Hi guys,
I’m having a dilemma here—I dated a guy (who frequents this forum and I can assure you that he will know it is me) who I discovered was a pick up artist a while ago. We recently broke up and I am so exasperated with him. I had been a nice girlfriend for the time that I had known him but there comes a time when I stop being so passive and kind. I never lied or cheated, and I truly cared about him. I knew he had some insecurity issues from the start but he would try to mask it with arrogance and a fake sense of confidence; I felt sad that there are a lot of self-loathing men on here who do not feel worthy. It is a bit sad that their sense of worth is based on how they compare to other men and how many hot women they can sleep with.
After my friend and I found out he was a pick up artist through a Google search of his username, I was so devastated and was never going to see him again. However, we talked about it and he told me that after his divorce, he did not know how to date women, so he sought advice from this forum. I understood that, but there is definitely a difference between self-help and pick up art. One is about increasing confidence and promotes positivity and honesty, while the other is about manipulation and deceit. I decided to give him another chance because he did have some positive parts and I enjoyed spending time with him. With him, I became more affectionate and open with my feelings, so I was grateful for that. I cared about him, and I thought he would change. There is nothing wrong with being socially awkward and trying to gain confidence. You are all worthy, and I would rather a guy be himself (perhaps endearingly awkward?) than put on this masquerade of an alpha male, which he is not.
Anyways, he never told me that he had a girlfriend before dating me; I found out later, but the lies kept coming and I am quite the connoisseur at discovering lies. We had not been exclusive at this point, but I would ask him if he was seeing other people and having unprotected sex with others. I knew the answer was "yes" already, but he continuously lied. What infuriated me was that he lied about having unprotected sex and then had the audacity to tell me that it is not my business if he has unprotected sex or not, wholly disregarding my health. I truly just wanted some honesty and I never got that. I am not sure why I did not leave sooner… I was comfortable with him and kept thinking he would change and experience positive self- growth, but that day never came. I actually got to meet some of his PUA friends after the DC lecture, and they did seem nice on the outside.
There was never a time when I could call him a good friend; He hurt me several times and I could tell that he did not care about our friendship. One day after having a relationship talk and telling me I was his girlfriend, I realized that he had added an old fuck buddy of his on Facebook. I was infuriated since he had told me that he had stopped talking to her a year ago, and I messaged her only because I wanted to know the truth since I could never get the truth from him. He became indignant after finding out I had messaged her. I went to the bar since he had initially invited me to attend a show there, and he walked in with the girl. I was so devastated and was left alone at the bar in tears the rest of the night as HIS OWN childhood friend that I barely knew tried to comfort me. After this incident, I told him that I would either move on and stop seeing him or that we would be completely exclusive. He agreed to be exclusive, and I was both happy but wary. I wish I could call him a good friend, but he never was. He was the kind of person who would prioritize his pick up artist friends, party friends, etc. over his own “girlfriend” … never someone who would be there during a rough time.
Whenever something was bothering me, I would voice my concerns, but he would become indignant, hang up on me, walk out mid conversation, and ignore my texts/calls. He would try to make me feel guilty, and he never once apologized for anything wrong that he had done. I do not handle lying and other undeserved bad behavior well.
I think I started to become resentful for all of the things he had done in the past, and the fact that he never once had the courage to apologize for anything. I had been a very patient and understanding girlfriend for a long time; I even told him that I would be open to threesomes (which I would never typically agree to). I had given him many chances because I figured that deep down inside, he was a good person but had emotional issues he was still struggling with (don’t we all?)
Our final breakup was recent, and I have been both so depressed yet enraged about it. I did one wrong thing (sent him a text out of spite telling him that I was going to be meeting an ex who I have been friends with since high school), and he has since ignored all of my texts, calls, and emails. I gave him so many chances after he hurt me and he cannot even have the decency to let me speak on the phone with him. He hung up on me after cursing at me and that was the end. I am trying to move on but it is so difficult. I have no problem meeting other men; I went out to forget about these tumultuous few weeks and was asked out on dates by intelligent, successful men (two engineers, a lawyer, and a cancer researcher at NIH—I love nerdy men), but I am so depressed that I do not even have the energy to leave my house, so I have been flaking.
I am really not one to be so hurtful, but I am beyond infuriated. I have never been treated this way by previous partners, and I maintain a positive relationship with all of them. I know that I do not deserve this treatment, and I have been foolish to have let it go on for so long. I had been behaving really well during the time we dated, but he was never honest and never had the decency to act like a good friend, let alone boyfriend. He was kind and affectionate when he wanted to be. Part of me wants to expose him as the pick up artist/cheater/liar/closet misogynist that he is, but the other part of me would feel horrible doing so. I am really conflicted about this situation, but I know that he will continue to hurt other women and I've lost hope that he will grow into a better, more honest, caring person. I can be crazy when I want to be, but it is never for no reason. I know that this awful experience, however, is no excuse for me to ever treat other men like shit. I just feel like there are a lot of bitter, entitled men here who truly lack self-awareness and insist on dehumanizing women, so it is very frustrating.
I’m having a dilemma here—I dated a guy (who frequents this forum and I can assure you that he will know it is me) who I discovered was a pick up artist a while ago. We recently broke up and I am so exasperated with him. I had been a nice girlfriend for the time that I had known him but there comes a time when I stop being so passive and kind. I never lied or cheated, and I truly cared about him. I knew he had some insecurity issues from the start but he would try to mask it with arrogance and a fake sense of confidence; I felt sad that there are a lot of self-loathing men on here who do not feel worthy. It is a bit sad that their sense of worth is based on how they compare to other men and how many hot women they can sleep with.
After my friend and I found out he was a pick up artist through a Google search of his username, I was so devastated and was never going to see him again. However, we talked about it and he told me that after his divorce, he did not know how to date women, so he sought advice from this forum. I understood that, but there is definitely a difference between self-help and pick up art. One is about increasing confidence and promotes positivity and honesty, while the other is about manipulation and deceit. I decided to give him another chance because he did have some positive parts and I enjoyed spending time with him. With him, I became more affectionate and open with my feelings, so I was grateful for that. I cared about him, and I thought he would change. There is nothing wrong with being socially awkward and trying to gain confidence. You are all worthy, and I would rather a guy be himself (perhaps endearingly awkward?) than put on this masquerade of an alpha male, which he is not.
Anyways, he never told me that he had a girlfriend before dating me; I found out later, but the lies kept coming and I am quite the connoisseur at discovering lies. We had not been exclusive at this point, but I would ask him if he was seeing other people and having unprotected sex with others. I knew the answer was "yes" already, but he continuously lied. What infuriated me was that he lied about having unprotected sex and then had the audacity to tell me that it is not my business if he has unprotected sex or not, wholly disregarding my health. I truly just wanted some honesty and I never got that. I am not sure why I did not leave sooner… I was comfortable with him and kept thinking he would change and experience positive self- growth, but that day never came. I actually got to meet some of his PUA friends after the DC lecture, and they did seem nice on the outside.
There was never a time when I could call him a good friend; He hurt me several times and I could tell that he did not care about our friendship. One day after having a relationship talk and telling me I was his girlfriend, I realized that he had added an old fuck buddy of his on Facebook. I was infuriated since he had told me that he had stopped talking to her a year ago, and I messaged her only because I wanted to know the truth since I could never get the truth from him. He became indignant after finding out I had messaged her. I went to the bar since he had initially invited me to attend a show there, and he walked in with the girl. I was so devastated and was left alone at the bar in tears the rest of the night as HIS OWN childhood friend that I barely knew tried to comfort me. After this incident, I told him that I would either move on and stop seeing him or that we would be completely exclusive. He agreed to be exclusive, and I was both happy but wary. I wish I could call him a good friend, but he never was. He was the kind of person who would prioritize his pick up artist friends, party friends, etc. over his own “girlfriend” … never someone who would be there during a rough time.
Whenever something was bothering me, I would voice my concerns, but he would become indignant, hang up on me, walk out mid conversation, and ignore my texts/calls. He would try to make me feel guilty, and he never once apologized for anything wrong that he had done. I do not handle lying and other undeserved bad behavior well.
I think I started to become resentful for all of the things he had done in the past, and the fact that he never once had the courage to apologize for anything. I had been a very patient and understanding girlfriend for a long time; I even told him that I would be open to threesomes (which I would never typically agree to). I had given him many chances because I figured that deep down inside, he was a good person but had emotional issues he was still struggling with (don’t we all?)
Our final breakup was recent, and I have been both so depressed yet enraged about it. I did one wrong thing (sent him a text out of spite telling him that I was going to be meeting an ex who I have been friends with since high school), and he has since ignored all of my texts, calls, and emails. I gave him so many chances after he hurt me and he cannot even have the decency to let me speak on the phone with him. He hung up on me after cursing at me and that was the end. I am trying to move on but it is so difficult. I have no problem meeting other men; I went out to forget about these tumultuous few weeks and was asked out on dates by intelligent, successful men (two engineers, a lawyer, and a cancer researcher at NIH—I love nerdy men), but I am so depressed that I do not even have the energy to leave my house, so I have been flaking.
I am really not one to be so hurtful, but I am beyond infuriated. I have never been treated this way by previous partners, and I maintain a positive relationship with all of them. I know that I do not deserve this treatment, and I have been foolish to have let it go on for so long. I had been behaving really well during the time we dated, but he was never honest and never had the decency to act like a good friend, let alone boyfriend. He was kind and affectionate when he wanted to be. Part of me wants to expose him as the pick up artist/cheater/liar/closet misogynist that he is, but the other part of me would feel horrible doing so. I am really conflicted about this situation, but I know that he will continue to hurt other women and I've lost hope that he will grow into a better, more honest, caring person. I can be crazy when I want to be, but it is never for no reason. I know that this awful experience, however, is no excuse for me to ever treat other men like shit. I just feel like there are a lot of bitter, entitled men here who truly lack self-awareness and insist on dehumanizing women, so it is very frustrating.