I'm sure I've told this story before, but I will tell it again.
When I married my wife, there could have been no end to it (since Taiwanese weddings can get very big, and the groom's family pays in most cases). Prior to our wedding, my wife didn't want an engagement ring, but I told her that the amount I would have spent on it (only about 50% of one month's salary anyway) could be spent on anything else. At first, she wanted to have laser eye surgery, but then decided against that, and instead wanted us to go on another vacation (other than the honeymoon). Note that she wanted something for us, not for her.
I should also point out that at the time we were planning the wedding, my wife was still a university student, so she had no money, hence why I ended up paying. Any money she had from working part-time jobs was pitiful (in those days, ~$3/hour).
I set a budget for the wedding that was 1/3-/12 what typical weddings in Taiwan cost. I told her that if she went over that amount, the difference would come from the money I would allow her to spend on something else. Likewise, if she went under budget, the amount she saved would get added to the vacation fund total. I set up an incentive scheme, basically. That my wife went along with it without argument was one of many reasons that I knew that she was a keeper.
In the end, she came in only a couple of hundred dollars over budget, I think, which I ended up waiving. We largely avoided the sheer consumeristic excess of many weddings. A few people, particularly her sisters, called me stingy because I didn't want to blow money on stupid crap, such as multiple dresses (my wife's main dress was in perfect condition, but secondhand and then she also bought one other dress to change into afterwards), a DJ/MC, multiple rented luxury cars, etc. Isn't it amazing that my wife and I now have two businesses, work far fewer hours than most people, have travelled to a bunch of countries (including Iceland for our honeymoon, albeit during their financial collapse) and have a ton of money in various other investments whilst her sisters and assorted other whiners have...you can fill in the picture.
My wife's father actually ended up paying for some stuff, but only because he then got the red envelopes (containing cash) for those people he had invited who my wife didn't even know because of his obligations to them. That leads me into something Zelscorpion brought up.
In Taiwan, and I am sure it is similar in other countries, the giving of cash at weddings then ties the receiver into attending other people's weddings (and thus, giving money). In my father-in-law's case, he was/is expected to attend the weddings of the children of all of the people he invited to my wedding. Those people will also be obligated to attend the wedding of my wife's younger brother in the future. Indeed, my wife and I are in a similar situation with her former classmates, etc. So, when people say that they make money from their weddings, they don't really. They receive the money in a lump sum and then pay it back periodically (which is an advantage, obviously).
In Taiwan, this is actually accounted for in a ledger. At our wedding, one of my wife's sisters and someone else (an aunt, I think), had the job of sitting at a table at the entrance. Everyone who arrived presented their red envelope (with money) and had their names recorded. The money was counted beneath/behind the desk and recorded beside their names. Likewise, there was also a ledger of people who had helped (including the people collecting the money), and at the end, they were given cash in red envelopes by my wife and me. It's really mercenary in Taiwan. Anyway, the ledger is still around somewhere. My wife was one of the first of her university classmates to get married, but periodically one of them (who might not have spoken to her since then) lets her know that he or she is getting married and my wife (at least) is expected to go. If she can't go, she is still expected to send a red envelope (albeit for a lesser amount, since she wouldn't be eating their food). It is a debt. We didn't really make that money.
I believe the reason for doing it this way is not actually financial per se. Rather, by establishing all sorts of debts, it also creates social obligations, and this in turn creates much stronger family and community bonds. In my father-in-law's case, he is still in touch with dozens of people he knew as a young man for this reason alone. I would not be surprised if that were also the case in other cultures that are far more traditional than those in the West.
One final note. Apparently, in the past, particularly in rural areas of Taiwan, it used to be reasonably common to have strippers at weddings (and funerals!). All of my foreign friends here had heard of that tradition and kept pressuring me to get a stripper, but I didn't go through with it.
When I married my wife, there could have been no end to it (since Taiwanese weddings can get very big, and the groom's family pays in most cases). Prior to our wedding, my wife didn't want an engagement ring, but I told her that the amount I would have spent on it (only about 50% of one month's salary anyway) could be spent on anything else. At first, she wanted to have laser eye surgery, but then decided against that, and instead wanted us to go on another vacation (other than the honeymoon). Note that she wanted something for us, not for her.
I should also point out that at the time we were planning the wedding, my wife was still a university student, so she had no money, hence why I ended up paying. Any money she had from working part-time jobs was pitiful (in those days, ~$3/hour).
I set a budget for the wedding that was 1/3-/12 what typical weddings in Taiwan cost. I told her that if she went over that amount, the difference would come from the money I would allow her to spend on something else. Likewise, if she went under budget, the amount she saved would get added to the vacation fund total. I set up an incentive scheme, basically. That my wife went along with it without argument was one of many reasons that I knew that she was a keeper.
In the end, she came in only a couple of hundred dollars over budget, I think, which I ended up waiving. We largely avoided the sheer consumeristic excess of many weddings. A few people, particularly her sisters, called me stingy because I didn't want to blow money on stupid crap, such as multiple dresses (my wife's main dress was in perfect condition, but secondhand and then she also bought one other dress to change into afterwards), a DJ/MC, multiple rented luxury cars, etc. Isn't it amazing that my wife and I now have two businesses, work far fewer hours than most people, have travelled to a bunch of countries (including Iceland for our honeymoon, albeit during their financial collapse) and have a ton of money in various other investments whilst her sisters and assorted other whiners have...you can fill in the picture.
My wife's father actually ended up paying for some stuff, but only because he then got the red envelopes (containing cash) for those people he had invited who my wife didn't even know because of his obligations to them. That leads me into something Zelscorpion brought up.
In Taiwan, and I am sure it is similar in other countries, the giving of cash at weddings then ties the receiver into attending other people's weddings (and thus, giving money). In my father-in-law's case, he was/is expected to attend the weddings of the children of all of the people he invited to my wedding. Those people will also be obligated to attend the wedding of my wife's younger brother in the future. Indeed, my wife and I are in a similar situation with her former classmates, etc. So, when people say that they make money from their weddings, they don't really. They receive the money in a lump sum and then pay it back periodically (which is an advantage, obviously).
In Taiwan, this is actually accounted for in a ledger. At our wedding, one of my wife's sisters and someone else (an aunt, I think), had the job of sitting at a table at the entrance. Everyone who arrived presented their red envelope (with money) and had their names recorded. The money was counted beneath/behind the desk and recorded beside their names. Likewise, there was also a ledger of people who had helped (including the people collecting the money), and at the end, they were given cash in red envelopes by my wife and me. It's really mercenary in Taiwan. Anyway, the ledger is still around somewhere. My wife was one of the first of her university classmates to get married, but periodically one of them (who might not have spoken to her since then) lets her know that he or she is getting married and my wife (at least) is expected to go. If she can't go, she is still expected to send a red envelope (albeit for a lesser amount, since she wouldn't be eating their food). It is a debt. We didn't really make that money.
I believe the reason for doing it this way is not actually financial per se. Rather, by establishing all sorts of debts, it also creates social obligations, and this in turn creates much stronger family and community bonds. In my father-in-law's case, he is still in touch with dozens of people he knew as a young man for this reason alone. I would not be surprised if that were also the case in other cultures that are far more traditional than those in the West.
One final note. Apparently, in the past, particularly in rural areas of Taiwan, it used to be reasonably common to have strippers at weddings (and funerals!). All of my foreign friends here had heard of that tradition and kept pressuring me to get a stripper, but I didn't go through with it.