If we're talking about women, they just want to vent. They don't want you to "fix" it. They want you to endure the chaotic hurricaine of their emotions.
If you really, truly want to help someone with their problems, the best approach is to not give them any answers, but instead to ask them questions. Asking questions, forces them to dig deeper and think for themselves, see themselves, which can lead to real transformation.
So if you are interested in truly helping someone you're response shouldn't be: "You need to do, xyz"
It should be:
"Why are you depressed?"
"Why do you think that's happening?
"How do you think it could be changed?"
"What do you think would happen then?"
"Do you think so and so may be concerned about this and that?" "Why not?" "Why?"
Every answer they give you should be followed up with a question that either clarifies or digs deeper into the answer they just gave you.
Careful though, not many people can handle quesionting that goes 3 levels deep. Upon the first question you ask they will be annoyed at you for even asking, after the second level they will hate you, after the thrid level they will want to kill you. So when you sense them getting agitated, it's best to back off, though they will usually drop the subject after the 1st or 2nd level anyways.
Doing this though requires an ability to be present to others and their emotions. This appears to be difficult for you which is why you just want to fix it so the chaos goes away.
Another option is instead of asking questions, just be present to them. That's often the therapy they are looking for and can do a lot of good in and of itself. It's not easy and is very draining to be truly present to someone, but it's a good skill to have and others can tell when you are and they appreciate it.
If you really, truly want to help someone with their problems, the best approach is to not give them any answers, but instead to ask them questions. Asking questions, forces them to dig deeper and think for themselves, see themselves, which can lead to real transformation.
So if you are interested in truly helping someone you're response shouldn't be: "You need to do, xyz"
It should be:
"Why are you depressed?"
"Why do you think that's happening?
"How do you think it could be changed?"
"What do you think would happen then?"
"Do you think so and so may be concerned about this and that?" "Why not?" "Why?"
Every answer they give you should be followed up with a question that either clarifies or digs deeper into the answer they just gave you.
Careful though, not many people can handle quesionting that goes 3 levels deep. Upon the first question you ask they will be annoyed at you for even asking, after the second level they will hate you, after the thrid level they will want to kill you. So when you sense them getting agitated, it's best to back off, though they will usually drop the subject after the 1st or 2nd level anyways.
Doing this though requires an ability to be present to others and their emotions. This appears to be difficult for you which is why you just want to fix it so the chaos goes away.
Another option is instead of asking questions, just be present to them. That's often the therapy they are looking for and can do a lot of good in and of itself. It's not easy and is very draining to be truly present to someone, but it's a good skill to have and others can tell when you are and they appreciate it.