[connoisseur]

I'm currently packing up all my stuff to move away to grad school and have been reflecting on the past few years of my life. Just want to let this forum know it's been a helpful resource for me and other guys alike in getting their headspace and perspective where it needs to be, to achieve the goals they have, both with women and otherwise.

To give you an idea of how (relatively) far I have come, in the past two years I have banged several models, model-types, and other varieties, all while living in one of the more notoriously bad cities for women (DC). This is coming from the same guy who didn't kiss a girl until he was 20 years old and didn't get laid until he was 21.

Now, moving on to grad school, is a perfect time to reflect and jot down a few key things I learned about MYSELF (note that I didn't say about GAME, or WOMEN) over these past few years that helped bring out the confidence that was always within me, allowing me to be successful with women and ultimately more successful in life:

1-One-itis has got to go. Overvaluation of a single woman indicates a lack of experience with women; in my case, I went through bouts of one-itis every few months and became what is known as an AFC. My travels abroad and efforts/struggles to push myself out of my comfort zone taught me the invaluable lesson that there are SO MANY WOMEN out there that are worthy of my attention (err, at least for a short period!). This mindset has resulted in greater success overall. UNTIL YOU ARE OVER ONE-ITIS, YOU WILL NOT BE AS SUCCESSFUL AS YOU CAN BE. I assume most readers of this forum are between the ages of 18 and 27, meaning most readers here are probably not thinking about marriage quite yet.

2-One of the most important things I have come to learn is that regretting NOT doing something is even worse than regretting DOING something. This simple concept, along with my desire to truly go after my goals, pushed me on many, many occasions to make approaches and expand my comfort zone because I told myself I would regret it more if I DID NOT do it.

3-Another crucial concept is that I view my approach and interaction with a woman as a POSITIVE for HER. My estimation of myself is high to the point where I believe that she will gain from talking to me. This typically helps when battling with the idea, "Oh, she doesn't want to talk to me ... what can I offer that gorgeous green-eyed, brown-haired girl that she doesn't already have? She must have everything she wants and I am of no value to her." Having this mentality helps you get your foot in the door (and maybe your P in her ... nevermind ) because a woman who is out at a bar/club/lounge is more often than not at least willing to hear the first few words that come out of your mouth (save for the few and far between raging bitch who behaves anti-socially and is genuinely not interested in talking to or hearing anyone) - what you say from there, is up to you. Note that this third concept is the hardest one because you have to truly and deeply believe your own self-worth. This feeling comes with time, more success with women, and the eventual realization that truly, women are not the most important thing in life but just a piece of the puzzle.

Well, it's been a long journey and I plan to continue to improve my game (namely, day game, for which I took a workshop with the one and only Roosh but still have not committed to practicing!), but I am happy with the leaps I made from the middle of college until now and hope that this post was meaningful to at least one other person. I tried to share a few of the things I have learned over these years to give back to the community.

-connoisseur

[Smitty]

connoisseur, great post and thanks for the personal insight into your life. #3 is most definitely the hardest and, as you mentioned, requires a steady focus with some successes to fully accomplish (psychologically). Cheers and good luck.

[connoisseur]

(08-11-2011 05:13 PM)Smitty Wrote:  

connoisseur, great post and thanks for the personal insight into your life. #3 is most definitely the hardest and, as you mentioned, requires a steady focus with some successes to fully accomplish (psychologically). Cheers and good luck.

Yes, you are right. #3 is the meat and potatoes of it all, in my opinion. Not to say I have reached any kind of zenith to my game and life ...

Thanks for the comment.

[connoisseur]

I am finding myself in semi-oneitis due to the lack of quality options in my life at this particular moment (exacerbated by having to study for finals, which means this thing is kinda constantly in my head, which I DO NOT WANT IT TO BE). This chic (from home) has been in my head off and on for the past 18 months, but I have been able to control the oneitis effect for almost this entire period save for two or three slip-ups when I see her - I am in the middle of one of these slip-ups and needed guidance. I logged on just now to get some advice on how to handle my mental state at this moment, and I found that the words I MYSELF wrote (above) are the key. I need to get back to that.

This forum is as much about sharing our successes as it is about sharing our failures. I have had a rough few nights not being able to sleep because of the stupid shit I've said to her in the rare moments that I talk to her or see her, which has led her to see how much I have overvalued her.

Other than not contacting her, ignoring her when she does contact me, deleting her number, etc. (all of which I have done and will continue to do), what other tips do you guys have? Does taking these measures indicate that I've given in and lost; that she has won?

Consider that my options are limited for the next 3-4 weeks, but I want to make sure this mentality doesn't impinge on my ability to crush my exams and then head off to summer and a plethora of women.

(08-11-2011 07:32 PM)connoisseur Wrote:  

(08-11-2011 05:13 PM)Smitty Wrote:  

connoisseur, great post and thanks for the personal insight into your life. #3 is most definitely the hardest and, as you mentioned, requires a steady focus with some successes to fully accomplish (psychologically). Cheers and good luck.

Yes, you are right. #3 is the meat and potatoes of it all, in my opinion. Not to say I have reached any kind of zenith to my game and life ...

Thanks for the comment.

[King Solomon]

.

Presuming that you are not pursuing this chick and just want her out of your head, perhaps I can help. I have faced something very similar, if not quite a bit worse, and my boys have busted my chops for it on many occasions. I am sorry if you do not like my advice, but you did ask for tips.

First off, don't be too tough on yourself for struggling to hold radio silence. Do whatever measures you must, to hold to your determinations. It WILL get easier, and it's not such a bad thing for a guy to have a heart. We are humans, we do emote.

OK, so here's an approach I used to devalue her and disarm that trigger in my soul with her name on it-
____________

Picture her fucking some other dude. Maybe a gross, smelly dude. Picture her fucking this dude with great enthusiasm. She tells him all kinds of shit. She moans and uses that cute girly voice as he pounds her. She slurps his dick and drinks his cum eagerly. She begs him to fuck her more and more and professes her love for him and tells him what a great fuck he is. She kisses him deeply, and rests her head on his chest.

She loves his touch.

Now picture yourself, pining for her, feeling those heartstrings tug.... while at that moment, homeboy is nailing her, railing her, and she begs him for more.
____________

That's pretty much what is going on. That exact scenario is happening. No self-respecting man would romanticize her, if he knew this was going on. That's just it- this IS going on. I don't mean to piss in your cereal, but you have to assume that it is, and you know its damn likely.

If that doesn't take her off that pedestal, what will?

She was not your one shot at love, she is a dirty whore.

NOW, let's replace her: Instead of looking into your past and recalling happier times and feelings... LOOK AHEAD- Look into your future, my friend. Imagine those girls in your future. Imagine how they will inspire you, cater to you, and adore you. There they are, waiting for you around the very next corner. Keep your eyes on these lovely imaginary girls. They are eager to meet you. Don't disappoint them, nay, instead, cast aside the girl of the past, chalk up those good times as memories never to be re-lived... and keep your mind occupied with your plans and plots for your upcoming conquests. (not with navel-gazing of the past)

No need to hate the old girl for being what she is, just set her on the shelf (which is all you can do) and get the hell on.

after all, sloots gon' sloot.


.

[connoisseur]

King Solomon,

Thanks for your in-depth response and great post.

I'm working on it. That image you gave me is just about the exact thing I needed, considering that my navel-gazing has been getting so bad I have been trying to remember exactly what was said/how she looked at me, etc. the last time I saw her a few days ago, when we were both drunk.

It sucks to get in a rut, but the good thing is a man who has known success can get himself out of the ditch with some positive vibes, recognition of his true self, and looking forward to the future.

Let's do it.

(04-25-2012 03:46 PM)King Solomon Wrote:  

.

Presuming that you are not pursuing this chick and just want her out of your head, perhaps I can help. I have faced something very similar, if not quite a bit worse, and my boys have busted my chops for it on many occasions. I am sorry if you do not like my advice, but you did ask for tips.

First off, don't be too tough on yourself for struggling to hold radio silence. Do whatever measures you must, to hold to your determinations. It WILL get easier, and it's not such a bad thing for a guy to have a heart. We are humans, we do emote.

OK, so here's an approach I used to devalue her and disarm that trigger in my soul with her name on it-
____________

Picture her fucking some other dude. Maybe a gross, smelly dude. Picture her fucking this dude with great enthusiasm. She tells him all kinds of shit. She moans and uses that cute girly voice as he pounds her. She slurps his dick and drinks his cum eagerly. She begs him to fuck her more and more and professes her love for him and tells him what a great fuck he is. She kisses him deeply, and rests her head on his chest.

She loves his touch.

Now picture yourself, pining for her, feeling those heartstrings tug.... while at that moment, homeboy is nailing her, railing her, and she begs him for more.
____________

That's pretty much what is going on. That exact scenario is happening. No self-respecting man would romanticize her, if he knew this was going on. That's just it- this IS going on. I don't mean to piss in your cereal, but you have to assume that it is, and you know its damn likely.

If that doesn't take her off that pedestal, what will?

She was not your one shot at love, she is a dirty whore.

NOW, let's replace her: Instead of looking into your past and recalling happier times and feelings... LOOK AHEAD- Look into your future, my friend. Imagine those girls in your future. Imagine how they will inspire you, cater to you, and adore you. There they are, waiting for you around the very next corner. Keep your eyes on these lovely imaginary girls. They are eager to meet you. Don't disappoint them, nay, instead, cast aside the girl of the past, chalk up those good times as memories never to be re-lived... and keep your mind occupied with your plans and plots for your upcoming conquests. (not with navel-gazing of the past)

No need to hate the old girl for being what she is, just set her on the shelf (which is all you can do) and get the hell on.

after all, sloots gon' sloot.


.

[Veloce]

All it takes is one really great approach. I believe one-itis stems from a fear of not having. Our inner monologue is something like, "If I don't have this girl in my life, I will be unhappy."

I'm 30, and I still go through this when I meet a really "great" girl. Thing is, is there's a plethora of shitty girls, lots of average girls, and quite a few great girls.

Anytime I have a great approach that leads to a bang, and the chick is hot, I'm on top of the world. Every ounce of one-itis leaves my body. I feel like James Bond and Casanova rolled into one. Rough breakup? Girl treating you like shit? Hung up? Take a few weeks off approaches, exercise a lot, get some sleep, all the regular shit. But at some point, get out there, and approach the hottest girl you can find.

Ruts are some of the greatest blessings a man can have. You are likely to experience the greatest amount of positive change during that rut. It will be painful and uncomfortable, but you will come out a more experienced and better man.

[connoisseur]

thedude3737,

I definitely agree with you. The one great approach is all that is needed. When you have access and time for such endeavors, ruts don't last long because, as you say, the next girl is just an approach away. As for me, I have a 3-4 week span of 5 huge exams so I won't be approaching too much.

Instead, I will focus on your goal of working out a lot. All the energy and time I would normally put into a night out on the town, I will now put into working out (have been unable recently due to injury, but I am nearly fully recovered).

I feel like this rut is going to set me up perfectly for the summer and put me in prime position - mentally and physically - to be on the top of my own personal game again.

(04-25-2012 05:48 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

All it takes is one really great approach. I believe one-itis stems from a fear of not having. Our inner monologue is something like, "If I don't have this girl in my life, I will be unhappy."

I'm 30, and I still go through this when I meet a really "great" girl. Thing is, is there's a plethora of shitty girls, lots of average girls, and quite a few great girls.

Anytime I have a great approach that leads to a bang, and the chick is hot, I'm on top of the world. Every ounce of one-itis leaves my body. I feel like James Bond and Casanova rolled into one. Rough breakup? Girl treating you like shit? Hung up? Take a few weeks off approaches, exercise a lot, get some sleep, all the regular shit. But at some point, get out there, and approach the hottest girl you can find.

Ruts are some of the greatest blessings a man can have. You are likely to experience the greatest amount of positive change during that rut. It will be painful and uncomfortable, but you will come out a more experienced and better man.

[connoisseur]

Just wanted to share a thought I have written down and read over from time to time, to remind myself where I have been and where I am heading:

In the end, I am me and me alone. Having another in my life does not and will not ever reflect me. Having another in my life means nothing, because I am always me; I am not her. Valuing her - whoever she may be, as *she* comes in and out of my life - more than myself is erroneous.

I am my body. I am my mind. I am my hands. I am my heart. I am my love. No one can take that away from me, nor give it to me.

This is my world.

[BadgerHut]

Congratulations man, this is great stuff.

(2) - We talk a lot in this community about avoiding certain behaviors - not texting too much, being aloof, etc. But you really do have to have the balls to make bold moves and do things your AFC self wouldn't have. Don't be afraid to make those moves, don't think you have to hold everything back halfway to have good game.

(3) - this is something I've started developing recently and it really is a paradigm shift. You can feel that vibe you get when you and she both sense that you have made the set better, you're not supplicating for her attention but giving your energy to everyone else. It's the apex of alpha, bringing irreplaceable value in yourself.

Now for unsolicited advice: game hard in grad school from the word go. Do NOT let anyone peg you as some studious loser. I went to a grad school that was pretty cut off from the adjoining village, and I didn't own the school social scene nor did I get out and meet people in the town itself. The result was misery, it was a huge trap. Get a good crew locked down, and host some parties and such. Don't level up n00bs by making mediocre people your close friends.

[connoisseur]

BadgerHut,

Awesome post and thanks for the reply.

Definitely love your advice about grad school. Not trying to brag, but I have essentially pegged myself as the 'cool guy' at school. It's easy to tell when people see you at parties and they all ask you 'why don't you hang out with me?', etc. I've hosted several parties and they're always the parties to be at. Considering we are all in grad school, it's been an interesting experience trying to straddle the line between keeping my reputation as a top student while also having access to girls that I want access to.

I came into school telling myself I will not pursue a relationship with any of my classmates, and I've stuck to that. I've banged 3-4 already and many more are begging for it, but I could care less and have too little time to even bang chics that aren't hotter than a 6 at best.

Brief update: been having random delayed texts with the chic I mentioed in my follow up post who has been giving me grief. I told her off and hope it's done with.

(04-26-2012 10:59 PM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

Congratulations man, this is great stuff.

(2) - We talk a lot in this community about avoiding certain behaviors - not texting too much, being aloof, etc. But you really do have to have the balls to make bold moves and do things your AFC self wouldn't have. Don't be afraid to make those moves, don't think you have to hold everything back halfway to have good game.

(3) - this is something I've started developing recently and it really is a paradigm shift. You can feel that vibe you get when you and she both sense that you have made the set better, you're not supplicating for her attention but giving your energy to everyone else. It's the apex of alpha, bringing irreplaceable value in yourself.

Now for unsolicited advice: game hard in grad school from the word go. Do NOT let anyone peg you as some studious loser. I went to a grad school that was pretty cut off from the adjoining village, and I didn't own the school social scene nor did I get out and meet people in the town itself. The result was misery, it was a huge trap. Get a good crew locked down, and host some parties and such. Don't level up n00bs by making mediocre people your close friends.

[Eddie Winslow]

Good post. Is there a testimonial thread for Bang or RVF in general? I didn't see annything when I searched. I'd love to share my story. I'm sure there's tons of game "rags-to-riches" stories - these are always inspiring.

[tenderman100]

C, just want to add some things about Grad School, from someone who has two masters degrees:

It can be a total fuckfest with your fellow female grad students.

The women are stressed and horny. They are focused on school and horny. They are likely to be feminististas...and to be very horny.

Some advice: be careful about fucking women in your own department (if you are doing, say, a grad degree in science or the liberal arts). Not that you couldn't -- I banged two of them my first year, one of whom became a post-grad fuck buddy when she was married ("I love that your cock is bigger than my husband's). She was a little minx who loved to be on top, squat and pile drive me.

Women outside the department?? -- pounce on 'em.

Really, it's like college but with higher levels of sluthood. And if any babe tries to get you to be exclusive, you can say, "hey, it would great, but it really wouldn't be fair to you since I would have to give too much energy to school."

If you are going to a professional school, like law or business, the women believe they are liberated...so liberate them. When I went to business school, I was working with a team that had a woman who went onto the airline business. I had a car at the time, so I drove her home after one of our meetings. As I dropped her off, I put hand on her thigh, and said, "Hey great to have you on our team." She then placed her hand on mine, and said, "come on up, and let's have a drink." She was an animal.

Really, it's like college but with higher levels of sluthood. And if any babe tries to get you to be exclusive, you can say, "hey, it would great, but it really wouldn't be fair to you since I would have to give too much energy to school."

Brings back fond memories. Make sure you do the forum proud!!

[connoisseur]

No, I don't think there is a specified place for it. Write your story, and once you do, let me know so I can read it

(05-16-2012 02:19 PM)americanbk Wrote:  

Good post. Is there a testimonial thread for Bang or RVF in general? I didn't see annything when I searched. I'd love to share my story. I'm sure there's tons of game "rags-to-riches" stories - these are always inspiring.

[connoisseur]

Hey buddy. You're precisely right. I broke the rules by sleeping with (more than) one in my own department. She happened to be the hottest single girl in the class. She wanted to be exclusive, and I told her I'm not at that stage in my life. So, basically, you have described my life here very well

I have all kinds of prospects in all far reaching corners of the campus because of my status at school, and I have several years to look forward to of incoming girls to check out and spit game to. A lot of them just come to me, I don't do anything but be myself.

(05-16-2012 04:16 PM)tenderman100 Wrote:  

C, just want to add some things about Grad School, from someone who has two masters degrees:

It can be a total fuckfest with your fellow female grad students.

The women are stressed and horny. They are focused on school and horny. They are likely to be feminististas...and to be very horny.

Some advice: be careful about fucking women in your own department (if you are doing, say, a grad degree in science or the liberal arts). Not that you couldn't -- I banged two of them my first year, one of whom became a post-grad fuck buddy when she was married ("I love that your cock is bigger than my husband's). She was a little minx who loved to be on top, squat and pile drive me.

Women outside the department?? -- pounce on 'em.

Really, it's like college but with higher levels of sluthood. And if any babe tries to get you to be exclusive, you can say, "hey, it would great, but it really wouldn't be fair to you since I would have to give too much energy to school."

If you are going to a professional school, like law or business, the women believe they are liberated...so liberate them. When I went to business school, I was working with a team that had a woman who went onto the airline business. I had a car at the time, so I drove her home after one of our meetings. As I dropped her off, I put hand on her thigh, and said, "Hey great to have you on our team." She then placed her hand on mine, and said, "come on up, and let's have a drink." She was an animal.

Really, it's like college but with higher levels of sluthood. And if any babe tries to get you to be exclusive, you can say, "hey, it would great, but it really wouldn't be fair to you since I would have to give too much energy to school."

Brings back fond memories. Make sure you do the forum proud!!