The New York Times presents some radioactive hamster for your viewing pleasure. A 35 year old woman finds herself the only single woman in her group of friends. Among men, avoiding marriage for longer than your buddies would be a point of pride, an honor. For women, it represents a crisis that needs to be confronted. So she documents her feelings and philosophies in an effort to convince herself that everything's okay.
35 and Single
And it's seven minutes of pure hamster. For those not brave enough to endure this, I'll provide a summary. It opens in her apartment that is messier than the average college dorm. She holds the camera from her point of view and finally reveals herself in the mirror. Goddamn, even the camera work in this screams solipsism.
She then describes every young girl's dream (and her spinster nightmare)- weddings. All of her friends, even the fat one, have found themselves husbands. It bears repeating that her apartment is foul (for example, her sink contains a stack of dishes taller than the one sitting in my kitchen). It's no wonder she can't find a man with those domestic skills.
Then we see the first of her family and the real talk advice they have for her. Granny- "Everyone's getting married, and you're there with your head in the clouds. It's not nice to stay alone." There's the wisdom that comes from a lifetime of experience, but our narrator is not hearing it. Not after all her carousel riding.
We see shots of her and her friends in their youth as she tells us about how she proudly exercised her right to slut around during her 20's. She says that during this period of freedom women can act "just like men." Unlike American women, she's not delusional enough to think that the good times keep rolling until 40 or 55 or whatever age the media says now. She recognizes that 30 means an end to her carefree whore days. And that she's used up.
Finally, she shows us some of her old flames. In her words- "I was looking for an intense, passionate love story, and I found many." That's your slut mantra right there. Following it has left her with a box full of videotapes of any man she tingled for instead of a husband and a baby.
Her mother then chimes in with some advice. "I imagine that at one point you'll grow up. And you'll appreciate being in a relationship. Because you'll have to make an effort in order to live with some one" Not as harsh as Granny, but even she can see that her daughter needs to change her ways and that it's not the duty of the bachelors out there to man up and save her from spinsterhood. Her father- "If you look for perfection, you're in trouble. You won't find it." Again, good advice. Lower your standards if you want to find anyone because you're washed up. Predictably, she won't follow it.
Fernando is her current boyfriend. He seems beta. But, other than that, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him. He checks all the boxes for her family's approval. Things are going well for them. She's even planning her own wedding. But then she calls it off. What, her marry a beta? After ditching her final good shot to walk down the aisle with a man, she compares her life to an unsolved equation and treats the viewer to a barrage of platitudes that I won't repeat here. I'll solve the equation for her- houseplants. Cats seem like too much work for her to handle.
This is probably more attention than one spinster deserves for airing out the spirograph of her hamster wheel as she resigns herself to the bleak life ahead of her. But she represents a picture perfect model of 21st-Century spinster too good not to study (or at least mock).
35 and Single
And it's seven minutes of pure hamster. For those not brave enough to endure this, I'll provide a summary. It opens in her apartment that is messier than the average college dorm. She holds the camera from her point of view and finally reveals herself in the mirror. Goddamn, even the camera work in this screams solipsism.
She then describes every young girl's dream (and her spinster nightmare)- weddings. All of her friends, even the fat one, have found themselves husbands. It bears repeating that her apartment is foul (for example, her sink contains a stack of dishes taller than the one sitting in my kitchen). It's no wonder she can't find a man with those domestic skills.
Then we see the first of her family and the real talk advice they have for her. Granny- "Everyone's getting married, and you're there with your head in the clouds. It's not nice to stay alone." There's the wisdom that comes from a lifetime of experience, but our narrator is not hearing it. Not after all her carousel riding.
We see shots of her and her friends in their youth as she tells us about how she proudly exercised her right to slut around during her 20's. She says that during this period of freedom women can act "just like men." Unlike American women, she's not delusional enough to think that the good times keep rolling until 40 or 55 or whatever age the media says now. She recognizes that 30 means an end to her carefree whore days. And that she's used up.
Finally, she shows us some of her old flames. In her words- "I was looking for an intense, passionate love story, and I found many." That's your slut mantra right there. Following it has left her with a box full of videotapes of any man she tingled for instead of a husband and a baby.
Her mother then chimes in with some advice. "I imagine that at one point you'll grow up. And you'll appreciate being in a relationship. Because you'll have to make an effort in order to live with some one" Not as harsh as Granny, but even she can see that her daughter needs to change her ways and that it's not the duty of the bachelors out there to man up and save her from spinsterhood. Her father- "If you look for perfection, you're in trouble. You won't find it." Again, good advice. Lower your standards if you want to find anyone because you're washed up. Predictably, she won't follow it.
Fernando is her current boyfriend. He seems beta. But, other than that, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him. He checks all the boxes for her family's approval. Things are going well for them. She's even planning her own wedding. But then she calls it off. What, her marry a beta? After ditching her final good shot to walk down the aisle with a man, she compares her life to an unsolved equation and treats the viewer to a barrage of platitudes that I won't repeat here. I'll solve the equation for her- houseplants. Cats seem like too much work for her to handle.
This is probably more attention than one spinster deserves for airing out the spirograph of her hamster wheel as she resigns herself to the bleak life ahead of her. But she represents a picture perfect model of 21st-Century spinster too good not to study (or at least mock).