Amour Fou’s deranged insights and personal dilemma on feminine demeanor and maturity
02-24-2012, 04:18 AM
First of all.
I honestly don’t want this to read as a guy “bitching about” or “whining” about women’s mistreatings’ or what nots’ of him. I had my ass beaten down, and frankly, my share of maturing and manning up (and having fun as well) upon my 6 months away from home (aka Rio, Brazil if you don’t know that by now; I was away in Hawaii).
Frankly, I’d like to think of myself as man enough to have a basic, or much more than basic understanding of male-female dynamics by now, and I’d like the fellow MEN (and in all due respect even FRIENDS) of this forum to take that in consideration when I write this. I don’t write this from a place of jaded anger and ressenftulness, much to the contrary; from a place of abundance and understanding and maturity. MANLY maturity.
Also, I want this to read the least as possible as a “cultural” manifesto of sorts. Yes, I’m Brazilian full time, born and raised in Rio, with a good grasp of Anglo-Saxon-Protestant culture that has travelled somewhat and lived abroad for a while. Nevertheless, what I’m writing here I’d urge you guys’s to take in consideration as less of a cultural, even subjective statement and as a more overall, leaning towards an universal insight on the FEMININE and MACULINE dymanics aspects of our collective human experience. The cultural element, although always in play, should read as more or less secondary.
Less but not least, I’m somewhat tipsy as I write this as I arrived from a night out (we’re all human after all...)
The thing is...
When I started this whole endavour, I was a different person. I had my frights and phobias. I had “approach anexiety” and although I had a good share of social intelligence, I lacked balls (aka confidence). But I kept it going and started to have some good results and for the while it was good. But I was going away for 6 months and I had other worries in mind.
And then it happened.
Life abroad for such a time was quite an experience. Independence, the unknown, a whole different world to settle and all.
Manning up good time.
It felt painful, even very painful but I knew it was for the best. I knew that, in spite of all the craziness, it was exactly what I needed to GROW. And that is what happened.
I gained perspective, direction, focus. And BALLS also, big time.
All the wounds that I carried felt somewhat “meh” compared to what all I’ve experienced and undergone. I felt dominant and easy about the world around me. Although still somewhat lurking in the dark, the fear I had for life changed to an unbreakable “gusto” for all the uncertainty and randomness.
And somehow everything felt “lighter” and even friendlier.
I started to enjoy things much more, and it was harder for me to feel as bad as before.
...
Then I returned... but nothing felt the same; but not in a bad way.
All that I gained was still with me somehow. I still had my focus and my direction...daresay even my joy.
I had depth and understanding and unbrakeable will.
...
And after all that my perspective of myself and WOMEN had changed.
I no longer feel I can settle for mere “girls”... odd as it may be.
...
Back home.
I approached girls, and “rejection” felt funny and nice even. As if I had no idea what that’s all about.
I feel like I am screening for what can fulfill me, the mature core of my being.
And shallow, silly, insecure, immature girls just don’t suffice.
I had a girl today, she was the only one of the few I approached I could bother keeping a conversation. My standards (in all aspects) feel insanely high like never before. She was what could capture my attention for the now.
And boy... like... It feels strange to have so much power without even realising it.
This is my “quarrel” of sorts.
Her friend argued and stranged me because I just didn’t “grabbed and made out with her”. That doesn’t feel like much fun nowadays... unless there is the built up of tension and climax, it doesn’t turn me on as it used to. My rush is not the same, I need more.
She was ok, could talk somewhat (an “Art History” major) but my carefree and lack of hurry to “make a move” was bothering her, as she openly stated it.
Throughout the whole makeout/interaction/hanging/kinky rubbing/kinky talking she seemed worried, suspicious, saying I was “difficult/hard to get”... while I wasn’t even trying. Weird.
My confidence and peacefulness seemed to be too much for such girl. Yet, I still didn’t feel like worrying or “pushing” for anything at all.
By all (my) means, I was having a good time. Why hurry? Why push it? I was enjoying myself by just being.
Heck, I even bought her a beer.
But she seemed tense, and my whole carefree and chill attitude seemed disturbing to her. She was comparing me to other guys... saying they all fell for her “simple game”, while I wasn’t even bothering to game her in any sense and was just busy enjoying myself.
Why was I so intimidating and “difficult” when all my concern was having a good time?
Then, she had to look for her friend and blah blah. I didn’t care. Which also didn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying myself with her. But that was probably too much for her to swallow, even though we were a good time together by now.
She goes indoor to the club. I’m chill as chill can be. Open, yet undisturbed. I socialize with a few gringos, open a few girls just because it is what I do, and I go to pee inside.
There is a guy talking to her. I pee, then catch her again. She’s still talking to the guy. I do not see it as a big deal. I get my last beer, then I run into her and vocalize something as I realise what she’s up to, and then keep on what I’m doing.
And I could tell (without ressentment and grudge) that she was deep into me a while ago.
It seemed to me that, out of her insecurity and lack of being able to handle A MAN, she had to resort to a lesser guy “to make me jealous”/”to comfort her insecurity”, as she openly stated she was insecure. Why would a girl say that?
Judge as you may, that was what I took from the interaction.
Chill bitch.
I found that something was odd and misplaced, and decided to walk back home, as I just couldn't be bothered. She seemed to be on with the guy even though all the quality time we spent.
Yet, I still felt... "meh".
She missed the MAN she could have, while I... well.
I didn’t miss much at all. As I just realised a while ago I’d be feeling “bad” about such scenario. But now? With all the easiness and power I feel I have?
And that is what I did, and wrote this after grabbing a snack.
Even the “good wingman” I had here felt more like a nusiance than anything else.
Why, when I feel as good, stable and mature as I ever felt in my life, I feel as if there isn’t a girl (WOMAN?) out there that is a match for me.
I don’t feel like handling insecure girls anymore. I don’t feel as if “getting the bang” is that, that important also, unless I’m really really horny.
I want that shared “gusto” for life with someone else, someone who shares the thrills and the kicks.
I want someone that can handle me “just being” without feeling insecure and frightful.
Where are the healthy women of this world?
Where are the healthy men of this world?
Amour Fou.
I honestly don’t want this to read as a guy “bitching about” or “whining” about women’s mistreatings’ or what nots’ of him. I had my ass beaten down, and frankly, my share of maturing and manning up (and having fun as well) upon my 6 months away from home (aka Rio, Brazil if you don’t know that by now; I was away in Hawaii).
Frankly, I’d like to think of myself as man enough to have a basic, or much more than basic understanding of male-female dynamics by now, and I’d like the fellow MEN (and in all due respect even FRIENDS) of this forum to take that in consideration when I write this. I don’t write this from a place of jaded anger and ressenftulness, much to the contrary; from a place of abundance and understanding and maturity. MANLY maturity.
Also, I want this to read the least as possible as a “cultural” manifesto of sorts. Yes, I’m Brazilian full time, born and raised in Rio, with a good grasp of Anglo-Saxon-Protestant culture that has travelled somewhat and lived abroad for a while. Nevertheless, what I’m writing here I’d urge you guys’s to take in consideration as less of a cultural, even subjective statement and as a more overall, leaning towards an universal insight on the FEMININE and MACULINE dymanics aspects of our collective human experience. The cultural element, although always in play, should read as more or less secondary.
Less but not least, I’m somewhat tipsy as I write this as I arrived from a night out (we’re all human after all...)
The thing is...
When I started this whole endavour, I was a different person. I had my frights and phobias. I had “approach anexiety” and although I had a good share of social intelligence, I lacked balls (aka confidence). But I kept it going and started to have some good results and for the while it was good. But I was going away for 6 months and I had other worries in mind.
And then it happened.
Life abroad for such a time was quite an experience. Independence, the unknown, a whole different world to settle and all.
Manning up good time.
It felt painful, even very painful but I knew it was for the best. I knew that, in spite of all the craziness, it was exactly what I needed to GROW. And that is what happened.
I gained perspective, direction, focus. And BALLS also, big time.
All the wounds that I carried felt somewhat “meh” compared to what all I’ve experienced and undergone. I felt dominant and easy about the world around me. Although still somewhat lurking in the dark, the fear I had for life changed to an unbreakable “gusto” for all the uncertainty and randomness.
And somehow everything felt “lighter” and even friendlier.
I started to enjoy things much more, and it was harder for me to feel as bad as before.
...
Then I returned... but nothing felt the same; but not in a bad way.
All that I gained was still with me somehow. I still had my focus and my direction...daresay even my joy.
I had depth and understanding and unbrakeable will.
...
And after all that my perspective of myself and WOMEN had changed.
I no longer feel I can settle for mere “girls”... odd as it may be.
...
Back home.
I approached girls, and “rejection” felt funny and nice even. As if I had no idea what that’s all about.
I feel like I am screening for what can fulfill me, the mature core of my being.
And shallow, silly, insecure, immature girls just don’t suffice.
I had a girl today, she was the only one of the few I approached I could bother keeping a conversation. My standards (in all aspects) feel insanely high like never before. She was what could capture my attention for the now.
And boy... like... It feels strange to have so much power without even realising it.
This is my “quarrel” of sorts.
Her friend argued and stranged me because I just didn’t “grabbed and made out with her”. That doesn’t feel like much fun nowadays... unless there is the built up of tension and climax, it doesn’t turn me on as it used to. My rush is not the same, I need more.
She was ok, could talk somewhat (an “Art History” major) but my carefree and lack of hurry to “make a move” was bothering her, as she openly stated it.
Throughout the whole makeout/interaction/hanging/kinky rubbing/kinky talking she seemed worried, suspicious, saying I was “difficult/hard to get”... while I wasn’t even trying. Weird.
My confidence and peacefulness seemed to be too much for such girl. Yet, I still didn’t feel like worrying or “pushing” for anything at all.
By all (my) means, I was having a good time. Why hurry? Why push it? I was enjoying myself by just being.
Heck, I even bought her a beer.
But she seemed tense, and my whole carefree and chill attitude seemed disturbing to her. She was comparing me to other guys... saying they all fell for her “simple game”, while I wasn’t even bothering to game her in any sense and was just busy enjoying myself.
Why was I so intimidating and “difficult” when all my concern was having a good time?
Then, she had to look for her friend and blah blah. I didn’t care. Which also didn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying myself with her. But that was probably too much for her to swallow, even though we were a good time together by now.
She goes indoor to the club. I’m chill as chill can be. Open, yet undisturbed. I socialize with a few gringos, open a few girls just because it is what I do, and I go to pee inside.
There is a guy talking to her. I pee, then catch her again. She’s still talking to the guy. I do not see it as a big deal. I get my last beer, then I run into her and vocalize something as I realise what she’s up to, and then keep on what I’m doing.
And I could tell (without ressentment and grudge) that she was deep into me a while ago.
It seemed to me that, out of her insecurity and lack of being able to handle A MAN, she had to resort to a lesser guy “to make me jealous”/”to comfort her insecurity”, as she openly stated she was insecure. Why would a girl say that?
Judge as you may, that was what I took from the interaction.
Chill bitch.
I found that something was odd and misplaced, and decided to walk back home, as I just couldn't be bothered. She seemed to be on with the guy even though all the quality time we spent.
Yet, I still felt... "meh".
She missed the MAN she could have, while I... well.
I didn’t miss much at all. As I just realised a while ago I’d be feeling “bad” about such scenario. But now? With all the easiness and power I feel I have?
And that is what I did, and wrote this after grabbing a snack.
Even the “good wingman” I had here felt more like a nusiance than anything else.
Why, when I feel as good, stable and mature as I ever felt in my life, I feel as if there isn’t a girl (WOMAN?) out there that is a match for me.
I don’t feel like handling insecure girls anymore. I don’t feel as if “getting the bang” is that, that important also, unless I’m really really horny.
I want that shared “gusto” for life with someone else, someone who shares the thrills and the kicks.
I want someone that can handle me “just being” without feeling insecure and frightful.
Where are the healthy women of this world?
Where are the healthy men of this world?
Amour Fou.
![[Image: confused.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/confused.gif)
