[Beyond Borders]

(12-13-2014 10:23 PM)Espresso Wrote:  

(12-13-2014 09:51 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

All this whining and saying he's too old and tired. Excuses.

That was his downfall in his 20s and that's his downfall now.

Great observation from BB.

I do think it might be too late for him though. But NOT because he's 46.
But because he can't just suddenly change. He didn't become the man he is overnight, it took him many years, decades even, to get to the place he is now. The repetitive behaviours, ingrained thought patterns, decision making, the formation of him as an individual. Similarly, I don't think it can be undone in a short timeframe either. He can't just start thinking and acting differently, and do what you might do for example, if you found yourself in his shoes at the age of 46 with your mindset and past experience. It will be a long walk back, and I don't think he is prepared to walk it by the sounds of it.

I understand your point.

But every step in life starts from right now. If he chose to, he really could change his mindset. It has been proven again and again that personality is malleable, even later in life.

And there is no past. Like everything in life, it's a figment of the imagination. And only focusing on it makes it and its effects real. The more you ignore them, the less of a hold they have on you. This is the weakest link in psychotherapy - it makes far too much of a fuss of your personal history when ignoring it and pretending it has no bearing is often a far swifter path to freedom.

You blow something up enough, and there's no escaping it. Your illusions become your reality.

People have turned their lives around when older than him and from worse positions. This guy could too. He doesn't want to, and unless that changes, you're right that there is no hope.

If I was him, I'd actively seek out stories about people my age and older who completely transformed their lives. That's where his salvation lies.