[Sp5]

I was in Entebbe for two nights and Kampala for five nights, over New Year's. The main reason for the visit was to see a friend I worked with in a dangerous place for a couple of years. The only limitations with women were time, energy and risk tolerance.

My two facts to remember about Uganda:

1. Per capita GDP (PPP): $1500 (CIA 2012)

By comparison, the Philippines is $4700

2. HIV rate (aged 15-49): 7.20% (CIA 2012)

By comparison, USA is 0.6%, Thailand 1.1% This means that one out of 14 in that age range in Uganda will have the virus. I suppose more are clustered in the older age ranges, but still, even with small transmission rates for PIV intercourse, the risk is 12 times that of the USA. Something to consider.

I had 20+ phone numbers from Badoo before I got there, with many on WhatsApp, Line and WeChat. I don't have Viber or Tinder.

Somewhat long lines for visas at the airport, but otherwise no hassles. I met a cool Swedish guy who ran his own private charity and business training Ugandan kids and the Ugandan police tae kwon do. I got a SIM card there easily, paid 40K Ugandan shillings, about $15 for phone and data sufficient for my visit.

I booked a guesthouse not very far from the airport in Entebbe to stay two nights there, as I read good things about that town. Entebbe is surprisingly small and quiet.

The weather was very pleasant the whole time, I was told this was characteristic of Uganda. Not too hot except in the afternoon if the sun was full on, often partly cloudy, brief showers, humidity perfect, comfortably cool in the evenings and mornings.


A back road in Entebbe - green and cool.

Also lots of interesting birds, including Marabou storks and other large noisy ones, smaller colorful ones, and raptors (I also saw hawks over Addis Ababa all of the time) - so Scotian and others can do that too.

Entebbe is small enough that you can walk to most places if you stay anywhere near the center. Otherwise there are motorcycle taxis, called boda-bodas, and very few car taxis.

I called up some of my Entebbe contacts, got two dates scheduled. The first one did not show up on time, she was "getting ready" after I had been waiting for 15 minutes and I just told her to forget it. She stalked me with phone calls and messages the rest of my trip. Same with the second, she was "finishing up a couple of hairdressing clients" at the appointed time. She also stalked me with messages the rest of my trip. Another game precept validated, I guess. I enjoy next'ing those flakes almost as much as getting laid. They both stalked me with phone calls and bitter messages for days afterwards, ha ha!!

I made a tour of the bars on the old "main street" of Entebbe, Kampala Street, in the early evening. Kampala Street is connected to what is now the main Entebbe-Kampala road at both ends. I walked by a couple of nightclubs in the area, the oddly-named Knight Riders (for non-US readers: this is what the KKK called itself) and Club X3. They looked interesting, but I never got to them. I went to Stone Pub, talked to some older Ugandan guys, including the owner; it's a friendly place. I then had a nice grilled half chicken at the New African Village Guesthouse beer garden, then went to what was called "the famous" Four Turkeys. At Four Turkeys I met an American around my own (old) age, "Dave." Dave was a pilot for the UN, which has a large logistics base in Entebbe. He flew to South Sudan and Somalia regularly and hung out in Entebbe between missions.



Kampala Street, Entebbe Four Turkeys is at street level in the tall building


Knight Riders not of the KKK

Dave and I were talking about South Sudan and Somalia. Four Turkeys was full of pros or semi-pros who were pleasant enough, one was even beautiful so I got her number, but I wasn't playing that game, so I left and walked back to the guesthouse. On what I thought was the sidewalk in front of State House (the presidential residence) in the dark, I stepped into an open drain channel and banged up my ankle, thigh, and elbow. No big harm, just bruises and scrapes I treated with antibiotic ointment back in the room, but I still have a scab on my shin a month later. So be careful walking in the dark.

The next morning I dawdled around the guesthouse and drank tea in the garden, then set up another date from Badoo of a 29 yo, at the new Victoria Mall, on the main Entebbe-Kampala road.

She showed up with her half-white 2 yo son. Sheesh. She had lived in the USA on a job with an international aid agency for two years and got knocked up there. I bought her kid an ice cream, made some small talk, but that was going nowhere. I made a few more phone calls, but it turned out that a lot of the girls listing their location in Entebbe were actually in Kampala. I made a date with the hottest one locally to meet at the Red Rooster. She had a full modeling portfolio on her Badoo profile. But I waited and she didn't show.

I went from the beer garden to the bar of the Red Rooster, where a pretty good Congolese-style band was playing. Dave was there, with a Ugandan UN guy. Dave had just been mugged at the same place I had stepped into the drainage ditch the night before. Two guys knocked him over and grabbed his backpack (with only ground coffee in it) and ran off. He was ok otherwise, but it was an demonstration of a crime risk right in front of the presidential palace.

This 6 ft 2 Amazon girl in a short tube dress came over, sat next to me at the bar, and stared. I talked to her a little and Dave noted she was a working girl who didn't have the smarts to tone down her style. She wanted to go to Knight Riders, but I liked the Congolese band more than I liked her.

After awhile another woman on the other side of Dave started giving me the eye and passed close enough for me to say hello.

She was a former Emirates flight attendant, 26 yo. She had her picture in Emirates uniform as the home screen on her smartphone. She had been let go because she ended up exceeding Emirate's strict weight standards, but she wasn't too thick at all. She was still working for Emirates in administration, she said. Good, a real job.

I used my favorite line - "If you and me had a daughter, she'd look like Beyonce."
Got her back to the guesthouse, and she was a big squirter! Left a big pool on the bed. This was a new experience to me. Took a risk, no condom, she said her period ended five days before. More on this later.

The housekeeper started knocking on the door early in the morning saying: guests weren't allowed, and she'd get in trouble for letting us in if the owner found out. I saw a lot of Bibles and religious literature around the place, so I think the owner was religious.

I walked the Emirates girl to the gate and agreed to ride with her to Kampala, and gave her money (70,000 shillings, about $25) to arrange a taxi for noontime.

She showed up with the taxi, but then when we got to Kampala she said the driver had to be paid 100,000 shillings. I asked, what about the 70,000? She said she used it for breakfast. Damn that was some expensive breakfast for Kampala. NEXT.

I was wiped out from the night before and the early wake-up, so I took it easy in the pleasant hotel that evening.

The next morning I took a walk downtown and called up one of the Badoo girls I liked. She came over to the hotel around 1 pm, I suggested tea in my room and got her up right away. She was a 26 yo university grad in social work but unemployed and living with her married sister. Cute face, tall, nice rear. She was a bit light skinned - there is a lot of difference in skin color in Ugandans.

We had a chat over tea in the nice big room, mostly her talking about how tough life was for her. I used "If you and me had a daughter, she'd look like Beyonce" line and talked about that for awhile and moved in on her. After making out for awhile, she said she wanted me to get HIV tested before. I said I had condoms but she was concerned about breaking. I kept talking to her about our baby Beyonce and she got a far away look in her eye like she was day dreaming. She said, "Look, I'm not going to tell you I don't want a baby with an mzungu (white man), every girl here does, but we have to get tested." Then she says, "Would you like me to suck your dick?"

OK. After giving me a pretty good BJ while smiling and getting into it, she tells me "That's the first time I ever did that."

This might be the most appropriate time to use this gif ever.

That night I went to Mike's Place, next to Bubbles O'Leary's in Kololo. The Swedish tae kwon do guy was staying at a guesthouse there, thought I'd look him up, but he wasn't around. Mike's Place is a large upscale club with a big dance floor, it looked like a place with possibilities, but I was early and few people were there. Bubbles O'Leary's was closed, it was a Monday.

The next day she messaged me and wanted to go for HIV testing, but the thought of going to some clinic and spending half the day there was not attractive. In retrospect, it might be a better idea to get the hottest girl you can get, get tested and hang out with her for a longer time.


Billboard for HIV prevention campaign, Kampala

I went to the Uganda Museum, a few interesting exhibits on the natural history and anthropology of Uganda, but it really hasn't been updated since the 1970s. Interesting fact - about half of the country is occupied by Bantu people, and half by Nilotic people.


"Languages of Uganda". Licensed under CC BY 2.5 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:L...Uganda.png


Good name for a whiskey. Billboard in front of Uganda Museum

I also went to the Acacia Mall, which is the upscale mall in Kampala. When a girl invited me into a toy store, I told her I needed kids to buy toys, could she give me a kid, and she laughed about that. There were a few good looking young white women there in the cafe, too.

Walking on the way back to the hotel, I stopped to take a picture of this Chinese restaurant with my phone and a policeman with an AK-47 who was guarding the perimeter of the German embassy compound across the street walked over and confronted me. He asked what I was doing. I said I was a tourist and took a picture of the restaurant. Then he demanded my phone. I said no way am I giving you my phone, I'm going to call my embassy, and walked off. A Ugandan guy walking by told me he worked on the parliamentary staff and gave me the number of the police inspector general, but I never called. I'd encountered that kind of thing before in Kenya at the airport.


This picture could have got me shot or arrested

I met up my friend that evening at Centenary Park. Centenary Park has several restaurants and beer gardens, including one, Blue Bar, which has a dance floor. There is an indoor club, Wakiki next to it, it has a very young crowd.

My friend is an economist with an advanced degree and is also a clan leader. He has a good job, mid 40s with kids. We were talking about women and he said he liked "women with water," what he said was called "El Niño" locally. Squirters.
He said there were a lot in Uganda and Rwanda, and he was "addicted" to them.
He also said women there were all about the money extracting things from you, which is understandable in a poor country in addition to the fact that all woman are about extracting resources from you in some way, but he said that having a LTR there was a constant stream of requests for money and things like IPhones.

The next day I was a bit hungover again (does not take much at my age). The girl from the day before texted me and wanted to go for HIV testing, but I was too lazy and did not want to spend time waiting in a clinic, even for baby Beyonce.

In the afternoon I had another date with a 36 year old professional who I'd chatted with a lot before I came. She was damned smart, had international experience and was entrepreneurial, had her own business and was getting contracts from big organizations. Only problem was she had four kids from three different fathers. We made plans to meet up again, but I decided I did not want to get involved in that situation.

After that, I had a date with another girl with a modeling portfolio, tall, really an 8 or a 9, 23 year old university student. I met her at the hotel but just didn't hit it off, I think she thought I was too old for her after seeing me.

That night I was out again with my friend, went to Casablanca, which is a nice upscale beer garden and with a dance club in the back in Kilolo.

We were also out on New Year's Eve, first at Panamera, which is another upscale beer garden type place drawing an elite crowd, and then back at the Centenary Park bars. It was kind of wild there, packs of teenagers, and one woman who had been punched and her bag was snatched by a pack of teenagers. It was ok inside the bars, but we just hung out until after midnight.

The next day I messaged a girl on WeChat who had messaged me the day before from the "People nearby" feature, she was close to my hotel. She came over right away. She was outstanding, cute, one of those tiny bird-like girls you can find in East Africa with a great ass. We had tea in the garden and talked, she was another student (they all are) in business administration. I got up after the tea and she followed me up to the room. I wondered what was up with her, this was too easy for such a hot girl. She mentioned two clubs, Cayenne and Guvnors, which were worth going to.

When we got up to the room, she told me that her American boyfriend had not called her in a couple of days and had left her alone the night before on New Year's Eve. "He is cheating on me."

All became clear. I suggested revenge. It was easy to swoop on her. That made the whole trip worthwhile. Afterwards she asked for "transportation," I gave her 50000 shillings ($17.50) because that was the bill I had in my pocket and I did not want to get into a negotiation. She could have taken a bus anywhere in Uganda for that amount, let alone the 2000 shillings it was really going to take her for a boda-boda. I think this would be the usual pattern there, on the border of whoredom but just a request for "transportation."

The next day I left, I had noticed a lot of American fundamentalist missionaries around in the hotel and that day as I was checking out there was a new group checking in wearing Liberty University t-shirts, including a tall hot blonde. The strange thing was I had seen groups of Gulf Arabs in traditional dress sitting with Ugandan Muslims dressed in the Salafi way with white dishdashas and takiyahs and with beards. So Uganda is religiously contended territory.

I was bombed by messages on Badoo the whole time I was in Uganda. I also got that girl on WeChat. I am still getting messages on Badoo from girls I pipelined but did not get to contact.

Post script is that the Emirates girl from Entebbe started sending me messages on the day I left that she was feeling sick and "frequently urinating." I knew what was coming, had got this before from a Ugandan in Abu Dhabi. Over a few days, she kept escalating her narrative of feeling "full," sick, etc., then said she was going to get pregnancy tested, then the test was positive of course. I just said, good news, I'll be down when the baby is born to give it a DNA test. Then she tried to get money for an abortion, I said I was against that but would support my kid if she had it. She's pretty much given up, but I got a message yesterday - "I hate you."