[philosophical_recovery]

(02-19-2015 06:56 AM)Benoit Wrote:  

The writing is great.

Quote:

Hi there, so excited you’re talking to me. I’m Rebecca Plump. But people call me Bekky. Just joking, people don’t call me. At all. I keep posting group photos. My profile photo is a group photo. My cover photo is a group photo. Every photo in my timeline is a group photo. Yes, that means I’m the ugly one in every photo, trying to hide myself amongst my better looking friends.

Quote:

Did I mention I’m curvaceous? I use the word curvaceous to redefine what most people would describe as “gruesomely obese and incomprehensibly still alive” to mean “oh wow I almost thought you were Jenny, Jenny from the Block, you’re soo curvaceous, num nums”. So yeah I mean ‘curvaceous’ as in “Latino” not “Leggos”.

Quote:

I, Kylie, am on the prowl. Tonight I hope I can find a man who is the complete package. A balanced guy. A balance between drunk enough to fuck me and sober enough to get an erection to fuck me. I need to trap a man into getting me pregnant soon. My pussy is so damp at the thought of having a child to give my life meaning and a fortnightly payment from Centrelink. I’m sopping wet, I need to wear a diaper it feels like I’ve pissed myself. I’m looking for any guy, even a weird Irish guy, just anyone to throw a load up me and hopefully fertilise one of my few remaining dehydrated raisin eggs before I become completely barren and dusty. Please, someone. I can’t be fucked working anymore, I just want a child and a home I can decorate with cushions.

Don't forget:

Quote:

I’m thirsty. I’ve spent $190 on drinks. Meanwhile my friends have been paid over $3000 to take drinks from some of these guys. One guy gave one of my hot friends his wallet and his watch. One of my friends needed to go to the bathroom and a guy offered his mouth as a toilet. Another guy laid on the floor to let one of my friends dance on him. One of my friends dropped her glass and a guy offered to buy her a Dan Murphys and he cleaned up the broken glass with his chest by doing the worm before passing out from blood loss. This other guy literally gave his left testicle to talk to one of my friends. He smashed his iPhone and used the sharp edge of the aluminium case to castrate himself and offered his ball to her in a shot glass. She told him she has a boyfriend but she doesn’t. I had an imaginary boyfriend but it turns out he was only with me to try to sleep with my hot friends. I’m going to do a ghostie and see if anyone notices I’ve gone home, which they wont. Fuck it I’m going to get a kebab and pretend it’s a guy who picked me up in the club and deep throat it in a taxi on the way home

Whoever wrote this understands real thirst on both sides of the equation.