The post was so long it got cut off, so here is the second half:
I became more and more miserable being alone. I needed companionship. I needed someone to talk to. I needed friends. But everyone in the whole fucking city is a feminist (or a black-and-white-stripe wearing hipster who I find repulsive). I was starting to go crazy from isolation. Who could I hang out with? Who would hang out with ME? And that's when I got my next genius idea: I called the Mormons!
I called them up and got two missionaries to come visit me in the forest. They were really nice, and friendly, and the best part about them is that they weren't feminists! I decided to go to church that sunday, and meet the whole mormon crowd. For the next few months, I hung out with mormons, and they were my primary (only?) social outlet. As far as their beliefs... well... let's just say I'm not so sure about the golden plates. Dum dum dum dum dum! But boy was it a relief to hang out with people who didn't see me as a second class citizen because I have a penis.
Eventually I started to wonder if I should actually become a Mormon. We started talking about baptism. I saw myself joining the church, serving a mission, spreading Christia- I mean non-feminism.
And I got scared that I was getting carried away, and possibly making a rash decision based on loneliness and desperation, something I might later regret. I thought maybe Baltimore was playing tricks on my mind. I decided I had to get out IMMEDIATELY. I decided to put the Mormon thing on hold, and think about it in a more neutral context, a more healthy context where I'm not lonely and desperate.
But I didn't have the money to go anywhere for any length of time. I wanted to say goodbye to Baltimore, forever, and not have to come back, at least until I had the stability to make it only a visit, and not have to live with my parents. But there were no countries where I could survive on a budget of $600 (all my savings). No countries except one....
India!
I knew lots of people who went to India and lived in ashrams (yoga monasteries) for only a few dollars a day - sometimes even for free. I figured I could stay there, and get some relief, and not have to worry about shit, and take some time to evaluate my situation and figure something out. And hey, ashrams would be filled with people who are open-minded, spiritual, highly adventurous... and some of those people will be female! A perfect chance to meet someone.
So in October of 2013 I hopped on a plane to India. At first I liked it. It was very fun and stimulating. The food was amazing. But the heat started to get to me. I took the train up north to Rishikesh, the "world capital of yoga", which is in the mountains and cooler. I stayed in ashrams. I went back down south, I traveled to a few different areas, but FUCK, I JUST WANT TO FUCKING GET LAID AND I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHY THE FUCK AM I IN INDIA WHAT AM I DOING AND WHERE ARE THE FUCKING GIRLS AT AND WHY CANT I FUCKING GET A GIRLFRIEND OR EVEN A FEMALE FRIEND OR A FRIEND OF ANY FUCKING KIND, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After 3 months, I ran out of money and began to starve. I found some nice Indians to take me in and let me stay in their house, until I could come up with some money. I got a loan from my parents, and came back to Baltimore... again... in February. Now it's June, and I'm really reaching the end of my rocker here. I'm still hanging out with the Mormons (my only social outlet), who are probably the only reason I haven't killed myself by now.
Last week I read the manifesto of Elliot Rodger. I really feel like his life was the same as my life. After all is said and done, we both got pretty much the same results. I put in 100,000 times more work than he did. I took the red pill. I approached like a machine. I did over 1000 approaches in the span of a year, in college, in the prime of my youth, when I had all my hair, a decent wardrobe, and a universally recognized "bright future" ahead of me. Now I'm bald (probably from all the stress and lack of physical touch from women), and have no societal "place". I've done a grand total of 3000 approaches (maybe more) throughout my career, and the only thing I've gotten from it is 3000 pieces of evidence that no matter how hard I work, and how many risks I take, I'm still not going to succeed. I almost wish I had never approached, and never learned game, because at least that way I'd still have hope that I could succeed if only I were to try.
3000 approaches and not a single girlfriend. Not a single lay. Barely even a kiss. It's like I'm just INVISIBLE. What the fuck is going on? Please, somebody, help me.
I'm ready to start teaching English in China or someplace in Asia, but I'm afraid that it's only going to be my socioeconomic status, and not my personality, that they're attracted to. I'm concerned that I'll be able to get dates, but no physical affection - or if I do, it'll be short-lived, and girls will be dumping me left and right, for the hotter, more sexually experienced English teacher in the classroom next to mine. I'm worried that I'm just "running from my problems", and that they'll just follow me wherever I go, be it China, Thailand, Ukraine, Brazil, or wherever.
Somebody please, tell me what I've done wrong. I put in the work.
Roosh likes to call people trolls for complaining about their situation and not doing anything to fix it. But I HAVE done stuff to fix it. I've tried everything. I've gone to the ends of the earth. I've experimented and braved fearsome situations, put my reputation and even my physical safety on the line, all in the name of conquering fears so that I'd be better able to attract women.
I did the work. And I want to know why it hasn't worked.
Please help.
Sincerely,
Daniel
I became more and more miserable being alone. I needed companionship. I needed someone to talk to. I needed friends. But everyone in the whole fucking city is a feminist (or a black-and-white-stripe wearing hipster who I find repulsive). I was starting to go crazy from isolation. Who could I hang out with? Who would hang out with ME? And that's when I got my next genius idea: I called the Mormons!
I called them up and got two missionaries to come visit me in the forest. They were really nice, and friendly, and the best part about them is that they weren't feminists! I decided to go to church that sunday, and meet the whole mormon crowd. For the next few months, I hung out with mormons, and they were my primary (only?) social outlet. As far as their beliefs... well... let's just say I'm not so sure about the golden plates. Dum dum dum dum dum! But boy was it a relief to hang out with people who didn't see me as a second class citizen because I have a penis.
Eventually I started to wonder if I should actually become a Mormon. We started talking about baptism. I saw myself joining the church, serving a mission, spreading Christia- I mean non-feminism.
And I got scared that I was getting carried away, and possibly making a rash decision based on loneliness and desperation, something I might later regret. I thought maybe Baltimore was playing tricks on my mind. I decided I had to get out IMMEDIATELY. I decided to put the Mormon thing on hold, and think about it in a more neutral context, a more healthy context where I'm not lonely and desperate.
But I didn't have the money to go anywhere for any length of time. I wanted to say goodbye to Baltimore, forever, and not have to come back, at least until I had the stability to make it only a visit, and not have to live with my parents. But there were no countries where I could survive on a budget of $600 (all my savings). No countries except one....
India!
I knew lots of people who went to India and lived in ashrams (yoga monasteries) for only a few dollars a day - sometimes even for free. I figured I could stay there, and get some relief, and not have to worry about shit, and take some time to evaluate my situation and figure something out. And hey, ashrams would be filled with people who are open-minded, spiritual, highly adventurous... and some of those people will be female! A perfect chance to meet someone.
So in October of 2013 I hopped on a plane to India. At first I liked it. It was very fun and stimulating. The food was amazing. But the heat started to get to me. I took the train up north to Rishikesh, the "world capital of yoga", which is in the mountains and cooler. I stayed in ashrams. I went back down south, I traveled to a few different areas, but FUCK, I JUST WANT TO FUCKING GET LAID AND I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHY THE FUCK AM I IN INDIA WHAT AM I DOING AND WHERE ARE THE FUCKING GIRLS AT AND WHY CANT I FUCKING GET A GIRLFRIEND OR EVEN A FEMALE FRIEND OR A FRIEND OF ANY FUCKING KIND, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After 3 months, I ran out of money and began to starve. I found some nice Indians to take me in and let me stay in their house, until I could come up with some money. I got a loan from my parents, and came back to Baltimore... again... in February. Now it's June, and I'm really reaching the end of my rocker here. I'm still hanging out with the Mormons (my only social outlet), who are probably the only reason I haven't killed myself by now.
Last week I read the manifesto of Elliot Rodger. I really feel like his life was the same as my life. After all is said and done, we both got pretty much the same results. I put in 100,000 times more work than he did. I took the red pill. I approached like a machine. I did over 1000 approaches in the span of a year, in college, in the prime of my youth, when I had all my hair, a decent wardrobe, and a universally recognized "bright future" ahead of me. Now I'm bald (probably from all the stress and lack of physical touch from women), and have no societal "place". I've done a grand total of 3000 approaches (maybe more) throughout my career, and the only thing I've gotten from it is 3000 pieces of evidence that no matter how hard I work, and how many risks I take, I'm still not going to succeed. I almost wish I had never approached, and never learned game, because at least that way I'd still have hope that I could succeed if only I were to try.
3000 approaches and not a single girlfriend. Not a single lay. Barely even a kiss. It's like I'm just INVISIBLE. What the fuck is going on? Please, somebody, help me.
I'm ready to start teaching English in China or someplace in Asia, but I'm afraid that it's only going to be my socioeconomic status, and not my personality, that they're attracted to. I'm concerned that I'll be able to get dates, but no physical affection - or if I do, it'll be short-lived, and girls will be dumping me left and right, for the hotter, more sexually experienced English teacher in the classroom next to mine. I'm worried that I'm just "running from my problems", and that they'll just follow me wherever I go, be it China, Thailand, Ukraine, Brazil, or wherever.
Somebody please, tell me what I've done wrong. I put in the work.
Roosh likes to call people trolls for complaining about their situation and not doing anything to fix it. But I HAVE done stuff to fix it. I've tried everything. I've gone to the ends of the earth. I've experimented and braved fearsome situations, put my reputation and even my physical safety on the line, all in the name of conquering fears so that I'd be better able to attract women.
I did the work. And I want to know why it hasn't worked.
Please help.
Sincerely,
Daniel