[Icarus]

Gentlemen,

I was intrigued by the video Bacchus posted the other day, in which Oliver Reed teaches one how to act like a villain. It reminded me of an article I read a few years ago at the Improv Wiki:

• Status is pecking order. The person who is lower in status defers to the person who is higher in status
  

What I found the most interesting about the article is that they view status as a game, an exchange, rather than one's inherent nature or place. I think the article contains some wisdom on how to act with women, with co-workers, with one's boss, and even with one's family & friends. Greene's The 48 Laws of Power is about strategy. This article is about tactics. Here's an excerpt:

Quote:

Status is pecking order. The person who is lower in status defers to the person who is higher in status.

Status is party established by social position--e.g. boss and employee--but mainly by the way you interact. If you interact in a way that says you are not to be trifled with, the other person must adjust to you, then you are establishing high status. If you interact in a way that says you are willing to go along, you don't want responsibility, that's low status. A boss can play low status or high status. An employee can play low status or high status.

Status is established in every line and gesture, and changes continuously. Status is something that one character plays to another at a particular moment. If you convey that the other person must not cross you on what you're saying now, then you are playing high status to that person in that line. Your very next line might come out low status, as you suggest willingness to defer about something else.

If you analyze your most successful scenes, it's likely they involved several status changes between the players. Therefore, one path to great scenes is to intentionally change status. You can raise or lower your own status, or the status of the other player. The more subtly you can do this, the better the scene.

Some high-status behaviors they list:

Quote:

Interrupting before you know what you are going to say.

Spreading out your body to full comfort. Taking up a lot of space with your body.

Looking at the other person with your eyes somewhat down (head tilted back a bit to make this work), creating the feeling that you are a parent talking to a child.

Talking matter-of-factly about things that the other person finds displeasing or offensive.

Letting your body be vulnerable, exposing your neck and torso to the other person.

Making decisions for a group; taking responsibility.

Giving or withholding permission.

Evaluating other people's work.

Being surrounded by an entourage, especially of people who are physically smaller than you.

A "high-status specialist" conveys in every word and gesture, "Don't come near me, I bite."

This is more refined than the "alpha vs beta" dichotomy, in my humble opinion. Of all the guys I know, the one who has the best game spent years learning improvisational theater. What a great actor that man is!

[tiggaling]

>Letting your body be vulnerable, exposing your neck and torso to the other person.

Thing is with Alphas, is that if they really are alphas, especially the more "gangster" type, I have found, is that they tend to often be very vulnerable in speech and personality often as well. Simply because, they are so secure in where they are, they don't give a fuck what you think about them (as if that matters, as they know they are on top), and so say what is on their mind and how they are on every level in a way that can be quite disarming. And I have noticed, females around them, can find this very appealing, as it comes across, and is, emotionally honest.

[Bacchus]

Yeah. For our purposes, perception equals reality. So if you act like a high status man, people will treat you like one. Not every man can be objectively high status (looks, height, money), but any man can act like a high status man and in so doing become a subjectively high status man. That's why fake it 'til you make it works. The power you have begins in your head.

[Basil Ransom]

Great topic. I remember reading something extremely similar, in Keith Johnstone's book, Improvisation and the Theatre. I didn't come close to finishing it, but what of it I read was excellent. It's an eye-opening look into social dynamics. The excerpt you posted may be copied from there.

Quote:

"One-up them. E.g. have a worse problem than the one they described, have a greater past achievement than theirs, have met a more famous celebrity, earn more money, do better than them at something they're good at, etc."

This might make you sound like a tool. I'd avoid this one. Otherwise, thumbs up.

[Giovonny]

I recently upgraded my wardrobe . People are treating me differently. They are looking at me differently and talking to me differently. Because of my clothes, they assume I am higher status. It changes their whole perspective of me.

I have changed my status, simply by changing my clothes!!!

Amazing to me to see peoples reaction. I feel like a different person.

Now, I am fine tuning my body language and verbal game to match my new wardrobe.

It feels great to control how people perceive me.

[Icarus]

(09-16-2012 01:05 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Now, I am fine tuning my body language and verbal game to match my new wardrobe.

A suit does restrict your arm movements and, consequently, when you wear a suit you move your arms more slowly, your hand will be lower. Adopting bad posture when wearing a suit is uncomfortable. Unconsciously, your body language will change and convey higher status and gravitas.

[pitt]

(09-16-2012 01:05 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

I recently upgraded my wardrobe . People are treating me differently. They are looking at me differently and talking to me differently. Because of my clothes, they assume I am higher status. It changes their whole perspective of me.

I have changed my status, simply by changing my clothes!!!

Amazing to me to see peoples reaction. I feel like a different person.

Now, I am fine tuning my body language and verbal game to match my new wardrobe.

It feels great to control how people perceive me.

Interesting.

Yesterday i went to meet this woman that i was fucking 2 years ago. She saw me and she didnt recognise me. When i called her and start talking to her..she told me that if she takes me to her area, they will think that she just brought someone to buy drugs..she said i look like everything apart from a person who has money haha. I was shitting myself laughing yesterday.

Actually yesterday i made few approaches and some girls thought i was trying to rob them..while my style helps me to get the type of women i like in the UK, here (dominican republic) is just another scene, they think every guy dressed with baseball caps is a thief or drug dealer. Of course the majority of time, the way they interact with me changes soon as they see that im a foreigner.

I slightly changed my style on friday and i felt a difference. Reading your post is making me think about adopting a GQ style for life.

Let us know after few weeks how is the GQ style helping you.

[RockHard]

I was out at a concert last night with a friend and made the same observation that I always make when out with this guy: for some reason, he is attractive to women, even though superficially I'd think I have the advantages.

He's 5'8" (I'm 6')
He's not that good looking - hooked nose, kinda husky build but a bit pudgy. (I'm in pretty good shape, wide shoulders, work out a lot, pretty good BMI)
Doesn't dress well. He was wearing cargo shorts and a polo (I wasn't dressed much better, don't think that was a big difference last night) In general, his style is office casual, nothing that should draw attention to himself.

We were standing up watching the show and became aware of a girl behind us creeping onto the blanket we had spread out (we were in the GA area so the seating is pretty fluid, you have to stake out a territory and defend it). I glanced over my shoulder at her and she gave me a little smile, so between the next song I told her "if you're going to share the blanket, you have to share your name". We talked a little between songs, but pretty quickly it became clear she was way more responsive to my friend. I initiated the conversation but as soon as my buddy joined in, I could just see it - her eyes lit up, she became engaged, and she was responding to me only out of politeness. She left our area after a while but then after the show we're filing out and she comes running up behind us and starts walking out with us. She maneuvers around me to walk next to my buddy and starts clowning me when I say anything, so I decide to STFU and observe. There was no way anything was going to happen, he has a wife to go home to, but I wanted to see where he'd take it. She takes off to meet her friends, but then traffic isn't moving and my bud sees her walking towards some porta johns and yells to her. She doesn't turn, but sure enough a couple minutes later she's by again. We offer her a beer and she has a drink and bullshits with us a few minutes before going off and finding her friends, but again, I could see that she was throwing out all the IOIs his way.

I'm trying to figure out what my buddy is doing that I'm not. We put a lot of emphasis on alpha/aloof/dangerous vibe here but my bud is not that way at all. He engages with people well and generally is a social guy, and once he gets started talking to someone, I see why his personality can be magnetic, but he hadn't interacted very much with this girl when she started throwing out the big IOIs. I'm convinced it's a vibe he gives off. It's not Mr. Mysterious hard guy though, he's very approachable and warm, but his underlying process is very alpha. For example, during the break between opening & main act, my bud went to use the can and this guy wearing a muscle shirt who was pretty lean and ripped moved into my buddy's spot. I started moving around, taking up space, but didn't say anything to the guy. My boy came back and I went to the restroom. When I came back I saw my bud talking to muscle guy, and the other dude starts eyeing me and then weirdest of all, he starts laughing after he looks me over. At this point I realize that something's going on and mentally get ready for whatever, but then muscle guy takes off with his girlfriend and we don't see him again. My bud turns to me and tells me "he took my spot, I told him to move because I'd already been there 2 hours and wasn't going to stand behind him". There are other examples I could give, suffice to say he's an easy going guy but in general, when he's thinks someone's trying to take advantage, he shuts them down.

Still processing all this. The world gave me a very strong lesson in personal gravitas last night. I want to say that my buddy's underlying attitude soaks through and that makes him attractive to women, because overtly, he's an easygoing guy. I need to hang with him more often and observe.

[Honeybee]

(09-16-2012 01:05 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

I recently upgraded my wardrobe . People are treating me differently. They are looking at me differently and talking to me differently. Because of my clothes, they assume I am higher status. It changes their whole perspective of me.

I have changed my status, simply by changing my clothes!!!

Amazing to me to see peoples reaction. I feel like a different person.

Now, I am fine tuning my body language and verbal game to match my new wardrobe.

It feels great to control how people perceive me.

Giovonny like all the veteran members of this forum. Your contribution is , as always awesome. You nail it.

[lalafufu]

(09-13-2012 01:47 PM)Icarus Wrote:  

A "high-status specialist" conveys in every word and gesture, "Don't come near me, I bite."

doesn't that cancel out magnetism

RockHard's buddy sounds like a high status person whose vibe conveys come talk to me, I'm a cool guy

(07-23-2014 04:22 PM)RockHard Wrote:  

I was out at a concert last night with a friend and made the same observation that I always make when out with this guy: for some reason, he is attractive to women, even though superficially I'd think I have the advantages.

He's 5'8" (I'm 6')
He's not that good looking - hooked nose, kinda husky build but a bit pudgy. (I'm in pretty good shape, wide shoulders, work out a lot, pretty good BMI)
Doesn't dress well. He was wearing cargo shorts and a polo (I wasn't dressed much better, don't think that was a big difference last night) In general, his style is office casual, nothing that should draw attention to himself.

We were standing up watching the show and became aware of a girl behind us creeping onto the blanket we had spread out (we were in the GA area so the seating is pretty fluid, you have to stake out a territory and defend it). I glanced over my shoulder at her and she gave me a little smile, so between the next song I told her "if you're going to share the blanket, you have to share your name". We talked a little between songs, but pretty quickly it became clear she was way more responsive to my friend. I initiated the conversation but as soon as my buddy joined in, I could just see it - her eyes lit up, she became engaged, and she was responding to me only out of politeness. She left our area after a while but then after the show we're filing out and she comes running up behind us and starts walking out with us. She maneuvers around me to walk next to my buddy and starts clowning me when I say anything, so I decide to STFU and observe. There was no way anything was going to happen, he has a wife to go home to, but I wanted to see where he'd take it. She takes off to meet her friends, but then traffic isn't moving and my bud sees her walking towards some porta johns and yells to her. She doesn't turn, but sure enough a couple minutes later she's by again. We offer her a beer and she has a drink and bullshits with us a few minutes before going off and finding her friends, but again, I could see that she was throwing out all the IOIs his way.

I'm trying to figure out what my buddy is doing that I'm not. We put a lot of emphasis on alpha/aloof/dangerous vibe here but my bud is not that way at all. He engages with people well and generally is a social guy, and once he gets started talking to someone, I see why his personality can be magnetic, but he hadn't interacted very much with this girl when she started throwing out the big IOIs. I'm convinced it's a vibe he gives off. It's not Mr. Mysterious hard guy though, he's very approachable and warm, but his underlying process is very alpha. For example, during the break between opening & main act, my bud went to use the can and this guy wearing a muscle shirt who was pretty lean and ripped moved into my buddy's spot. I started moving around, taking up space, but didn't say anything to the guy. My boy came back and I went to the restroom. When I came back I saw my bud talking to muscle guy, and the other dude starts eyeing me and then weirdest of all, he starts laughing after he looks me over. At this point I realize that something's going on and mentally get ready for whatever, but then muscle guy takes off with his girlfriend and we don't see him again. My bud turns to me and tells me "he took my spot, I told him to move because I'd already been there 2 hours and wasn't going to stand behind him". There are other examples I could give, suffice to say he's an easy going guy but in general, when he's thinks someone's trying to take advantage, he shuts them down.

Still processing all this. The world gave me a very strong lesson in personal gravitas last night. I want to say that my buddy's underlying attitude soaks through and that makes him attractive to women, because overtly, he's an easygoing guy. I need to hang with him more often and observe.

[nigerian]

(07-30-2014 06:48 PM)lalafufu Wrote:  

(09-13-2012 01:47 PM)Icarus Wrote:  

A "high-status specialist" conveys in every word and gesture, "Don't come near me, I bite."

doesn't that cancel out magnetism

No. This is referring to stepping on toes.

[lalafufu]

(07-31-2014 09:18 PM)nigerian Wrote:  

(07-30-2014 06:48 PM)lalafufu Wrote:  

(09-13-2012 01:47 PM)Icarus Wrote:  

A "high-status specialist" conveys in every word and gesture, "Don't come near me, I bite."

doesn't that cancel out magnetism

No. This is referring to stepping on toes.

that makes sense

don't fuck with me vibe