[sox]

I've only noticed this fairly recently, and it became even more evident after reading Roosh's book. I'm a textbook example of a guy who's claimed pride and/or lack of interest as a reason not to approach girls. Even on the dates I've been on in the last year, I've been pretty passive and haven't taken the initiative at all. The girls were all interested on some level but I never tried to escalate things.

The thing is, the last few years especially (post college, post disastrous break-up), I have legitimately felt ridiculously apathetic when it comes to girls. When it's come to dating, approaching, or anything in that area, I've honestly felt like it's just not worth it, like I'm not interested. Anyone else ever go through that?

I've had brief periods where I've gotten laid a lot and even run some good game, but for the most part I've never been about approaches. I guess a lot's had to do with my confidence and fear of rejection...so I definitely get how I just need to start doing tons of approaches and totally accepting that I'm gonna get rejected a lot.

Anyways I'm just posting to see if anyone's had a similar experience with this...the total lack of drive to approach, flirt, escalate, vs. just being too afraid/anxious on the surface to do so.

[gringoed]

I find the best way to deal with this is to be around people who game a lot and have good game. It will rub off.

[loosewin]

Stop jerking off and see what happens. Seriously...Your drive should increase.

[gringoed]

(04-16-2010 05:02 PM)loosewin Wrote:  

Stop jerking off and see what happens. Seriously...You're drive should increase.

speaking of rubbing off...

[AlphaQup2nite]

Ive seen and experienced approach anxiety in many forms. Guys who are super picky about girls all the time are one such case, and it even goes to the guys who think "bitch" every time they get blown out.

AA comes from basically a lack of understand of women, lack of confidence, and lack of conversational skills. It is seriously the most easy thing in the world to talk to an entertain a woman. Getting her to want you, on the other hand, is the difficult part.

Personally, for myself, ive found that the better you can read body lanaguage, the less you fear approaches. You know when you are doing something wrong, so you can either eject or alter your routine. Personally, i found my AA came from not knowing where to go from the opening. But seriously, anything can be an approach as long as you read the person. One of my long time best friends from highschool i actually opened in class with a crude drawing of a man with a pencil stuck in the crotch (immature i know, but it was high school years) Roosh on his blog writes about the passing "hi" game. Ive done the lint in the palm of the hand trick and pretend to pluck it off her. There are so many approaches you can do, and as long as you good at reading their body language, you should literally have no fear. And always keep in mind, you dont get rejected, you reject those who dont want to get to know you. If you have a firm grasp on that frame, nothing will ever phase you.

An example, i used to semi-court this girl before i knew anything about the importance of body language, and always get nervous when she winked and me while in conversation for no apparent reason, this led to a downward spiral where i started to become self conscience, thus messing my conversation. I even made the mistake of asking her what the hell it meant.

[OGNorCal707]

OP, I hear where you are coming from, I've struggled with social anxiety in some form or another since I was a little kid, and for extroverted people who have no problems with anxiety, it is extremely difficult for them to comprehend what it's like. Fortunately, as I've gotten older my anxiety has subsided (relatively), but there was a point where I had the worst approach anxiety, nervousness, and fear of rejection when it came to pursuing women, that coupled with low confidence, and other factors got me stuck in a major rut that I'm still working my way out of.

I think some of the best words of wisdom in Roosh's "Bang" is that rejection is a fact of life, even for established players with excellent game, it's just something that happens, but it's how you deal with it, that really matters. I'd say my approach anxiety has gone from 100% to around 50% and the best way is really just to get out there, make the approaches, and realize that even if you get totally blown out, so what? I mean whatever, who knows maybe the girl is a total bitch, maybe she's a lesbian, maybe she's PMSing hardcore, so like Alpha is saying, you got to maintain the "frame" of I just don't give a fuck, or better yet that it's HER loss. I know this can be easier said then done, but a lot of it is just your attitude and perspective.

I am glad to say that I'm pretty much over the anxiety and nervousness when it comes to escalating sexually, I guess having just blown so many opportunities due to being a pussy, has led me to a point where now if I have an opportunity, I'm going for it, and even if I get rejected, I don't make any excuses, I'm a man and I want sex (if she doesn't that's her problem). I got to say though I have been feeling pretty apathetic about the whole game/approach thing lately, but that is mainly due to lack of success, which can get a guy feeling really downtrodden. I mean lately when I have gone out and opened honeys, it seems that there is always some grenade that fucks up my flow, in the form of a fat cock blocking friend, cock blocking dudes, etc., or just a lag in the conversation that eventually deadpans and dies out. When I have gotten numbers they have mostly lead no where, so sometimes I just feel like what's the point? But that is basically a defeated attitude and that attitude will carry over into your confidence/game/body language, etc. So basically I guess the answer is just to keep on sarging!

[wolf]

I think the anxiety comes from when you think about approaching a woman too much. The more you wait the bigger the anxiety. I approach anyway, even with the nervousness, it's a little harder at first because you can't think for the first couple of minutes from the adrenaline but if you remember to relax things should go smoothly. The easiest way for me to approach a girl is not when she is walking towards me but where she is standing and I approach from an (1 to 2 o'clock position)oblique position, I slow down my approach, give her a little time to feel my presence and ask a question.

Just find ways to approach where it will be easier for you to throw in an opener. Then you'll worry about other stuff besides your approach.

[sox]

Yea I mean, when I was younger (and in college) chicks usually fell into my lap. I didn't feel the need to approach and all seemed well. After I graduated my hair started thinning a little and that coupled with the fact that relationships just didn't naturally "happen" anymore made me start to wonder if something was wrong with me. Granted I'd still put myself around a 7 but losing your hair can really fuck with your confidence (my head-shape isn't conducive to shaving it either, blah).

Then when I started to read about people's experience with Game it occurred to me that it was all in my attitude and the total lack of inner game I've had lately. Also the idea of it being in my hands instead of just waiting for things to "click" with a girl is great. So that's why I'm here. Right now I keep thinking "this is so unnatural" when I try to approach and having been told since a young age that we should just "be ourselves" it's just a matter of ignoring that voice and pushing through. Anyways, I can talk and entertain for hours. I have no problem with large groups etc...it's just when it comes to escalation that I blow it. I've also typically not been a very physical guy in the early stages so that's indicative of my fears as well.

Does approaching feel like a job or chore at any point? It seems like it's really not that much fun early on, until a guy gets his groove and feels more comfortable.

Thanks for all the comments, good to know others have been there.

[Giovonny]

Gringoed 's advice is the best.

This shit is not for everybody. You cant change you genetics/upbringing and become a outgoing social butterfly if you are a naturally shy person. (unless your willing to commit a few years to Inner Game study). Game is about finding your "niche". Maybe online dating will be better for you, maybe organized singles events, maybe join a yoga studio or tri-athlete club, etc.

The nighttime bar/club appraoch is a tough racket where you gotta have thick skin, a short memory, and good inner game. Plus some actual conversation skills.

Maybe you just go P4P and save yourself alot of time and energy.

If you really have no desire to approach and meet girls then maybe you shouldn't worry about them. Just focus on other areas of life (probably a smart option). I love girls more then TV, sports, fantasy football, eating, drinking, everything. Girls are my favorite thing in life. It sounds like you do not share my passion. It sounds like you just kinda like girls a little. I love them.

[sox]

Well if I had no desire I wouldn't be here

If, however, a year in I realize I'm just not into it, that's a different story. My point was that I think my lack of desire came from a lack of inner game to begin with. I'm definitely not a shy type in general, just when it comes to that kind of thing.

[thoughtgypsy]

I've been in the same situation you described for a while, and it took me a while to get over that spot. Only by killing the cycle of masturbation, hanging out with players, and trying to eliminate most expectations did I pick myself up from it. Being picky is such a bad thing either. A lot of women I come across on my normal days out are some combination of overweight and fluffy (use of the word like every other word). It's hard to have any sexual attraction for these girls in any other situation besides going for that quick notch. The flipside to this is that it drives you to fap to uber porn whenever an urge kicks in. You MUST fight this if you wish to have the strong incentives to keep escalating.

That being said, I wasn't exactly making an effort to think about the other opportunities presented all around me. Most people just go out to bars and clubs because they feel it's the only socially acceptable place to meet people. I had to overcome this concept because only after reflection on some of the opportunities thrown my way, I failed to approach or act because my expectations were telling me I can only try to approach in a club environment. In situations where women were giving me wide open signals, I wasn't expecting to pick up that day and let the moment die. At the other extreme, I've overgamed girls who would have been more open to light game because I expected that I needed to talk for x amount of time or neg x much.

Every day must be treated like an opportunity to have fun and approach, not just friday and saturday nights. Every girl you want to talk to you need to talk to. Yea, she might be a stuck up, fluffy princess, but you'll never know until you look.

[Willy Wonka]

(04-17-2010 01:11 PM)thoughtgypsy Wrote:  

Every day must be treated like an opportunity to have fun and approach, not just friday and saturday nights.

Solid advice. Actually your whole post was. I need to work on all of that more. Just going out and meeting women on Sat and Fri nights starts to get old at some point.

I'm really trying to figure out why I'm having so much problem approaching during the day. I used to day game at the mall all of the time in high school - but I guess it just seemed more socially acceptable to me then.

[kingkong]

Quote:

Stop jerking off and see what happens

I think this deserves a lot more attention than it gets. I think jerking off to porn is a huge issue for a lot of guys. Personally, I found getting off to porn even just once a week was killing my hunger. I'd shrug and foolishly blow off opportunities.

Delete the porn and keep the wanking as rare as feasible. You magically find yourself with a very different mentality when you're faced with a potential approach.

[Casanova]

Going days without masturbating makes me more sociable, more energy, higher sex drive, and other things.

I hereby state that i will not wank off for an entire month. Scouts honor.

[Mercenary]

Learn from the approach masters.
They have no fear.
They have no anxiety.
They do not give up.
Rejection means nothing to them.
Truly they are super alpha among alphas.