week and shoot her a text saying something like Im going for some lunch, would you like to join. Since she isnt the party type i would keep the first date ect more chill like lunch, coffee, or icecream.
Quote: (10-16-2010 12:34 PM)Dash Global Wrote:
u handled it alittle wrong but nothing major. its very plausible her sis is in town. i would wait till next week and shoot her a text saying something like Im going for some lunch, would you like to join. Since she isnt the party type i would keep the first date ect more chill like lunch, coffee, or icecream.
So the problem was where I suggested another time b4 she could answer? I'm guessing if she was really interetsed she would make time, but then again she is really shy and I don't know her. But she did seem happy when I asked for the #.
Dude it sounds like your over-analyzing things a bit, it's good to be analytical, but if you get too into your own head, it will seep into your inner-game, body language, tonality, etc. Just go with the flow, be calm, natural, and confident, you already acknowledge that you are giving her too much value, essentially putting her on a pedestal, which is one of the worst things you can do.
I know from personal experience, because that was one of my major sticking points when I was first getting into game, girls are very perceptive to when you are putting them on a pedestal and it turns them off, as they are seeking a guy who is high value, doesn't give a fuck, and has options with other girls, which you probably aren't sub-communicating through your actions. Once you take on an abundance mentality, that there are plenty of fish in the sea for you to catch, then you will develop a vibe where you are naturally more chill, confident, and comfortable around girls you like.
My best advice to you is to not give a fuck, and regard this chick as just an "okay" girl that you won't be to hurt up over, if things don't work out. Just game her as usual, and be confident, don't second guess yourself, and lead the interaction, non of this "maybe be can go out if you're not too busy" stuff, don't give her an easy out, or act un-easy or unconfident, to make her question her interest. She already sounds interested, so just pull the trigger, strike when the iron is hot, and if things don't work out, then who give a fuck right, there are thousands of other girls out there with nice pussies, that you can penetrate.
I know from personal experience, because that was one of my major sticking points when I was first getting into game, girls are very perceptive to when you are putting them on a pedestal and it turns them off, as they are seeking a guy who is high value, doesn't give a fuck, and has options with other girls, which you probably aren't sub-communicating through your actions. Once you take on an abundance mentality, that there are plenty of fish in the sea for you to catch, then you will develop a vibe where you are naturally more chill, confident, and comfortable around girls you like.
My best advice to you is to not give a fuck, and regard this chick as just an "okay" girl that you won't be to hurt up over, if things don't work out. Just game her as usual, and be confident, don't second guess yourself, and lead the interaction, non of this "maybe be can go out if you're not too busy" stuff, don't give her an easy out, or act un-easy or unconfident, to make her question her interest. She already sounds interested, so just pull the trigger, strike when the iron is hot, and if things don't work out, then who give a fuck right, there are thousands of other girls out there with nice pussies, that you can penetrate.
Thanks for the input. I am just worried that if i now act like i don't give a fuck nothing will happen. afterall she isn't going to ask me out. my plan is to just ignore her for next week, then give her a call friday afternoon and ask her if she wants to do something that night or saturday. sound good?
Not giving a fuck, doesn't mean not doing a damn thing. It means you don't act too eager and "needy" when interacting with her and asking her out. It means that you ask her out care free, like if she says no and totally blows you off or makes up an obvious excuse, you don't care, and subcommunicate that it's her loss, and you'll have plenty of fun without her. Ignoring a girl can work, but momentum is always huge, I'd say keep the interactions, light, fun, playful, and flirtatious.
U think she said she was busy because she's trying to test if I am serious about a relationship? Ie if I ask her again it might convey that I was not just looking for a quick fuck
Quote: (10-16-2010 10:52 PM)newb69 Wrote:
U think she said she was busy because she's trying to test if I am serious about a relationship? Ie if I ask her again it might convey that I was not just looking for a quick fuck
Dude, you really seem to be over thinkin, seriously, if your to nice you'll watch another guy slap her ass. Get her a little jealous, let her see you hugin another hot chick, don't think, just act on instinct without gettin emotional. Like said above, plenty of fish in the sea, and I'm gone fishin...
Quote: (10-16-2010 11:28 AM)newb69 Wrote:
We've been eyeing each other 4 the past month.
Right there I think you loss major points. She will subconsciously see you as beta just because you didnt have the balls to approach her quickly. Reality can be harsh..
But thats not your bigger concern for now...
Quote: (10-16-2010 11:28 AM)newb69 Wrote:I counted approximately six hundred times the word "ask" in your post. You don't ask , you say "lets go to X on day X" or "i am going to X, you can come".
asked her in class if she wanted to do something
Hell when a girl I just met gets in my car, I dont ask where she lives, I just drive to my place (calibration needed).
I think I am overthinking a little...I definetly don't think she thinks I am beta bc I didn't approach...there are a million ways to look at that...maybe I was too busy fucking someone else?
I think I messed up by not being more forceful when I asked her out..who knows.. I will ask again next week
I think I messed up by not being more forceful when I asked her out..who knows.. I will ask again next week
Thats just my experience man. If you take too much time to go talk to a girl, after she noticed you, you won't be able to play the card -lets go to my place tonight and watch a "movie"-.
Next week try building something before setting up a date. I mean why postpone the seduction if she is right in front of you? Tease her, make her laugh, and then say "i gtg", and only talk to her the next day. And please dont "ask her out", choose an activity, a date, and then tell her about it.
Next week try building something before setting up a date. I mean why postpone the seduction if she is right in front of you? Tease her, make her laugh, and then say "i gtg", and only talk to her the next day. And please dont "ask her out", choose an activity, a date, and then tell her about it.
I definetly thinks she sees me as beta now, but I still think I can change....def not good when she says "maybe next weekend" as if she is in control and it is a reward for me to spend time with her right?
just disappointing because i actually really like this girl in particular
You take the redpill or you don't. The more you like a girl the lesser your chance of getting her.
Bein a total Dick works for me, seriously, except women I really like which fucks me up, example I'm currently at the bar and wanna fuck this chick. I've known her for a while but she's bein flakey so I said "we gonna fuck" she shrugged her shoulders, I said ok, came out to smoke which is where I'm at currently and fuckin loaded. I guarantee I'm fuckin this 7 1/2 tonight, and no its not beer goggles cause my bartender gave me thumbs up. She will be driving my car and I wilt fuck the Ho!!!
You're right, you did kinda blow it on the, "There's always another time." But besides that, everything sounds okay. If she actually likes you she'll probably look past your one mistake. She probably did actually have stuff going on. Try again next week. Don't come on too strong, don't act like she is a big deal to you. If she flakes again, wait and ask her out one more time. If she flakes that time, fuck her (Or don't fuck her I guess is what I mean), find another girl. I usually only let a girl make an excuse twice and then back off. Some times they'll make an effort for you when you stop showing interest.
I still think that if she had stuff going on she should have made time...I'm not happy that she thinks it is a reward for me to spend time with her...that can't be good. I should be telling her when we date according to everything I've studied.
op I hope I'm wrong but I think:
You're blown. The way you're focused on her shows you don't feel in control, and since women are incapable of taking responsibility for anything, a guy who can benevolently control them is their deepest need.
But more succinctly ( from a super-alpha who actually made a living selling his paintings (try that at home sometimes!)):
"If she liked you, you'd know it. "
Your body knows, that's why it feels uneasy, but you're trying to solve it like a math problem.
Concentrate on meeting new ones WHO SHOW SOME INTEREST/PUPIL DILATION ON SEEING YOU, you'll notice it once you start looking for it, her eyes just "flash" or look unusually bright--if you get that combined with submissive indicators such as breaking eye contact with downward glance instead of continued sideways scanning-- she can't hide or fake it--recognition of female availability is programmed in over billions of years.
It's a brutal numbers game.
You're blown. The way you're focused on her shows you don't feel in control, and since women are incapable of taking responsibility for anything, a guy who can benevolently control them is their deepest need.
But more succinctly ( from a super-alpha who actually made a living selling his paintings (try that at home sometimes!)):
"If she liked you, you'd know it. "
Your body knows, that's why it feels uneasy, but you're trying to solve it like a math problem.
Concentrate on meeting new ones WHO SHOW SOME INTEREST/PUPIL DILATION ON SEEING YOU, you'll notice it once you start looking for it, her eyes just "flash" or look unusually bright--if you get that combined with submissive indicators such as breaking eye contact with downward glance instead of continued sideways scanning-- she can't hide or fake it--recognition of female availability is programmed in over billions of years.
It's a brutal numbers game.
I asked her out again today and we're having lunch tomorrow...I think I am just going to be upfront with her and tell her I like her and that I want her to be my gf which is what I actually want..I would rather have a gf than multiple partners at once...too much stress I think
Quote: (10-19-2010 08:53 PM)newb69 Wrote:
I asked her out again today and we're having lunch tomorrow...I think I am just going to be upfront with her and tell her I like her and that I want her to be my gf which is what I actually want..I would rather have a gf than multiple partners at once...too much stress I think
No please do not do this, attraction, connection, comfort, and intimacy need to be established before she even wants to think about a relationship. IMHO you are going about this all wrong, just be chill and go with the flow, one step at a time, or you're going to scare her off with your needy/clingy-ness. None of this "gee golly gosh, I think you're a swell gal, and I'd sure like to start going steady with you." You're first objective should be to get her naked in your bed, and the rest of the pieces of the puzzle will fall together.
Quote: (10-19-2010 09:51 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:
Quote: (10-19-2010 08:53 PM)newb69 Wrote:
I asked her out again today and we're having lunch tomorrow...I think I am just going to be upfront with her and tell her I like her and that I want her to be my gf which is what I actually want..I would rather have a gf than multiple partners at once...too much stress I think
No please do not do this, attraction, connection, comfort, and intimacy need to be established before she even wants to think about a relationship. IMHO you are going about this all wrong, just be chill and go with the flow, one step at a time, or you're going to scare her off with your needy/clingy-ness. None of this "gee golly gosh, I think you're a swell gal, and I'd sure like to start going steady with you." You're first objective should be to get her naked in your bed, and the rest of the pieces of the puzzle will fall together.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but don't some girls want a guy that actually cares about them and doesn't think of them as some alien being played? This is coming from my study of David X by the way who teaches "honesty, respect."
?
What I've found out when women say they want someone to care about em once they get it, they drop your ass!!! I've seen it happen to a few friends and to myself. That's why I'm a Dick. It works...at least for me!
Quote: (10-19-2010 10:03 PM)newb69 Wrote:
Quote: (10-19-2010 09:51 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:
Quote: (10-19-2010 08:53 PM)newb69 Wrote:
I asked her out again today and we're having lunch tomorrow...I think I am just going to be upfront with her and tell her I like her and that I want her to be my gf which is what I actually want..I would rather have a gf than multiple partners at once...too much stress I think
No please do not do this, attraction, connection, comfort, and intimacy need to be established before she even wants to think about a relationship. IMHO you are going about this all wrong, just be chill and go with the flow, one step at a time, or you're going to scare her off with your needy/clingy-ness. None of this "gee golly gosh, I think you're a swell gal, and I'd sure like to start going steady with you." You're first objective should be to get her naked in your bed, and the rest of the pieces of the puzzle will fall together.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but don't some girls want a guy that actually cares about them and doesn't think of them as some alien being played? This is coming from my study of David X by the way who teaches "honesty, respect."
What I've found out when women say they want someone to care about em once they get it, they drop your ass!!! I've seen it happen to a few friends and to myself. That's why I'm a Dick. It works...at least for me!
Cloud7en-- Wanting to get her in bed first is not necessarily "playing" her. You might want a real relationship but realize that if she won't f*ck,
true love won't be happening. All the girls I stayed with a long time and who wanted to marry me made out with me EARLY.
[quote] (10-19-2010 11:22 PM)cloud7en Wrote:
?[quote='newb69' pid='29863' dateline='1287543802']
[quote='OGNorCal707' pid='29862' dateline='1287543096']
[quote='newb69' pid='29850' dateline='1287539601']
What I've found out when women say they want someone to care about em once they get it, they drop your ass!!! I've seen it happen to a few friends and to myself. That's why I'm a Dick. It works...at least for me![/quote]
This is EXTREMELY age dependent ( as well as personality dependent). Most of the young women (16-22) you talk about who are changing their minds/ditching the guy do want real relationships, it's just they're so immature they don't even recognize their own emotions for what they are, and even if they did their emotions change so quickly they might hate a guy they thought they loved a month ago. The guy might be nice and thy think they "should" love him based on egalitarian propaganda, when they are wired to get wet for alphas.
But you'll notice even most hyper alphas ( Bruce Springsteen, the younger Michael Douglas) who could literally have a different girl every night
still get married. Even f'in Snoop Dogg is ( or was haven't checked lately) married. Why do you think that is?
Relative to her built-in thrill seeking level, when a girl hits a certain age they become very, very determined to get married to the highest status male they can corral.
remember too there is a selection factor here based on your personality.
This is just speculation based on your writing, and I'm not making a value judgment here:
You don't sound like a real passionate person who falls in love(mutual dependence) like some people do ("I'm a dick- it works...for me!") . (Deep, dedicated love is not often espoused as an ideal, or even as possible, in PUA culture) I'm not talking about someone who is an orbiting tool getting used, but someone who really likes deep, serious relationships.
Therefore you may end up getting selected by women who are into more transient things.
But even 97% of most thrill-seeking, in-the-moment women end up wanting to get married at ~34 when they see how much hotter 18-year-olds are than they are... remember they're preening all the time and notice every little wrinkle. (Statistic pulled out of my butt)
But- Women definitely don't love like men can, though. Has there been anything in all of history like the Taj Mahal? F*ck no, women are too busy maneuvering for position or caught up in the everyday. They can "love" us, but it's sort of the way you might love a piece of furniture: "I just love my leather couch."
It's comfortable, and if you came home and it was gone, why you'd be right upset. And buy another one.
But then again, women don't get all worked up and murder each other over jealousy nearly as much either. Have to kind of grant
them credit on that.
true love won't be happening. All the girls I stayed with a long time and who wanted to marry me made out with me EARLY.
[quote] (10-19-2010 11:22 PM)cloud7en Wrote:
?[quote='newb69' pid='29863' dateline='1287543802']
[quote='OGNorCal707' pid='29862' dateline='1287543096']
[quote='newb69' pid='29850' dateline='1287539601']
What I've found out when women say they want someone to care about em once they get it, they drop your ass!!! I've seen it happen to a few friends and to myself. That's why I'm a Dick. It works...at least for me![/quote]
This is EXTREMELY age dependent ( as well as personality dependent). Most of the young women (16-22) you talk about who are changing their minds/ditching the guy do want real relationships, it's just they're so immature they don't even recognize their own emotions for what they are, and even if they did their emotions change so quickly they might hate a guy they thought they loved a month ago. The guy might be nice and thy think they "should" love him based on egalitarian propaganda, when they are wired to get wet for alphas.
But you'll notice even most hyper alphas ( Bruce Springsteen, the younger Michael Douglas) who could literally have a different girl every night
still get married. Even f'in Snoop Dogg is ( or was haven't checked lately) married. Why do you think that is?
Relative to her built-in thrill seeking level, when a girl hits a certain age they become very, very determined to get married to the highest status male they can corral.
remember too there is a selection factor here based on your personality.
This is just speculation based on your writing, and I'm not making a value judgment here:
You don't sound like a real passionate person who falls in love(mutual dependence) like some people do ("I'm a dick- it works...for me!") . (Deep, dedicated love is not often espoused as an ideal, or even as possible, in PUA culture) I'm not talking about someone who is an orbiting tool getting used, but someone who really likes deep, serious relationships.
Therefore you may end up getting selected by women who are into more transient things.
But even 97% of most thrill-seeking, in-the-moment women end up wanting to get married at ~34 when they see how much hotter 18-year-olds are than they are... remember they're preening all the time and notice every little wrinkle. (Statistic pulled out of my butt)
But- Women definitely don't love like men can, though. Has there been anything in all of history like the Taj Mahal? F*ck no, women are too busy maneuvering for position or caught up in the everyday. They can "love" us, but it's sort of the way you might love a piece of furniture: "I just love my leather couch."
It's comfortable, and if you came home and it was gone, why you'd be right upset. And buy another one.
But then again, women don't get all worked up and murder each other over jealousy nearly as much either. Have to kind of grant
them credit on that.
She canceled the lunch. So I asked her out again this weekend by VM (I called and left a message). I asked her to the ballet. I guess that was kind of weird since she is only 21 (I am 2 BTW), but ballet interests me. 6-7 hours later she gets back to me by text (didn't even return my call) and says that the offer sounds "really fun" but that her sister is sick and she would feel bad leaving her. Obviously just an excuse. I texted her back an hour later. I guess I have gone about all this in the wrong way. I am actually pretty upset about this and depressed. I think that this girl is laughing at me. I think I have come across as way too needy and interested in her. What do you think?
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