[Paracelsus]

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relatio...7265537001

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Stuck in a rut — our once-a-week sex life was loving, but lacked spontaneity and passion — I was craving seduction and sexual abandon. I was having a midlife crisis and chasing this profound, deeply rooted experience of being female.

Before then, starting a family had felt like one route to this elusive state of feminine fulfilment. But Scott had made it absolutely clear he never wanted a baby, and even had a vasectomy.

Many people will find this hard to understand, but, as the door to motherhood closed, I found myself rushing towards this whole other outlet of heightened female experience — taking lovers.

Let's remember she'd been with her husband for 18 years, so since she was roughly 27 or so, as the wall was impending. Therefore, may we offer a translation: "Having wasted my twenties without having a child, and in my thirties never managing to grind down my husband into having a kid, I decided to go and pay him back by fucking anything that moves since long term companionship don't real, romantic loving sex is shit, and he was otherwise boring in bed."

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I’d always been “the good girl,” and had slept with only three guys before getting involved with Scott at the age of 26. I was pretty conservative.

Conservative means only three tickets on the cock carousel in our modern age, clearly. PROGRESS!

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Sexually, I was experiencing what happens to a lot of women in their late 30s and early 40s. I was approaching my sexual peak and was relaxing into myself.

Translation: "Sexually, I was experiencing what happens to all women in their late 30s and early 40s: a realisation of a wasted life because I didn't get more cock than all my divorced friends, as I approach my sexual use-by date."

Or, putting it in short:

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I broke the news to Scott that I wanted an open marriage in early 2008, a few months after his vasectomy. “I won’t go to my grave with no children and four lovers,” I told him repeatedly. “I refuse.” Against the idea at first, he eventually relented.

So the vasectomy is the thing that's apparently the catalyst. "You swine, you managed to avoid having the kids conversation for 18 years, and now you won't try to give me kids with a higher chance of Downs Syndrome, so fuck you, I want cock from elsewhere." This is bullshit: chances are she wanted to keep on chasing the "career" until she realised the biological clock was ringing. What the fuck was this guy thinking? If he's gotten a vasectomy, he knows he doesn't want kids, so the second she comes offering an ultimatum, you'd think he would've been within his rights to say "Well, there's the door."

Incidentally, our contestant:

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According to our deal, I’d rent a studio apartment during the week and come back to our home on weekends. Both of us could sleep with whomever we chose as long as we used protection. It was a case of “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

My first step was placing an ad on nerve.com, a kind of intellectual version of the online personal listing. Under the heading: “Good girl seeks experience,” it read: “I’m a 44-year-old professional, educated, attractive woman in an open marriage, seeking single men age 35-50 to help me explore my sexuality. You must be trustworthy, smart, and skilled at conversation as well as in bed.”

I added: “Our time together will be limited to three dates as I cannot become seriously involved.”

Within 24 hours, my inbox offered up 23 prospective suitors.

Does anyone now doubt the state of sexual affairs online, and in the West at large? 44 years old, and this creature still got more offers for sex than any equivalent man would in 24 months had he posted a similar suggestion online. And bear in mind, of that, she was still choosy, apparently only doing 12 guys over a period of 12 months.

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But the lessons I learned weren’t purely physical. They were about growing up, making mistakes, learning to live without so much fear, owning up to my dark side and, eventually, finding out the difference between being a “good girl” and a good person.

...the difference being is that the former is an objectively attainable standard, and the other is shitty subjectivity that anybody can convince themselves of, because even if you're out shooting babies, you're likely still thinking of yourself as a good person. Women especially.

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But, by the end of the 12-month project, moving back home full time proved more difficult than I had thought. After you open up a marriage and experience a whole range of sexual variety and aspects of yourself you’ve never had before, it’s hard to put everything back in the box.

You’re changed.

I slept with a total of 12 people (including two women) during the Wild Oats Project.

Suddenly I found an updated version of myself. The person I was at 44 was so much different than the woman I’d been when I was last single at 26. She was less shy, more confident, wilder.

And the amazing part is that people still scoff at the idea that women having lots of premarital partners will be any less changed than post-wall hamsters who have lots of postmarital partners. The change is the same: an erosion of personality.

But fear not, fellas, because here's the punchline:

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Meanwhile, it turned out that, for around six months, Scott had been exclusively sleeping with one woman, a lot younger than me. That bothered me, especially as they hadn’t been using condoms.

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But it wasn’t the catalyst for the end of the marriage, because he broke things off with her.

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The turning point was hearing from Alden (one of the men she committed adultery with). He sent me an email, out of the blue, several months after the project had come to an end.

Before long, we were having sex again. Being with him was exquisite. After reconnecting with Alden and falling deeply in love with him, there was no going back.

So basically she cheated on her husband even after the experiment was over. Not that you'd notice from the way it's just passed off without a comment in there.

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Five years on, Alden and I are happily living together. It’s a regular, monogamous relationship. I’m grateful I experienced my marriage to Scott (who has since found a new partner) but now, for this part of my life, I believe being with someone who is the most temperamentally like me is where I can learn more.

Oh, and of course she wrote a book about her post-wall slutdom.

And of course because it's her real name, odds are on she and her ex-husband will probably be identifiable. At least he took the opportunity while it was there and started slaying something that didn't look like it just crawled out of the grave.