[RichieP]

One thing that's always gotten to me is when bratty guys, usually young, mess with you a little. Like e.g. being at the bar, catching the eye of some guy then he reaches over to give you a high five but lightly slaps your face, maybe to show off to his girl. Done in a way that comes over kinda derogatory.

Or like he steps on your foot, turns to apologize but in doing so slaps you on the chest as if to say "haha, stay there".

I know both situs could be done in good-naturedness, but you know you can just tell when the guy is being kinda dickish.

Kinda subtle immature little status grabs. I have trouble shrugging them off - they really do get to me, and I react in one of two ways:

-Say something way overly harsh, not gonna repeat it here lol but something over the top. And then I'm concerned about having gone too far, and I'm on edge afterwards.

-Or if he looks genuinely big and tough, I just get pissed off and dismiss, but seethe after.

Either way it degrades my night. Especially if I'm with a girl, and she sees, and then sees me get pissed off. Vicious cycle.

How do you guys assertively handle these little "status grabs"? It's not like the even need handling, but at the same time I don't like to just do nothing. I feel lame. Any thoughts?

[Jaylow]

Punch him in the stomach "playfully" or my personal favorite, take your right hand and point at your left shoulder, then backhand him.

[polymath]

Go one step further at him, and play it off like a joke. That, or hurt him with a smile on your face. If you don't have an audience and you just don't give a fuck, exit the situation. No use fighting a pointless battle.

I had an issue with this for a while when my self-esteem had taken some shots. Even my friends would fuck with me. Getting angry just gives them the result that they seek. Personally I think the answer is to make it obvious that you can be far more aggressive than the guy initially thought.

Seething is your body's way of telling you that you held your aggression. Sometimes doing that is good, but sometimes it's not.

Just to clarify...Someone actually slapped your face in a bar?

[RichieP]

Nice one guys, thanks. Good advice.

polymath: yeah. it was a club full of european English students (i.e. kids). In venues like that I've noticed you get more of that kind of brattyness because it's not an "adult" venue and they feel like they can do it. You get it in Uni venues too. They assume there's no real tough nuts around, so they take liberties. He probably thought I was another pussy english student (until he heard my response, lol)

BUT it's too much, I need a middle ground. Something fierce and boundary-drawing, but still a lil playful and not darkly aggressive. Digging your reply Jaylow.

[UgSlayer]

Someone slapped you in the face? How come you didn't fight him or at least throw a beer in his face or slap him back?

You are getting tooled hard. There is something wrong with your vibe or how you conduct yourself to make somebody believe that they can do that to you and get away with it.

[RichieP]

(02-08-2013 09:08 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  

Someone slapped you in the face? How come you didn't fight him?

read my description of it - not that kind of situation at all - wasn't being "tooled hard" by any stretch. As I said, it's a venue of young kids (18-21) and this sort of thing happens in those places... I've seen it dozens of times. Some guy gets a little rowdy and starts taking liberties, being friendly on the surface but just going a lil over the line to show off.

[guerrilla]

i fucking hate when that happens, but it's almost always a signal that you're not in state and not in a fun, social mood

but if you are totally in state, you can:

completely ignore it and start to shamelessly flirt with his date stealing her away

otherwise if you dont want to put up with the shit "cool dude, you're real cool" and amusedly observe his reaction

otherwise blow it off like it didn't matter and go nice guy and introduce yourself ask where else they've been tonight, what's the best drink at the bar, etc. then ingratiate yourself enough to steal his date and fuck her pussy till its looser than barbara bush's labia lips.

[UgSlayer]

(02-08-2013 09:11 PM)RichieP Wrote:  

(02-08-2013 09:08 PM)UgSlayer Wrote:  

Someone slapped you in the face? How come you didn't fight him?

read my description of it - not that kind of situation at all - wasn't being "tooled hard" by any stretch. As I said, it's a venue of young kids (18-21) and this sort of thing happens in those places... I've seen it dozens of times. Some guy gets a little rowdy and starts taking liberties, being friendly on the surface but just going a lil over the line to show off.

If it's all in fun, then do the same back or put him in a playful headlock. Or sack-tap him. Or nipple twist. It's all horseplay.

It sounded like more than that because you said you become pissed and seethe afterwards and it ruins your night. A slap to the face is a sign of disrespect no matter how light. You should do something about it whether it's in jest or serious in nature.

The only time I remember something like this happening to me was when a guy I hadn't seen in a while, but was friendly with sack-tapped me as a greeting at a bar. I just went "AYYY" with a smile on my face and did the same back harder.

[Vicious]

I would certainly advocate throwing a punch in this kind of situation, if you can do it instantaneously you can later credit it to defensive reflex and get off the hook with any security/law. Unless you have training that's hard to pull off however and often you hesitate out of sheer surprise which makes that punch not a defence but an act of aggression in the eyes of the law.

If you're in the zone you should dare them to do it again. Chances are that will escalate things but if you are with company that's the only way you can come out on top. If you are alone I'd just let it slide though, you should have nothing to prove to yourself.

[TheMan]

quick back handed knuckle tap on his balls. just enough to make him *feel it, but not enough to make it look like a great effort. Then give the "this might be friendly or I might be fucking with you" smirk

[RichieP]

@ UgSlayer:

yeah, cool. horseplay... good word for it. thanks for the examples.

I agree about doing something... in that instance I did, and overreacted. But horseplay is the vibe I need, yeah. I've always been too serious about these things.


@TheMan:

YES. exactly the vibe Im missing... cheers.

[TheMan]

(02-08-2013 09:37 PM)Vicious Wrote:  

I would certainly advocate throwing a punch in this kind of situation, if you can do it instantaneously you can later credit it to defensive reflex and get off the hook with any security/law. Unless you have training that's hard to pull off however and often you hesitate out of sheer surprise which makes that punch not a defence but an act of aggression in the eyes of the law.

If you're in the zone you should dare them to do it again. Chances are that will escalate things but if you are with company that's the only way you can come out on top. If you are alone I'd just let it slide though, you should have nothing to prove to yourself.

No one could ever accuse you of your handle being a misnomer

[Christian McQueen]

You let a dude slap you? Come on man. If somebody slapped me, first off I'd be insulted they didn't act like a man and punch me, secondly I would have punched him hard.

When in doubt...What would Frank Sinatra do? An old G told me a story about how back in the day he was in Vegas at a lounge and saw a guy slap Frank in the face. Sinatra promptly grabbed the dude buy his shirt collar and face planted him.

No granted we're in a current age where this woild probably catch you a case so...if you are wanting to avoid violence then motion for the guy to come close and say in a low voice: 'Do that again and I'll fucking kill you'. He'll back off.

[RichieP]

^As I've said already, I didn't "let" him slap me - I actually responded very harshly. What I said to him was harsher than what you wrote, and he shat his pants and backed off with his hands in the air.

BUT. thats why I posted this - to find a better middle ground.

[scorpion]

Seriously, I have to question the body language and vibe you are putting out if random guys feel comfortable coming up and slapping you in the face, even in jest.

Are you a really small guy or something?

I mean, this is literally incomprehensible to me. I've never witnessed one random guy blatantly disrespecting another guy like that and the scene not immediately getting tense with heated words being thrown around, at the very least. And more often than not, this would trigger an immediate physical response from most guys.

If you are not a really small guy, then you're doing something very wrong if 19 year old guys come up and slap you and laugh in your face.

[valleyheart]

Chances are he isn't that great of shape (and provided you are), most guys aren't (at least in USA)

Point at his gut and playfully say "you got a belly" with a casual smile. Keep walking. It works well, anyone that hears it will laugh, it could also infuriate him as well. Do a pilsbury doughboy belly poke if he's obviously fat.

If the guy is a lot bigger than you and you know he is probably tougher than you, a simple "come on bro, high school's over" and keep walking

[RichieP]

(02-08-2013 10:32 PM)scorpion Wrote:  

Seriously, I have to question the body language and vibe you are putting out if random guys feel comfortable coming up and slapping you in the face, even in jest.

Are you a really small guy or something?

I mean, this is literally incomprehensible to me. I've never witnessed one random guy blatantly disrespecting another guy like that and the scene not immediately getting tense with heated words being thrown around, at the very least. And more often than not, this would trigger an immediate physical response from most guys.

If you are not a really small guy, then you're doing something very wrong if 19 year old guys come up and slap you and laugh in your face.

way off base. re-read my responses in the thread. you're projecting some scenario that doesn't match what I'm describing. Think of the way Arab guys greet each other, with a playful matey pat on the face. He did something like this - largely friendly but a bit AMOGy, like a pat on the back that's a lil too hard.

And as I said - I actually overreacted and made him shit his pants with my response

[Lemmo]

Go to better places. Violence against random strangers in public places can go wrong in a million ways. There are better ways to spend an evening than playing grab ass with some borderline retarded guys. Your options may be somewhat limited if you are mixing with the college crowd but even if this demographic you can find places with a more relaxed, mature vibe.

[scorpion]

No dude, I'm sorry, but you're the one who is off base here.

If a guy who you do not know slaps you in the face, he is intentionally disrespecting you. Period. He is AMOGing the shit out of you in the most blatant and fearless manner.

If you do not immediately at the very least threaten him with physical violence, you are being a pussy. Flat out. No way around it.

I'm sorry to tell you that, and I'm not calling you a coward. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were just so surprised by this you rationalized it as the guy joking around.

But I'm telling you right now, this guy was intentionally punking you. Period.

Next time a guy does this shove him back hard by the throat and ask him what the fuck his problem is. And that's the nice response.

[RichieP]

lol. you've read the title of the thread but you clearly haven't read my responses. As I said - my response made him shit his pants and back off.

[scorpion]

What did you say to him that was so effective?

If you know how to handle this sort of thing, why did you even make the thread?

From your first post I was under the impression that this happened to you repeatedly (you mention guys of different sizes, etc...).

Help me understand where you're coming from here.

[UgSlayer]

(02-08-2013 10:45 PM)RichieP Wrote:  

lol. you've read the title of the thread but you clearly haven't read my responses. As I said - my response made him shit his pants and back off.

I'm curious. What was your response?

PM me if you don't want to post it up here.

[RichieP]

(02-08-2013 10:49 PM)scorpion Wrote:  

What did you say to him that was so effective?

If you know how to handle this sort of thing, why did you even make the thread?

From your first post I was under the impression that this happened to you repeatedly (you mention guys of different sizes, etc...).

Help me understand where you're coming from here.

I'm not posting what I said.

You can "understand where Im coming from" by actually reading the post and the various responses.

Like I've said several times - I overreacted and scared him, and was looking for a more measured response that better fits the situ. A few guys posted good suggestions.

[scorpion]

There is no possible verbal response to being face slapped by a random guy that could remotely be out of line.

If you told him you were going to fuck his mother's pussy until her guts fell out then strangle him to death with them, you'd still be falling short of the reasonable response. Which is immediately physical retaliation in most cases.

But, I will respectfully bow out of your thread now, since there's nothing else constructive I can say.

Good luck, I hope this does not happen to you in the future.

[RichieP]

That would be a huge overreaction to what happened.

Jaylows + TheMans responses are the kind of thing that would fit. Him = playful but overstepping, so Me = playful but not-to-be-fucked-with. Not "I'm going to rape your mother till her guts fall out", haha.