[The Troubled One]

Generally speaking, would you guys recommend straight up calling out guys who piss you off in social situations? I understand a crucial part of the game involves not giving a fuck about the opinions of others, but is it really worth the social shitstorm that a confrontation could cause?

[Architekt]

Starting shit will make you the asshole. Casually toy with the asshole. Usually these people are actually pretty cool when you're friends, and laughing with them, not being laughed at. Don't take them, or yourself, too seriously, and you'll be fine

[Wreckingball]

Agree and amplify. It's like a shit test. Show that you're not "offended" with their shit and that you are cool and relaxed. when appropriate make a subtle remark, for ex:
If they stare at a fat girl:
"So, that's your time of woman uh?"

i've seen this line completely embarassing and shutting up an asshole. It was even more funny because the guy was also fat

[painter]

Architekt and Wreckingball have it right, it's a shit test. People unconsciously know that if they can get you to act emotionally (sadness, anger, frustration, etc...) two things happen: they earn power over you and you look like a douchebag to everyone else. This always turns into a no win situation where there's NOTHING you can say or do to turn it around and everything you try, even just walking away to defuse the situation, makes you look weak and/or butthurt.

Don't let anyone ever get you emotional, learn not to show that you care at all, even if you're seething with rage inside. This is a great tactic because the more you practice it, the less you actually care and the more you learn to control yourself in different situations.

It's easy to say, "Don't sweat it, man," but once you actually follow through it gets easier and easier. You don't want to go through life being the emotional guy everyone "picks" on because they unconsciously know you will react.

What's great is once you make the change, the people who used to play with your emotions will go bonkers trying to get a reaction out of you.

[Dr. Howard]

Yeah don't do the confrontation at the social gathering. I used to be that guy that I'd go off on people that were being assholes, somehow that made me the bigger asshole by 'ruining the party' or christmas or whatever. I would advise baiting them into making themselves look stupid or get them outside to confront them 1 on 1.

If you are much more cool than I am, like some other friends I have, use the person being the asshole as a way to befriend some cute girls aka "oh man what jerk, i just wanted to relax and have a good time" and use that as a hook for them to leave and go somewhere else with you.

[samsamsam]

(06-15-2013 07:28 AM)painter Wrote:  

Architekt and Wreckingball have it right, it's a shit test. People unconsciously know that if they can get you to act emotionally (sadness, anger, frustration, etc...) two things happen: they earn power over you and you look like a douchebag to everyone else.

Just a general question please. I am not saying anyone on this forum does this. But what is payoff in being an asshole? I mean in moments, I may have appeared to be an asshole but often it is because I protecting someone or standing up for a principle (so I like to believe), but I generally don't take a fine, nice situation and start messing with people I don't know. With people you know, it is just friendly teasing. But I won't do it with strangers. Experience (more witnessing) has taught me there is no payoff - maybe you "impress" girls but those type of girls don't interest me.

I am not saying, I am deeper or more anything than anyone else. I have always been curious as to why people do it when the payoff isn't obvious. It seems most of the time it is some emotional payoff, like "I get to feel in control, feel powerful, blah blah" which feeds some emotional hurt. But as an adult, why can't they see that and then realize they are acting based on childhood injuries and work on "fixing" themselves.

Just curious. I can never figure out why assholes enjoy doing that. Being Alpha, to me, doesn't mean being an asshole. So I can't see that as an answer. Being Alpha is being in control and assholes oftentimes don't seem to be. They think they are but that is sometimes just due have a biased/narcissistic view of the situation.

Just curious, thanks.

[germanico]

Or just dont socialize with assholes...

[LooTa]

Sure, you'll probably become 'the bad guy' but who cares?

[The Troubled One]

(06-15-2013 06:12 PM)germanico Wrote:  

Or just dont socialize with assholes...

I generally don't, but they do have a tendency to pop up.

[germanico]

Then you need to be more selective. Avoid people that lack the common sense of keeping assholes out of their friends lives.

You can be careful about your friends, but if your friends dont choose theirs carefully, then meet them on a one on one basis, not on "social" gatherings.

[A CLizzy]

I wouldn't do that, public confronting makes you look weak, like you consider him a threat.

you just demonstrate higher value , by cracking jokes and making the guy look stupid. If he genuinely is being an Asshole ,then this should be very easy to do and people will take on the same mindset as you on the guy.

[BlondeBeastMan]

One response only: aggressive reaction.

nothing else will deter arse holes. the worst case scenarios is when the arsehole combine their dickishness with a lethal sense of humour and systematically wins the crowd. Playing it off will not solve your problem. Simply agreeing and amplifying will not solve your problem. Limiting your social circle will not solve your problem....Serious aggressive moves will solve your problem. Dont try to be cool, dont try to fit in, dont worry about spoiling everybody's fun. They dont care about your feelings, why should you care about theirs? SPITFIRE back at the arsehole. Yield no ground, take no quarter. Be dead serious. Dont allow yourself to be placated. You are not somebody butt of jokes.

This just part of life: you will meet people who just enjoy being a dick. it is invariably part of human existence. Some people just seems to exist to bully and push others around for whatever reason. DONT PLAY IT OFF, OR TRY TO BE COOL. Be aggressive towards them. You are not a tool; you are not a bitch. Your self-respect and dignity matters.

respectfully,

(06-15-2013 02:28 AM)The Troubled One Wrote:  

Generally speaking, would you guys recommend straight up calling out guys who piss you off in social situations? I understand a crucial part of the game involves not giving a fuck about the opinions of others, but is it really worth the social shitstorm that a confrontation could cause?

[Parlay44]

Assholes tend to make their appearance after a few drinks. They're everywhere. Just try to be cool about it and go about your business. Positive vibe all the time is the way to go. People gravitate towards the guy with the positive vibe having a good time.

[The Troubled One]

(06-15-2013 10:03 PM)BlondeBeastMan Wrote:  

One response only: aggressive reaction.

nothing else will deter arse holes. the worst case scenarios is when the arsehole combine their dickishness with a lethal sense of humour and systematically wins the crowd. Playing it off will not solve your problem. Simply agreeing and amplifying will not solve your problem. Limiting your social circle will not solve your problem....Serious aggressive moves will solve your problem. Dont try to be cool, dont try to fit in, dont worry about spoiling everybody's fun. They dont care about your feelings, why should you care about theirs? SPITFIRE back at the arsehole. Yield no ground, take no quarter. Be dead serious. Dont allow yourself to be placated. You are not somebody butt of jokes.

This just part of life: you will meet people who just enjoy being a dick. it is invariably part of human existence. Some people just seems to exist to bully and push others around for whatever reason. DONT PLAY IT OFF, OR TRY TO BE COOL. Be aggressive towards them. You are not a tool; you are not a bitch. Your self-respect and dignity matters.

respectfully,

There we go. It simply doesn't feel natural to just "ignore" the asshole(which only goads them on further). I also hate trying to subtly undermine them. Women attack their enemies that way; it feels particularly bitchy and cowardly to do so myself.

[Sebastian]

how about giving us some examples?

[The Troubled One]

(06-16-2013 03:29 AM)Sebastian Wrote:  

how about giving us some examples?

Of what, the assholes who proliferate in almost any large social setting? You've probably run into at least a few throughout your lifetime. This category includes people who give you shit when all you want to do is kick it with your friends, or people who try and bully you to get over their own insecurities, or people whose general shittiness just pisses you off.