[cardguy]

I really appreciate it when forum members recount stories from their 'blue pill' days.

Now - I am happy to say I have never had a girlfriend. So - I don't understand the first thing about relationships. So - I was hoping somebody can help me understand the following? Perhaps with reference to their 'blue pill' days?

Why do people stick around in relationships with ugly people - when it is clear they are bored out of their minds? I see one particular couple at work everyday - and it is like watching a nature documentary. I am morbidly fascinated by how such creatures live.

Why do people fear being alone? Are they secretly gay - and living in denial? Do they get on well with the partner's parents - and not wish to upset them?

Or do they feel their own parents have an emotional investment in their relationship. And don't want to let them down?

Or maybe they are better suited as friends instead of partners. But don't want to upset the other person by officially ending the relationship?

Or is it just a case of being in a rut?

Like I say I cannot understand this. Since - the pleasures of being alone will always outweigh those of being stuck in a crappy relationship. Indeed - no matter how great a girl is - I personally will always enjoy being alone more. Since I despise having to compromise how I spend my free time.

So - why do men go through this? And for those who know about this topic - why do so many women hang around in unhappy relationships?

With women it is more common. But with men it is more confusing - since I expect men to have more balls than to meekly stay in a shitty relationship.

[Joga Bonito]

“Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. Society is something that precedes the individual. Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god. ”


― Aristotle, Politics

[cardguy]

8 hours a day at work.

Friends.

Family.

I wish I had the chance to be alot less social than I currently am.

[bacon]

It is funny how some( if not most) people cant eat at a restuarant, go to a movie, go to a bar/club or go on vacation by themselves. I love socializing but some days I just need me time.

[Nudge]

I stayed in a relationship for a lot longer than I wanted to a few years ago I guess when I was BP. Its easy to say I should have had more balls and just ended it if I wasn't happy, but when you are with someone for a long time and you have been through a lot together its a bit more complicated. Especially as the girl was hopelessly in love with me and didn't really do anything wrong, I just didn't feel it anymore. Eventually she sensed that I wasn't into it and became a physco then we had a very messy break up. I'm kinda glad it happened like this because I saw her evil side and I havnt regretted the break up for a second.

Its gonna be very difficult to have another serious girlfriend again though. She is going to have to have to be pretty dam amazing, I aint settling for anything less.

[cardguy]

My best friend regularly hangs about in relationships a year longer than really makes sense. Never understood it myself.

He is a wannabe musician - so I think he needs an emotional 'narrative' to his life. A sense that his life is following some kind of plot. As opposed to staring into the existential void - which is something my and my buddy JD like to do.

When he eventually ends the relationship. He quickly starts all over again with someone else.

He always seemed to me to be someone who is 'in love with being in love.'

[JimNortonFan]

When you're younger you think you'll be an exception to every rule you don't like.

A young guy is lucky, extremely lucky, if he gets guidance from a mentor in ONE area, academics, athletics, style, money, career, girls, hunting, fishing, etc.

I had a Natural (big time DT) try and take me under my wing when I was 19. This was before the world wide web made Game a term. He saw it as a challenge to turn a short, skinny Beta into a player. He gave up after a while because his advice was too red pill for me at the time.

With no guidance it's what's on TV and in movies and books or what everyone else is doing.

Guys get addicted to sex and, while virtually no one here will admit it, some guys like holding and cuddling, waking up with someone, contributing to a relationship., helping take care of another person. What they don't realize is that when they say "I love you." they mean it in the way we all think of the statement "I love you." When she says it, she means "You're as high as I can go in my hypergamist quest...for now."

These shithead dudes will actually participate in the conversation that starts "Does (this article of clothing) make me look fat." These dumbasses will try and make her feel better about her attractiveness. If they fail she views them as Beta dogshit. If they succeed they get dumped so she can hypergamize.

The guys draw Blue Pill lessons from their failures and seek the next relationship rather than realizing that the vast majority of relationships are crap.

So, guys try and find relationships. Some girls try and lock up a putz to do stuff for them while they figure out how to get Alpha dick. Back in the day, girls hadn't learned hypergamy and Alpha worship like they have now, so there was a time when a Beta loser and a girl who doesn't have a clue could be together and she could make him miserable while she wondered what was wrong with her life and relationship. She wanted alpha dick but was held back from chasing it by various factors, family, fiends, religion, traditional culture, etc. Now they chase it, now they've decided that they'd rather pine away for alpha than have Beta locked up for sure.

There's other non-manosphere explanations too. People get lonely, some people like drama. An analogy is careers. You're supposed to go get a job at a company. Why? Because you are supposed to. There's no way you can travel and write about how to pick up girls, lift, eat right, and cultivate yourself because nobody does that. Everybody works for a company, everybody is in a relationship.

Things are changing though. I keep my manosphere beliefs between myself and one close friend. Lately a bunch of Blue Pill dudes in my circles have gotten way more red because they see that what is out there is crap.

[cardguy]

I am blessed that I'm an introvert.

Even though I am usually the most outgoing person in most social circles.

I just need alot of alone time to recharge my batteries. So - I always consider myself blessed that ordinary 'blue pill' relationships were never a possibility for me, since I simply cannot function without about 6-7 hours alone time a day.

[GenJx]

(05-09-2013 06:04 PM)JimNortonFan Wrote:  

What they don't realize is that when they say "I love you." they mean it in the way we all think of the statement "I love you." When she says it, she means "You're as high as I can go in my hypergamist quest...for now."

not really, a guy with options isnt very loyal to women either. most betas dont have options. how loyal you going to be to a 6 when a dime piece comes along. since most guys dont have very many options, they stay in these relationships

[Freddy_1]

"what they don't realize is that when they say "I love you." they mean it in the way we all think of the statement "I love you." When she says it, she means "You're as high as I can go in my hypergamist quest...for now."

so true...

[NYJ]

(05-09-2013 06:09 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

I am blessed that I'm an introvert.

Even though I am usually the most outgoing person in most social circles.

I just need alot of alone time to recharge my batteries. So - I always consider myself blessed that ordinary 'blue pill' relationships were never a possibility for me, since I simply cannot function without about 6-7 hours alone time a day.

I am the same way. I often wake up early just so I can have some alone time. When I go out I have no problems talking at all to anyone. But once I hit a certain a point, I'm done and need to recharge. I go out to eat, catch a movie and shop all by myself. Hell, I've gone to Yankees and Jets games by myself. That includes traveling myself too for an hour plus each way.

Also have never been in a relationship either nor do I find myself wanting to be in one.

[cardguy]

Serious question. Does sticking with an ugly woman beat being alone? Shit - the money you save on doing boring girlfriend shit could just be spent on hot hookers and titty bars instead.

[JimNortonFan]

Dude has no game.

Dude is against hookers for whatever reason, disease fears, morals, whatever.

Dude is against beating off, for whatever reason.

Dude wants sex.

Dude has one option unless he's rich.

[Nascimento]

Man, your point about being the most social when out despite being an introvert at heart clicks for me dead on. I often feel I vibe between the extremes.. Some nights I go out and am full energy and am easily one of the most social and high energy people at the packed club/bar (sober as well) and other nights I stay at home despite having some buddies call me out to be social (this tends to happen every other Friday/Saturday night).

A year ago before I actually started game I always felt alone. I never went out anyways, stayed home on weekend nights playing video games by myself. I didn't hate it or feel shame, but I did feel like I should be with a woman or something.. I longed for companionship.

Today, although I do still spend some nights at home and enjoy the introvert side to me, I don't feel shame at all. I don't feel like I should have a woman beside me.

A year ago when friends/acquaintances asked me 'do you have a girlfriend/why don't you have a girlfriend' I always felt some shame in my responses, and it probably showed. Nowadays its simply 'Nope' or 'I don't know, never thought about it/I suck with girls'. I really don't care about it anymore and I have noticed in the past several months female acquaintances (mostly through work social circle) have begun to be more attracted/flirty with me.

I still at times deal with wanting someone with me, but my goal is to kill this feeling and I get closer every day.

'There is no other company I prefer other than my own.'

[cardguy]

I think this where the myth of the 'sad clown' comes from.

When the truth is that alot of the most outgoing performers are very low energy and just want to be left alone when they are not on stage. It is like they expel their social needs and desires in concentrated blasts - as opposed to spreading it over a day. And have little left afterwards.

People then mistake this for being some kind of 'sad clown.'

[Blaster]

There are two broad reasons to fear being alone. The first is practical: social cooperation can benefit the entire group.

The second reason is loneliness. Being lonely sucks. It's hard to describe if you've never actually experienced it. I've always enjoyed solitude and spent most of my early adult life without a girlfriend. Most of the time being alone does not mean being lonely. Loneliness would sneak up on me unexpectedly. The first time it happened I didn't even realize what it was. I was just in a funk, depressed and deriving no joy out of anything I did. One day I visited some relatives and after about 15 minutes I felt like myself again. It was then I realized I hadn't had a friendly conversation with anyone in over a week, just brief work-related exchanges and even those didn't happen too often. The feeling comes back every so often, but since that time I've generally arranged my life to include more social activity and at the moment, social fatigue is a more likely problem than loneliness. But I would take the social fatigue any day.

I suppose there's also a third category which would be fears associated with being alone. Not fear of being alone but fear of what might happen to you because you are alone. For example: experiencing a critical injury in your home and not being able to call for help until it's too late. I think people with the most extreme versions of these fears are said to have abandonment issues.

[Blaster]

(05-09-2013 06:23 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

Serious question. Does sticking with an ugly woman beat being alone?

No. Shame and self-loathing are worse and harder to recover from than loneliness. I would rather be single and celibate than fuck a woman I did not find sufficiently attractive.

Ugly is somewhat relative though, of course. Men have different minimum standards.

[cardguy]

In economics - if you want to increase the rate of employment - you lower interest rates.

People don't usually link the two - but interest rates has a big effect on unemployment.

So - on a similar level. If you want to improve your love life. Then learn to start loving life - alone...

When you are genuinely happy being alone - it will take a very special person to remove you from that. And at the first sign of a realtionship going south - you will jump ship rather than go down with the ship.

It is a paradox - that the person who is happy alone is far more likely to have happier relationships than the person desperate to fall in love.

If I ever end up in a relationship - it will have to be with a supermodel who shoots $100 bills out of her pussy. Anything less and I would much rather be alone. Since my life is just too much fun - and most women's instincts would be to put a stop to most of it.

[Nascimento]

I'm aware that life is a lonely road anyways. Specifically adult life. Before that, you are always around your family and friends. As you get older friends become distant, family is farther away/passes on. The average person finds a spouse to attach to. But as we all know here, that is not the answer.

Also, this saying comes to mind: some people don't look lonely, but they actually are; while others look lonely, when they actually are not.

I think self amusement is the answer. I am getting more in touch with it every day. Sometimes I'm in a room by myself and I do something stupid or think of something hilarious and I laugh out loud at myself. Sometimes when I drive by a street a girl I had taken out on a date in the past and choded/was beta around I call out her name and pretend to be really needy and beta just to make myself laugh.

If you can amuse yourself and enjoy your own company, how can you feel alone? Sure, going sometime without intimacy can make you feel that missing vibe, but that is not the same as 'being alone'.

[speakeasy]

I think the question should be why do extraverts fear being alone. As an introvert I sometimes prefer doing shit by myself. Though I don't mind company either if the people are cool. I just get bored with inane small talk after awhile, or feeling the pressure to constantly come up with something funny or interesting to say. Sometimes the best days for me are just riding my bike down the beach with my iPod on and not giving a shit what anyone else is doing or saying.

[cardguy]

Yeah - I do a weird thing round women. I pretend to be ridiculously omega around them - which weirdly comes across as being quite confident. It is the ultimate demonstration of showing you don't give a fuck what they think. I love thinking up ways to make a chick laugh. Often I will drop the line 'are we in love, yet?' with a goofy look on my face about 5 minutes into first meeting up with a girl.

Then I just laugh at her. Never sure who I am trying to amuse. Myself or her. Probably me I guess...

[Nascimento]

(05-09-2013 07:03 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

Yeah - I do a weird thing round women. I pretend to be ridiculously omega around them - which weirdly comes across as being quite confident. It is the ultimate demonstration of showing you don't give a fuck what they think. I love thinking up ways to make a chick laugh. Often I will drop the line 'are we in love, yet?' with a goofy look on my face about 5 minutes into first meeting up with a girl.

Then I just laugh at her. Never sure who I am trying to amuse. Myself or her. Probably me I guess...

This is actually a key ingredient in my game. Sometimes I open with 'Hi, I'm socially awkward' while putting my hand out. Girls can usually sense that I am just bullshitting and play along. Sometimes I do the same as you mentioned, I tell them I fell in love and that we are going to get married and our honeymoon consists of hotsprings and the himalayas. One time I was being very direct with a girl I had isolated from the dance floor, had a brief makeout, and then I told her she was my first ever kiss and that I am going to be up all night thinking of her. In my head I was laughing because she was the first girl I kissed.. that night.

It seems that doing beta behaviour without the subtext of seriousness, but rather I-dont-give-a-shit works. Bullshit game is awesome.

I think it works because of abundance. Either you subconsciously realize that there are so many women out there it doesn't matter how the interaction goes, or that you consciously realize this is only your xx approach of the night and you still have xx approaches ahead.

[Kingsley Davis]

@ JimNortonFan
"A young guy is lucky, extremely lucky, if he gets guidance from a mentor in ONE area, academics, athletics, style, money, career, girls, hunting, fishing, etc".

This how i feel about the the whiners who complain about finding the Manosphere early or some other nonsense. To be 20 again with the RVF vast wealth of info......good thread all the same.

[michelin]

I got the impression many friends and family seek refuge in family life because of this fear. It's like a drug to them, like religion or other opiums used to be in former times (and stil are for many extremists). Many of my friends married down and get kids as soon as possible to invigorate their lives and forget about the "socially cursed" lonely life of a bachelor. Society is like a big sponge sucking the lonele outcasts up to become acceptable to the neighbour next door. This is probably worse in countries like Denmark with Jante laws, as you can imagine.

[Moreless]

(05-09-2013 07:17 PM)Nascimento Wrote:  

(05-09-2013 07:03 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

Yeah - I do a weird thing round women. I pretend to be ridiculously omega around them - which weirdly comes across as being quite confident. It is the ultimate demonstration of showing you don't give a fuck what they think. I love thinking up ways to make a chick laugh. Often I will drop the line 'are we in love, yet?' with a goofy look on my face about 5 minutes into first meeting up with a girl.

Then I just laugh at her. Never sure who I am trying to amuse. Myself or her. Probably me I guess...

This is actually a key ingredient in my game. Sometimes I open with 'Hi, I'm socially awkward' while putting my hand out. Girls can usually sense that I am just bullshitting and play along. Sometimes I do the same as you mentioned, I tell them I fell in love and that we are going to get married and our honeymoon consists of hotsprings and the himalayas. One time I was being very direct with a girl I had isolated from the dance floor, had a brief makeout, and then I told her she was my first ever kiss and that I am going to be up all night thinking of her. In my head I was laughing because she was the first girl I kissed.. that night.

It seems that doing beta behaviour without the subtext of seriousness, but rather I-dont-give-a-shit works. Bullshit game is awesome.

I think it works because of abundance. Either you subconsciously realize that there are so many women out there it doesn't matter how the interaction goes, or that you consciously realize this is only your xx approach of the night and you still have xx approaches ahead.

I use this sometimes in my humor. I called a girl out with a nose ring in the first 5 mins of meeting and said, "I'm not sure my mom is going to like that ring in your nose."

She still brings up this line today.

I think it worked because it's a good neg and the beta game.