[Dr. Howard]

(11-12-2014 08:25 AM)frenchie Wrote:  

Hey guys,

I wanted to hear other people's opinion on this. I am an instinct driven person for better and worse. I normally listen to my gut and go with the flow.

However, sometimes I get this sense that people do not like me in certain social situations. Now we obviously preach to not give a f*ck haters gonna hate, but still i'd rather not waste my time on useless people.

This was most prevalent in college. It felt like the other person knew stuff about me and was acting disingenuous. I always thought this was me projecting.

And now again quite recently, I had this feeling again with a church group. It was this gut feeling that I wasn't meshing well with the group even though no one said anything to my face. I had a few inklings from hearsay that people thought x,y,z about me but nothing ever substantial nor was it bad. I tried to get some volunteer stuff going and I had pushback and was eventually told they wanted to take it in another direction. I ended up leaving the group.

Is this me projecting insecurity or what? This never happens at work or the gym for that matter.

You are probably reading the situation correctly but I would advise acting differently and use the situation to practice your social group dynamics.

I tend to 'take over' any group that I'm in, which works well in work environment because I speak up, identify the tasks, ask who's going to get it done. It keeps things marching along. In a more social setting, especially with women or women-like men sometimes they just want to talk to feel important and resent someone taking a "ok, shut up unless you are moving the group forward" approach.

Church has been a good practice space for me to manage this because:
1. You're never going to be kicked out of the group
2. Because everyone has to be on their 'best' behavior, silent politics and chick like behavior are stronger.
3. People are continually joining the group and are a roll of the dice in terms of personality. You can recruit these people to your cause as they come in.

Don't bail on the group, just sit back and observe for a while.