I have an internet business that brings in several grand a month so I have a lot of flexibility in terms of traveling and living abroad. One of the things I have to admit that I struggle with is making guy friends when in new places overseas. It seems like sometimes I meet people and hit it off and other times I don't. I actually find it easier in general to meet girls and get laid than it is to make good male friends. Any tips or ideas? I find having good friends abroad can make a huge difference in terms of how satisfying a place is. How do you all deal with this?? Thanks for your responses.
Making Friends Abroad?
Most guys here suggest that you join a boxing gym or some kind of an international sport that's sponsored in popular, common facilities.
Since I've only ever been overseas to learn the language at schools, I've had the default "Hey, we're all students. Let's party" response.
The easiest friends to make overseas are the expats like yourself, but that can be a two edged sword because most of them tend to not have the same viewpoint. I don't recommend seeking expats if you're an American because a good healthy amount of them tend to be assholes for the first couple months they're over when they're still entertaining ideas of assimilating/learning the language fluently to become someone else. After that stage, they almost get clingy.
That's what I saw when I was in europe for a semester.
The best thing to do is to develop a common athletic interest and go where men hang out, like soccer fields or basketball courts. It helps to be good at it, though. Most dudes in the bars are not trying to be your friend, but it isn't too difficult to figure out which guys are cool. Buy him a drink and bullshit for a while.
Since I've only ever been overseas to learn the language at schools, I've had the default "Hey, we're all students. Let's party" response.
The easiest friends to make overseas are the expats like yourself, but that can be a two edged sword because most of them tend to not have the same viewpoint. I don't recommend seeking expats if you're an American because a good healthy amount of them tend to be assholes for the first couple months they're over when they're still entertaining ideas of assimilating/learning the language fluently to become someone else. After that stage, they almost get clingy.
That's what I saw when I was in europe for a semester.
The best thing to do is to develop a common athletic interest and go where men hang out, like soccer fields or basketball courts. It helps to be good at it, though. Most dudes in the bars are not trying to be your friend, but it isn't too difficult to figure out which guys are cool. Buy him a drink and bullshit for a while.
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If you want some PDF's on bodyweight exercise with little to no equipment, send me a PM and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
Watching sports games in a pub is a good way, I've found. Especially if you're watching a team from your own country, if other people are there to watch that team its likely that they have an interest in your country.
Boxing Gyms
Surfing
Nightlife (rarely)
Those are the only three I have had success with.
Surfing
Nightlife (rarely)
Those are the only three I have had success with.
Quote: (02-27-2013 12:32 PM)lush1 Wrote:
Watching sports games in a pub is a good way, I've found. Especially if you're watching a team from your own country, if other people are there to watch that team its likely that they have an interest in your country.
Yeah, this is a very easy way. It's interesting, making friends home/abroad I find very easy. Getting girls was the more difficult, hence learning game. Perhaps I should become a making friends guru!
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Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. - H L Mencken
Quote: (02-27-2013 12:32 PM)lush1 Wrote:
Watching sports games in a pub is a good way, I've found. Especially if you're watching a team from your own country, if other people are there to watch that team its likely that they have an interest in your country.
I'd be afraid of getting beaten up. That shit happens here quite often and not even to strangers - to guys from merely different cities!
"Imagine" by HCE | Hitler reacts to Battle of Montreal | An alternative use for squid that has never crossed your mind before
Quote: (02-27-2013 01:07 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:
Quote: (02-27-2013 12:32 PM)lush1 Wrote:
Watching sports games in a pub is a good way, I've found. Especially if you're watching a team from your own country, if other people are there to watch that team its likely that they have an interest in your country.
I'd be afraid of getting beaten up. That shit happens here quite often and not even to strangers - to guys from merely different cities!
Maybe in South America, not sure where you are, but I've watched footy in many Euro countries and made friends that way. I guess it depends on the area too. Also, if you want to make friends with the locals, show an interest in their team.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. - H L Mencken
Please never ever say Footy again if you want to make male friends in Europe!
I'm one of the few american guys I know who isn't into sports. Maybe I should start getting into sports to meet more guys! Surfing is a good idea, that's a sport I could get into if i was in the right location.
I met some solid friends by working out at a gym.
Imo. Surfers are not very social.
If it's a crowded spot. Rookies gets the stink eye on their way out of the car.
If it's a crowded spot. Rookies gets the stink eye on their way out of the car.
get a part time job somewhere
volunteer
sports
neighbors
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volunteer
sports
neighbors
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I'd like to take a moment to play devil's advocate and suggest that you have a healthy dose of skepticism and doubt before diving into social groups too quickly. Make sure that you really screen people and get to know them.
Expats abroad can be a wily bunch. Getting involved with the right or wrong group of people when showing up in a place will affect your life in ways that you can't predict. This is particularly true when you are showing up in a new country for the first time. In a place like Bangkok or China, the company you keep can end up scoring you seriously lucrative business opportunities or have you end up being caught with someone carrying drugs and shipped off to jail together.
You are particularly vulnerable when you first arrive because you have no determined set of social norms to work with and are at your most impressionable. This is not to say that there are sociopathic expats and people walking around trying to take advantage of you.....
......but there definitely are. I've moved to places where the social circle I developed turned out to be poisonous two-faced backstabbing neanderthals. I know someone who went into business with them and is suffering from the fallout of that.
Do your due diligence on people. Set up a separate facebook account in which you add all these people you meet in your travels, since they will inevitably want to add you on facebook.
You are the average of the five people you hang out with most.
Equally important in the thread and theme of making friends abroad is avoiding toxic people. Social circles and networking work very dramatically differently when you are a mobile expat. Relationships built in this international realm, as a result, tend to be more polarized on the beneficial end (creating a network of business contacts or finding a great girlfriend/wife) or the catatrophic end (sinking 70K into the wrong investment due to bad intelligence).
Tread carefully.
Your environment will affect you more than anything. This is particularly crucial to recognize and acknowledge when you are first getting settled in a new place. Look around at the other expats who are hanging out in the environments that you are in - are you at Nana Plaza with a bunch of degenerates and 60 year old obese lowlifes? The decision to get drunk there could have irreparable consequences.
In contrast, are you in Shenzhen or Sao Paulo at high class events and partying with the upper class? The decision to let loose there and have a great time can result in a lifetime of positive consequences.
The seemingly insignificant decisions you make as a result of the people in your life will have far reaching consequences down the road as a mobile expat.
As a general rule, if you put yourself in the right environments then you will fare well.
--
My suggestions:
- Crossfit / Bikram Yoga / Muay Thai / MMA
- Toastmasters / Internations / Meetup.com
Expats abroad can be a wily bunch. Getting involved with the right or wrong group of people when showing up in a place will affect your life in ways that you can't predict. This is particularly true when you are showing up in a new country for the first time. In a place like Bangkok or China, the company you keep can end up scoring you seriously lucrative business opportunities or have you end up being caught with someone carrying drugs and shipped off to jail together.
You are particularly vulnerable when you first arrive because you have no determined set of social norms to work with and are at your most impressionable. This is not to say that there are sociopathic expats and people walking around trying to take advantage of you.....
......but there definitely are. I've moved to places where the social circle I developed turned out to be poisonous two-faced backstabbing neanderthals. I know someone who went into business with them and is suffering from the fallout of that.
Do your due diligence on people. Set up a separate facebook account in which you add all these people you meet in your travels, since they will inevitably want to add you on facebook.
You are the average of the five people you hang out with most.
Equally important in the thread and theme of making friends abroad is avoiding toxic people. Social circles and networking work very dramatically differently when you are a mobile expat. Relationships built in this international realm, as a result, tend to be more polarized on the beneficial end (creating a network of business contacts or finding a great girlfriend/wife) or the catatrophic end (sinking 70K into the wrong investment due to bad intelligence).
Tread carefully.
Your environment will affect you more than anything. This is particularly crucial to recognize and acknowledge when you are first getting settled in a new place. Look around at the other expats who are hanging out in the environments that you are in - are you at Nana Plaza with a bunch of degenerates and 60 year old obese lowlifes? The decision to get drunk there could have irreparable consequences.
In contrast, are you in Shenzhen or Sao Paulo at high class events and partying with the upper class? The decision to let loose there and have a great time can result in a lifetime of positive consequences.
The seemingly insignificant decisions you make as a result of the people in your life will have far reaching consequences down the road as a mobile expat.
As a general rule, if you put yourself in the right environments then you will fare well.
--
My suggestions:
- Crossfit / Bikram Yoga / Muay Thai / MMA
- Toastmasters / Internations / Meetup.com
The best way to make guy friends abroad is to make hi-society girl friends abroad and be introduced to their circle.
A close second is sports. I've personally met lots of rich kids and cool people playing tennis and swimming (status sports in Asia).
I have met a lot of neighorhood poor dudes and thug-types playing "common sports". In Mainland China, this is ping-pong on the outdoor tables (ping pong tables w/metal nets). This is what I call pick-up ping pong (kind of like pick-up basketball).
3rd is playing cards with them. Learn how to play their pa-soy variation. Its a good way to get quality friendship time w/Chinese as they are fanatical about their card games. For added laughs, add in the tribute system (winner gets to pick to get tribute from loser). Lots of shit-talking ensues.
I've done this in Asia mostly.
@YMG- dope post as always. BKK is dangerous in that respect- its a lot of expats that are past the hill. Asaxon and I were talking about how the sexpat foreigners are almost always the worst of the worst scum of the Thailand.
A close second is sports. I've personally met lots of rich kids and cool people playing tennis and swimming (status sports in Asia).
I have met a lot of neighorhood poor dudes and thug-types playing "common sports". In Mainland China, this is ping-pong on the outdoor tables (ping pong tables w/metal nets). This is what I call pick-up ping pong (kind of like pick-up basketball).
3rd is playing cards with them. Learn how to play their pa-soy variation. Its a good way to get quality friendship time w/Chinese as they are fanatical about their card games. For added laughs, add in the tribute system (winner gets to pick to get tribute from loser). Lots of shit-talking ensues.
I've done this in Asia mostly.
@YMG- dope post as always. BKK is dangerous in that respect- its a lot of expats that are past the hill. Asaxon and I were talking about how the sexpat foreigners are almost always the worst of the worst scum of the Thailand.
WIA- For most of men, our time being masters of our own fate, kings in our own castles is short. Even those of us in the game will eventually succumb to ease of servitude rather than deal with the malaise of solitude
Quote:Quote:
The best way to make guy friends abroad is to make hi-society girl friends abroad and be introduced to their circle.
A close second is sports. I've personally met lots of rich kids and cool people playing tennis and swimming (status sports in Asia).
Yes, this.
Quote:Quote:
@YMG- dope post as always. BKK is dangerous in that respect- its a lot of expats that are past the hill. Asaxon and I were talking about how the sexpat foreigners are almost always the worst of the worst scum of the Thailand.
Yes, it's true. We should try to behave in places like this.
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Quote: (02-26-2013 10:01 PM)urbrock Wrote:
I have an internet business that brings in several grand a month so I have a lot of flexibility in terms of traveling and living abroad. One of the things I have to admit that I struggle with is making guy friends when in new places overseas. It seems like sometimes I meet people and hit it off and other times I don't. I actually find it easier in general to meet girls and get laid than it is to make good male friends. Any tips or ideas? I find having good friends abroad can make a huge difference in terms of how satisfying a place is. How do you all deal with this?? Thanks for your responses.
Some of my best overseas friends have been musicians, mostly DJs/Producers. Something about being a musician, and the fact that they get tons of women, get paid to do what they love, just makes them cool as hell. For the most part they don't feel like they have to prove anything to you, so things are just easier. Plus they have had to deal with a lot of other peoples B.S. in the industry, so seeing a really cool person is pretty nice to them. I've lots of Japanese male friends, and they are pretty much all musicians.
Isaiah 4:1
A great way to get into the surfing game is to make freinds with one outside of the water. Smoke weed or trip for a night together, then it will come up eventually. Surfers can be dicks at first to new commers but some of the most awesome, loyal friends I have are surfers (I am not a great surfer). Chill first and 'build comfort' with them, much like you would with a chick you wana bang. You dont come right out and tell her you want to fuck her the first chance you get, you 'just let it happen' so to speak. Most surfers really know how to have a good time, and a lot of chicks dig them.
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