Note: This is me musing about how to overcome narcissism & grow as a person.
![[Image: AD-poster-crops_620x350.jpg]](http://i.i.com.com/cnwk.1d/i/tim/2013/04/25/AD-poster-crops_620x350.jpg)
Lucille Bluth: How not to raise kids.
An enduring problem in America is its incredibly misguided approach to raising children into healthy adults.
When a person goes to therapy, it is amazing what an incredibly high rate of failure it has. The most salient problem is that people don't really want help - they want other's to know they "desire" help and want their life to be better. However, making their life better in actuality is a desire of the second-order - the first is the maintenance of their current psychological state.
When I talk about psychological issues, understand that every disorder of any kind has a streak of narcissism - i.e. managing that complex is more important than all else in that person's life. Whether you are trying to take the sauce out of an alcoholic's hand, trying to get a feminist to overcome her hatred & self-absorption or trying to get somebody to learn to trust others properly, you cutting right to the heart of their issues and their coping mechanism.
Doing therapy on the fly is potentially dangerous if you are perceptive. You can unhinge somebody from what behaviors that have stabilized their psyche - if you are not prepared to transition that person into more healthy behavior, you could be presented with a bad splitting situation, suicide or an even stronger grasping of their coping mechanisms.
Most saliently here, you must consider yourself. It is almost nigh impossible for you to get a good read on yourself without outside help. In order to help yourself, you need outside opinions. Take the Game forum here. One of the key reasons for guys to be honest about where they are is so that so others can be a neutral third party & break down what is going on. Even if you are 80% spot on in your self-analysis, you still miss 20%.
Further considering this situation is the potential narcissist exposure. If you are improving yourself psychologically, then you need to be honest about your life - especially to others. People like to pretend they can "be honest" in their mind, but lie to others, rationalizing that they are being honest to the most important person in their life - themselves. Technically, they are right about the most important person but utilize that reality in a narcissistic way - by only being honest with themselves.
When guys come onto the forum and lie about their lives, the psychology is this: I see RVF as an authority figure. I need their approval. I sense this forum is about improving your life & improving you game. Therefore, I will lie about my life in order to get their approval.
However, this isn't the end. Like any other narcissistic endeavor it is based out of self-hatred. Once they get forum approval, the devaluation kicks in. The process is this: I don't have value. The forum values me. Therefore the forum is valueless. You see this with meltdowns of old members, senior members or guys who gain rep quickly, then flame out badly.
![[Image: honesty_article3.jpg]](http://helpingpsychology.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/honesty_article3.jpg)
Let's briefly discuss self-honesty. TLP has a piece talking about the need for third-party neutrality & real change within grasp. A key takeaway is how Joe consistently reenacts the poor relationship he has with his father in his interactions with others.
Joe's father seems to be a cold, distant narcissist that used his son as a way to self-aggrandize as he always put his approval (love) just out of reach, so young Joe would chase endlessly after it. Joe acts this out with TLP with TLP unwittingly playing the role of Joe's father.
TLP makes a great point that insight means nothing without real change. A common problem in therapy is that great insights are given, but no real change. Which is the problem addressed at the outset - change is very much within reach if somebody has shifted their focus outward & how their disorders are hurting the people they care about.
I thought I would have more time, so let me close with a few thoughts. This step of understanding how their actions affect the people around them is a critical step. It shifts the focus from self-absorption to awareness of other's as fellow humans. Then, that person can begin the long process of fixing their hurtful behaviors.
TLP closes with a great idea for somebody to understand psychology & your feelings is to read fiction & write down your thoughts & feelings on the people who how they interacted. Come back to it a week later - see how you processed the people & you can get insight on how you view others & the world. Once you wrap your mind around that, you can start revising your behavior.
His last line is fantastic - write down a comprehensive piece about how you view a fiction book or movie and then come back 10 years later. I am sure it would be great experiment.
Lucille Bluth: How not to raise kids.
An enduring problem in America is its incredibly misguided approach to raising children into healthy adults.
When a person goes to therapy, it is amazing what an incredibly high rate of failure it has. The most salient problem is that people don't really want help - they want other's to know they "desire" help and want their life to be better. However, making their life better in actuality is a desire of the second-order - the first is the maintenance of their current psychological state.
When I talk about psychological issues, understand that every disorder of any kind has a streak of narcissism - i.e. managing that complex is more important than all else in that person's life. Whether you are trying to take the sauce out of an alcoholic's hand, trying to get a feminist to overcome her hatred & self-absorption or trying to get somebody to learn to trust others properly, you cutting right to the heart of their issues and their coping mechanism.
Doing therapy on the fly is potentially dangerous if you are perceptive. You can unhinge somebody from what behaviors that have stabilized their psyche - if you are not prepared to transition that person into more healthy behavior, you could be presented with a bad splitting situation, suicide or an even stronger grasping of their coping mechanisms.
Most saliently here, you must consider yourself. It is almost nigh impossible for you to get a good read on yourself without outside help. In order to help yourself, you need outside opinions. Take the Game forum here. One of the key reasons for guys to be honest about where they are is so that so others can be a neutral third party & break down what is going on. Even if you are 80% spot on in your self-analysis, you still miss 20%.
Further considering this situation is the potential narcissist exposure. If you are improving yourself psychologically, then you need to be honest about your life - especially to others. People like to pretend they can "be honest" in their mind, but lie to others, rationalizing that they are being honest to the most important person in their life - themselves. Technically, they are right about the most important person but utilize that reality in a narcissistic way - by only being honest with themselves.
When guys come onto the forum and lie about their lives, the psychology is this: I see RVF as an authority figure. I need their approval. I sense this forum is about improving your life & improving you game. Therefore, I will lie about my life in order to get their approval.
However, this isn't the end. Like any other narcissistic endeavor it is based out of self-hatred. Once they get forum approval, the devaluation kicks in. The process is this: I don't have value. The forum values me. Therefore the forum is valueless. You see this with meltdowns of old members, senior members or guys who gain rep quickly, then flame out badly.
Let's briefly discuss self-honesty. TLP has a piece talking about the need for third-party neutrality & real change within grasp. A key takeaway is how Joe consistently reenacts the poor relationship he has with his father in his interactions with others.
Joe's father seems to be a cold, distant narcissist that used his son as a way to self-aggrandize as he always put his approval (love) just out of reach, so young Joe would chase endlessly after it. Joe acts this out with TLP with TLP unwittingly playing the role of Joe's father.
TLP makes a great point that insight means nothing without real change. A common problem in therapy is that great insights are given, but no real change. Which is the problem addressed at the outset - change is very much within reach if somebody has shifted their focus outward & how their disorders are hurting the people they care about.
I thought I would have more time, so let me close with a few thoughts. This step of understanding how their actions affect the people around them is a critical step. It shifts the focus from self-absorption to awareness of other's as fellow humans. Then, that person can begin the long process of fixing their hurtful behaviors.
TLP closes with a great idea for somebody to understand psychology & your feelings is to read fiction & write down your thoughts & feelings on the people who how they interacted. Come back to it a week later - see how you processed the people & you can get insight on how you view others & the world. Once you wrap your mind around that, you can start revising your behavior.
His last line is fantastic - write down a comprehensive piece about how you view a fiction book or movie and then come back 10 years later. I am sure it would be great experiment.