I am offering to this forum what I have learned since posting this previous thread:
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-15554.html
That will give you a little background. Long story short...a young lady went absolutely nuts on me. Approaching Glenn Close nuts. A giant shit storm ensued. This was a traumatic experience. Hopefully I can turn it into a positive one. What you should know:
Unstable Women
-A woman will not go crazy out of the blue. There will be warning signs. Heed those warning signs and extricate yourself. Warning signs will be exacerbated by sexual intercourse. I have no idea what the best way to extricate is, whatever I tried didn't work. I clearly could have handled that aspect better. Some warnings signs:
*An unsubstantiated past including living in many different cities.
*Anger.
*Physical threats couched as flirting.
*Evidence of childhood abuse.
*Obsessive need for attention.
*Multiple phone numbers.
*Cyclical craziness i.e. everything is cool for a couple of weeks, 3 days of intense drama...repeat.
*Evidence of previous criminal behavior/ A general criminal mind.
I guess it's kind of obvious...
-Don't try and understand them. Your natural instinct is to believe they will come to realize they are behaving so irrationally that they will stop, or that you can "explain," and everything will be great. Once a girl takes that step into stalker territory by popping in on you or blowing up your phone, run.
-This is how they get control. Stalking is often the only way a scorned woman can exert any control, by commanding attention from someone who has become, at the very least, disinterested. Attention is what they want. Whether that attention is positive or negative is largely irrelevant. Don't expect how potentially embarrassing telling the story to your boss or the judge is to be a deterrent.
-They've probably done it before. And they are doing it again, because there were no consequences, and/or positive reinforcement from the last episode. Let's face it. How many female stalkers do you see in jail. Even if you are a private dick, and you have evidence, unless she has a prior record, she will likely not get any jailtime with a conviction, and be represented by a public defender. No time, no money. They get a high out of making you squirm. Don't squirm.
-They will lie about everything and anything. They're not scared of the police.
-If this is a shit where you eat situation...Neighbor/co-worker/schoolmate Do not expect the administration to be of any assistance, regardless of who is in the right. They do not want to get involved. Their primary concerns are 1) Don't get sued, 2) Maintain the most profitable situation they can regarding each of you. They will act in their best interests which are not the same as yours. Do not rely on them to mediate.
-Start documenting craziness. Save everything. You'll need it. If a woman is causing you distress by showing up at your house or blowing up your phone, I would suggest making a police report. It really can't hurt. Unless she checks at the police station, there is no reason for her to know you made a report. The police will likely tell you to get a restraining order.
-Your openness will be used against you, and she will go after your weaknesses. They will know your primary reaction will be avoidance. They will be prepared for that. Don't think simply going incommunicado is going to solve your problems. That will just make her madder. I became especially paranoid that as a result of my trusting nature, this young lady took the opportunity to hack into my computer while I was asleep, at a time when relations were better. One of my computer nerd friends showed me that if you use firefox, all of your passwords can be exposed within 30 seconds. She totally could have done it. I am surprised she didn't. I'm still kind of paranoid that she's saving that for when she really needs it. I used to leave my house and my car unlocked. She could have mega fucked shit up.
NEVER leave your computer or phone unattended.
-If things start getting out of control, sleep somewhere else, and/or try to avoid being alone. She's not going to go nuts on you in front of other people. It's also nice to say, "I was at my friend Joe's House at 9pm on Sat the 16th" when she says to the judge you were outside her house, or otherwise stalking her.
-Keep it together. Once things start spinning out of control, it's easy to get paranoid and have your thinking and judgment become clouded. People will think you are crazy, even when you are telling the truth, because they wont believe all the crazy shit she has done. The less you say, the better.
-Every female except your mother who you tell the story to will reply by saying, "What did you do?"
Legal Process
Getting a restraining order is a catch 22. On the one hand, there is a huge advantage to the person who files first. On the other hand, by getting one, you are almost ensuring she will retaliate with one back. It's a tough decision. Some things to consider:
-A restraining order is a civil action. Violation of a restraining order is a criminal offense.
-In most states an RO requires a relationship of some sort, either familial or dating. Once you take a woman to bed, you are opening yourself up to a very specific avenue of legal liability. Absent this relationship, this would fall under harassment as opposed to ROs.
-An order is issued ex parte meaning with out notice. You, or she, will go in front of the judge and plead the case. The judge will either deny the order, in which case it ends right there, or temporarily issue an order with a hearing set for about 2 weeks down the line. That means if she is a co-worker, and she makes up a story for the judge, and the judge issues a TRO (temporary restraining order) you wont be able to go to work until the hearing...2 weeks later. You will likely be ordered to stay 100 yards away from her school/work/home. An e-mail/text/phone call, or showing up at any of these places will be a violation of the order, and is a criminal offense. The police dont care if she made up the whole story. DONT VIOLATE THE ORDER. If the order allows you access to the workplace with contact restrictions, have a co-worker escort you where you may come into contact. This can be extremely stressful.
-Unless you are broke, get a lawyer if you are a defendant. To expose the order as frivolous/fraudulent, she will need to be cross examined after she tells her story. The judge is going to be a lot more lenient with your lawyer cross examining her, as opposed to you...her accused abuser. Save all of your texts, voicemails, call logs. Lawyers are strange. I had a hard time getting a lawyer to commit to being in court on the day I needed them. I had money. I offered to pay them. All of a sudden, they weren't available. You need to sell your lawyer on the case. Do not assume that because you've spent some time on the phone with them, and they can bill you, that they are your lawyer. The lawyer is going to assume that you are lying to him and your story is bullshit. Be weary of the lawyer who says, "Yeah, this is no problem." You want the lawyer who will say, "I can't promise anything," Regardless of how slam dunk your case is.
-Although there is gender bias, I did not feel it. I went before 4 judges, 3 of them women. Everyone was fair. I think the fact that my stalker was a nut was my biggest asset. The more she talked, the better I looked. Although I had several lawyers, male and female, confirm my instinct that it was a good idea to have a female attorney. My attorney wound up being a male. I had an attorney when I was a defendant, and did not use one when I was a plaintiff.
-Service. If you get one against her, she will need to be served. Do not assume the police know where she lives, or that she's listed, or that they took down her drivers license, or anything like that. The court will rely on you as to where to serve her. She must be served IN HAND by a police officer or constable. Do not assume the police are going to FIND OUT where she lives, or where to serve her.
-The order, even if it is dismissed at the hearing, will be on your record, or some form of your record. A frivolous/fraudulent RO will be attached to you...forever.
-The underlying objective is to expose her actions as having an ulterior motive. That is the argument you are making. She is acting out of scorn/power/financial/watching you suffer.
-Whatever state you are in, read the statute. Read it, understand it, and hammer away at it. The statute is your friend.
-Remain calm at all times. Absolutely never lose your temper, and never display frustration. Be polite and courteous to everyone you encounter, as you will be dealing with a lot of administrators and bureaucrats. You want to be as non-threatening as possible in court.
-Do not be evasive when answering questions. I found this to be counter intuitive, but it was later confirmed by my attorney. It makes you look shady. Tell your story and answer questions when they are asked. Don't think about your answer for 15 seconds. My attorney said, "You're not a choir boy, don't try to come across as one." Good advice.
-Order transcripts of all the hearings.
Be careful out there guys. I'm not an innocent victim, but I am a victim. I did run into someone out of the ordinary, but the way I was behaving, something similar to this, but probably not as severe, was inevitably going to happen. I hope none of you ever come to need any of this advice.
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-15554.html
That will give you a little background. Long story short...a young lady went absolutely nuts on me. Approaching Glenn Close nuts. A giant shit storm ensued. This was a traumatic experience. Hopefully I can turn it into a positive one. What you should know:
Unstable Women
-A woman will not go crazy out of the blue. There will be warning signs. Heed those warning signs and extricate yourself. Warning signs will be exacerbated by sexual intercourse. I have no idea what the best way to extricate is, whatever I tried didn't work. I clearly could have handled that aspect better. Some warnings signs:
*An unsubstantiated past including living in many different cities.
*Anger.
*Physical threats couched as flirting.
*Evidence of childhood abuse.
*Obsessive need for attention.
*Multiple phone numbers.
*Cyclical craziness i.e. everything is cool for a couple of weeks, 3 days of intense drama...repeat.
*Evidence of previous criminal behavior/ A general criminal mind.
I guess it's kind of obvious...
-Don't try and understand them. Your natural instinct is to believe they will come to realize they are behaving so irrationally that they will stop, or that you can "explain," and everything will be great. Once a girl takes that step into stalker territory by popping in on you or blowing up your phone, run.
-This is how they get control. Stalking is often the only way a scorned woman can exert any control, by commanding attention from someone who has become, at the very least, disinterested. Attention is what they want. Whether that attention is positive or negative is largely irrelevant. Don't expect how potentially embarrassing telling the story to your boss or the judge is to be a deterrent.
-They've probably done it before. And they are doing it again, because there were no consequences, and/or positive reinforcement from the last episode. Let's face it. How many female stalkers do you see in jail. Even if you are a private dick, and you have evidence, unless she has a prior record, she will likely not get any jailtime with a conviction, and be represented by a public defender. No time, no money. They get a high out of making you squirm. Don't squirm.
-They will lie about everything and anything. They're not scared of the police.
-If this is a shit where you eat situation...Neighbor/co-worker/schoolmate Do not expect the administration to be of any assistance, regardless of who is in the right. They do not want to get involved. Their primary concerns are 1) Don't get sued, 2) Maintain the most profitable situation they can regarding each of you. They will act in their best interests which are not the same as yours. Do not rely on them to mediate.
-Start documenting craziness. Save everything. You'll need it. If a woman is causing you distress by showing up at your house or blowing up your phone, I would suggest making a police report. It really can't hurt. Unless she checks at the police station, there is no reason for her to know you made a report. The police will likely tell you to get a restraining order.
-Your openness will be used against you, and she will go after your weaknesses. They will know your primary reaction will be avoidance. They will be prepared for that. Don't think simply going incommunicado is going to solve your problems. That will just make her madder. I became especially paranoid that as a result of my trusting nature, this young lady took the opportunity to hack into my computer while I was asleep, at a time when relations were better. One of my computer nerd friends showed me that if you use firefox, all of your passwords can be exposed within 30 seconds. She totally could have done it. I am surprised she didn't. I'm still kind of paranoid that she's saving that for when she really needs it. I used to leave my house and my car unlocked. She could have mega fucked shit up.
NEVER leave your computer or phone unattended.
-If things start getting out of control, sleep somewhere else, and/or try to avoid being alone. She's not going to go nuts on you in front of other people. It's also nice to say, "I was at my friend Joe's House at 9pm on Sat the 16th" when she says to the judge you were outside her house, or otherwise stalking her.
-Keep it together. Once things start spinning out of control, it's easy to get paranoid and have your thinking and judgment become clouded. People will think you are crazy, even when you are telling the truth, because they wont believe all the crazy shit she has done. The less you say, the better.
-Every female except your mother who you tell the story to will reply by saying, "What did you do?"
Legal Process
Getting a restraining order is a catch 22. On the one hand, there is a huge advantage to the person who files first. On the other hand, by getting one, you are almost ensuring she will retaliate with one back. It's a tough decision. Some things to consider:
-A restraining order is a civil action. Violation of a restraining order is a criminal offense.
-In most states an RO requires a relationship of some sort, either familial or dating. Once you take a woman to bed, you are opening yourself up to a very specific avenue of legal liability. Absent this relationship, this would fall under harassment as opposed to ROs.
-An order is issued ex parte meaning with out notice. You, or she, will go in front of the judge and plead the case. The judge will either deny the order, in which case it ends right there, or temporarily issue an order with a hearing set for about 2 weeks down the line. That means if she is a co-worker, and she makes up a story for the judge, and the judge issues a TRO (temporary restraining order) you wont be able to go to work until the hearing...2 weeks later. You will likely be ordered to stay 100 yards away from her school/work/home. An e-mail/text/phone call, or showing up at any of these places will be a violation of the order, and is a criminal offense. The police dont care if she made up the whole story. DONT VIOLATE THE ORDER. If the order allows you access to the workplace with contact restrictions, have a co-worker escort you where you may come into contact. This can be extremely stressful.
-Unless you are broke, get a lawyer if you are a defendant. To expose the order as frivolous/fraudulent, she will need to be cross examined after she tells her story. The judge is going to be a lot more lenient with your lawyer cross examining her, as opposed to you...her accused abuser. Save all of your texts, voicemails, call logs. Lawyers are strange. I had a hard time getting a lawyer to commit to being in court on the day I needed them. I had money. I offered to pay them. All of a sudden, they weren't available. You need to sell your lawyer on the case. Do not assume that because you've spent some time on the phone with them, and they can bill you, that they are your lawyer. The lawyer is going to assume that you are lying to him and your story is bullshit. Be weary of the lawyer who says, "Yeah, this is no problem." You want the lawyer who will say, "I can't promise anything," Regardless of how slam dunk your case is.
-Although there is gender bias, I did not feel it. I went before 4 judges, 3 of them women. Everyone was fair. I think the fact that my stalker was a nut was my biggest asset. The more she talked, the better I looked. Although I had several lawyers, male and female, confirm my instinct that it was a good idea to have a female attorney. My attorney wound up being a male. I had an attorney when I was a defendant, and did not use one when I was a plaintiff.
-Service. If you get one against her, she will need to be served. Do not assume the police know where she lives, or that she's listed, or that they took down her drivers license, or anything like that. The court will rely on you as to where to serve her. She must be served IN HAND by a police officer or constable. Do not assume the police are going to FIND OUT where she lives, or where to serve her.
-The order, even if it is dismissed at the hearing, will be on your record, or some form of your record. A frivolous/fraudulent RO will be attached to you...forever.
-The underlying objective is to expose her actions as having an ulterior motive. That is the argument you are making. She is acting out of scorn/power/financial/watching you suffer.
-Whatever state you are in, read the statute. Read it, understand it, and hammer away at it. The statute is your friend.
-Remain calm at all times. Absolutely never lose your temper, and never display frustration. Be polite and courteous to everyone you encounter, as you will be dealing with a lot of administrators and bureaucrats. You want to be as non-threatening as possible in court.
-Do not be evasive when answering questions. I found this to be counter intuitive, but it was later confirmed by my attorney. It makes you look shady. Tell your story and answer questions when they are asked. Don't think about your answer for 15 seconds. My attorney said, "You're not a choir boy, don't try to come across as one." Good advice.
-Order transcripts of all the hearings.
Be careful out there guys. I'm not an innocent victim, but I am a victim. I did run into someone out of the ordinary, but the way I was behaving, something similar to this, but probably not as severe, was inevitably going to happen. I hope none of you ever come to need any of this advice.