[NovaVirtu]

Haha...I just started a new job and my whole schedule has turned upside down, excuses excuses...I've had this sitting in my draft box for while but here it is.

Part 3

Back to Lima
After returning to Lima I got my eye looked at and to make a long story short I they concluded it was some sort of spontaneous inflammation in the retina which may have been exacerbated by the altitude. The doc recommended I stay at sea level for at least a week, and gave me some altitude pills and aspirin. He also told me not to drink any alcohol until further notice. I spent a few days with my main girl then went back to the hotel I stayed in previously and resumed pipelining efforts.

I had dates lined up for friday and saturday. Friday was with a cute girl from Tinder who spoke great English. I actually talked with her on the phone once she seemed like a real sweetheart, I was looking forward to meeting her. Friday night rolls around though and I get a text saying she's going to be 40 minutes late. Fine. 40 minutes passes. She then informs me she's not coming at all, because she gets up early and she's "too tired".

Disappointing since she seemed so nice. But such is the game. Next.

I send a text out to the first girl I banged a few weeks back, I'll just call her Anna. She was at Ayahuasca with her friend and wanted me to join. Since Tinder girl flaked I hopped in a cab and made my way over there. Her friend had some American guy trying to get her pants so I basically had a wingman upon arrival. Despite this ideal setup, Anna did not want her friend to go back with this guy because he was allegedly married. I don't involve myself in other's issues like this so it was a real pain in the ass to get Anna to leave her friend behind. Eventually the friend says theya re just going to dance and they agree to meet up in an hour. I take Anna back to the hotel and bang it out.

Like the first time, she was not very exciting in bed, just lays there and makes me do all the work. I was slightly annoyed by this as a like it when the girl at least puts some effort in. I mentioned in my first post that she was not the brightest bulb in the box- that's not quite doing it justice. She was nice enough but looking back she was probably the least interesting/intelligent person I spoke with in Peru. Just dumber than a bag of hammers. This was the first time I can remember where I just wanted the girl to leave immediately after we had sex.

After 20 minutes or so she asks me if I want to fuck her in the ass. Suddenly my interest is rekindled, and I say sure since I had yet to do this on my trip. Unfortunately something was wrong- I couldn't get past half-mast. I just told her I was too tired and reminded her she needs to catch up with her friend. I bid put her in cab and bid her aideu.


Girl #4, the police and poo
The next night I have a date lined up with a girl from badoo. I had basically given up on badoo at this point but something about this girl caught my eye. Just before heading out the door I go to the bathroom and have a something of an ass attack. Upon completion I attempt to flush and to my horror, the water merely swirls, but refuses to go down. I open the tank and fiddle with it for a few minutes but to no avail. I had put that toilet out of commission. My date was in 20 minutes and there was nothing else I could do so I just left.

When she arrived I was pleasantly surprised- she was actually better looking than her pictures. About 5'2'' in heels, gorgeous face, nice tits and tight little ass. She spoke no English so I just spoke in my halting Spanish but she seemed to have no problems understanding. I decided I didn't care about doctor's orders anymore and we got drinks at a little place on Calle Berlin, before bouncing to Sabor Peruano, where I got her dancing and making out. From here we went to the much larger Sabor Peruano VIP on that little alley that branches off Pizza Street.

By now she had no inhibitions and we were making out on the couches to the point people across from us were beginning to stare (Peruvian girls, once they get sufficiently worked up, seem completely indifferent to bystanders), I suggest we go for a walk and we make our way down to the Malecon. There were some teenagers milling about the famous statue of the kissing couple so I took her a few hundred yards away to an area that appeared to be vacant. I notice a secluded patch of grass beyond the wall, concealed by the shrubbery, and we climb over and get to business.

I am laying on my back while she's jerking me off. Straight ahead, the grass proceeds for another 8 feet or so until the cliff drops down to the highway and beach below. I can see the moon shining over the ocean and lights shining in Barranco a few miles away to my left. The view is gorgeous. I'm thinking about how awesome this is, and that it's just about time to get the condoms out. At that moment I glance over to my right and see SOME FUCKING GUY STANDING 10 FEET AWAY WATCHING US.

I went absolutely apeshit. I started cussing him out while I'm zipping up my pants and my girl is hurriedly putting her shirt and bra back on. My threats had no effect and the guy simply walks over and starts saying something in Spanish which I couldn't understand. The is when I realized he was some kind of park police officer. He starts rubbing his fingers together in a "tip" gesture.

You motherfucker.

I momentarily consider shoving him off the cliff, but decide against it and just reach into my pocket for his "commission" as he called it. All I had was one 100 sole bill (about $33 USD). I grudgingly handed it over to him and he lets us go.

By this point we'd gone too far, I wasn't going to let this cockblocking copper ruin the night. I hail a cab and we had back to my room. We open the door and I suddenly remember the inoperable toilet I'd left behind. I rush ahead of her to bathroom saying "make yourself comfortable" and turn on the sink so she won't hear anything. I flush and flush but my it still wouldn't go down! I realized there was no choice at that point to but to run with it. I stepped out of the bathroom saying "tenemos un poquito problema aqui" with feigned outrage and confusion, wondering aloud why the hotel staff hadn't fixed this problem yet and what's the matter with those people.

Luckily she didn't need to use it so we picked up where we left off. She was on the rag but I didn't care. +1 with minimal mess.

Paracas, Huacachina and Nazca
Since I had to remain at sea level I decided to head south and check out the desert.

My first stop was Paracas, a small beach community near the eponymous peninsula about 4 hours south of Lima.

This is not really a nightlife destination, most people come here to check out the Ballestras, a series of bioreserve islands frequently called the "poor man's Galopogas". I recommend staying in the Kokopelli hostel. There is a nice pool, the gate to the back patio opens almost right out onto the water and the bar is really the only place that is hopping at night.

I also took the opportunity to visit the Paracas History Museum. This is a small little building across the from the main square which has displays of dozens of elongated skulls from the ancient Paracas culture which disappeared 2000 years ago. I was given a tour by Brien Foerster, the assistant director of the museum, who also written a bunch of books on the topic and has appeared on Ancient Aliens on the History Channel several times.



Brien claims that he and his team have had DNA tests done on the skulls and that while most of them where deformed manually with boards, about 10% of them have mutations which suggest they naturally looked like this, as if they were some sort of evolutionary dead end like the Neaderthal man. The theory is that this race formed the ruling class of the Paracas culture and "normal" people begin deforming their infant's skulls to look more like the elites. Over time, lack of genetic diversity became an issue and the "cone head" people had to begin intermarrying wit the normal humans, and the distinctive skulls shape began to fade with each generation. Eventually, they were conquered by the Nazca people and wiped out.

Some of the skulls, preserved by the arid climate still have skin and hair on them. Several of the skulls have RED hair! It's really, really weird to think that thousands of years ago a race of cone-headed, red haired people lived in Peru.



The next day I checked out Huacachina. This is a small little oasis town in the desert outside of Ica. Stay at the Desert Nights Inn- about $20 a night. Excellent food and good bar. The "party" hostel is called the Candelera del Sol. This place is small and honestly, it's pretty boring on weeknights but I heard it picks up a lot on the weekend.

Sandboarding was a great time, not nearly as easy as it looks. You gain an incredible amount of speed very quickly. Cr33pn and Bounce came down on a bus and we met up in Huacachina that night. Most bars were dead except for one place which had a bunch crazy Danish girls who drunk out of their minds and shouting and laughing at a table. We sat down and one of them was going on some wild rant about something. Bouce made a comment that she sounded like Adolph Hitler and starts mouthing her words while sitting behind her and doing Hitler-esque gestures while she spoke. I was almost in tears laughing. No bangs that night but still a good time.

The next day we parted ways and I went to Nazca to fly in a little plane and see the Nazca Lines. It was incredible.



You know what else is fun to do in Nazca? Pack up and get the fuck out there- it's a dump. Take the Cruz del Sur back to Lima.

Conclusion
After this I made plans to return to Cusco and to fast forward I finally got to see Machu Piccu, etc...by chance I sat next to the park director on the way up park on the bus and had an interesting chat. It's amazing, you've all seen Machu Piccu or a least have seen photos, theres no need to elaborate further.

Returned to Lima, banged one more girl off Tinder. Before I knew it, 7 weeks had gone by and it was time to leave.

I had broke things off with my main girl. We had begun to quarrel a lot and I just decided I'd had enough but she text saying she wanted to meet up.

We met for drinks my last day in Lima and she gave me an envelope which she said not to open till I was on the plane. After a few drinks we patched things up and we were off to a love motel- the same one I got my Peruvian flag in. We fucked like bunnies then raced back to my hostel to get my stuff, then caught a cab to the airport. I made it on time for boarding with less than 5 minutes to spare.

A few weeks prior I had made a joke to this girl that I deserved "a written apology for dealing with all your nonsense". On the flight I opened her note and that's exactly what it was- a handwritten note with a locket of her hair.
That girl was a real pain she wanted to be but we had a some great times. We still keep in touch.

I smiled, ran my fingers through the hair and reflected on the past 2 month's events....






Then the smile faded as it dawned on me that I'd be back in Washington, DC in a few hours. Thankfully it was only for a few days.

My eye is fine now. In spite of how awful that was at the time, the lessons and experiences gained from this trip far outweigh the discomfort I had to go through.

This was my first taste of poosy paradise. Life will never be the same.
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So that was my journey in Peru, I hope you enjoyed reading this long and somewhat convoluted account. Theres a lot of stuff I left out but this story is already longer than I intended. In a follow-up post I'll put some general tips
for those thinking of visiting Peru to help you save money, avoid run-ins with cockblocking cops and other mistakes I made and to just make the most of your trip.

Cheers